This chapter is looooooooong.
1 month later
"I'm happy that you decided to hear me out."
I stare at the man in front of me. Is he delusional? "I didn't come here for you."
He doesn't looked bothered in the slightest at my rudeness. His unbothered attitude just pisses me off. The only thing stopping me from storming out of here is the fact that I agreed to this.
As I look at the infuriatingly calm man sitting across from me, I wonder, how did I get here?
▪︎▪︎▪︎
Earlier the Same Day
Since Niall left, he has been calling me every week to check up on me. It kind of feels like a progress report because he sometimes asks me weird questions.
Here are some examples:
Niall: "Ellie, are you thinking about moving on?
Niall: "Ellie, are you happy?"
Niall: "Ellie, if one of the twins is a boy, will you make him a junior?
See what I mean? He always catches me off guard because when he asks these questions, he casually inserts them into the conversation. Niall is my best friend and I share things with him, but I'm beginning to feel a bit weird.
As for my other "bEsT fRiEnD" who shall not be named, he still hasn't contacted me. To be fair, I did block him, but I only did this a week ago. I've washed my hands of him. Whenever he grows a pair, he can contact me if he really wants to.
Currently, I'm in my room feeling extremely nervous. Why? Because today is the day that I'm going to tell everyone that I'm pregnant.
I know, it's bad, but I waited an extra month before I finally decided. Today I am 18 weeks pregnant. Dr. Watson has deemed my pregnancy safe, so she'll only see me when I hit the landmark weeks. At my 18 week appointment, she told me that I could find out their genders. I wanted to, but I really want to be surprised so I decided to wait until they were born.
A couple of days ago, I called Josie and told her to gather everyone in her living room today at noon. I also asked her to set up Zoom on her tv so everyone can hear me and see me. She just thought that I wanted to see everyone, so she didn't question me.
I still don't know how I'm going to tell them, so I'm just going to do what I feel in the moment.
I look at the clock nervously as I finish doing my hair into two space buns.
11:45.
I decide to do the zoom call in my bedroom, so I sit in front of my well lit vanity and wait for Josie to join the meeting I created. (Bri's interlude: I have no idea how Zoom works, so I'm taking educated guesses.)
My laptop pings with a notification: 𝑱𝒐𝒔𝒊𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒋𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒁𝒐𝒐𝒎 𝒎𝒆𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈!
Soon after that, I have a clear view of Josie and Zayn's livingroom. It looks like everyone is there. To my surprise, I even see Dr. Alverich and... Liam?! My heart constricts as I stare at him as he looks down at his phone. He looks perfectly fine except for the dark circles under his eyes. I guess I should've told Josie to invite everyone except for him. But I was so embarrassed and angry about the situation that I only told Niall about what he did. Well, I'll just have to ignore him.
No one notices me yet, except for Josie, who is practically bouncing in her seat, so I clear my throat.
"Uh, hey guys."
Their individual conversations stop, and they all look up and stare at me. Before they can say anything, I just start talking.
"W-well, I asked Josie to gather you all here because I have something to share."
Louis stares directly at me with a glint in his eye. Does he already know? "Well don't keep us in suspense El!"
I can't help myself and my eyes briefly flicker to Liam. He is looking at me with an indifferent expression on his stupid face. Ignoring him, I focus back on what I'm here for.
Today I'm wearing a yellow crop top with blue maternity jeans. So my huge belly is pretty visible and unmistakable.
I stand up, making sure that my entire upper half is into the frame, and I gently cup my protruding belly.
"I'm pregnant!"
Alverich jerks like he's been electrocuted, Louis' jaw drops (I guess he didn't know), Zayn raises an eyebrow, and Josie gasps before screaming. Niall pretends like he's shocked, and Liam.. well, I don't even look at him.
"What?! WHAT?!" Josie is practically shrieking in Zayn's ear, but he doesn't even flinch. I watch as my family freaks out and I patiently wait for them to calm down.
As I wait, I sit back down, but this time they are able to see my belly.
