Chapter 13
Tiningnan ko si Lael habang nakahilig kami sa isa sa mga stalls sa cafeteria kung saan namin napiling kumain. Open space ang cafeteria na 'yon at bahagyang malayo sa senior high school building ng St. Agatha University. Mas madalas ang college students sa cafeteria na 'to kumpara sa ibang cafeteria.
Mahangin dahil walang mga pader pero dahil may bubong naman, hindi naman mainit. Tanaw ko mula sa puwesto namin ang building ng senior high school department at ang bakanteng lote na nababalutan ng bermuda.
Maingay sa cafeteria dahil marami na ring may vacant na college students. May iilan ding mga senior high school students dito lalo na 'yong mga lalaking senior high na gustong magkaro'n ng college na girlfriend. I know because Vaughn and his friends do that before. Pati ang mga kaklase ko rin dati. When asked "why", they always say that they like older girls because they are more mature in handling relationships.
Amoy na amoy ang mga niluluto kaya nga kanina, bago kami makarating ni Lael dito, sinabihan n'ya pa akong magtali ng buhok na sinunod ko naman. I did a low ponytail for my hair and Lael watched me while I did it.
I'm wondering kung bakit kakain din si Lael kasabay ko. Hindi ba sila kumain ni Caleb kanina?
Napalingon sa akin si Lael at pinagtaasan n'ya ako ng kilay nang bahagya nang mapansin n'ya na ang tingin ko sa kan'ya. Pagkatapos ay ngumisi s'ya.
Dahil umihip ang hangin, nagulo rin ang buhok n'ya pero hindi naman masyado dahil hindi naman gano'n kahaba ang buhok n'ya at clean cut. He chuckled but I can see his red ears.
"Why are you staring? Kaunti na lang, iisipin ko na talagang effective 'yung gayuma," he smiled.
Umirap ako at umusod palapit sa kan'ya nang may tumabi sa akin dahil bibili rin sa stall kung nasaan kami. This cafeteria is like a food park. Maraming choices at independent ang bawat stall sa isa't isa. Bahagyang nagdikit ang mga braso namin ni Lael kaya bumalik ang tingin ko sa kan'ya. Seryoso na ang titig n'ya sa'kin.
I think I know how to describe his physique. His shoulders make me feel like he's capable of defending and protecting me from anything and at the same time, give me comfort that I didn't know I needed.
"Nasa'n si Caleb?" I asked.
"Kumain na," aniya.
Ngayong malapit sa akin si Lael, mas napansin ko ang agwat ng tangkad naming dalawa. I'm tall for a girl. Pero parang ang laki pa rin ng agwat ng height naming dalawa. I can also smell his perfume from here. It actually smells really good. Bahagya pa tuloy akong lumapit sa kan'ya para mas makabisa ang amoy na 'yon. I wonder what kind of perfume it was.
Napanguso ako at ibinalik ang mga mata sa tinderang hindi pa rin tapos sa binili namin ni Lael.
"Hindi ka sumabay?" I asked him.
Pero dahil hindi agad nakasagot si Lael, ibinalik ko ang tingin sa kan'ya. I saw him holding his nape and he looks hesitant. Ang kaliwang siko n'ya, nasa counter pa rin at nakahilig pa rin ang katawan n'ya sa stall pero ang kanang braso, naka-angat na dahil sa paghawak sa batok.
Mas naamoy ko ang pabango n'ya at hindi ko mapigilang mamangha sa bango no'n.
"Lael?" I called and he looked at me.
He bit his lip and grinned at me.
"Nasa cafeteria ako kanina... pero nawalan ako ng gana," nawala ang ngisi n'ya at umiwas ng tingin.
Tumango ako at napatitig kay Lael, intrigued with his reaction.
"Bakit?" I asked.
Lael looked at me and shook his head a little.
"Nothing," he said.
Balak ko pa sanang magsalita pero agad din akong natigilan nang may tumawag sa atensyon ni Lael.
Napalingon si Lael sa isang grupo ng mga babaeng bumabati sa kan'ya, mukhang magbabarkada. May nangunguna sa kanilang isang babae na pinakamalaki ang ngisi sa lahat.
