Saw in the last chapter that the majority of you all wants me to go down a certain route so I will. But again I haft to tie up other things and sew that storyline in. But I will try to make it work. It will for sure be a challenge for me tho but still. But anyhow it will still be a min too tho. But I’ve been thinking about maybe not making it into a sequel and just continue to write it in this chapter? Then I could kinda make it happen a little sooner too.
So I’ve been thinking that I’m just going to continue writing it all in this same book until you all don’t want to read it anymore. Like we could literately get to chapter 200for all I care really. I just love to write this fanfic.
So I think I just decided with myself that I will not separate the books I will just try to work that certain storyline into the book. Does that sound good?
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(A/N pahah I was feeling really awkward starting this chapter as I had AINE playing in the background like I’m writing about her current love life with her duet with her ex playing in the background)
-Ariana´s POV-
Soft lips are pressed agaings mine like silk and my eyes flutter open. «Morning baby girl. You sure passed out last night after the fifth round» there was Sean as handsome as ever smirking at me. Still naked from yesterdays shenanigans I cuddle up close to his chest «You sure know how to wore me out»
«Mm» he kisses the top of my head and let his hands travel down my body landing on my butt «you know I could wore you out some more if you want to take a shower with me before we haft to get up? Its still early so mamma won’t be up yet anyway»
Bitting my lip I look into his eyes «yeah?» he just wink at me
As we area about to head into the bathroom my phone goes off. Thats strange I’m off until tomorrow. I peek Sean´s cheek and tell I’m to get in the shower and that I will be right there with him in a sec.
Ariana - Hallo?
Joe - Hi Ariana good morning to you.
Joe is my publicist if you didn't know. But he usually don’t call me at these hours whats going on?
Ariana - oh hi Joe! Whats up? Is something wrong or something?
Joe - just called to tell you some existing news I trough you would like.
Ariana - yeah?
Joe - you got two grammy nominations!
My heart stopped. Not literately of course but it could as well done it.
Ariana - ww.. What did you just say?
I was snuggling with getting the words out
Joe - you got two grammy nominations Ariana. Best pop vocal album and best pop duo/group for bang bang.
Ariana - oh my god! I don’t know what to say. This is incredible. This will open so manny more rooms for me. Oh my good I don’t even know. I cant wrap my mind around it
Joe - well congratulations are in order! I´ll see you tomorrow at court yeah?
Ariana - yeah. Bye Joe
Joe - bye. Congrats again
Hanging up the phone I just stand there in awe. After staring into thin air for a moment I walk into the shower to join my boyfriend who could clearly sense that something was going on.
Wrapping his arms around me so we where facing each other he says. «Whats up baby girl? You seem shaken up a bit. Something wrong?»
«I.. I» I try to stutter out but fail miserably. Taking a deep breath I try again «i just got two grammy nominations»
Sean´s face lit up «thats amazing Ariana! Thats incredible! Congratulations you really deserve it!» wrapping me up in a tight embrace he kisses the top of my head and the water continue to flow down on our heads down our bodies.
«Thank you» looking up into his big eyes he smirks at me «you know this deserves to get celebrated.»
«Oh you think so» I say as be backs me up agaings the shower wall
«I know so. So relax and ill take you to cloud nine» his hands gripped my thigh and I jump up wrapping my legs around his waist
(WARNING: slight smut ahead but not much.)
His lips attach to my neck making a slight moan I was trying to suppress escape my lips. Clearly the liked the sound I made so he grasped my ass making another that was slightly bigger come out as well.
I tilt his head up meeting his lips with mine letting his thounge into my mouth. It was rough but not really at the same time. No matter what pace or anything we have the love and passion is always there. Which in itself is comforting and makes it more special in a way too. Never once has it been like meaning less sex that is solidly driven on lust. Not have it been by force either, ever!
You see in the past that was how I you know… lost my virginity. Only that once I «slept» with my ex I don’t even want to say his name you all know who it is anyway. He pressured me into it and it was painful as hell like I was crying for real. Ever since that I avoided sleeping in the same bed as him ever again. Simply as I didn’t trust him anymore. Everyone knew that he wasn’t a good guy but I never believed them until that moment. No one except Sean knows about this situation tho, the police as well ofcouse because of everything but my family and friends are still in the dark about it.
