"You can break a thing, but you cannot always guide it afterward into the shape you want."
― Holly Black, Tithe
"Do you boys want me to drop you off at the lake today?"
Grace, Lucas, Noah and I were sitting at the table eating breakfast. I was never allowed to cook, even though I could. Grace always stated that I was not to lift a finger in her house, and that I have done enough for the family. Without cooking for them. I did not have a clue what she was on about, but decided it was best not to argue with her.
"Yeah, thanks dad. Could you pack some food for us and stuff?"
Noah was eating his pancakes and drinking orange juice. He was throwing the food into his mouth and I laughed when he almost choked on a small piece of pancake. I handed him a glass of orange juice and he swallowed in down in one massive gulp.
"Sure, I'll grab your swim trunks and throw them in with some towels."
"Thank you." We both echoed. I was feeling more relaxed today, it was a cool day. The sun was out and there was a slight breeze, but nothing that would stop us going to the lake. Noah smiled up at me and I smiled back, he looked so happy.
"Are you guys excited about going? It's been a while since you went to the lake."
"Yeah we're excited, the last time we went was June, it's actually the longest we've been away from the lake, ever." I answered.
"That's right, I remember because Noah jumped in fully dressed." Grace said, her voice taking on a teasing tone. I looked down and smiled at the memory of Noah in his mom's car, dripping water all over the interior. We had gone just after school and he had no swum trunks and towel. It had been a hot day, but it did not help him dry off. He was sick for three weeks after that.
"Yeah, that's the time." I replied, stifling a laugh.
"What's this, pick on Noah day?"
"Nope, we always pick on you. Nothing special about today." Lucas replied while laughing. Grace was beside herself, tears were streaming down her face. I kept trying not to burst into a fit of laughter. Noah had the hottest, sexiest look on his face, he looked almost cute with a bewildered expression on his face. I had to cover my mouth with my sleeve to stop myself from laughing any harder. But it was hard.
He really needs to wipe that look off his face, it's too hard not to kiss him with that look. And God, am I hard as hell for it. He's just so perfect. I wish I was as perfect.
Lucas dropped us off at school an hour later. We were almost late because Noah had to find a form his parents had filled in. As I walked the corridor to my first class, I noticed there were some new students today. One girl with pink hair was talking to our principal. She was obviously new since she had no idea where to go.
When I walked into the classroom the science teacher was placing lists on our work surfaces. He was a lanky man, with gray hair that came before his time, and eyes that looked almost red. He nodded at me as I sat down. Looking at the page I saw at least three projects that needed I needed to turn in at the end of the year.
The large science lab was quite impressive. It had state of the art equipment and brand new books, which were always a bonus for high schools. There were large windows along one wall and the chocolate colored walls made it look like all the other classrooms. Although they were all the same size and color, the differences always showed from room to room.
Students filed in and all went to sit in their groups. At the back of the class where I normally sat, I watched as they made their way inside. Some of them looked back at me, others ignored me completely. One of the boys I recognized as a friend of Noah's. He had been held back last year due to horrible grades. He glared at me before sitting down.
Once class ended I walked outside, we had worked all the way to lunch. It was the same every day, we only did two classes a day for the first two weeks. Some of the teachers took a lot of time trying to get to know us. A lot of them had already heard of me because of my grades.
"Hey, queer boy."
Oh God, not him again. Anyone but HIM. Why do people always have to do this. Why does he always have to do this. Because I am dirty, that's why. I'm just a dirty, dirty slut.
I cringed at the name and was suddenly shoved against the wall. A fist made contact with my back and I banged my head off the wall. When I managed to turn around I saw Noah's friend Nathan behind me.
His dark brown hair and piercing green eyes were not attractive on him. He had a very harsh face and a permanent scowl creased his face. His nose was too big for his face and he always had black eyes and cuts on his face. Nathan fought with everyone, including teachers.
"Stay the hell away from Noah. He's not a queer like you." He said in the harshest way I could have imagined. His voice was as rough as nails and sounded threatening. He then kicked my leg and shoved me again. A rippling pain shot up my leg as I banged it against a wall.
"Did you hear me, queer boy?" Nathan asked as he leaned even closer to me. His breath was in my face and I wanted to gag. Cigarettes as well as alcohol was on his breath. I was almost used to it, but not always so close to my nose.
"Is everything okay here, gentlemen?"
The principal's voice echoed from behind Nathan. Ms. Andrews looked royally pissed and she was standing straighter than a ruler. Nathan, looked like he had just seen a ghost, his whole expression changed. From the look on Ms. Andrew's face, she had hoped to have that sort of reaction. A small smirk plastered her face.
"No, miss."