"Ellie?" I snap back to attention at the sound of my name. Alverich is the one who called it. As I look up, he is staring at me intently as a look of.. regret(?) shows on his face.
"Ellie, how-?" His question cuts off, but I know what he's asking.
I feel tears well up in my eyes. "Honestly? I don't know. My ob said that yes, my uterus is damaged, but that I am able to still carry them."
"Them?" Josie shrieks again and I laugh as a happy tear rolls down my cheek. "Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I'm having twins!"
Jo's entire being lights up and she promptly bursts into tears. Zayn looks a bit worried as he hugs her close to him. More tears fall onto my cheeks, but I try to lighten the mood. "Hey, don't you start crying or you're gonna make me start!"
Josie completely ignores this and keeps crying. Through her tears she laughs and says: "Our children are going to be best friends!" She then stops crying and looks at me. "Wait a darn minute. How many weeks are you?"
I look down and pull at my fingers. "I-I'm 18 weeks today." The shock on their faces makes me instantly feel bad, but what can I do? What can I say? I chose to keep this away from them for my own reasons, and I can't turn back time, no matter how much I might wish to.
"Is that why you left?" The question comes from Zayn, who has mostly been silent. I look away, not being able to hold his intense gaze.
"Yes and no. Most of it had to do with my dead husband and my crippling grief. "
If I had been paying attention to Niall in that moment, I would have seen him flinch.
Yikes.
As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I sigh. I can't believe I just said that when we all lost people.
"I'm sorry."
Zayn shakes his head. "I'm sorry. For not being there for my best friends wife. I should've fought harder for you to stay."
This time I shake my head. "No one could've gotten me to stay. It's no use blaming yourself." I can tell that Zayn disagrees with me, but he doesn't say another word on the subject.
The rest of the call is spent answering questions, recieving congratulations, and catching up with each other. Louis is still dating Ava and when he told her about the gang, she didn't run screaming. I'm incredibly happy for the both of them. Alverich eventually gets a hold of himself and asks me questions about how I'm feeling. It's not until later that I figure out that he was examining me without making it obvious.
Soon we say our goodbyes and I promise to keep in touch and that I might visit soon. Honestly, I don't know if I could handle going back, but I said it to make them happy.
As I go to hang up, Liam's head suddenly shoots up and his brown eyes pierce my own. Not being able to read the intense gaze, I look away and hang up.
What the hell was that?
▪︎▪︎▪︎
An hour later and I still haven't figured it out.
So I give up and decide to watch Enola Holmes on Netflix (bri's interlude: I've never seen sherlock holmes before, but enola holmes was VERY good. I give it ☆☆☆☆☆).
Enola has just escaped certain clutches when my phone pings, startling me. The twins begin to move around at my jerked movement, and I give them a minute to calm down. Only when we're all settled do I look at my phone.
447-720-****
𝒉𝒆𝒚, 𝒊𝒕'𝒔 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒆. 𝑪𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒓𝒐𝒑 𝒃𝒚 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒂 𝒃𝒊𝒕? 𝑪𝒉𝒖𝒄𝒌 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖
I stare at the text blankly, the movie forgotten in the background. I respond back quickly without really thinking about it.
𝑩𝒂𝒃𝒚 𝑴𝒂𝒎𝒂:
𝒔𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝒅𝒖𝒅𝒆, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒏𝒖𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓
I don't feel bad in the slightest as I see that my message has been read. How did he even get my number? Why is he texting me instead of Chuck herself?
Not that I really care, because they are the golden children. The children my sperm donor decided not to abandon. Why don't they just leave me alone?
With that thought, another ping graces the phone.
𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒆𝑪𝒉𝒐𝒄𝒐𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒆𝑭𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒚:
𝑬𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒆, 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖.
Cursing, I decide to just block him and be done with it. I changed his contact name to amuse myself, but it's not working. As my finger hovers over the block button, my phone pings with another message.
𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒆𝑪𝒉𝒐𝒄𝒐𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒆𝑭𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒚:
𝑰 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒊𝒇 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒐
Damn! What choice do I have now? I'd rather not be kidnapped again, so I reluctantly text my reply.