But what am I doing? This really shouldn’t be on my mind right now. Im wrapped in my boyfriends arms naked in the shower and I’m thinking about how horrible my first time was? Stop it Ariana! Thats not fair to you, or to Sean for that matter.
Suddenly this rush of fear came storming over me. This is not like me and its strange.
«Sean please stop» I say quietly looking nowhere but his eyes.
Ofcouse he stopped dead in his tracks as he never have pressured me into doing sexual thinks I wasn’t up for before. I could feel it on the energy around us that he was worried «whats wrong? Did I do something?» letting go of me he sets be cearfull down on my feet again.
«I just cant right now. Can we just finish our shower please. Without sex» looking up into his eyes for the first time in a good min now he can see I was begin serious but I could tell we has really confused
«Yeah. Ofcouse» he kisses the top of my head lightly before rubbing shower gel all over our bodies. «As he rubs me in he asks «but could you tell me whats going on?» I could tell by the tone of his voice he was getting really concerned for me.
«I don’t know its just.. Everything about tomorrow and everything about all that is just racing trough my head and it wouldn’t really be fair to you I guess.»
He stops where he is down rubbing in my legs and stood up looking straight into my face. «What exactly is bothering you the most? It will all be over and done with tomorrow.» but I could tell he kinda already knew.
His hand run push my hair behind my ear and I sigh deeply «you know what it was you´re not stupid.» I let the water run all the soap of me and quickly step out of the shower wrapping a towel around my body and walked into the bedroom without saying anything more.
Behind me I could hear the water shutting of I’m the shower wile I was putting some clothes on. I just needed to get out of her to clear my mind. I need to talk to someone that isn’t Sean. That sounds stupid as I know I can tell him anything but some things I just cant bring myself to talk to him about.
Just as I’m putting a pair of Uggs I left here a month ago or so Sean walks into the bedroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. I was wearing fresh new clothes as I have a drawer here with clothes and he also keep some of my toiletries in the bathroom. It just makes spontaneous sleepovers a lot easier so he has the same at my house.
So currently I’m wearing some yoga pants, a simple black crop top and I also trow my hair up in a ponytail. No makeup. Wow I got a lot done quick I haft to say. Damn.
«Ariana, we need to talk about this» he tries walking towards me but I put my hand out signaling to not get closer.
Looking up at him as I grab my phone I say «we don’t. I love you but I gotta go clear my head. I really don’t want to end up in a fight with you but I just cant talk to you about this specific thing. Im not mad at you, you need to understand that. But I just… cant… I love you but I gotta go» kissing his lips softly and quick I walk downstairs.
As I grab my heals from the bottom of the stairs Im about to walk out the door when someone call for me from behind «Ariana?» it was Myra Sean's mother.. Great.
I could see she could see I was upset about something so she said «is everything okay sweetie?»
Smiling slightly at her I say «yeah its fine I just need to get going. It was nice meeting you tho» I give her a quick hug before I walk outside the door quicker than she could respond.
There was a car already there waiting for me as I texted Jones earlier to come get me as quick he could and that it was urgent.
Getting into the car we pull out and drive away.
«So care to tell me whats going on and why you left your boyfriends house in a hurry?» Jones seemed concerned for me.
No don’t get it wrong or messed up now. There is no feelings like that between us, never has and never will. We are best friends and only that he is like a big brother to me. And I know I know what you all are thinking that was how you felt about Sean at first well that is kinda true but it was always something there between me and Sean. We both was just to blinded to see it. So don’t even let that trough come into your head. Well… I may have just made it come but say goodbye to it now and stop thinking about that… now.
So anyhow I stayed silent for a second before I said something «we… we where in the shower and I just… I couldn’t and troughs where coming to me and I just couldn’t… ugh… I cant talk about it sry.»
«Could you drop me off at Sasha´s apartment? Im sorry I cant tell you its just.. No one knows about it except for Sean and the other person it involves. But I cant talk to Sean about it and its kinda a girl thing so I just need to talk to her.»
«Sure thing» Jones smiles slightly at me before not digging into it anymore clearly understanding and respecting that I just cant talk about it with him.
Ariana - hey Sasha. Im on my way to your apartment Jones is dropping me off. Wouldn't come like this usually but its urgent I need a girlfriend right now.
