Ryujin's POV
"You should've taken care of these wounds earlier..."
"Ouch!" I flinched when she touched my palm that has more wounds than my arms.
"Sorry Ryujin, you've got a lot of cuts here. What happened huh?" she curiously asked while gently rubbing the cotton on it.
"I picked a broken vase with my bare hands. I didn't notice that I'm getting wounded already." I stated.
"We can't really notice that. Sometimes it's like love, we couldn't notice that we were hurting already not until someone snap the hell out of us." she says and laughs.
"Just hurry up, Heejin. I'm ready to go." I mumbled so she looks at me.
"Going home? To your work?"
"Home." I answered.
"Thank me for seeing you in the music room, wounded." she said with a mischievous smile.
"Thanks then. Actually, my friends saw it so I told them that I'll go to the clinic but instead, I went in the music room." I stated.
"Don't you have anyone to take care of you huh?"
I want to say yes but Yeji's in the corner of my mind. I wonder what she's doing...
"Who won yesterday?" I asked, referring to the swimming competition.
"It's the student council president. She's a bit tough tho, she shouldn't be competing with those freshmen." Heejin stated.
"If the school allowed her then what's wrong?"
"I mean—it's just an easy win for her because she competed with those rookies here in school. It's unfair, right?"
"Not her fault then." I said, losing my mood to listen to her.
I pulled my hand from her and stood up, "Gotta go." I said.
"But I haven't—"
"It's fine. Thank you, Heejin." I smiled at her and quickly walks away from the bench we were sitting awhile ago.
I can't keep up. I'm filled with heaviness I can't explain, with pain I can't explain—with all these thoughts I can't explain.
Wish I could vanish right away...
Before I could take my next step, I saw Yeji from afar. She's talking with her professor. I was about to step back but it's too late since her eyes landed on me, I looked at her for seconds and immediately averted my eyes, walking normally to the pathway, heading to the gate.
I can't face her for awhile...I can't...her eyes would tell me to cry all day long and I don't like seeing my pretty girl, pitying me.
"Ryu!"
I breathed heavily when I heard her calling me, I knew it's her. I could feel her coming closer at my back.
"Ryujin-ah..." she utters.
I closed my eyes for a second before turning and facing her with a smile.
"Sorry, I didn't bother to approach you since you're talking with your professor." I lied.
"I-It's fine...uhm...are you fine?" she asked with her shaky stares.
"Yes, I am." I said.
"Uhm...where are you going?"
I doze off for a seconds, trying to think.
"Since I missed your swimming competition, I'm about to buy some surprise so I could reconcile that moment with you but you got me. I'm pretty disappointed with myself because my stomach got pretty much upset yesterday." I said while scrunching my nose. Yeji smiled at me and pinches my nose.
"Did you cry in the bathroom huh? No wonder why your eyes tells something wrong." she said that's why I chuckled.
"Y'know what? The old lady in the flower shop where I bought those tulips told me to buy there again and to bring my girlfriend, you want to?" I asked, being so confident knowing that no one's around.
"You don't need to spend money for me tho." Yeji said while following my steps.
"We're not couple for nothing." I murmured.
"Uhmm...Ryujin..."
"Hmm?" I looked at her but she's just looking on the path where we're walking.
"Uhm nothing. I just wanna ask why aren't you replying to my messages." Yeji stated.
"Geez—I'm still draining my phone that I dropped on the pool yesterday while I was looking for mom to buy me some medicine. I'm so sorry, I didn't get to tell you earlier and sorry for not approaching you this morning in your room, I'm still feeling bad." I said and breathed heavily as I bent my head down.
My stomach aches to the core, Yeji. I wanna throw up. I feel like throwing up.
"It's fine..." Yeji responded.
When we got out of the school, I slowly held her hand.
I want to ask for comfort. I want to. But my problems are supposed to be mine only. Yeji will never understand this...she's in a happy and complete family. She has a mother that truly cares for her.
"Why do you have these small cuts?" Yeji asked that startled me.
Oh geez I forgot that I have those.
