L O V I N G
L A K Y N
I WALKED DOWN the street, shivering. It was midnight and I was freezing. My tear-stained cheeks felt like ice as I hugged myself in attempts to regain some warmth, but it was at least sixty-two degrees (sixteen Celsius) and I had no idea where I was or where I was going.
When he left me alone in that room. . .once he was finished, Sam found me. He found me as a ball on the ground, sobbing hysterically. He claimed to have been searching for me for the last half hour but by the time he arrived, I did not care for his company anymore. He was too late.
He said that he saw some boy—Kian leave the room and that Blaire was waiting outside. I think that he knew what happened, he just did not want to assume the worst. But the worst happened and I could not stop it.
He tried to help me, pulling me off the ground, but we walked downstairs and I lost him in the crowd, which was significantly smaller than it was when I first arrived. I heard him keep calling my name but he was looking in the wrong direction for me and it seemed as though I had lost my voice, so I walked out the front door and left him behind.
I have been walking for no more than five minutes but I was beginning to realize I did not know how to get back home, but then thought about it for a moment, and I remembered, loud and clear.
Pulling my phone out of the pocket of my skirt, I stopped momentarily, staring down at the cracked screen. As I cried, so did the heavy clouds above me, making it difficult to unlock my phone. I went to my contacts, tapping on the red writing and then unblocked his number.
I held the speaker to my ear, listening as it rang and rang. It was on the last ring before going to voicemail, but then he answered. "Violet?" he sounded shocked but also worried.
At the sound of his voice, I burst into tears. God, I love his voice. "L-Lakyn." I replied, clapping my hand over my mouth the muffle the sob which erupted from the back of my throat. "It's twelve AM and I'm cold and everything is really blurry and all I know is that I need you here."
I heard the jingle of his keys through the speaker followed by a muffled sound. "Fuck." I heard him curse before he bought the phone back to his ear. "Where are you?"
With blurred vision, I searched my surroundings for anything familiar but I recognized nothing. "I-I don't know." my bottom lip quivered as I swiped my tears away with a wet hand all thanks to the rain.
"Look for a street sign, baby." he instructed in a calm manner as I heard the sound of a door shutting.
Unable to function properly, I looked around, noticing the green street sign attached to a tall silver poll. I squinted my eyes, attempting to read the white writing. "Ma—Maple street." I managed to get out.
"Okay, good girl." he murmured. "Do you want me to stay on the phone?"
I nodded, though when realizing that he could not see me, I said: "Yes, please." I walked over to the sidewalk and despite the asphalt being completely soaked, I sat down on the edge anyway. I was already drenched anyway.
I heard the sound of his engine revving and then his GPS giving him the directions, but other than that, the line was practically silent. I did not want to distract him from his driving—not that he would mind—and I did not have much to say, not right now at least. I just needed him on the other line because. . .well, I was frightened.
As I gazed up at the glimmering stars, I watched in awe. This disgusting world may be tragic but I admire how something beyond earth can still gift us with its beauty even when we are not able to give them anything in return. The night time would be so bland without those white speckles in the navy-blue sky.
"Lakyn?" he hummed in response. "How do I find Venus again?"
"It'll look like a normal star but it'll be brighter than the rest." he murmured and I smiled slightly, locating it instantly.
The next twenty minutes, as I sat amidst the pouring rain, I waited for him to arrive. I could tell that he was speeding by the loud sound of his engine, though his expensive, beloved car is already extremely fast, so I am sure that he was going dangerously over the speed limit.
I was able to hear his car long before I could see it but within a minute, he was slowing down, pulling up alongside the sidewalk.
With shaky legs, I stood up, hanging up the call before walking over to the car. Lakyn leant over the center console, opening my door for me before I slid into the passenger seat, thankful that the heat was on.
Before he started driving, he looked over toward me, taking in my appearance. "What happened?" his voice was low but he was right for assuming the worst.
Something indeed happened and I know that I have to tell him—I will tell him, but the thing is that when I tell him, it will destroy him too. Whether or not we are together anymore, I know that he adores me with every cell in his body, so to know that someone touched me in an awful way,
Someone broke into his home and destroyed that house entirely, the foundation, the walls especially. Everything is just broken now. Now. . .even if he rebuilds the home, it will never be the same.
