AUTHORS NOTE: sorry i haven't written in a while i've been super busy but i'm back now! enjoy this chapter! :)
James
I slumped back on the bench and sighed as I looked up at the cloudy sky. It was raining, but the trees blocked most of it from falling upon me.
The sound of crushed leaves made me turn around. I smiled wearily, "hey."
"Hey man, what's up?" Jackson greeted, sitting down next to me.
I called him to meet at our secret spot. We always agreed when something was on our minds, we would meet there.
"How are you feeling?" he asked after a moment of silence.
I closed my eyes and ran my fingers through my hair. "Not good. I screwed up in a way I didn't think would be considered screwing up."
"What did you do?"
We sat there for a while as I poured my heart out to him, telling him about how embarrassed Scarlett was to wear something of mine, and how Juliet got her all upset; how it was all my fault.
"To be honest, I don't think that's that big of a deal. I just think Scarlett is worried about what other people think. You know rumors spread around like wildfire."
"Why is she fucking like this, bro? Literally she let me touch all over her in the shower that one time but when we're in public, it's like she barely wants anything to do with me. It pisses me the fuck off."
Jackson whipped his head to look at me. "She let you what?"
"My stepdad and I got into a fight and I had a bunch of bruises on my body. I couldn't reach them so Scarlett offered to help me rinse them off in the shower. In the shower, she took her own shirt off and let me tease her a little bit."
Jackson blinked. "Wow. That's something friends wouldn't do."
"I don't want to be friends with her!" I exasperated. "I fucking like her so much, I just don't get why she can't see that!"
"Trust me, James, she definitely sees it. She knows for sure."
I looked him in the eyes. "Do...do you think she likes me?"
Jackson sighed. "You know, funny you should ask that. Cassidy and I were talking about her the other day. Apparently she has a hard time loving or letting people in, which is why most of the time she's cold to you. In all honestly, deep down I think she likes you but she won't ever admit that to herself unless she thinks she can trust you."
"She can trust me. I would never do anything to hurt her," I said honestly. It was true, I adored her too much to ever wrong her.
"That may be true, but she may not believe it yet. And honestly, when it comes down to it, I don't think she trust herself."
I eyed him with wonder. "What do you mean?"
"Think about it: everytime someone has left her life, she feels like she did something wrong for them to leave. Or when she loves someone, they eventually leave her, like her biological parents. I don't think she trust herself to love anyone because she's afraid of what it would do to her. She's afraid of love."
"I-'' I didn't even know what to say. I just wish Scarlett knew that not everyone in the world is cruel.
"Her biological parents left her when she was born, right?" I asked him.
Jackson shook his head. "That's what Cassidy told me."
"Poor girl," I sighed. "How do I make her trust me?"
He shrugged. "I'm not Scarlett, so I don't know what would do the trick. I think you should just be yourself and try not to let all those rumors about you get to her head."
"How do I do that? Those rumors destroy me and make me look like a horrible person."
"Like I said, James, be yourself around her. When she knows the real you, she'll learn to trust you and not rumors."
I smiled. "Thanks, J, you always know how to help me. I think I know what to do now."
Jackson stood up and brushed the leaves off his lap. "That's my boy," he said while ruffling my hair. "Look, I gotta go, but let me know when you're down to hang."
"Alright," I waved, "see ya."
He waved and walked away.
I sat in the rain in silence for a little while longer, feeling the cool breeze graze my skin. If deep down she does like me, I'm going to break her and find out the truth. It's the only way I'll survive this friendship of ours.
I won't stop until I have her.
***
Scarlett
I was so stressed with all my AP work that I just wanted to rip it all up and run away from home for the rest of my life. I was so done with school and life in general. I just wanted to get away from it all.
A couple days had gone by since I talked to James. I never had time to talk to him because of all my work, and in class I would usually ignore him. Part of me felt bad for being so blunt to his face, but the other didn't feel bad and thought what I said was the right thing.
The part that felt bad was winning.
The fact that he was on my mind too made me even more stressed. I wanted to text him and talk to him but I didn't want to annoy him. It's an awful feeling to feel like texting the person you want to talk to the most will be annoyed by you.
I closed my laptop and sighed with stress. I was finally done with my homework, but it didn't feel as relaxing to be done as it usually does.
My eyes darted to my phone.
Maybe if I just text him...
A knock at the front door made me jump.
I hurried down the stairs. "Just a second!" I yelled out. I was the only person home, but I absolutely hate answering the door. That's when my social anxiety kicks in.
I opened the door. "Hi-''
James stood tall in the doorway. "Hello, Scarlett."
I looked down at his hands and saw the bouquet of red roses he was holding.
I blinked. "W-What is this?"
He slyly smiled. "An apology gift. I'm sorry for making you wear my jersey. I didn't realize how upset that would make you."
With nervous hands, I grabbed the flowers. "Thank you. You didn't have to get me these, but I really appreciate it."
"Yes, I did."
I moved out of the way, "please, come inside."
He stepped inside and looked around. "Is anyone home?"
All of a sudden, I felt hot, nervous, and intimidated. I shook my head. "No, just me."
He slowly nodded. "Ah, I see."
"Yeah...would you like some water?" I asked him.
"No thank you, I actually came to just give you the flowers."
"Oh, okay-''
James took a step forward. "And I have to say something that will probably ruin everything, but I have to."
I took a step back. I knew exactly where this was going. "James, don't."
"I just have to say it once, so you hear it."
I looked down at the ground, but James rose my chin up with his pointer finger so I would look at him.
I gulped nervously, worried at what he was going to say.
His dark green eyes stared into mine. I felt captured and frozen just from his stare.
"I like you so much, Scarlett. I can't even express how much I like you." He started to caress my face with his hand, and I inhaled a sharp breath at the feeling of it.
"I want you so bad it hurts," he said under his breath.
I blinked in suprise at what he said. I've never had anyone want me like this...never. So when he said it, it felt like a dream.
Like a nightmare.
"I don't want to be friends, I want all of you, Scarlett."
"James-''
He tightened his grip on my chin by holding the side of my face in his hand. So gentle yet commanding, it made me want to give in.
"I want the part of you that you refuse to give anyone. I've never...I've never wanted anything this bad in my life."
"P-Please stop saying these things," I whimpered. He was taking too much control away from me. I could feel myself slipping away just from his words. Imagine if I gave in to him; I would be completely gone, consumed.
His stare left me breathless. "Do you really want me to stop?"
No, don't stop. It was almost an instant thought.
"Y-You can't do this to me, James."
He tilted his head. "Why not? Are you scared you feel the same way I do, and you don't want to admit it?"
I then noticed, he could read me like a book without trying.
We both wanted the same thing, but I was too scared to admit that.
Pulling me closer by my chin, he leaned in so his lips grazed the top of my ear. I shuttered at the feeling.
"We're not just friends, trust me on that," he whispered.
Even when he let go of my face, I couldn't move. I was paralyzed by his simple touch and words, it made me feel powerless.
I don't know what scared me more: the fact that it was that easy for him to do it, or the fact that I let him.
James opened my front door. "Enjoy the flowers," he said before walking out and leaving the house.
Right when the door closed, I ran to my room and fell face first on the bed and groaned.
James was my dangerous sin. He made my heart pound with distrust and my mind cloud with confusion.
After that moment with him, I felt something grow inside of me. I slowly felt the walls I built up shake.
He was destroying me, I realized.
I couldn't tell if I liked it.