𝑩𝒂𝒃𝒚 𝑴𝒂𝒎𝒂:
𝑰'𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒂𝒏 𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒓.
Not waiting for a reply, I throw my phone down and go to change my shirt. I change into a black fitted long sleeve shirt and I put on black tennis shoes. I take my hair out of the space buns and secure it into a tight ponytail at the base of my neck. I take the time to strap weapons onto my skin, underneath my clothes. Some of them will leave indents with how tightly I have them pressed against me, but they won't draw blood.
After last time, I absolutely do not want to be placed in a dangerous situation, completely vulnerable. Weapons are the only thing I can rely on since my body can't move in combat like it used to.
Once I'm geared up, I write Daria a quick note and leave her money for food. I feel bad for leaving her alone, but I'm sure that I won't be too long.
I don't feel the anxiety until I get in my car and start to drive. I honestly want nothing to do with any of them but... but, a small part of me wants to know my half siblings. Even though I do harbor feelings of jealousy and even though Charlie doesn't really care about me. I want to know them and I want them to know me.
But only that small part of me feels this way. At least that's what I tell myself.
I drive exactly the speed limit, trying to get myself together before I get there. Even though I literally fled last time, I remember exactly how to get there.
I take my time driving, but I arrive at the White Hou- I mean the mansion, in 45 minutes. There is a guard at the closed gates, and as I roll my car to a stop he briskly walks up to my window.
"Name, signora?"
The Italian accent makes my eye twitch, for obvious reasons. "Ellisandra."
The man speaks rapid Italian into the mic wired on him. A teeny tiny voice is barely heard by me, as I stare at the listening piece in his ear.
After he talks to whoever is on the other line, he smiles at me. "You may go in, signora. Señor Charlie is waiting for you." He doesn't give me a chance to reply. He just goes back into the single room, and opens the gate.
Driving through, I look at the mansion in distaste. It looks just as looming and intimidating as it did the night I escaped. I can't believe I so easily agreed to come back here. I could have at least put up a fight.
I ignore the parking spaces and park directly in front of the main door. Just in case. Sighing, I get out and triple check to make sure that my doors are locked. Not that it would do anything, I mean, they could easily bust into my car if they wanted to. I do it for my own sense of security.
As I raise my fist to knock, the door swings open revealing a emotionless Charlie.
"Hey."
This is awkward.
"Come in."
Quickly, so quickly that I almost miss it, his eyes dart down to my round belly. Then he turns around and starts walking. Shrugging to myself, I just follow him down the familiar corridors.
He leads me to a big open spaced living room where I see Chuck. She's sitting on one of the big plush couches, facing away from us. When she hears us approach, she jumps up and throws herself at me.
For some strange reason, I let her.
When my belly pokes into her, she pulls back slightly and hugs me carefully. As she pulls away, I notice the strained look on her face.
"I didn't squish the baby, did I?"
I feel a warm feeling then, but I suppress it. Instead, I give her a gentle smile, but I make sure to be careful with what I say. "No you didn't squish the baby." They don't know I'm having twins, and I'd like to keep it that way.
We awkwardly sit down and just sit in silence. I look at the two of them to find, Chuck fidgeting with her hands, and Charlie sitting with his eyes closed.
I would rather get this over with, so I clear my throat. "So, you wanted to see me?" Chuck's eyes cut to mine and she nods.
"Well, yes. I mean, we're siblings and I think we should get to know each other."
I push the jealousy into a box and stuff it in the back of my mind. I'm just going to go with it, and see how this goes. If it goes horribly, then bam, I can just leave. If it doesn't... well, I don't know. I haven't thought that far ahead yet.
"Well then.. what do you want to know about me?"
Chuck looks surprised at my question, surprised that I'm willing to offer information.
"Um, who was your childhood crush?" My eyebrows raise at the random question, but I'm grateful that it's not intrusive.
"Corbin Bleu, aka the guy who played Chad in High School Musical. You?" Her eyes light up. "Okay don't laugh, but mine was Josh Peck. Everyone always was hung up on Drake, but Josh was the hottest in my opinion."