I know that if anyone did to Lakyn what was done to me, all hell would break loose. I would drag whoever hurt him to hell and back and in the end, I would leave them in the darkest, deepest pits where the flames cause them an agonizing amount of pain to the extent that it becomes unbearable.
You think okay, I get it, I am prepared for the worst. I cannot stop this. But you hold onto that small shred of hope and that is what kills you the most. Having hope in situations where the outcome is already determined, is worthless, and with that, the conclusion will take your hope with it.
I felt stupid, as though it was my fault, I got myself here. And at some point, I thought to myself: no person deserves this, and I realized that includes even me. Nothing that I have done in my life made me deserving of not being respected and exposed to someone without my consent.
God, how long can I keep doing this whole life thing? I exist too much. I feel too much. Reality is crushing the life out of me.
So, for him to find out that it happened to me again. . .he would never forgive himself.
"Can you just take me home?"
Lakyn's forehead creased with worry and I just wanted to rub those lines away. "To Sam's?" he clarified and I shook my head.
That has never been my home.
Understanding immediately, he nodded and we began the lengthy drive home. Now that he had me with him, he drove according to the speed limit. The radio was off and I was glad, the last thing that I want to hear right now is all this sappy, happy music. His breathing was all that I needed, it was comforting, strangely.
Eventually, we pulled into his driveway, and that sense of being comfortable that I have not felt in months, returned, despite what had just happened. He was here and he was all that I needed.
I was snapped back to reality as Lakyn opened my door and I grasped the top of the door, stabilizing myself as I pulled myself onto my feet. I began walking, slowly, and Lakyn took the courtesy of closing the door behind me.
I followed the familiar path down the side of Lakyn's house and past the pool, leading me to his miniature house out the very back of his yard. I grasped the doorknob and let myself in and he walked in only seconds after me.
I slipped my wet shoes off next to his door, not wanting to leave muddy footprints everywhere before turning to face him, being met with his serious face. He knew something was wrong and he just wanted to know what it was.
"You have a camera, right?" I asked him and he nodded confusedly. "Can you please get it?"
He nodded yet again, walking over to the cabinet beneath his television which was mounted on the wall, pulling out a large, expensive-looking Canon camera with a long lens.
Gulping, I began to remove my skirt. The zip was broken, so it was barely staying around my waist. It fell to the floor next to my shoes and then I removed my shirt, leaving me in my undergarments. Never in my eighteen years of life have I felt so hideous, but I needed to do this.
"What are you doing?" he was trying to remain patient but he was terribly confused and understandably so, I would be too.
Gazing around the room, I searched for a blank space and came to the conclusion that the wall behind his couch, on the other side of the door, would be the best spot for it is a large, blank, white wall.
I strolled over to it, pressing my back against the wall, and then I looked up at him. "Photograph me." I instructed. "Here." I pointed to my waist.
His eyes darted down to the purple bruises sitting on the surface of my skin on either side where you could easily make out the fingermarks and nails of which pierced my skin in a terribly painful way.
He looked so reluctant, as though he was doing something illegal or invading my privacy in some way, but I wanted him to do this. I needed him to do this.
"Please." I pleaded. "I promise I will tell you everything, just please. Do this for me."
Lakyn sighed, his cold blue eyes watching with worry as he walked closer, bringing his face closer to the screen of the camera, bending down, and then, click. The flash flickered for a brief moment as he photographed my bruised stomach.
"And here." I pointed to my neck which I knew would be red. He held his hand there so tightly.
He looked ill as he stood back upright as I tilted my head upward, my entire neck on full display, and then, again, click.
Last but not least, I twisted my arms around, showing my inner-wrist as I held them in front of my upper-thighs which also obtained a faint bruising across my porcelain skin. As he took the final photo, I sighed.
"Will you print these and take them to the police department with me?" I walked over to him as he carefully placed his camera down on the side of the sofa.
Without missing a beat, he nodded, gently moving my head to the side, so that he could analyze my neck further. "Violet. . ." he breathed heavily, his voice shaking and I felt my heartache. "please don't tell me it happened again."
