The nightmare with Mazza that morning was still stuck in my head when I woke up after deciding to take a nap after the nightmare, and clear my head. So, quick run over what had happened so far:
Lucy was an obsessed, childish drama Queen, she was in love with Hans and wasn't thinking about sharing him. It shocked me how much I knew about Lucy already, actually.
Edward was... edward. What else was there, really, to say? He was a paranoid, typical vampire who tended to act annoying. He was obsessed with ME, but had (apparently!) given up on me now.
Hans. Well, I knew Hans well. He'd do anything to protect his friends and family, he was a hunter, a fighter, and currently off limits to me because of his resent change.
And then there was Damien. Oh god, Damien. He was mr big bad vamp, but it was obvious he DID have feelings, even if he rarely showed them. He CLEARLY had feelings for ME. He'd do anything for the ones he loved, which, I guess, if you pared them up and really THOUGHT about it, made Damien and Hans actually quite alike.
Who else? Well, only ME. I was... changing, no matter how hard I tried not to. I COULD be nice, I COULD be fun, I really could! But while all this was going on I just couldn't do it. No matter how much I wanted it.
No matter how much Damien wanted it.
I took another shower, and again let the water take me to a distant place. It took me the heaven... and sometimes to hell. My angel didn't seem to be there, though. Whatever the reason, I wasn't sure I'd ever see her again.
I hadn't even learnt her name.
Everything was strange now. I couldn't figure anything out anymore, no matter how hard I tried. But that was OK now. I didn't mind all that much. I understood things that were going on with ME. I was in a sea of darkness, and no one was there to fish me out. No one to play mr rescue.
And I wasn't OK anymore. Nothing was OK. And I wasn't going to pretend. Because even if I wanted it, god I wanted it SO BADLY, but there was no use wanting it anymore. I-want-doesn't-get, my mum used to tell me. Now I understand what she meant. And you know what? I was ready. I wasn't going to hide anymore.
Just thought I'd say that before I walk into my death, and expect LUCY, of all people, to help me. Yeah, good luck, guardian angel, 'cause you're gonna have trouble protecting me for this one.
But I no longer need protecting.
Teddy : stubborn, caring, fiery, worried, scared.
***
AGAIN, IMPORTANT NOTICE!!! IN CASE YOU ARE ONE OF THE BORED ONES!!!! This chapters a kind of revision, because I have been told that there needs to be a bit of update on the characters. This is gonna be a long one! If you feel you know the characters well enough already, Soz but you'll miss part of the story if you skip this one! If not, enjoy! Oh, that was Teddy's, by the way! Oh, and the last bit: The first 4 words describe the character, the last word how the characters feeling!
***
Edward
That wasn't easy. But it's never easy, is it? The girls a rascal, and a right old rat to handle. But that's what I like about her, I guess. I know what I told her, but I don't really think I can give up that easily. And if things with her and Damien don't work out, I am going to go knocking. I'm still out there, and I'm still ready for the fight. Yeah, sorry 'bout that.
Anyway, standing there, watching her freak out like that... that actually HURT. While she tried so hard, as I knew, to understand, I knew she couldn't, and probably never would. She didn't understand Damien, even less me, she didn't understand Lucy, heck, she didn't even understand HANS. Not properly, anyway. She didnt need to try and find out yet. There was someone else she really needed to find first.
Herself.
I wasn't sure what she'd have to do to find herself. If it hurt her, I would stop it. I would be her bodyguard, now and forever. Maybe sometime shed understand just how much I needed to be there for her, to protect her. Maybe someday she'd get me, understand me.
Maybe some day shed love me.
For now, though, I had to get Damien to talk to me, because his constant crying was making me sick.
Edward : confident, badass, protective, smart (that ones not obvious but it's true!) jealous
***
Damien
I wasn't a baby, and I didn't usually act like one. It's just what she said... that hurt. It was in that moment I remembered the look in Mazza's eyes as I killed her. When I looked back and concentrated on them, really CONCENTRATED on them, I could see just how much she'd wanted me to stop. But I couldn't stop, could I?
I couldnt keep Teddy here against her will any longer, but she couldn't go home. If I let her out, she'd have nowhere else to go. I had to keep her with me until I sorted that out.
She was half way in the transition from human to vampire. No doubt it was hurting her - it WOULD hurt her, and it would be changing her. She wouldn't be able to control her feelings, or indeed control them. That would probably hurt her the most.
I understood how she'd feel. After all, I'd been changed. It had hurt, more than I could even remember.
But, as Edward talked to me, I realised something. I wasn't listening to him - I was just letting his words wash over me like rain water. But I realised something as he talked.
I was giving up, and I'd always been taught NOT TO GIVE UP.
So I raised my head, and I vowed to myself something : I wasn't going to give up anymore. I wasn't a baby. I wasn't going to cry anymore, I wasn't going to give up. I was going to Teddy, and I was going to talk to her. She was GOING to listen. Then I could rest. I'd know I hadn't give up. I would know I was too strong to give up.
