After this chapter, please read the next one, it's really important for me.
—Chaerin's POV—
I spent all morning feeling anxious without hearing from Jimin, woke up without him by my side, I reached out with my hand and he wasn't there. I immediately panicked, when I called him by the name, he didn't answer me, I thought the worst. I imagined a thousand horrible scenarios in my head, including the one in which he abandons me.
But that's not how it ended. He kept disappearing, every day early in the morning and then he comes back as if nothing had happened, he didn't mention anything. I pretended to sleep every time. I didn't call him. I didn't ask him anything. I wanted him to come forward and explain to me what was going on ... I'm open to listening to him, but if he doesn't say anything and just makes me worry, how should I behave?
I don't know where or what he is doing. I gave him time to tell me something, without me having to ask for anything, but he keeps going on. I think the weird letter that arrived a week ago has something to do with his unusual behaviour.
I'm so afraid.
But the situation got worse today: he disappeared all day. He doesn't answer my calls or even my messages. I don't know what to do, but experience anxiety and fear all the time.
But after a while, he called me saying he would come back and explain everything. I tried to stay calm and not get pissed off.
He apologized countless times over the phone, but he said that once I found out the reason, I would forgive him.
I don't know what to think.
After an hour of his call, he arrives. I hear the door open frantically and he enters like a bolt of lightning towards me. He doesn't give me time to say anything that he screams happily as soon as he enters the house.
《Chaerin! I saw her again, I saw my little girl after a long time!》
My eyes are wide open.
It takes a while before I can form a sentence. 《Your little girl? Do you mean Yunbae?》 I ask confused.
He takes my shoulders.
《Yes! She was here all this time, do you realize that? My parents have kept her away and secret here! But she managed to track me-》
《That letter, was it her?》 I ask surprised. But more and more confused.
《Yes Chaerin, I saw her again, she got so big.》 he says, he has the eyes of a proud brother.
I put my hands in front of my mouth in surprise. All the anxiety I had before disappeared and is replaced with joy.
《Jimin it's wonderful news!》
I hug him tightly to me.
I feel relieved, I thought it was something serious, but no. This is great news.
His eyes are shining with happiness, he is just an admirable older brother.
《There is also another news, she can finally get out of that shit place.》
So was she locked up against her will?
《That's great.》 I'm really happy that we can reunite with his sister.
Jimin doesn't stop smiling, he grabs my hands and kisses them.
《She got tall, you know? And she's so beautiful too, she looks like my mom. Beauty is a feature of my family.》
《I won't be the one to deny it.》
I say laughing.
《I can't wait for you to meet, I think you might be like a big sister to her.》
I smile at him. 《I'd love to, Jimin.》 I've always liked the idea of having a younger sister.
《Really? Because I'd like to talk to you about something.》
《Sure tell me.》 We sit on the sofa, indeed, he's the one who takes me there.
《She will be released tomorrow morning, I will have to take her into my custody, I have already done all the paperwork and she is under my responsibility from tomorrow.》
《Oh wow, that's a noble thing of you.》 I'm proud that he has this sense of responsibility, but it kind of hurts me that he didn't tell me about it before. But given the situation, I understand.
《I had an idea, we can all live together from now on, we look for a job and a house, so we all keep well.》
My smile disappears.
《Jimin, but I have to start University and maybe you wanted to start too, so you told me.》
《Fuck university, spending time with Yunbae is the most important thing now, most of all.》
I felt a little crack in my heart.
《Continuing my studies is important for me ...》 I admit slowly.
《More important than me?》
His face becomes dark.
《That's not the point-》
《Chaerin, you have to decide on what is most important. I take it for granted that you will choose me-》
《Jimin, but, wait, what are you saying? Are you forcing me to choose between my future and you?》
《You, Yunbae and I, all three of us will live together, this is our future waiting for us.》
I can hardly believe his words, but he is very serious.
《I'm your future too, am I?》
He asks.
《Yes but it's a different future, one is with the person I love and the other is my personal growth.》
His face is still, not moving a muscle. I've never seen him so expressionless since I've known him. Even when he's angry.
《It's about choosing if you want-》
《I don't think I'll be able to do it, but-》He interrupts me now.