He knew. He would have to be completely oblivious in order not to. He saw my wounds. The marks that his assault left me with.
Looking up at him, I cradled his face between my hands, a stray tear leaving my eye. "I can't lie to you." I refuse.
His eyes watered for the second time ever and then he pulled me flush against his chest and I wrapped my arms around him, my ear just below his heart, though I could still hear the rapid racing of it as it thudded against his ribcage.
"I—" he was speechless and that was okay. I was too. "Who did this to you, pretty baby? I swear to god I will fucking kill them." he held my face, making me stare up at him.
I shook my head. "No, don't say that." I whispered softly. "I am taking these photos to the sheriff and I will make sure that he suffers." I have a plan and I will do everything in my power to make sure that it works.
Being born a woman can be such an awful tragedy. I want to be able to walk freely at night, to be able to wear short skirts and little tops without having greedy eyes observing me. They say that a woman's first blood does not come from between her legs but from biting her tongue and I will not bite my tongue any longer. Rape culture is a thing and I let it slide with Arden—which is the most stupendous thing that I have ever done—and this time, I will not let this incident go away until I am satisfied.
Taking these photos to the police will not change the world, but it will make it aware of one more sick-minded rapist in this town. I will make sure that no other girl—or boy—will suffer from his actions again, it is the least that I can do.
"Who?" he asked again.
I closed my eyes momentarily. "It was Kian." I told him the truth. "Blaire took me into this room and then she held the door closed and he—he was waiting in there for me. . .I screamed, Lakyn. I cried and I screamed and no one—no one came."
The heavy feeling of numbness faded away into sadness as I burst into tears again, every limb aching with a feeling I could never even begin to describe. No amount of words could ever do it justice.
"Fuck." he cursed, pulling me back against his chest where I cried and heaved into his chest, wrapping my arms around his back, gripping the back of his hoodie tightly. "I'm so fucking sorry, sweetheart. I wasn't there and I should have been. I should have saved you."
I shook my head. The last thing that I want is for him to feel guilty about this. Absolutely none of this is his fault. Kian is sick and disgusting and I truly believe that there is something severely mentally wrong with him.
"You should not have to save me every time that something goes wrong." I only just managed to get out.
He slowly walked backward, avoiding the camera as he sat down on the couch, sliding his hands down behind my knees, lifting me onto his lap as he pulled me down with him, so that I was straddling him.
"Yeah, I should." he replied. "Loving you means keeping you safe and keeping you safe means protecting you from fucking dickheads like Kian and Arden and—fuck." he was getting frustrated. I know that he hates not having control over things. "I would save you a million times, over and over, because I love you."
Now was not the correct time to be thinking of such thoughts, but I was beginning to realize what it was that I truly sacrificed for my self-growth, self-love journey. I was so concerned about being a girl with a pretty face, so obsessed with being independent, that I did not realize that I am powerful enough how I am, the money, the success, that will all come eventually but why was I forcing it upon myself to be all alone all whilst this happens?
Maybe it was because my father always forced upon me that concept of love being a distraction, or maybe it was the simple fact that I have never felt enough. Not enough for myself, not enough for my family, not enough for my friends, not enough for him.
Since I met him, I have already had everything that I need within myself, it is the world that convinced me that I did not. I have always been too mean, too slutty, too popular, too smart, too this and that. Never once have I been accepted and been enough for anyone until him and I think that, that intimidated me because I had never experienced being loved before, being cared for, and accepted.
I was just some damaged painting left in an abandoned museum but he still loved me because damaged or not, I was still a work of art, just one which was not taken care of correctly.
I sucked on my bottom lip as pain coursed through my chest, my eyes stinging with tears. "I love you." I said sincerely. "It is so hard for me to put you into words how much I love you because I love you in ways that I have never loved anyone else."
"Can I kiss you?" the mere question alone was enough to show me that in this cruel world, filled with terrible people, he is good. "I know that the last thing you want right now is to be touch, but I will be gentle, sweetheart. Always."
With watery eyes, I nodded. "I do not want to be touch by anyone but you." I answered. "The only person whom I trust with my body is you." he has never shown it anything but respect, always asking before he touches me, always making sure that I am comfortable.