She texted back 2minutes later
Sasha - sure thing come right over! Im just finishing up some kale. We can eat it will we talk
I really love how she doesn’t really pry into it when I text her like that. Its like «okay come over right now» its really comforting in a way really. Anyhow wile I’ve been texting/speaking to myself in my head we have arrived to Sasha´s apartment.
«Thanks Jones. I appreciate it. Again I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you but…» he cuts me off «don't worry about it. You would have done the same for me. I won’t pry if its something you just cant tell me. Now get inside and talk to Sasha so you can straighten up whatever is going on with Sean too. Call me if you need me»
I smile at him and thank him again before I quickly get out and inside the building. It doesn’t take me more than 3minutes to find her apartment as I’ve been here many times before. After knocking only twice she opens the door and pulls me into a tight hug «hi you!»
«Hi»
We get inside and sit down in her couch. There is kale and water on the table that she sat up for us. Looking over at me she smiles at me «now care to tell me whats going on? You seem like you got out from somewhere in a rush. Which I assume is Sean's house. Which then leads me to assume that you two are going trough something again. Which again is not good so I’m going to help you with whatever it is.»
Slightly taken back by her knowledge I chuckle for a second «you are really spot on Sasha it should be illegal»
She smirks «i just know you. Ive known you since we where like 14 doing the musical 13 in Connecticut. We have been best friends since. So I know you well.»
(A/N fun fact thats actually where they became friends. Sasha was in the production they did in Connecticut where they first sat up 13 but she wasn’t cast over when they did the broadway version like Ari and various others where.)
Taking a deep breath I know I just haft to get it together and tell it all. «So we where in the shower together and things where getting… heated… I just got word of that I got two grammy nominations and we wanted to celebrate»
She cut me for a second «omg thats amazing! Congratulations! Sry fro cutting you off go on»
I thank her then continue «well anyway I was starting to think. Which with me is always a terrible idea these days it seems. So I was thinking about… how.. Well you know that there is the court date tomorrow for what they did to me?»
She nods and I continue «well I haven’t told you everything that Jai did to me. He took my V-card with in itself isn’t the problem. But… he forced it…» by now some tears where rolling down my face «it was so painful and I was crying the whole time. We only did it once but it was probably one of the worst days of my life. And I can remember it like it was yesterday. So what happen was….
** Flashback**
(WARNING!!: this Flashback consist of mature content. Do not read if you cant handle mature content. Ill try to make it a little less graphic per say but still.)
Im just laying in my bed at my house in La. My Macbook in my lap doing some internet shopping. Its late so I’ve already changed into PJ´s. Yeah my grandma encourage sleeping in minimal clothing but Jai is in town and I just don’t really feel comfortable sleeping slim to nude. Its not that I’m scared of him seeing me in my underwear he has before but its just that its different when we sleep. Im still a virgin you see. And Ive noticed recently that Jai is getting sexually frustrated. Which really isn’t my fault per say. Well he says it is but I don’t see it.
Jai walk into the bedroom from the bathroom in just his boxers. He walk over to where I’m laying and cearfull put my computer away. I giggle «what are you doing?»
«Oh I just want to spend some special time with my girl» he gets on top of me straddling my hips.
Did I mention we are home alone btw?
Anyhow he leans down and start kissing my neck sensually. I let out the natural response to this kind of stuff which is a moan. Its not something new to us he have done that before. We have done stuff like that but never gone all the way. But this time was different it… it just felt different
His one hand made its way up my shirt and pulled it of me wile his lips attached roughly my lips. By now I was kinda getting a little scared but he knows I’m not ready to go all the way.
Wile he was kissing me and I was using a lot of time of trying to figure this out he had managed to get my PJ shorts off. Now I was getting more scared but really didn’t think anything of it until I could feel his warm hands on my back fumbling with my Bra hock. I pull away and he looks into my eyes «what?» he says kinda annoyed.
«No Jai. Im not ready»
He kinda snark «come on Ariana seriously. You're 20years old about to turn 21. Grow up. We are doing this and you will love it I promise. Its amazing.» isn’t this supposed to be my choice.
Without even waiting for my response he pulls my bra off leaving me naked from my chest up. A single tear roll down my face as I don’t know what to do. I don’t want this but I’m practically powerless. I don’t know what to do. I feel so insecure where I’m laying right now and I’m just wishing my mom could walk trough that door at this second and save me from this.
