"Lizzie what on earth are you doing." Jessie sits crossed legged on the bed, watching me as I frantically throw everything out of my suitcase.
"I need to find it."
"Find what??" Jessie stresses, peering at me with a worried expression.
I bury my head into the bag, before closing it with a huff, then making a beeline for my rucksack.
"If I wanted to have a conversation with myself I'd look in the mirror, Lizzie, WHAT ARE YOU DOING."
"Bingpot!" I stand up with triumph.
"Who on earth says bingpot." Jessie says sarcastically as I jump onto the bed beside her.
"I knew it!"
"Knew what?" Jessie leans forwards.
The two copies of trinities lay open in front of me, on one specific page.
"It's missing!" I point to the book we got from Carlisle.
"What's missing, Jesus Lizzie are you off your rocker or something please explain what is going on."
"This page is missing." I bring the book closer to my face to inspect it, "a clean tear."
"You've lost it."
I pick up the store bought one and push it towards her, "this page is missing in the old copy."
Jessie takes it out of my hands, scanning the two, "you're right, but what does that mean."
"I have no idea." I place both books in front of me, inspecting them.
"Well I suggest you figure it out, and while you do that, I'm going to grab a snack from the vending machine."
I wave her off as she leaves, flicking through our newly acquired copy.
It's a slightly older version than our Amazon ordered one, obvious wear and tear shown in the spine and the pages.
Except for the missing page, there is nothing that stands out to me.
I flick through the pages, when my thumbnail gets stuck.
Confused, I inspect the offending page further, seeing that two were stuck together.
Gently prying them apart, I'm greeted with what were originally two blank pages.
But now there is writing, drawing and clippings all over them.
My dads CIA details are all in here, as well as details on Carlisle dray, the same 7 number 3 letter code is here again, three times across the page.
As well as that, there are random sketches of objects, a vhs tape, with the same digit code as the one I found, and a few other things I dismiss when I look a bit further.
My name catches my eye, written in a different coloured pen than any other, and a lot more rushed and messy looking.
Dear Lizzie,
If you've found this, then you know more about me than anyone else
This was never the life I wanted for you honey, and I'm so sorry that I've failed to protect you
I can't say much as I'm not too sure of it all myself, but remember:
Not everything is as it seems, there are clues in everything around you, you just have to find them, look closer.
I love you darling, and I am so so sorry
"Dammit." I exclaim out loud, frustrated.
Why couldn't he just tell me what's going on.
My eyes wander around the page, until something else catches my eye.
"Thea ****? Joel's sister? Why would her name be in here?" It's accompanied by several other names I don't recognise so are discarded.
I shut the book, giving myself a few seconds to ponder before Jessie gets back.
I grab a piece of paper, noting down everything I knew so far about what was happening, which while there was a fair bit of evidence, I had no idea what any of it actually meant.
Tacking it up to the wall, Jessie and I sit on the bed, sharing a packet of crisps and staring at it.
"What does any of this mean?" Jessie says.
"I don't know, but I don't know how much more of this I can take."
Jessie says nothing.
"Every time I think I've had a breakthrough, something new happens and we're back to square one, knowing pretty much the same as when we started, and still having no answers."
"I know, but it'll come to an end soon right, there's only so many curveballs that can be thrown at us."
"Let's hope so, I want closure, I want to be able to celebrate my dads life, instead of being faced with this wicked uncertainty, afraid that he was never the kind and loving person I thought him to be, what if he's been involved in some shady stuff, bad stuff, with bad people."
"Then we'll have to find a way to get through that. Remember we can't change the past, and no matter what he was kind and loving to you, and you can still have that to remember him by, no matter where this ends up going."
I look over at her and she gives me a smile, "he's your dad, and he loved you, I think he just got in a situation that left little wiggle room to explain."
Jessie reaches over and wipes a tear off my cheek, "and think of how much better you'll feel when this is all over, we just have to get there, that's all."
I nod, blinking in gratitude.
"Just stay strong, no matter what the outcome is, it doesn't change who you are, and doesn't reflect or define you."
"I'm guessing we're assuming the worst here."
"Well maybe, but that means you'll be less shocked by what the real answers are."
"If we can find those answers."
Jessie thinks for a moment, before standing up, "I think I know what we've been missing."
She makes a beeline for the suitcase, pulling it open and yanking out the carefully packed bag of evidence.
"What are you doing."
"We've been looking for too obvious a clue." She lays out the yearbooks in front of me.
"Remember when we went through these, and discarded them because none really involved your dad, since he didn't go to half these schools."
I pick on up, opening it, "yeah so?"
"Well there must be a reason for that, they must mean something, and if they do, why a yearbook."
I crease my eyebrows.
"What do yearbooks signify."
"Important dates in our lives? The end of school?"
"Exactly! So why a yearbook?" She opens them all up, pointing in triumph, "the dates, these dates mean something, because why else would he have them, and why so many."
I look down at the opening pages scanning them.
"The dates are what's important! Jessie you're a genius, these dates must be clues as to times something important happened."
"Now we just have to figure out what that important thing is."