She's tall, skinny, and fair. Magaling din kung mag-ayos at maganda.
I looked at Lael pero hindi ko makita ang ekspresyon n'ya dahil nakatalikod na sa akin ang ulo dahil nakalingon sa tumawag.
I pursed my lips as I watched his small nod at them. Naghagikgikan ang mga babae bago umalis. Tumaas ang kilay ko habang pinagmamasdan ang mga papaalis na babae.
"You know them?" I asked when he looked back at me.
He grinned and shook his head.
"I'm not good with names."
Tumango ako. Right, if this is Allen, I'm sure he'll ignore them. But this is Lael, he's kind to everyone.
"I don't have girl friends," he suddenly said so my attention went back to him. My eyes immediately found his eyes. He gulped. "Casual friends, oo. Pero 'yung tulad ni Caleb... wala pa..." he trailed off.
Napangiti ako at napatitig sa kan'ya. He smiled and I saw him clenching his jaw. I wanna tell him that I wasn't really asking about that... pero hindi ko na lang sinabi at tumango na lang. Lael and I ate peacefully before we decided to come back to class.
Habang naglalakad pabalik, agad akong napangiwi nang maramdaman ko ang pagkakapigtas ng panali ko sa buhok. I took it off from my hair. It was a simple black hairtie at hindi scrunchie kaya agad na naputol.
Lael looked at my hair as we continued walking back to our class.
Nang makarating na kami sa klase, nakita ko na kaagad si Ynna sa puwesto namin, nakangisi na kaagad nang matanaw akong papasok ng room kasama si Lael. Agad na kumuyom ang panga ko at naramdaman ko ang namumuong galit para sa kan'ya.
Agad akong lumapit kay Ynna. I sat beside her and sighed.
"You told Seve?" I asked.
"Bakit?" She asked. "Bawal ba?"
I looked at Ynna and frowned at her.
"It depends on how you told him, Ynna. Why was he angry at me? Maybe you added malice to it. I just visited a classmate's house."
"C'mon, it's not my fault if Seve's a jealous ass," she said and looked at her polished nails.
"Why did you tell him, then? What's your purpose?" I asked.
Ynna looked at me and gave me a teasing smirk.
"He asked me so as a friend who cares, I told him where you've been! Masama ba 'yon?" She said, slightly widening her eyes but her lips are forming a smile. "And don't you like that? Pinagseselos mo ba si Seve? 'Cause I think, it's effective."
"I really like Lael but he won't really budge kahit na anong gawin ko kaya," she shrugged. "It's fine with me if you use him. No hard feelings."
"Not everything is about Seve, Ynna," I said. "And I'm not using Lael," I said in a hushed voice because someone might hear and misunderstands our conversation.
Namumuo ang inis, hindi ko na nilingon pa si Ynna at tumanaw na lang sa labas ng bintana para hindi na n'ya ako kausapin pa. But I heard her asking:
"Then what is he to you?"
A friend, Ynna. And I haven't felt this comfortable around anyone.
I stayed like that until my last class ended. Ni hindi ko s'ya nilingon nang dinampot ko ang bag ko at naglakad na papalabas ng klase. When I was finally out, I stopped in my tracks dahil naalala ko na may usapan pala kami nina Lael.
I sighed as I leaned on the wall. Pero hindi ko na kailangang maghintay nang matagal dahil nakita ko na kaagad ang paglabas ni Lael sa klase namin, mukhang nagulat pa nang makita ako.
Nakasukbit sa kanang balikat n'ya ang strap ng backpack at nakasuklay ang kaliwang kamay n'ya sa buhok nang maabutan n'ya ako, muka s'yang nagmamadali. Lael immediately went to me, confused that I had to leave class that fast.
Akala ko nga, tulad ng nakagawian, magka-cutting ng klase si Ynna pero hanggang sa matapos ang klase namin, nando'n pa rin s'ya.
"Are you alright?" He asked.
"Of course," nag-iwas ako ng tingin para hanapin si Caleb.