《Yunbae was right in the end.》 He says with an annoyed face.
What is he saying?
《Right for what?》
He doesn't answer me, he stares at me with a steady look, as if I had disappointed him and slowly moves away from me, letting go of my hands.
《Are you telling me you are leaving me to spend time with your sister?》
It upsets me to have to ask this question.
《It's not just spending time with my sister but it's living her as a person again! Having her next to me again! You know how important she is to me.》
《You can't be serious, Jimin.》
He's kidding, right?
All the anger from before boils back inside.
《For what were you going out without telling me anything?》
I jump up.
《Do you know how afraid and anxious I was? Mh? Do you think I didn't notice?》
I point my eyes of fire to him.
《It's done now, but it was to see Yunbae so it's nothing serious.》
Nothing serious? Is making me feel bad nothing serious?
My shoulders sag, I feel hopeless. How can he not understand?
《What has your sister been doing to you these days?》
He doesn't look like him anymore. Why is he so distant? He didn't even kiss me like he usually does.
《Did she manipulate you? Obliged? You would never have done such a thing to me before.》
《Don't talk about my sister like that, she only wants the best for me.》
《And the best would be to leave me?》
Please answer no.
《, Of course, I don't want to, but it would be enough to make the right decision, Chaerin.》
I start to get upset, I touch my face in frustration.
《Just taking the right decision ?! Why does it seem like some kind of blackmail to me?》 My voice breaks.
《She said that if you loved me you would follow me everywhere and that you would also leave your studies for me.》
《But we can find compromises!》 I say waving my hands.
《Which ones ?!》 now he's the one standing up, screaming.
《We can get an apartment near the university and still be together.》
《No, she can't stay in Seoul, it's dangerous, our parents could find out about her.》
《Okay, then in the suburbs, I'm willing to travel for hours to go to university and to stay with you.》 I take his hands, I think it's the best decision.
《I'm sorry, but it can't work.》
A dead silence falls in the room. I let go of his hands, surrendered to the idea of the end that is about to come.
I think my heart has stopped beating.
《I thought this could be a test for our love, but it failed. You don't love me enough.》 He says, penetrating me with a look I've never seen him wear.
《What the fuck are you saying?》
《I can't stay any longer.》 The tone of his voice is passive, his eyes are dull as if he wasn't even there.
《What? What do you mean you can't stay?》
《I can't be with you.》
《What do you say, of course, you can stay with me, we can find a solution together.》 I try to be sure and rational, but my voice betrays me.
《I have to go to Yunbae.》
《Jimin, I don't understand.》
This is all surreal.
《Chaerin.》 His big eyes that promised me, love, until a few days ago are now hurting me in ways I never thought.
Those same eyes caressed my skin, looked at me as if I were the woman of his life just one day ago.
《I no longer want to be with-》
I have to stop him from saying those words. He must not. He can not.
《Look.》 I walk up to him again, take off my shirt showing his marks on me. The ones that left me while we were making love.
《You made these yourself, while you were moaning my name last night!》 I say with a clenched jaw. My eyes were starting to pinch.
His silent gaze rests on my marked skin. His lips part, but no sound comes out. He closes them. So does my heart.
His Adam's apple moves, he looks up and turns, showing his back to me. His head down, my heart is about to sink into the darkest depths.
Do you want to leave me here? After all, we've been through?
《Jimin- please.》 I approach him, hugging him from behind. If I could I would tie him to me.
He can't do it. Not after what we said to each other.
《Don't leave me.》 my tears exploded. They no longer held up. They have accumulated enough. Fuck the dignity, the pride, everything.
《Please, I beg you, do not leave me.》 I hug him to me as if this could prevent him from going away from me.
《Forgive me.》 He loosens my arms around his waist and walks to the door.
His heavy feet trample the wood, which creaks. Ironically I confuse that sound with that of my heart breaking into a thousand pieces.
I fall defeated on the floor, I feel every part of me come off.
I whisper. 《Stay ...》
While he puts his hand on the handle.
He stops. Is he thinking about it?
He opens the door.
Puts one foot out.
His shadow disappears.
The door closes.
That was the last time I saw Park Jimin.
[End of the first book.]
Read the next chapter, please!