"Now why would I laugh at that? I completely agree. Josh definitely got cheated because drake was a douche." I then turn my attention to Charlie who's eyes are now open, silently watching our encounter. "Who was your childhood crush?"
He frowns, but I wait for an answer anyway. After 3 minutes of silence, Chuck elbows him in the ribs and he sighs.
"Jamie Lynn Spears from Zoey 101."
The words are spoken quietly but firmly. I almost laugh when I think about him watching Zoey 101, but I don't think he'd appreciate that. Instead I just nod.
For the next half hour, Chuck and I get to know each other with questions like the first one. Every once in a while, Charlie will answer too. It's not until there's a lull in the conversation that I ask a serious question.
"How did you guys know about me?"
Charlie and Chuck glance at each other, speaking silently with their eyes. I can't help but to feel another spark of jealousy at the connection that they have.
Growing up, I always wanted a sibling. Before Liam, I was an extremely lonely child and I had imaginary friends. I knew that my mom having another kid wasn't going to happen, but I still hoped for something.
So now, I want to know why they knew about me when I didn't know anything about them.
"When I was 8, and Chuck was 4, somehow Terrence arranged a playdate between the three of us. I'm not sure how he did it, but afterwards he told us that you were our sister. Growing up, he would show us updated pictures of you, so that we never forgot you." I stare at Charlie blankly. I'm surprised at how much he's talking, but I'm more surprised about the information he just revealed.
A playdate when I was... 7? What the- I don't remember anything like that happening! Updated pictures? That creeps me out a bit, but wait, who the hell is Terrence?
I voice that last question out loud, and Charlie looks a bit taken aback.
"Terrence is our father. Terrence Ricci. Chuck and I don't have his last name though. Chuck's last name is Petrova, and mine is Ramirez."
Terrence Ricci.
At one point in my life, I thought I knew the name of the man who abandoned me, but I was wrong. The name written on the back of that picture I found, was something completely different.
So what does that mean?
Knowing all of this just confuses me more than I ever was. So much so, that I don't even think to question why we all have different last names.
I know I need to get real answers from the man himself.
Speak of the devil and he shall appear.
The man himself, Terrence Ricci, walks into the room then, cutting our conversation short.
He sits down on a lounge chair near us, and fixes us all with a cool gaze. "I didn't mean to interrupt. But. I think it's time that S- Ellie and I had a talk."
I jerk at the sound of my old nickname almost passing through his lips. That was 19 years ago. Why can't he let go of an insignificant nickname?
Before I can stop myself, I find myself speaking. "Perhaps it is time for us to talk."
Charlie gets up and promptly leaves, while Chuck gives me one last longing glance and follows him.
Then it's only him and I.
"S- Ellie."
That son of a bitch! He was about to call me Sandy, again. I try to clamp down my anger and stay calm. I literally have no other choice.
I look at him, but I don't look directly into his eyes. I look at the space between his eyebrows and wait.
"Ellie, can we talk?"
I half shrug. "Haven't we already established that?"
He chuckles and shrugs back. "Well, I didn't officially ask."
I don't answer, not in the mood for casual back and forth banter.
He doesn't seem to care about my silence, as he keeps talking. "I'm happy that you decided to hear me out."
I stare at the man in front of me. Is he delusional? "I didn't come here for you."
He doesn't looked bothered in the slightest at my rudeness. His unbothered attitude just pisses me off.
The only thing stopping me from storming out of here is the fact that I agreed to this.
"What is your name?" The question catches him off guard, I can tell. Charlie just told me, but I want to make sure.
"What?"
I sigh. "It's sad, isn't it? I never knew your name and I didn't bother asking my mom. So can you tell me? What is your name?"
"Terrance Ricci."
Hearing the name again, a sudden memory of those Reeses Puffs commercials flash through my mind. I have to bite my tongue to keep from laughing. I mean, I can literally hear the jingle in my head.
