"He did what?" Millicent exclaimed loudly. "Keep it down!" Rowan quickly hushed her friends as she unlocked the door to her office. She knew that Millicent would be too loud to have this conversation in the Slytherin common room. Juniper had stayed quiet but had a large smile plastered on her growing face. "Come in, hurry," Rowan motioned as she relocked her office door and lead the pair to her living quarters.
"Two things. One, your room is super awesome!" Juniper squealed as she ran over and sat down on Rowan's velvet green couch. "Secondly, why didn't you tell us about your crush?" Juniper asked and Millicent flopped down beside her. Rowan sighed at her choice of words. "I didn't even mean for Blaise to know! He just-"
"Blaise knew?! Rowan, what the hell?" Millicent burst out but she didn't seem to actually be offended, more surprised. "Will you two just listen?" Rowan snapped and they both nodded in response. "He read my mind. I was thinking about, you know. I had completely forgotten about his powers in legilimency and so he confronted me about it," Rowan brought her hands up and pinched the bridge of her nose at her idiocy. "Well, there is a yule ball after our winter break. You could always ask him to go with you," Juniper said as she grabbed Millicent's hand and brought them both to their feet. "You could dance the night away with him and confess your undying love!" She exclaimed as she forced Millicent, who looked way too awkward, to dance with her.
"As if, Juni. Could you imagine the dungeon bat dancing?" Millicent said as she started to loosen up and twirl Juniper in a circle. "Guys, come on. He isn't a dungeon bat," Rowan rolled her eyes and with the flick of her wand, classical music erupted throughout the room. Rowan jokingly grabbed a broom and danced into her office. The dancing pair followed her and soon, her office was nothing but loud giggles. Rowan was about to dip her broom down as she heard a loud knock on her door. She quickly silenced the music and ran over to her door, shushing her giggling friends.
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Severus' head was clouded from the moment he left his classroom to now, hours later. He hadn't bothered to show up to dinner, and from what he had heard, neither had Rowan. Severus had tried everything he could think of to get her out of his head. A cold shower, reading one of his many books, he even tried to find Lockhart and apologize. The last option he gave up on when he couldn't find Lockhart near the dungeons. He would have to talk to her, but what would he say?
Rowan, I find you incredibly attractive. Would you like to go with me to Hogsmeade? He thought but rolled his eyes almost immediately. He would be foolish than to ask the same question Lockhart had. Surely, she would say no just like she had to him.
Interrupting his thoughts, loud music began to play in the room next to him. He smiled inwardly at the thought of her dancing. Though, he quickly frowned at the thought of her dancing alone. He didn't know what he wanted, truly. He knew that if she were his, she would never have to dance alone. He also knew that he was cold and cruel to her. He had left her there, confused and alone in his potions classroom.
He had wanted to kiss her, then. To take her right then and there and fulfill her darkest fantasies. If he had done that, the relationship they had would simply be based on physical attraction. That wasn't what he wanted, but then again, he didn't know what he wanted. He had tried to keep their relationship professional, but in his heart, he knew that would never last long. Even when she was just a student, he had felt a strong attraction to her. He would never admit it, though. Especially not to her.
When he heard more than just her voice through the walls, he decided that he would investigate what exactly was happening. He would figure out what to say to her whenever he got there, though he had a general idea. Perhaps he would ask her if she wanted to go and grab something from the Great Hall. He knew both of them hadn't eaten yet and that would give them a chance to get to know each other. If Severus were going to admit his feeling, he wanted to do it the right way. Not the way things had started at all.
. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : - ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ - : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .
Much to her surprise, Rowan was met with the face of Severus Snape. "How can I help you, Professor?" Rowan asked innocently. Severus looked around her and saw Millicent and Juniper, who both waved innocently. "Shouldn't they be in their dorms?" Severus asked, more talking to them rather than Rowan. They immediately left the room, muttering goodnight, and rushed back to the Slytherin common room. "I'm sorry if we woke you, Severus. I didn't mean-"
Before Rowan could finish, Severus had welcomed himself into her office and took a seat against her cluttered desk. "I believe we should talk about what happened during our class today," Severus said, emotionless. Rowan wondered how he could be so nonchalant about it, perhaps it was just a one-time thing. Maybe he had regrets about what had happened and wanted to ask her to leave. She couldn't imagine what she would do if he had asked her to leave. She would be forced to leave her home and return to the Zabini's. She knew the manor would be chaos without Blaise there to calm his sisters. She would have to help-
"Miss Knight, calm your thoughts. I am not asking you to leave," Severus said, his eyes glued to the floor. Rowan relaxed as she took a seat beside him on her desk. "What would you like to discuss about it then?" Rowan asked, straightening her back against the edge of the desk. "Can we keep what happened between us?- Well, us and your friends that you have already told," Severus said cooly. Rowan's face dropped in disappointment. He did regret what had happened. "Oh, sure. I've only told Millicent and Juniper and they won't tell anyone," Rowan explained with pain in her voice.