His hands goes down to my panties and takes them of quickly. Not really caring about the horrified look I get on my face. Never has he seen me naked ever. But still he is making it out to be nothing. Having sex with someone for the first time is supposed to be special. This is far from it.
He doesn’t even look twice at me before he pulls his boxers off and another tear roll down my face. His length isn’t really big at all. Like its pretty little to be honest. But anyway I feel so powerless in this position right now. He is in between my legs, both naked and I really don’t want this «jai please! I don’t want this! Just.. Please.»
«Yes you do want this Ariana. Stop acting like a baby and suck it up» what the heck!? What way is that to talk to someone you’re about to take the virginity of?
He doesn't even say anything more he just align with my entrance and slides into me pretty quick. Tears where flooding down my face it hurts so bad.
I continue to cry as he continues pounding…
** End of flashback **
(A/N I was trying to not make it too graphic but I hope it was okay. Had to kinda downplay it and not do it really graphic just cause of the wattpad rules. So… hope it was okay. I also actually took some parts out of the flashback as it was just too much really…)
… He just kept going» tears where welling out of my eyes by now, out of Sasha's too as I finish telling her about it.
«I just couldn’t tell Sean this. How could I? He knows that he took my virginity by force but he doesn’t know anything but that. And tomorrow is the court day and I guess I’m just scared.»
Sasha pulls me into a hug and we sob together and just talk about all of this for a good four hours.
«Ariana I know this will be hard but you gotta go talk to Sean about this. I´ll drive you but you can´t shut him out. Its not fair to him. It will be hard but he is truly a good guy and nothing like Jai. He only wants the best for you and loves you like there is no tomorrow. Talk to him» Sasha Stands up and helps me up as well.
She doesn’t give me a chance to say anything she just grabs her keys and pushes me with her out the door.
**Later at Seans manson**
Sasha just drove away and Im walking up to Sean´s door. This will be so hard but I know I haft to. Its not fair to anyone to keep shutting him out. We already almost broke up over our lack of communication on this kind of stuff and I really don’t want that to happen again.
I knock on the door as I can see its locked. His mom comes quickly to open it for me «hi Ariana darling.» she hugs me and and I don’t even haft to say something before she knows what I’m going to ask. She just points towards the second living room.
After giving her a weak smile I walk into the room she was pointing at. Sean is pacing back and forth looking like he is going insane. Did I do this?
«Baby?» I ask in a soft light kinda voice and his head turns in my direction immediately «Ariana!?» his eyes are blood shot he clearly has been worried sick! My poor baby!
«Yeah I’m here» half running towards where he is he wraps me in a warm tight embrace «I’ve been worried sick about you! Im so glad you’re here. I was going insane.»
«Im here now. Calm down. But we just gotta talk. I talked to Sasha and I it was pretty obvious I should have this convo with you as well no matter how uncomfortable it is»
He pulls back so he can look at my face «you sure?»
«Yeah» grabbing his hand I lead him over to the couch and sit down. «So just know this is not something my boyfriend would want to hear about my ex but you need to know this. So last year…..
*** An hour later ***
… He wouldn’t stop or even bothered to care I was hurting and bawling my eyes out. After he just left and I cried myself to sleep.» Sean whip away the tear that fell from my eye and pulled me into his lap
«Im so sorry this happened to you Ariana. Its just sick what he did to you. But I’m really glad you told me everything. Even tho its not fun to hear about how you lost your virginity or someone else having sex with you for that matter but I think I needed to hear this.» he kisses my cheek and holds my head close to his chest
After what seemed like forever just sitting her in silence he pulls me up so I was looking at him. «We gotta try but that all behind us. Don't let what he did to you take anything away from us or your accomplishments. Tomorrow its the court date and we will put the nails in the coffin for this whole situation. After tomorrow this will all be in the past. Sure you are going to run into all three of them from time to time but they don’t possess any power over you anymore. You're the one thats in control over your life, your future. And I’m going to be here with you always. So now we are going to go to bed and relax just the two of us. And tomorrow I’m going to hold your hand the entire way trough it. Im always going to be right there, never doubt that»
___________________
Haha see what I did in the last line? Right there? Sry I just had to. Well anyhow this was a long ass chapter so I hope you all like it.
Again in going to mention what I said at the top. Im not splitting the books after all. Im going to continue it all in this book
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