Ricci's puffs, Ricci's puffs
Peanut butter chocolate flavorrrr
Ricci (I've decided to call him this because I'm sure as hell not going to call him father/dad, but my annoying respect of authority/elders makes me feel weird calling him by his first name.) rubs his hands together, not noticing my borderline snickering.
"Well, I guess I'll start at the beginning, okay?"
Whatever. I just nod.
Only when he starts talking, I'm no longer in the laughing mood.
"When I met your mother, I was a drug dealer in a gang in New York. Or at least that's what I was told. I didn't ask a lot of questions, I just sold the product, got my money, and went on about my day. Your mother was a bouncer at this club that I would sell around sometimes, and we always got into arguments." He pauses and I take in the fact that my frail, weak mother, used to be a club bouncer in New York City.
What the actual fuck?
I don't get long to dwell on it, as he starts talking again.
"She was trying to get me away from the club for obvious reasons, but it never worked. I did what I wanted, when I wanted, no matter who liked it. It wasn't until I didn't see her for a couple of weeks that I asked around about her. Without knowing it, I grew fond of our arguments, of her. Turns out, she was in the hospital because a couple of drunk idiots decided to jump her. Long story short, I visited her and I kept coming back nearly everyday until she got out. When she did, I asked her out."
"Wait, what about those guys? Did she get justice for that?" I'm mad at myself for even asking him anything, but I've never heard about my mother's past before. I can't help but to eat up the information about her.
Ricci gets a certain look on his face as he answers my question. Later, I realize that it's the same look he had when he killed his two men.
"She certainly did get justice. Because I killed every last one of them."
I channel every part of me that wants to flinch, into simply blinking instead. I also ignore the cold tingle down my back.
"Even as a low level drug dealer, killing has never bothered me. Especially when it's killing someone who deserves it."
I'm not sure what to say, so I don't say anything. Thankfully, he moves on from that subject.
"We dated for about, six months and I wanted to pop the question, but then she told me that she was pregnant. See, I didn't want her to think I was trying to rush her down the aisle before she had you, so I decided to wait. As she grew you, I grew my career. I worked hard at what I was doing and eventually I became a higher up. Higher ups, got to know exactly who and what they were working for. When I found out, I wasn't surprised, but I also wasn't jumping for joy either. Finding out that you're working in the Italian Mafia is kind of bittersweet like that."
He pauses again, I guess waiting for me to freak out or something. When I don't, he continues. What he doesn't know is that cold fear has gripped the back of my neck. I knew it! I knew it deep down, but I didn't want to believe it. My drug addicted deadbeat father, a member of the Mafia? Ridiculous. But as he talks, it's not as ridiculous as I thought.
"Your mother knew what I was doing, but she wasn't aware of everything. The moment we found out that you were a girl, she wanted me to find a respectable, well paying job. For you, I would have. But as clichè as it is, once you're in the Mafia, the only way out is death. I tried to explain this to Mina, but she thought that it was only a measly gang. So, in the end, I lied. I was slowly but surely rising through the ranks, so I would leave, dressed up for work as a 'bank teller'. At least that is what I told your mother. What I was really doing, required me to change before I went home. I won't trouble you with the gory details. We lived like this for three wonderful years until one day, all of my lies caught up to me at once."
He pauses, but this time he summons a butler to bring him a lemonade. "Do you want anything, Ellie?"
I feel weird asking for anything, but I am craving something, and we all know how that goes.
"C-can I have a vanilla milkshake with sweet pickles?" The old butler doesn't even bat an eyelash. "Pickles on the side, or mixed in with the milkshake?" "On the side please." "Very well, signora. It shall be ready momentarily." Then he simply bows waist deep, and leaves.
I expect Ricci to say something about my choice, but he doesn't seem bothered either.
Huh.
"So I'm guessing you already are aware of the fact that Charlie is one year older than you, right?"
All I can do is nod to his question, not trusting myself to speak. If it turns out that he cheated, I don't know how I'm going to react.
He sighs and runs a hand down his face.