Nathan said, trying and failing to sound innocent. The principal just glared at him for a minute before she turned to me with a soft smile.
"Are you okay, Jesse?" She had a sympathetic tone to her voice.
"Yes miss, I'm okay."
My voice betrayed me. Showing how much pain I was in. I pushed myself off of the wall trying to keep myself upright. It was hard though, my ribs were sore and my legs had pins and needles. So I decided to stay near the wall for the duration.
"Move on Mr. Flynn. I shall see you in half an hour, now go get lunch."
Nathan scurried off. Ms. Andrews, walked over to me and told me to come to her if anything else happened. She smiled at me warmly before she walked off.
Oh God, fuck! What am I going to do. Noah will freak out. And then he will get into serious trouble. I have kept enough from him. I cannot keep this from him.
I limped my way to the cafeteria, the pain in my stomach only starting to subside. But now my leg was also cramping, from getting kicked a couple of weeks ago. Unfortunately Noah was already at the table when I got there. He was looking around, concern crossing his face. And when he spotted me he relaxed, but not much.
"What the hell happened. Are you okay?"
His voice was loud and bordering on angry. I could see his eyes filling with the emotion too.
"Calm down, I'm okay. I just had a bit of a run in."
"A run in with who? Who kept you that long?"
He looked panic-stricken, it was not the first time he had looked so angry. The last time, he beat up the guy who had locked me in the boys toilets. I was there for an hour, but luckily lunch came and Noah had missed me. After they found out who did it, the boys received a suspension and Noah found them after school.
"It was Nathan..." I said quietly. Noah looked at me and sighed. The anger was bubbling to the surface and it was clear on his face.
"Nathan. As in Flynn?"
I nodded. And he spoke again. "Well I'll sort him out..."
"No please don't, he'll only make it worse for me. He wants me to stay away from you. That's all."
Noah looked incredulous. His voice went up an octave when he spoke again. He was pretty angry at that.
"Are you serious? That's "not all", you're my best friend, God damn it. And no matter who else I hang out with, you're the most important. He can go fuck himself for all I care."
Noah's temper was getting worse. His whole body was rigid now, he looked like he was ready to punch a wall or something.
"I know Noah, you're my best friend too. Well actually you're my only friend. Trust me, I know how important our friendship is, and I know how much I love it. But I don't want to make things harder for you, I'm not worth it."
He leaned over the table and said in a very calm voice. A voice that sounded deadly and very serious. It was almost frightening. Almost.
"You are worth it, more than you will ever know."
Why is he so wonderful. He has such a good, kind and beautiful heart. How could he look at me the way he does. If he really knew, he would never get that close to me. He would probably disinfect himself. Just like I do.
Alex, one of Noah's friends from the team sauntered up to the table. His black hair and green eyes were his most prominent features. If he had been taller he might have stood out more, and no one else had black hair.
"Hey man, are you going to ask Alexis out or what. She told me to give you her number. But you never accept girls numbers, so I said I'd ask before I gave it you."
Noah looked at me and back at Alex.
"No man, I'm not going to call her. You should though. I know you like her."
"Really, okay then. If you want help with any of her friends let me know. Or is there someone already?"
Alex sounded genuinely curious.
"There might be, I'm not sure yet."
"That's why you never go out with any chicks?"
Noah smiled shyly and I could feel my heart breaking in my chest. I had to stop myself from crying. It was hard to hear him say things like that. And the fact he did not tell me kind of hurt, but I shoved all that to the back of my head.
"Yep, this person is really special and the most beautiful person I have ever met. So I would never consider dating, or even going out with anyone else like that."
Alex laughed and replied. "So are you like in love, or something?"
Noah blushed and smiled before he answered. "Yep, I'm in love. But I don't know if this person loves me back. Or even if they like me like that. But I will find out."
I could feel myself starting to break, it was so unfair. Whoever she is has to love him, how could you not love someone like Noah?
"Whoever she is must at least have a crush on you. Every girl in this school has a crush on you."
"Yeah, I know." Noah sighed and Alex looked at me and raised an eyebrow.
"Oh well, I better get going. Later Noah, See you Jesse."
"Bye." We echoed and I turned back to face him. Afraid of how my face must have looked.
Noah shoved his plate over to me and told me to eat. I finished the food in a couple of minutes, trying to throw it back so it would hurt less. I always savaged food when I got to eat. Never sure when my next meal would be, I learned to survive on whatever I got.
"I have to go to football practice, come with me and wait. Please. I just want to make sure no one else tries anything."
"Come on then."
I had wondered why he liked me so much. Whatever I did he was always my friend and always looked out for me. I had to have caused him problems along the way, he was popular and had a lot of friends and I was an outsider. He was my first and only friend. And that was only because he had forced himself on me.