"Did you attend dinner, this evening?" Severus asked, already knowing the answer. "I didn't, no," Rowan said with a small sigh. "Would you like to accompany me to the Great Hall? We could see if the house-elves have something left over," Severus offered and while Rowan wanted to deny his offer, she was far too hungry. "I would love to," She said with a forced smile. She felt awkward around him now knowing that he had regrets over what had happened. Still, they walked beside each other into the abandoned kitchen. It seemed as if everything had already been packed up and the elves had retired to bed.
"It appears we will have to wait until breakfast," Severus said. He turned around to leave the kitchen when Rowan grabbed his wrist. "Not happening, Severus. You've never snuck into the kitchen?" Rowan asked in disbelief. She couldn't remember the number of times she had caught the Weasley twins sneaking food out. "And you have?" Severus asked with a small smirk. Rowan rolled her eyes at his response. "Who hasn't? Come on," She said before he could protest. She sneakily slipped into the kitchen, leaving Severus no choice but to follow her.
"Okay, we have very few options. I'm guessing the twins have already been here tonight," Rowan said in a whisper. "They do this too?" Severus asked but Rowan only chuckled in response. "I found a few pumpkin pasties and some cauldron cakes. Do you want to split them?" Rowan asked and Severus hesitantly agreed.
Just then, they heard some rummaging around in the corner of the kitchen. "Rotten kids! Get out! Get!" A tired house-elf screamed. Rowan grabbed what she could, including Severus' arm, and ran as far as she could away from the kitchen. She burst out laughing when they found themselves outside in the courtyard. "I cannot believe that just happened," Rowan said between breaths. Severus had an annoyed look on his face, but his hunger overcame any anger he might have conjured up. He did have to admit, that was rather fun.
"Sit," Rowan said as she took a seat beside one of the many pillars. Severus did as he was told, cringing at the dirt his clothes would become covered in. "Here is your cauldron cake and some pumpkin pasties," Rowan said as she handed him his food. She had managed to grab an equal amount of both, which weirdly made her proud.
"Did you really call Lockhart a rat?" Severus asked as he thought back to what Zabini had said. Rowan chuckled nervously. "Yeah, it's not the best insult. In my defense, he did stupefy you," She said defensively as she took a bite of her cauldron cake. "What all occurred while I was unconscious?" Severus asked as he took a large bite of his food. "Well, I used a non-verbal spell and knocked his wand out of his hand. Held my wand against his throat, the usual," Rowan chuckled, remembering how mad she had been. If only she knew what would happen, perhaps she would have left when she saw what was happening. Severus only came to regret what had happened after she helped him to class.
"Thank you," Severus said as he took one last bite of his pumpkin pasties. "There's no need to thank me. Lockhart was way out of line," Rowan said with a sigh. They sat in silence for a bit as they finished their food and Rowan turned her attention to the stars.
"Do you ever wish you were out there? Far away from everyone else, I mean," Rowan asked as she laid down on her back. "In the stars?" Severus asked, confused at what brought up this conversation. "Yeah. Whenever I was younger, I would wish to be up there. Especially when my parents..." Rowan trailed off, shaking her head. She didn't want to open that part of herself up to him. She hated being vulnerable, so she kept her darkest secrets inside. "I have, right after she died," Severus said as he joined Rowan on his back.
"Lily Potter, you mean?" Rowan asked. It was no secret that Severus had loved Lily Potter, but she had chosen James. At least, it was no secret to her. She had heard murmurs amongst the golden trio when she would pass them in the hall. "Yes, but when I knew her she was Lily Evans," Severus corrected her. He had never liked James Potter, but Lily chose him. Severus had accepted that. "Do you still love her?" Rowan asked as she tried to distract her mind. Severus sighed and shook his head. "For a long time, I did. Not anymore," He answered and Rowan decided to leave that subject at that.
"My father used to tell me that only the best end up among the stars. He's still in America," Rowan said with sadness laced in her voice. "Why didn't he come here?" Severus asked, turning his head to look at Rowan who was staring at the stars. "That's a very complex story. I came here so that I could finish my education but whenever I was sorted into Slytherin, she promptly disowned me," Rowan laughed at how silly it all sounded.
"I've always wondered why you were a Slytherin. You've never shown any of the qualities of Slytherin," He said, causing Rowan to look at him. "I guess my ambition wouldn't be enough to earn me a spot, would it?" She said and they both chuckled. "I'm afraid not," He replied and she just shook her head. "My childhood was...questionable. I don't really want to talk about it," She said and they sat in silence for a while after that.
Severus reached out and grabbed her jaw, turning so that her eyes were meeting his. She gasped lightly as Severus closed his eyes and leaned his face toward hers. Instantly, the ground beside him felt colder, and when he had opened his eyes, she was running back inside. With a sigh, Severus sat up. He had been correct, she could never love somebody like him.