It was now March.
The snow was starting to melt away, leaving dirty puddles of icy puddles around the school grounds. One of the most depressing months.
Last week I'd decided to break things off with Oliver. It wasn't that he'd done something wrong, and I suppose that in this case it really was "me, not him". I just didn't feel any spark with him; my mind wandered to dinner and homework anytime we were kissing or doing anything of the sort. I was bored with him. I felt a bit rotten, for he'd told me he loved him the week before. I, in panic, answered that I loved him too. That was a lie. I told him I'd still like to be his friend, but he'd just mumbled something about not understanding. The whole breakup was, in all, quite frustrating and didn't go smoothly at all.
The letter I'd received from my father had also been troubling me. He had written that he was expecting an extreme turn for the worse anytime now and that he wasn't sure he'd be able to contact me for a while; he thought he was being followed. And although he had come off as quite a paranoid man for the time we lived together, this was different. The letter had been crumpled, dirty, and he was not the kind of man to send crumpled and dirty letters.
On the other hand, I'd been spending more time with the boys again. It was a relief. Things were still quite strange between Sirius and I but he'd asked me if I wanted to go hang out with them in the Forbidden Forest that evening. I was very excited, and had said yes. His face had shown the faintest of smiles which sent electricity through my body. I thought that maybe now that things were over between Oliver and I, I might finally be able to explore my feelings with Sirius. In fact, if things went well tonight I was planning to have a nice talk with him.
I turned the page I was reading about protective spells and sighed. I wished the library wasn't so strict on the no-snack policy, as I always felt rather snack-ish while studying. My stomach rumbled.
I felt someone touch my shoulder and jumped about three feet in the air. Was I really so hungry I hadn't noticed someone approaching me?
"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. I was wondering if I could sit here with you?" It was a Ravenclaw girl. She was very pretty, I'd noticed her before. Dark brown hair which only just brushed her shoulders, high cheekbones and light brown eyes.
I stared for a moment, then started messily shoving my stuff over to one side mumbling, "Yeah sure."
She put her bag on the table and laid out her books in front of her. She was reading Jane Eyre.
"Oh, I loved that book." I commented.
"Yeah, I don't know. It's a bit of a long read but I suppose it's worth it." She said.
"Oh it definitely is." I whispered; Madam Pince passed by us.
The girl opened her bag a little and sent me a significant look. I raised my eyebrows questioningly at her, to which she jolted her head towards the bag again. I reached inside it. Baby carrots.
"I don't know what it is, but the library always makes me snackish. Maybe it's because it's illegal." She giggled.
We got to talking and were not long after thrown out of the library for "excessive noise". She was the year below me, her name was Veronica. When the lunch break ended we had to go to each of our classes, but we agreed to meet up afterwards and hang out. She was interesting; a bit strange. I hadn't quite decided what I thought of her but it was nice to make new friends. I had also noticed she had a tattoo of a simple flower I wanted to ask her about.
My next lesson was, to my despair, DADA. They had grown tolerable with Oliver, but now he sat on the opposite side of the room and would stare over at me, looking disappointed and sad. No one else sat with me. Professor Tibble bullied me. I tried my hardest to just learn as much as I could. The minutes snailed by and when, at last, the clock struck the end of the lesson I almost ran out of the classroom, managing to spill out all the contents of my bag on the way out. I could have yelled and screamed in frustration but sufficed myself with a sigh.
A boy from my Defense class stopped to help me with my stuff, Oliver sending me a dirty look on his way out.
"Thank you," I muttered, "Bloody bag."
"No problem." He said. Everything in my bag again, and my bag zipped up, we straightened up. I forced a smile at him then moved to turn away when he spoke up again.
"Say, Olimpia."
"Mm?" I replied, distractedly.
"I was thinking, now that you're giving it out to everyone, maybe you'd like a round with me?"
I looked up at him, not sure I'd heard what I thought I had.
"Just because you're a whore, doesn't mean she is." Veronica had come to my rescue, as I still stood there, my mouth open and my eyebrows furrowed in shock and growing rage.
She took my arm and lead away down the hall. I looked back at him in disgust, realising that he had meant what I thought.
"Men are pigs." Veronica said, and I snorted.
"Some are." I agreed.
"All men are pigs." She insisted and I frowned, but I decided against pursuing that conversation, and asked her how her herbology lesson had been instead.
I invited her to come sit with us during dinner and introduced her to the boys. I asked her about her tattoo, and she told me she'd done it herself.
"Oh wow, that's cool. Could you do me?" I asked, half-joking.
"Yeah, sure. I have needles and ink." She answered.
I looked at her for two seconds, trying to figure out if she was joking. Deciding she wasn't, I answered, "Really? I've always wanted a little sun. On my ankle."
"We can do it after dinner, if you want? You could come with me to my dorm." She suggested.
The plan was set. Sirius had also invited her to join us in the forest that evening. My stomach jolted a bit in jealousy. You're being ridiculous, I thought, He's just being nice. Something you should do more of.
She answered the riddle asked by the entrance to the Ravenclaw common room. I realised I'd never been to another house's common room, and judging by the scowls sent our way in there, it wasn't a regular thing to be done. Veronica didn't seem to notice though, she took my hand again and led me through the crowd and to what appeared to be her dorm room. There was no one else there.