I held my breath, my hands slipping from the sides of his face and falling to the crook of his neck delicately. Lakyn swallows hard and then he kisses me. He kisses me like he had the first time, with love. He kissed me as though everything that has happened between us falling in love and falling apart, never happened. He kissed me softly as if to say you are safe now.
When we pull apart, he presses his forehead to mine, his beautiful blue eyes boring into mine. "I'm sorry I never loved you the way you wanted me to."
I shook my head and it was at that moment that I saw a tear leave his eye. Every part of my humanity ached for him because he was always so strong and now, he was crying. Because of me. Because of what someone did to me.
There is no right way to love someone. . .you just do. It is the one thing that we are not taught at school or can do a Google search for. We meet this person and suddenly we feel this whirlwind of emotions that cannot be stopped, we feel confused and we wonder why? Out of seven-point-five billion people on this earth, why him? There is no answer, it just is. It has to be because no one knows how to love you like he does.
No one understands that eating can be the most difficult thing to do, sometimes. No one understands that sometimes I can wear a dress that clings to my skin and adore every curve, but despise myself for not meeting society's standards the moment that I exit the house.
But he does.
"I'm sorry that I left you when I promised a million times that I wouldn't." I use the pad of my thumb to erase those sad ridden, salty water droplets away. "I promise that one day we will just be us. There will be no more sorry's, it'll just be you and me, us against the world, not us against each other."
I believe that was the biggest failure of our relationship. We never realized that we were meant to be together, not against each other. We were not against each other as though we were in a war, but in a way that we never completely trusted each other because of the past and we had too many insecurities of our own.
We were still learning. We still are learning. We have never loved anyone before, so our love for each other. . .it can be messy. But in a world of expensive diamonds and forced smiles, messy can be a good thing.
Since the moment that I entered this world, I was taught to be stone-cold and self-reliant, to always wear a contagious smile and never let my head hang low, otherwise my crown would fall. I learned tragically young to only cry behind closed doors where no one could ever see, this, in the end, taught me to feel nothing at all, to keep all my pain on the inside, and to never ask for help.
And then I was introduced to Lakyn. Not the bad boy with drug tendencies and with a borderline addiction to sex. The real Lakyn, the one who protects his baby sister and calls his mother momma and gives her a kiss on the cheek every chance that he gets.
And with that, I met Lexi and Lilly, both of whom are such strong ladies, and prove that suffering in silence does not mean not suffering. That woman has taught me so much in such little time about the world, far more than my mother ever got to.
The promise of one day bought a faint smile to his lips which was a far more pleasing sight than the scowl that usually places itself upon his well-defined face. "Us against the world." he repeated.
"Us against the world."
Even in such a heavy moment, I could not help but let out a small laugh. We were so lame.
"Please, don't cry." I pouted and he puckered out his bottom lip, teasing me, but that did not distract from the tears gracefully streaming down his cheeks.
He removed one hand from my waist to use the heel of his palm and wipe his tears away. "I'm not crying." he lied.
I stifled a laugh, pressing my head to his chest, his arms loosely hung around his neck. I was so exhausted. It was late and so much has happened tonight, I felt sick, drained, and the furthest from myself. I just wanted to sleep, here, with him.
I heard a strange grunting sound followed by panting, my eyes darting over toward the door where I then saw my favorite Golden Retriever walking through the doggy door with her favorite brown teddy bear hanging from her teeth.
Her big brown eyes caught sight of me and she dropped her toy in an instant, sprinting around the large sofa at lightning speed and jumping onto the space next to us, joining the cuddle and it felt like all was right in the world again. My boy and my favorite dog.
"Shit!" he cursed and I jumped, startled as he stood up, causing me to fall onto the couch next to where he had just been sitting.
Watching him with narrowed eyes, I forced my aching body off the couch, observing as he rushed to pick up his keys from the table, grabbing his grey hoodie hanging on the back of one of his dining chairs and tossing it to me.
"What are you doing?" I asked confusedly, throwing the hoodie over my head, I followed him as he rushed to the door.
He turned to me, holding his phone screen up to my face. With furrowed eyebrows, I read the time, one-fifteen AM. My first initial thought was god, it is late, I need to go to bed, and then I realized.
Eden.