"You got a lot of it. What happened, Ryu?" Yeji curiously asked while looking at my hand.
"I broke the vase. I accidentally pressed my palm all over, I really hate how clumsy I can be sometimes." then I chuckles.
"Ryu..." Yeji uttered so I hummed in return, "I forgot something in my room, can we go back?" she asked that's why I gladly nodded.
It took us a bit long before we can take our last step on the stairs. Here I am again, breathing the cold breeze of fourth floor but at least I got her hand that we never separated while taking our way here.
Our hands parted when we entered her room. I stood just on the door way of closed door while looking at her back when she suddenly turned back at me.
"Why? What have you forgotten?" I asked but instead of answering me, she hugged me tight.
"Something's odd...why didn't you come in the café. You ran away but do you really need to run back in your home because of your upset stomach? I don't think that all makes sense..." Yeji stated with her face buried on my shoulder.
"Why am I even dating a student council president..." I whispered and smiled.
"Tell me, I don't get it all, Ryu..."
"You see—I wasn't in good terms with my mom but she called me yesterday and told me to go home, she said she's sorry and that she's longing for me that much already. Of course as a daughter, I would be really happy, right? So I went home and told myself I'm gonna come back in school to watch your performance. When I came home, I didn't find mom inside so I quickly went to my room to check it, but then I broke the vase inside and these cuts happened. So I set it aside and started looking for my mom outside, she saw these cuts and told me to rest and to stay there back already. At midnight I caught a fever prolly because of these so I'm not really feeling well right now. And about my phone, it's true, I accidentally dropped it in the pool." I stated while stroking her hair.
Please...I hope that alibi would work.
"R-Really? Are you telling the truth?" Yeji asked.
"Yeah. I'm so sorry, I think I wouldn't be able to reply to your messages for a while. I'm really sorry for making you worry..." I kissed her head before hugging her so tight.
What's the best feeling I could feel right now? It's being hugged and being able to hug the one precious person, right?
"Please...don't leave me...I don't know what to do without you, Yeddeong..." I whispered.
"I love you so much, Ryujin." she stated that melts my heart.
There is two things which make people cry. It's when they're too lonely or too happy—and here I am, stuck between that two.
When I'm with Yeji it feels like I got nothing to worry about. But thoughts that's killing my head won't just go...
"Did you really say that?" I unbelievably asked.
"Haven't you heard it from me before?"
"I don't know. I don't know at all, Yeji, thank you so much. No words can describe how much I love you. Words are not just enough nor action—I don't know. I love you too, so much..." I said before parting from her and kissing her lips.
I held her head and deepens our kiss. I opened my eyes and watches her closed eyes.
I just felt my tears escaping from my eyes—and I wished she wouldn't open her eyes that fast—it would really be embarrassing.
Yeji's POV
I got the medal in my pocket that I've been hiding since this morning. I wanted to show this to Ryujin...but I felt like she's not in a good shape and it's not a good time to brag my achievement.
I want to believe what she said, all those things she said but I don't know how. Something is odd.
Her eyes...
It hurts when the person you love hid loneliness in her eyes...
It is...
"Yeji?" I heard mom, she cautiously enters my room.
"Why mom?" I asked and puts the medal in the drawer.
"I want to ask you about Ryujin." she said so I slowly nodded.
"Sure, what do you want to ask?"
"Hm but first, my baby looks sad so I'm going to ask you first. What's your problem?" she sits on the bed, waiting for me to sit next to her.
"I feel like something's wrong with Ryujin but I don't want to push my instinct." I said and faced her.
"You love her that much?" she happily asked.
"Yes—I didn't know I'd feel this so much love for her..." when our eyes glued with each other, that's when I took the chance and rested my forehead on her shoulder.
"Mom...I don't know any single thing about her aside from her simple informations. I don't know why she needed to run away from home...I didn't know why I keep on seeing loneliness in her eyes... it's hurting me..." I stated, "I don't know if this is just part of the challenges."
"Of course it is, baby. Whatever Ryujin's problem is, you will know it in the right time." mom stated while patting my back.