She told me to sit down in the bathroom while she found out her 'gear'. The bathroom was unnecessarily messy which made me crinkle my nose. I hurried my face into a neutral smile when she walked in.
I found myself feeling rather awkward, and I didn't quite know what to talk about. I hadn't really made or been with any female friends in a long time and didn't really know how to be with girls.
Finding nothing else to talk about, I asked her if she wanted to listen to some music.
"Oh, yes. I'd like that." She answered, starting to sketch a sun on my ankle with a pen.
I reached into my bag and pulled out my WPVP (Wizards Portable Vinyl Player). I really love magic sometimes. Pressing play before checking what was in it, I was surprised when David Bowie started playing. James must have borrowed it. Not that I didn't like Bowie, he's a damn genius. I was just in an intense Led Zeppelin phase.
"Oh, it's Bowie! He could take me any day, I am unbelievably horny for David." Veronica exclaimed. Shocked by her blatant and quite relatable honesty, I laughed and nodded in agreement.
She started to poke my skin with the needle. It wasn't too bad. About half an hour later, I had a small sun on my ankle. It was a little wonky and looked very homemade, but I liked it. She then started doing her makeup to get ready to go out with the boys, painted small intricate flowers on her eyelids and glued rhinestones into her eyebrows. It was an interesting look, and she was rather good at it, but it wasn't quite my thing. As I watched her, I started thinking a bit about her. There was something strange about her, I was almost fascinated by her, like a whirlpool. I felt I should be careful not to be sucked in. I had questioned whether I found girls romantically attracted before, Lily and Septima were both very pretty and I guess I'd thought about them a few times. Deciding I, too, wanted to doll myself up a bit, I borrowed some eyeliner and made a simple winged look.
Then, we headed out to the forest together. The boys were already there and waved us over.
"Say, what's going on between you and Sirius?" Veronica suddenly asked as we walked towards them.
Startled, it took me a few moments to answer, "Not much. I mean, we're friends. Why are you asking?"
"I don't know, I guess I thought maybe you were into him," She paused, "Are you not?"
It was strange being asked by her if I felt anything for Sirius. Confusing. Deciding to just tell the truth, I answered, "I do quite fancy him. I was considering making a move on him today, I'm just a bit unsure."
"He's not really my type, but I could be your wingman if you wanted some help?" She offered.
I scoffed out a laugh. Not really my type. Sirius was any and every girls type, did that mean-?
"Yeah, I suppose you could try." I said, half laughing, my stomach flipping and churning.
"Ollie, come sit between Remus and I, he was just saying he'd been missing you!" James called out.
They had gathered some thick logs with blankets on for us to sit on, in a sort of ring around a small fire. Bottles of wine were scattered around, some empty and some unopened. I did as James requested and sat down between him and Remus, giving both of them a small hug as I did so. Veronica sat down between James and Sirius, who was sat opposite me. He caught me looking and I gave a small smile, looking quickly away.
I'm going to have to get a little drunk to get through this.
James opened and handed me my own bottle of wine, as if he had read my mind, and I took a long gulp of wine. Some of it went up my nose and I spluttered, trying to clear it out before taking another long gulp.
It was strange seeing Sirius and Veronica sitting together.
Sirius and Veronica.
"How's it going with you and Oliver? Is he still moping around?" Remus asked.
I sighed, then moaned and buried my head in his shoulder. "He's king of mopetown. I can quite honestly say that I regret the whole affair. He wasn't even a good kisser!" I exclaimed.
I forced myself not to look at Sirius. For some reason I just wanted to avoid him, at the same time I wanted nothing more than to be with him.
Before not too long, we were all dancing around the fire, each clutching a bottle of wine. Veronica grabbed mine and Sirius' hand and made us hold the other two, the three of us spinning around faster and faster. We were laughing so hard it hurt.
Until- "Oh fuck, I need to puke." I broke apart from them and walked a small distance away, crouching behind a tree and holding my hair away from my face. Someone came behind me and held it for me.
I was about to thank them but was interrupted by a second wave.
"I think maybe you should get to bed soon. Do you want to have a sleepover?" Veronica.
I remember nodding, someone helping me up and towards the castle, me barely keeping myself awake.
In through the doors, down the dark corridors. How had no one caught us? I better hold my breath.
Quiet. Shh.
"Bye Ollie, bye Veronica."
"Bye bye." I smiled and waved at no one in particular.
Strange corridors. A door!
A bed.
I crept under the covers, which were nice and warm. Veronica crept in beside me.
"Did you- did ya have a nice evening?" I asked, slurring so heavily I was astounded she understood me.
"Yeah, I really did," She answered.
"Can I ask you something? Do you liiike anyone like I like Sirius?"
"I don't know if I like anyone, but I think I'd quite enjoy fucking Sirius."
Silence.
------- A/N -------
Long chapter. Sorry I'm so shit at updating.
In Norway we have a word, fylleangst, which is the anxiety and depression you may feel the day after drinking. I wrote this with extreme fylleangst. Not fun.