Noah walked into the locker room and changed quickly. I stood outside waiting for him. A few of the guy's went in while he was in there, a couple looked at me and laughed. Others smiled or nodded. Once he had returned he started to drag me over to the bleachers. I sat down and he handed me his bag, before he rushed off.
I watched him and the other boys, mostly him, playing football. Noah took his shirt off at one point and I felt my cock react instantly. Shirtless, Noah was absolutely gorgeous and sexy as hell. His abs were well-defined and he had broad shoulders. I studied his body, trying to familiarize myself with it, considering I was no longer beside him.
Sweat was running down his body. His short hair was wet and his entire body glowed in the sun. I spent fifteen minutes of lunch looking at the boy of my dreams shirtless. When it ended Noah grabbed his stuff from me and I headed back to class. He told me to wait for him in the classroom.
The last bell went and as I was packing my bag, Noah appeared at the door. A huge smile brightened up his face when he saw me. I smiled back shyly. He grabbed my bag once I zipped it and threw it over his shoulder and stalked out of the room.
"Any more trouble?" He asked me once we reached the school's entrance.
"Nope, not since Nathan. And I think that's the only class we share."
I tried to sound as happy as possible, and amazingly I did. Feeling happy was not a complete lie, but I was not the happiest person anyway.
"Good, like I said Monday. Let me know if anyone hassles you. Come on, there's my dad." He said, then shouted. "Hey dad."
"Hey Lucas." I shouted after him.
Lucas smiled and grabbed both bags off Noah and threw them into the trunk before getting in and driving off.
"How was school boys?"
Noah answered before I could even open my mouth.
"My day was okay, but Nathan Flynn had a go at Jess."
"Nathan, is that Rodger's boy?" Lucas asked in a serious tone.
"Yep that's the one." Lucas laughed without humor. It was kind of shocking, he was always so friendly and happy. It was hard to imagine him not liking someone.
"Well his dad is an ass, so it wouldn't surprise me that his son is the same way. I'd stay away from him if I were you boys. That family can get quite nasty when they want to."
"Don't worry, it's already done."
I sat there wondering what he had meant by they could get nasty. I guessed that I would find out the next day I saw him. That was something I was not looking forward to.
As we drove out of Lakewood I could the lake coming into view. Well not exactly the lake, but the trees and land around it. It was completely secluded out here and if someone bought the land out there they would actually own the lake. That was always a dream of mine, to own the lake. WOW!
Lucas parked the car and opened the trunk. "Grab your things, and have fun boys. I'll be back at six to pick you up. We're ordering pizza for dinner, and Grace and I are going out tonight and all day tomorrow, so you'll have the place to yourselves."
"Thanks." I said, as we hopped out of the car. I grabbed the bags and Noah took the picnic basket. As we walked through the trees I could see the lake clearer and clearer. It always looked beautiful in all weathers and every time of year. The deep blue water and the surrounding greenery always looked idyllic.
The first time I saw the lake I tripped and fell into the water. It was embarrassing. I got caught up in the beauty had distracted me and of course I had not been looking where I was going and splash, right into the water. Noah had doubled over laughing, it was funny to him. But I banged my head against a wall when I went home.
"Are you going to swim today or just watch me?" Noah asked as we reached the clearing of the trees.
"Just watch today, I don't really feel like swimming today."
"Okay, you can just stuff your face," he teased and ran off to put the basket down. I threw his bag at him, he caught it and started to undress. "Shit," I swore under my breath as he started to peel off his clothes. My heart raced as he removed the last piece of clothing. I turned around so he could strip off his boxers, my breathing ragged.
"Okay, I'll only take a quick dip. Then I'll join you back here."
"Don't hurry on my account."
He shot me a reproving look before he jumped in. The splash of the water almost got me wet. I removed the food from the basket, there were sandwiches and potato chips in small bags. I started eating while I watched Noah as he swam the length of the lake. He was a good swimmer, but I was the better swimmer. He emerged from the water a while later, the water clung to his body beautifully.
"What did dad pack for us?"
"Sandwiches and potato chips, there's a couple of bottles of coke as well."
He flopped down and smiled saying "awesome," as he tore into the sandwich. I laughed at him and he grinned back, the food sticking out of his mouth a bit.
"So what do you want to do for the two nights my parents will be gone?"
"Not sure, what do we normally do when we have a house to ourselves?" I asked him.
"We normally watch movies and play video games....."
He paused and looked like he wanted to say something. So I stayed quiet until he spoke again.
"I want to come back out here tomorrow. And spend the day here, not camping. But we can do other things. So what do you say? Do you trust me?"