"Well, I didn't even know that Charlie existed until his mother's sister brought him to our doorstep that fateful morning. Mina answered the door and couldn't contain her cry of disbelief at seeing the four year old boy who looked just like her three year old daughter. As soon as I saw Charlie's aunt, I knew it was over for me and your mother. They knew what I did, and I had recently seen Charlie's aunt in one of the mafia owned clubs. I guess that's how she knew to find me. Mina stood there, stock still, as Jenna (Charlie's aunt) cursed me out for getting her sister killed (Charlie's mom). Then Jenna proceeded to say that now that I was a mafia higher up, that I could take Charlie and finally be a father to him."
The butler comes back then, and Ricci's words cut off as our drinks are being placed in front of us. When the old man leaves, I snatch up my tall milkshake and take a long sip and Ricci does the same.
I try not to think in the pause of the conversation. If I do think, it wouldn't be good, considering that everything I've ever known about my father is being turned upside down.
I can tell where this story is going, and I really really hope that it's not what I think it is.
After a while, we set our drinks down, Ricci now ready to continue talking. I nibble on the sweet pickles as he continues his tale.
"Mina... I've never seen her get so angry before. She thought that I was aware about Charlie and lied to her just like I lied to her about my job. I couldn't convince her otherwise, no matter what I did. Mina completely lost it, understandably, and kicked me out. She told me that as long as I breathed, I would never see my daughter again."
I don't know how to react, so I just ask questions as they come to me. "So, what happened after that? Also, why was there this misconception about you being a drug addict?"
"Well, after that day, I stayed at the main house, with the Capo and his workers. I had no other choice but to take Charlie with me because Jenna (again, this is Charlie's aunt) refused to take care of him any longer. Everyday for months, I tried to get to you. Mina picked up and moved down to New Jersey, but still, I tried to see you as much as I could. As time went by, Mina didn't give up on her word. By the time you were four, I didn't even know what you looked like anymore. As for the drug thing, half of the accusation is right. I used to dabble in my own product, and Mina must've saw me do it a couple of times. After I lost you and her, I never touched the stuff again."
I look at him with furrowed eyebrows and a frown. "You say that my mother wouldn't let you see me, right? But weren't you a person with endless resources? I was told that you arranged a playdate, kept updated pictures of me and everything."
Ricci doesn't hesitate at all.
"Notice that I did all of that by the time you were seven. Think about it, when you were three, I was still practically a nobody in the business. I could barley do anything, let alone have my nonexistent connections to find out about you. It took me four years to see you and that was purely by luck."
"How did it happen?"
"You were on a school field trip in New York and your class had stopped in Central Park to play. I happened to have Charlie and Caroline out with me when I spotted you."
Caroline? Oh, wait, that's Chuck's real name. Nobody calls her that, well except for Ricci.
"You say that you missed me and were searching for me, but you just replaced me with Chuck, didn't you?"
The words escape me before I can stop them, and I just want to smack myself. That was literally the most selfish and jealous sounding question, ever.
Although a part of me wants to know if it's true.
Ricci just shakes his head and looks me directly in the eye. "Ana used to babysit Charlie for me whenever I had business, and I was incredibly lonely. It just happened. Ana was there, she knew the situation, and she understood. Yes, Caroline wasn't planned, but I love her like I love you. I promise you that I didn't replace you with Caroline, Ana, or anyone else."
But Ana replaced my mom! The woman clearly hates me, and you freaking married her! I thought you loved my mom so much? What, because she found out that you were a lying scumbag, you move on without even trying to fix it? These thoughts rage in my head, begging to be screamed at the man across from me. But something stops me from letting my rage loose. So I just stay quiet and wait for him to finish.
"As for the school pictures I obtained, it's not hard to bribe a teacher. So that's pretty much it, do you have any questions?"
"My mom had a picture of you, but on the back of it, there was a different name. Why?"
He winces at the question. "I forgot to mention that. When I first met your mother, and we kind of hated each other, I gave her a fake name. As we started dating, I just never got around to telling her my real name."
I look at him in disbelief. "So you've basically lied to her from the beginning, right?" He sighs and takes a sip of his lemonade, which I'm pretty sure has liquor in it. "I'm not proud of it, Ellie. When I was younger, I was a-"
"Scumbag?"