God, how can I be so stupid? I got distracted. No, no, no. She better still be there but the chances of her being long gone are more likely, unfortunately.
I fetched my phone before we both rushed out of the house, leaving Marley behind and quite literally sprinting down the driveway, then getting into his car. He drove at a quick speed as my feet practically went through the floor. Not because of his speeding but because if Eden is not there, I will never be able to forgive myself.
Once we were around the opposite side of the lake, I squinted my eyes as I noticed more than one silhouette on the dock. That had to be Hale because I know for certain that he—unlike us—would not forget.
As Lakyn slowed down several meters from the creaky, old doc, driving off of the gravel and parking on the grass, when my phone began to ring. Originally, I ignored it, but it just continued to ring. Over and over.
Lakyn shot daggers as my phone vibrated in his cup holder, so I groaned, picking it up and then answering as I exited the car alongside Lakyn.
Closing the door, I struggled to properly hold the phone up to my ear. "Hello?" I answered impatiently as I cringed down at my shoes which were already covered in mud.
"Lila?" Sam's familiar voice sounded through the speaker and my eyes widened. "God, finally. I tried calling you after you disappeared but it said the line was busy. Where are you?"
Looking down at my other hand which was being held in Lakyn's I considered telling him a lie, but I decided against it. "With Lakyn." I chewed on the inside of my cheek nervously as Lakyn shot me a curious look on his big boyish face at the mentioning of his name.
The was an awfully long moment of silence, it was painful, too painful. I was about to hang up but he finally decided to speak.
"You're kidding." he stated, sounding hopeful, but he knew that I was not lying. "I found you in that room crying and you run straight to him?" he sneered and I stopped in my tracks for a brief moment, still holding Lakyn's hand tightly. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
Everything, I felt like saying, but instead, I avoided the question entirely. "I just needed him, Sam." no one else.
"I got home and thought maybe, somehow, you'd be here." I could just imagine him shaking his head in disappointment. "I guess you answered my question, so thanks."
His words from earlier in the night rung in my ears. Will I ever have a chance or will it always be Lakyn?
I sighed. "There is nothing wrong with you, Sam. You are perfect." Lakyn narrowed his eyes and I silently added, you just are not him. "And I am so grateful for you and everything that you have done for me."
"It just wasn't enough for you, though. Was it?"
Shaking my head, I groaned. "Don't put words in my mouth. You always were enough." I tried to sound calm but I was in a rush and I needed to get to his sister but he did not sound okay and I was torn.
"You know I'm failing all of my classes at college?" he laughed and I furrowed my eyebrows. He said that he was doing well, excelling, if anything. "Monika constantly tells me how much she hates me but she dyed her hair blonde and now she kind of reminds me of you, so I deal with it."
I screwed my face up. What the hell?
"My sister's gone and my dad's never home. You were all that I had and now you're leaving too." I did not know if he was referring to me leaving for college or if he thinks that I am leaving his house to live with Lakyn again. "Please don't leave." his voice shook.
My eyes darted over to his house which was just down the lake slightly. "I'm not going anywhere." I comforted him. "You're going to be okay." I reassured him, sensing how stressed he was.
"No, I'm not." he replied quickly, his tone clipped and sharp. "I'll never be okay if you leave me."
I wanted to say that we were never together, so I can leave, but I could sense the mood that he was in, so I continued to walk on eggshells and ignore the fact that he was sounding extremely obsessive. "If you see my sister tell her—"
My eyes widened as I saw where this was going. "No!" I shouted into the phone and Lakyn looked at me worried. "Call nine-one-one right now and send them to Eden's house." I whispered, covering the speaker.
Lakyn looked confused, but quickly grabbed his phone out of his pocket and dialed the number, letting go of my hand to step away whilst he spoke on the phone.
"Sam, everything is okay, I promise you." I rushed to get out my words, watching as Lakyn frowned, shouting into the phone something about them needing to, and I quote, hurry the fuck up.
I heard Sam shuffle behind the phone. "I love you."
Suddenly, I heard someone scream my name, and my eyes shot over to the dock where I saw three figures. There is not enough time in the world right now. I just wish that I could freeze time, that way I could go get Eden and then save Sam. But you cannot save everybody. . .