Did I trust him? Yes, yes I did. I had always trusted him, it was something that went both ways. And he always knew how much I trusted him. Especially after I told him about Andrea. That was something I had never seen happening. But with Noah, things were easier than with other people, he was a great best friend.
I had not told him everything though. Because I would not want him to stay if he knew the truth. No one should stay with someone who had done those things. Someone who had been hurt. Someone who was as big a slut as me.
"Sure, I trust you. Any reason you will want to come back out here tomorrow?" A shy smile crossed his face, and for a minute he looked nervous. It confused me because Noah is the most confident person I have ever met. Not cocky, but confident and he never gets nervous or agitated. A lot of people look up to him for that very reason.
"I just want to try something different tomorrow, it's a surprise for you. But it has tomorrow that I give it to you. And we have to come here."
A surprise for me? What's tomorrow? It will mark ten years since we first met. Okay, so that's what tomorrow is. And he wants to give me something tomorrow. I guess I'll just have to trust him. Like I've ever not trusted.
"Okay, tomorrow." He smiled and went back to eating.
"So you don't like Alexis?"
Trying to keep the emotion out of my voice was hard. He was always so calm and composed, where as I was the emotional one. Always in tears or talking about how bad I felt. Noah was the support I needed. Even if I could not tell him how I truly felt. Friendship was better than nothing with him.
"Nope, like I said. I have someone in mind. How about you Jess, any girls you like?"
"You know there's not." A playful smile spread across his face and he winked at me before he said. "True... I think you've already found your true love. I'm sure food would love to marry you."
I jumped on him and pinned him to the ground. He laughed and tried to roll out from under me. I held my ground though, trying hard not to laugh. He looked so cute under me, his face wrinkled with laughter and his solid body beneath me. I got a bit hard from the contact.
"Okay, okay. I give, sorry. Let me up."
I did not let go of him. He kept squirming underneath me. I did not allow him to get up though, I enjoyed the slow torture. It was fun watching him squirm. Tear's started to form in his beautiful chocolate eye's the humor shone even brighter because of that.
"Dude! Let me up."
His face turned red and he was laughing hard enough to bring tears to his eyes.
"PLEASE!"He squeaked at the end. So I moved away from him smiling. He rolled onto his side and laughed even harder. I swear I could see him in my head exploding, his face was that red.
"You had to learn Noah."
"Yeah." He croaked, his voice now hoarse. I handed him a bottle of coke and he drank the content. His eyes glistening.
A few hours passed and after a while things went back to normal. I must have looked very smug because he kept glaring at me. The sun had begun to set when Lucas picked us up. The lake was beautiful, the already dark blue water showed something even more beautiful at night.
By the time we were eating the pizza I felt exhausted. I only ate a couple of slices because I was not really hungry. And trust me that was unusual for me. The four of us watched The Lion King before Noah's parents went out. We had a good time and it was nice to hang out with them. It felt like being part of a family.
Noah and I were playing splinter cell when they left. It was shortly after nine P.M. They would not be back until Sunday morning. Noah was giddy with excitement and he bounced up and down when he won the first game. Yawning, I rubbed my eyes and tried to stay awake. It was hard because I was just so tired.
"I think you should go to bed, you're going to swallow me if you yawn any more."
"Really, you don't want to test that theory." I asked him, smirking slightly, although I knew I would not be able to keep up with the witty comebacks for long. Exhausted, I yawned again and he said as he smirked. I found myself trying hard to keep my eyes open and the bad thoughts away. But I failed.
Why the hell am I so tired today? God, I hope this does not last. He'll get annoyed with me if it does. Hell, I'm getting more annoyed with me. When am I not annoyed with me, when am I not dirty and horrible.
"No thanks, I'd rather keep my head for now. If you don't mind."
"But you'll look so much better without your ugly mug."
He put on a horrified expression, and then smacked me across the head.
"Okay, I'm going up to bed. Night."
He smiled at me and sighed.
"Yeah, night."
I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. Normally, I would not sleep for hours and would toss and turn a few times trying to sleep. I had the best dream that night, it was one I had so many times over the years and it never got old or boring.
In my dream Noah and I were messing around in bed, just tickling each other and laughing. And he kissed me on the forehead, both cheeks, my nose and my chin. He never touched my lips, but it still felt incredible. Then he whispered "I love you so, so much," in my ear before he disappeared. It felt so real and his lips had felt so soft on my skin.
I woke up with a smile on my face and looked over at him on the single bed. They bought the small camp bed after I started sleeping over. His parents refused to let me sleep in a room alone. And they had not wanted me in the camp bed either. Sometimes I wondered if they suspected what was going on at home.
That was the beginning of a perfect day...