Ayokong i-kuwento sa iba ang nangyayari sa amin ni Ynna at ang nararamdaman ko. It's because I feel a bit guilty about what I'm feeling. There's something I can't admit to myself and I'm scared of acknowledging it.
Eventually, Caleb went out of class with some of our guy classmates. Tingin ko, nag-uusap sila tungkol sa isang video game. When our guy classmates saw me, parang hindi pa nila inaasahang makita rin akong naghihintay kay Caleb.
They bid Lael and Caleb goodbye. May ilan pang nakipag-high five sa dalawa. Ang ilan, dahil wala naman sa kanila ang malapit sa akin, ngumiti na lang at tumango but I can tell that they're slightly confused as to why I'm with these two.
"Tara na, I'm hungry," Caleb said when he saw us. "Sinigang, 'di ba? Sinigang na Sinigang na 'ko," tawa ni Caleb at napatawa rin ako.
I'm glad that I get to spend the rest of this exhausting day with them. I don't think, I've ever felt this around anyone. Ever since I was young, I always felt like I was out of place because the people around me got different interests compared with me. O kung parehas man, parang hindi pa rin nagtutugma.
It's weird that I feel this way towards Lael and Caleb kahit na malayo naman ang agwat ng mga interes namin. This is something new to me.
I thought I need to have the same interests as the people I want to be friends with so we can build a good and working relationship. I thought we have to always agree on the same things; do the same things. Kaya sa huli, kung gusto kong panatiliin ang pagkakaibigan, kinokompromiso ko ang sarili ko na gawin at gustuhin ang interes ng mga taong gusto kong kasama.
Now that I met Caleb and Lael, I realized that it doesn't need to be always like that. It doesn't always work that way.
"I'll help," I told Lael.
Nasa tapat na s'ya ng nakabukas na refrigerator sa kusina nila, naghahanap ng mga ilalagay sa lulutuin. Nilingon n'ya ako at agad s'yang ngumiti at tumango bago isinara ang ref.
"Ikukuha kita ng t-shirt," he said.
"Okay," I said before I looked at the chopping board and knife on their counter.
Iniisip ko kung puwede kayang subukan kong maghiwa. When Lael came back, he handed me his shirt that I immediately slid into.
Tinanong ko s'ya kung puwedeng ako na lang ang maghiwa at pumayag naman s'ya bago kinuha ang mga kailangan sa ref. He placed it on the counter and taught me how to do it.
I struggled with holding the vegetables in place. Gusto ko kasing hawakan nang normal 'yon pero may ibang paraan na itinuturo si Lael na nahihirapan naman akong gawin.
"It's to not make you cut your fingers off," he laughed because he noticed that I'm getting irritated with him.
I hissed and struggled with it more. It's an onion. Now I know what they're talking about. Nakaka-iyak nga. I sniffed and I heard Lael's chuckle kaya agad ko s'yang nilingon.
His eyes are glinting with adoration as he watched my teary eyes. He washed his hands and wiped it off. Pagkatapos ay hinawakan n'ya ang magkabilang pingi ko at pinunsan ang gilid ng mga mata. I heard him curse and he stifled his smile.
"Cute..." he mumbled softly.
I hissed at him and I tried to remove his hold on me. Napangiti sa Lael pero ibinalik ko ang atensyon sa hinihiwa. He leaned on the counter and watched me cut the onion with a smile.
"Wait," he said before he left.
Pero wala na sa kan'ya ang atensyon ko dahil gusto kong maayos na mahiwa ang hinihiwa ko. Kaya nang may humawak sa buhok ko at nagsimulang itali 'yon sa mababang ponytail, agad akong nagulat at napahinto sa ginagawa.
Lael's hand is light as he tried to tie my hair.
"This is how you did it earlier, right?" I heard Lael said from my back.
Kinagat ko ang labi ko at tinitigan ang hinihiwa. WHen his fingers grazed my neck, my cheeks immediately blushed.
"Is this right?" Tanong n'ya.
"Yeah," I mumbled and I noticed how my heart rammed my chest. "Thanks."
I want to tell him that I can do it by myself but I can't deny that I like it when he does things for me... like he cares about what I need, feel, and want.
It's a nice feeling. I like it.