Dear Teddy,
I understand I've hurt you. I get I shouldn't. I know it's killing you inside. So I'm giving you a gift.
I've given you the gift of immortal life, but only now I realise that's not enough.
So I'm gonna give you my soul.
Damien : confident, badass, Gem-miracled (you'll find out what that means later ;) ), strong-hearted, ready
***
x_x
***
Lucy
Hans wasn't awake yet. As far as I knew, no one was. Except Edward and Damien, obviously. The idiots were stupid enough to go out and morn there favourite, yet lost sister. It agonised me to know that, even though they'd only known her as a baby, they favoured Mazza over me. Thats why I refused to go to their 'daily remembrance', and why I was sat in my room right now, not sure what to do.
I ended up watching Hans sleep for a while because, hey, I was bored! What was I SUPPOSED to do? There wasn't any talking in the corridor, and I don't know why I thought it, but I felt like i needed to check out there, like there was someone waiting, someone who needed me. Someone who'd, finally, give me my chance to shine.
I guess that's why I got up from my perch on the bed, and went over to the door to pear out. And, to my surprise, TEDDY was stood there, wiggling her thumbs and looking worried.
oh, it's you," I mumbled, not
meaning to sound unhappy. "if you're here to see Hans, I'm sorry, but even if I was OK with you seeing him, he's sleeping-"
"I'm not here to see Hans."
That shocked me a little, because if she wasn't here to see Hans, what was she doing here? I'd be a fool to not of noticed she didn't like me - that much was obvious, you didn't need a book to tell you it. So why was she here?
"I'd like to talk to you, Lucy, if I could. You see, I need your help."
I crossed my arms. "why? Why would you ever need MY help?"
"I need you to talk to Damien," she mumbled. "you're the only one I know who can get thought to him, other than me, and, well, putting it in simple terms, he doesn't want to talk to me."
"what did you do?"
"well, I think I hurt his delicate feelings,"
Even thought she was Teddy, and she REALLY pissed me off inside, I couldn't help but laugh at that. Damien was badass, you couldnt deny that, but he DID have delicate Feelings, and just the slightest pull set him off. It was quite funny, actually. To put it lightly, his waterworks were my entertainment.
"OK, OK. Why do you care how he feels, anyway? I thought you hated him?"
She looked down. "well, he IS a jackass, but he's DAMIEN, you know? Once you get passed the jackass, he's really OK."
"Once you've passed the 'why did you do this to me?' section?"
"yeah, once you pass through there."
I smiled. "you know, I'm starting to like you, Teddy. In a weird, why do you have to be here way. Lets call it truce, k?" I stuck out why hand.
"truce," and we shook.
"ok, I'll go talk to Damien for you."
"oh, and Edward will probably be there."
"yey, it's a good old family reunion! This should be enjoyable. I mean, don't get me wrong, hes my bro and all, but he is SO stuborn. I don't know ANYONE who can get ANYTHING through to him, Teddy. NO ONE."
"I guess we'll have to find someone then, won't we?"
Lucy : stubborn, lonely, smart, honest, love struck
***
Hans
It was hard for me to get over the fact that I was never going to see Catherine again, but when she showed up at the room and started a conversation with Lucy it took all I had not to leap up and kiss her. ~Probably bite her, too~ I thought, and that's what kept me back.
When Lucy came back in, I asked her who it had been, curious as to whether she'd be truthful or downright lie.
"no one important," she told me. "I didnt know you were up."
"I didn't make it obvious," I told her, though really I hadn't needed too. She may watch me like a halk most of the time, and maybe it wasn't always because she thought I'd run off otherwise, but she was so intent on actually LOOKING at me she never actually noticed if I looked asleep or not. I didn't really think she'd notice if I had my eyes open.
"do you want some coffee?" she asked. I stared at her. "no. You don't have to ask about the coffee thing anymore, Lucy. I just pretend I like it to be nice. It really is horrible stuff - cant I just have blood?"
"I never said you HAD to have coffee," she sighed. "geez, just thought you wanted to feel HUMAN again. Guess that's no longer there, though. Too bad. It was rather enjoyable, how much you tried."
"I didn't TRY!"
"You did! I saw you, all time, praying to god : 'please make me human again!' it really did freak me out, Hans. Seriously. Vamps don't pray - it doesn't seem right, seeing as a cross can kill us. Doesn't that kind of say that gods not on our side?"
"Ive always believed in god," I told her. "now and forever, I just think that maybe some day he'll help me out. After all, he has eternity to decide if he wants to help me or harm me,"
Lucy was always a little silly, acting like a kid because she felt like one, and that was something about her I felt would never change.
"ooh, goody! I wish god would help ME out some time, seeing as he NEVER HAS,"
she shouted it at the roof, which kind of made me laugh seeing as she was basically being angry at god, which I didn't feel got you very far in life.
"do you think he heard?"
"you'd better hope he didn't,"