"Is it hard loving a girl..." I mumbled out of nowhere.
"Do you want to know the last secret that I have?" mom asked so I lifted my head and looks at her.
"W-What is it?" I curiously asked. She's not the type of person who would change the topic I'm starting except if it's somehow connected with what I'm talking.
"My first love was a girl." she said that's why my eyes widened.
"R-Really?" I unbelievably asked.
"Yes, she's really pretty and intelligent. Anyone can fall for her but y'know what? She chose to love me." mom said with a smile. I'm still shocked with her confession but I love to hear her story about that.
"Wow...did you date her?"
"More than that. We ran away from our homes and built our home together. We took the risk—or somehow I took it all alone to support her. We were in love and we were so happy. She's the person I wished to be with but fate sure is playful." mom stated.
She's not telling a detailed story—but deep inside I know it's deep.
"Yeji, I thought back then that pushing through the borders is the best way to take a risk on that kind of relationship. I thought it's enough, that no one could affect us and no one can part us away. After it failed, I wished we just made our own borders of love. I wished we made it so people around us can't do anything about it. I wished we build our own boundaries from toxic people while sharing our love for two—but when you two came, I'm thankful that happened." she said, "We took risk at first but didn't take a risk on the middle 'till the end. So Yeji, no matter what gender you're loving, taking risks will solve it all. Just remember—taking risk supposed to lasts forever and not once in a lifetime event."
I have a habit of looking at people's eyes and sees how it change from time to time. I love how I can define one's feeling by looking at their eyes.
I touched mom's cheek and sees how those lonely eyes shines.
"I love you, mom..."
I've never seen anger in these eyes. She would be upset with me but never gets mad. These eyes can be the happiest eyes just by looking at me, at us.
"Baby, stop growing so fast. I'm actually getting scared to get older—I know I won't be living with you for the rest of my life." mom stated that made my eyes teary.
"I will take care of you when your hair turns gray. Mom, thank you for not regretting for having us. Thank you for moving on from that girl and for settling your life with us. Thank you for being my mom." I said and gladly smiled at her.
"Just remember that I'm always here and be strong with your relationship with Ryujin. You have our support, do not be taken aback with those confusing situations. You'll grow more eventually, got it?" she said so I nodded that's why she pats my head.
"But I'm sure you really loved that girl."
"Yes, I did but I love you, Hyunjin and your dad more." mom muttered and hugged me.
I hugged her back, tighter. When I opened my eyes, I saw dad on the narrow opening of door.
I was hesitant about what to feel since he probably heard about mom's past. I guess he knew it already. Besides it's all in the past.
I smiled at him and saw his eyesmile. He mouthed 'I love you' before turning his back away.
I love you more, dad...
—👄
y'know what guys am starting to think abt yeji all day long. yeji has always been too focused in her career, i mean all of them but—you see, she's very hard working and her dedication is too much plus she's the leader. lately, her dog which is hongsam? is that hongsam? the one that's needed to go under surgery like that? she became a bit inactive that time, she cares for her dogs too much and she loves them so i knew she's super affected. she's being more that type of a person in a group that didn't care much more abt skinship at all (as i've noticed). she's really clingy before towards lia, then to ryujin and it's slowly drifting apart like what happened to yejisu.
yeji has an outgoing personality outside but y'know i guess i can only notice that she's a bit introverted? members said she less cry but when she cries it's too much. she needed to shut ryujin out of their room just to do a live often times. i'm just worried about her. i don't know. i'm thinking a lot about her these days. i'm not talking about ryeji being inactive here, i'm worried about yeji since i love her the most and i'm more observant towards her. also, yeji being a leader, i noticed that it's not too easy for her to catch her members attention to listen to her. we might noticed how cute she goes when she's pissed but i felt sad sometimes. calling for your members again and again just to get their attention is a bit frustrating, isn't it? well, am just blabbering about yeji here, i know chaeryeong, lia, ryujin, and yuna's struggles also, okay? i'm just pointing out my precious yeddeong since i miss her, i miss them.
aight! enough of my drama since the rain caught me already.