"Sam, don't you dare—" the phone beeped and I stared at the screen.
He hung up on me.
"No, no, no." I panicked, dropping my phone as I began to hyperventilate.
Lakyn rushed over to me, retrieving my phone from the gravel road. "What's wrong?"
"S-Sam. . .h-he, fuck." I cried, unable to speak as I stumbled over my words, unable to breathe properly.
He stepped forward, towering over me, looking down at me with those cold eyes. "Sam would want you to save Eden." he insisted and I knew that he was right. "We need to go."
Just pull it together for five more minutes. Just five minutes. Everything will be okay. I reassured myself.
After offering one last glance at the Rivers' house, I took my phone from Lakyn and sent one last message to Sam, saying that I need him here and so do so many other people, even if he does not see it, then I slipped my phone into the front pocket of the baggy hoodie that I was wearing.
In less than half a minute, we reached the end of the long dock which projects out across almost half of the lake. I had not walked on this old thing since last summer break, but I try to avoid it at all costs because there are signs scattered around the lake instructing that you should only cross with caution for the dock can be unsafe.
I let out a strange squeak once the wooden plank shifted beneath my foot but I kept going.
Halfway there, I finally stopped watching where I was stepping every second, and looked up. Two silhouettes. . .I swear I saw three not too long ago. Was that third shadow Boston? It had to be, no one else would show up here this late. Something about being near the middle of an extremely deep lake at almost two AM makes me feel rather uneasy, and understandably so.
I heard the found sound of sirens blaring in the distance and I sighed in relief. Please make it on time.
"Lila." Hale sighed in relief and I squinted, barely able to see him due to the darkness, but the full moon provided some dim lighting.
He was bleeding, from his neck. A thin slit across his skin.
Panicking, I ran up to him and grabbed the sides of his neck. "Oh my god." my eyes widened. "Are you okay? Take your hoodie off. Now!"
Hale looked confused as he carefully tugged the thick material over his head and then passed it to me. Snatching it from him, I bunched it up and pressed it to the front of his neck, causing him to wince, but pressure needed to be applied to it to prevent him from bleeding too much. The cut did not look deep but I was unable to fully analyze it in this lighting.
"Wait," I paused, turning around to face Lakyn whom looked surprisingly calm. "where is. . ." I trailed off as I stepped to the side, peering past Hale.
Warily, I walked over to the small girl kneeled down at the edge of the dock. Her arms were wrapped around her knees, her thick brown hair in a bun that had fallen down the back of her head, several strands traveling down her back as they escaped from the hold of the thin elastic.
Placing my hand on her shoulder, I bent down. "Eden." I said softly. "Where is he?"
She offered me the briefest of a glance and never had I seen the girl with the glimmering eyes look so cold. She looked like a corpse; except she was not really dead. But something told me that maybe, just maybe, she really was. Not literally, but metaphorically. The Eden Rivers that I once knew was gone and I knew that the girl I am talking to now, was no longer that person.
That is the hardest thing about loss. When you lose someone, it is never quite the same person that comes back.
She did not speak as she merely turned to face the lake again, extending her arm out as she pointed downward.
Turning around yet again, Hale looked awfully pale, meanwhile, Lakyn just stood in place behind me, giving me an expression that said don't look.
Unable to resist the temptation, I looked down at the cold, transparent water. At first, I saw nothing, but then amongst the forest of kelp which covers every inch of the lake, was Boston's body. Green eyes open and ridded of all life, his skin was white. Deadly white. His mouth was agape as long ropes of green wound around his every limb, slowly pulling his body down deeper and deeper.
Only was I able to look away when ambulances began to blare their sirens, speeding down the side of the lake.
"Eden. . ." my voice shook as I stared at the side of her head. "What did you do?"
hi everyone!
two chapters to go. originally this is how i was planning on ending the book but i decided to add two extra chapters just because i felt there were a few things that still needed to happen, but minor-ish things.
please let me know what you thought of this chapter, as well as vote, and follow me. also read 'running for miles' by Gemma_Grace_ if you wanna know how eden killed boston.
i love you all, i'll see you soon ♡
p.s you should follow me on twitter my username is @sharnahespinosa :)