He chuckles at my answer, but I couldn't be more serious.
"Were you aware?"
He leans back and looks at me. "Aware of...?"
"Aware of the fact that as soon as you were gone, my mother completely checked out. I basically raised myself until Liam and his parents moved across from me. Were you aware that she developed early onset Alzheimers and I had to come back here to take care of her? Were you aware that she died a horrible death?"
I have to stop there because my throat feels tight, and my vision is swimmy.
Don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry.
At that moment, the twins start moving around, almost roughly, causing me slight pain. I squeeze my eyes shut and rest a hand on my stomach. I focus on breathing, staying calm, and not freaking crying.
After a while, the twins finally calm down and I sigh in relief. When I open my eyes my father is gone.
In a way, I'm kind of glad to be left alone, but in another way I'm pissed as hell. Like, I need time to process the fact that neither of my parents are the good guy. Yet on the other hand, I want Ricci to not be a coward and face what he ultimately has done.
As I think about everything I was just told, I try to push down the feelings of resentment. Resentment towards my mother for not letting my father be in my life, and then basically leaving me, herself. Technically she left me motherless and fatherless.
Resentment towards Ricci for not fighting hard enough for me, and moving on so easily from the people he supposedly "loved".
Nobody is the hero in this story. I expected it to be black and white, but the truth has many shades of grey.
I simply sit on the couch and finish my milkshake and pickles, while humming a song to my babies. I decide to focus on them, since I don't know what else to do in this moment.
Well obviously, I want to sprint out that door and never come back, but I can't. At least not yet.
Footsteps approach, and I grow nervous, but it turns out to be the butler from earlier. He takes my empty glass and the little plate and disappears. He then returns and bows to me.
"Signora, would you like anything to eat?"
Even though I'm literally dealing with emotional turmoil, my hunger doesn't fail.
"Um, yes please. I would like some pizza, if it's not too much trouble."
The butler nods, looking strangely happy at my request. "Excellent. Any toppings?"
I don't even have to think about it. "Bacon please." When I was in college, I was experimenting with homemade pizza toppings. Bacon seems like a pretty basic and already thought of topping, but it was the best thing I've ever tasted. I ate it everyday until I got sick of it.
The butler bows and turns to leave, but I remember something I forgot to ask him earlier. "Oh, wait!"
"Yes, signora?"
"What is your name?"
He pauses for a minute, almost as if he's been caught off guard. "My name is Sandino, signora." Then he takes his leave, walking a bit faster than before. I hope I didn't just offend him or something.
I'm alone again for about five minutes before I hear footsteps again. Thinking it's Sandino, I stay relaxed. But when I spot Ricci's silver hair, my whole body tenses up.
His hair is wild on top of his head, and he's holding a stack of papers or something. He sits down in the same spot he was in and fixes me with his gaze. This time, it's not as calm and collected as it usually is.
"I was at Mina's funeral."
"What?" He ignores my incredulous tone and powers through.
"I was there, far away, but close enough to see everything. I am so sorry that you had to go through that alone, piccola."
Suddenly, I'm there, at the funeral. Now, I remember a man in a trenchcoat on the edges of the lot, but I thought I was just seeing things. My guard goes up at the borderline pity in his tone. "I wasn't alone." I had Harry. The words are on the tip of my tongue, but I can't bring myself to say it.
Again, he ignores what I've just said and hands me the stack he was holding.
Pictures.
About a dozen pictures of my mom, my mom and Ricci together, all of us together when I was a baby, and some of just me. I look at the never before seen pictures in fascination.
"You can keep those if you want." Ricci's voice breaks me from the trance I was in. I stack the pictures back in order carefully and put them in my purse.
"Thank you." Never in a million years did I think I'd be saying those words to this man. Yet, here we are.
For the first time today, I don't feel overwhelming emotions. For the first time today, I feel...
At peace.
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17 votes for the next chapter! (You guys are like awesome at voting so I just added 2 more votes :p)
-bri
p.s. soon...but not too soon...
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