Since my talk with Ron, he has gotten Hermione, Will, and both Draco and Harry trying to get me to go out and have some fun. All of them, individually, may I add, have all tried taking me to Hogsmeade. Finally, I had enough of it and agreed to go. But only as a group! So, today we are all planned on going out to eat and maybe getting some butterbeer along with it. Hopefully, tonight can be simple for a change. Simple and fun. Which, honestly is something I needed right about now. Though everyone seemed to be acting quite odd. There was something off, making me feel skeptical about their desires about taking me out. Perhaps it's because they are all going together. It is a bit strange seeing how a few of them rarely get along as it is. Ron isn't the biggest fan of William. And of course, Draco and Harry have always had that feud between them that never has made sense to me. Perhaps it wasn't the best idea to go in a big group... But they all did invite me and I didn't want anyone thinking I was choosing anyone over the other. Though what was the most unusual was the way Draco was acting. Normally I can never get him to shut his mouth and right now he was being abnormally quiet. Finally, when we made it to the restaurant we all sat at a big round table. After we all ordered what we wanted I decided to break the awkward silence that was surrounding us all.
"Why are you all acting so strange?" I asked. It was only a moment before someone spoke while they all took turns glancing at one another. Something was going on and it was beginning to make me nervous. If it was a good plan, they all would be acting excited. Which means they may be planning something that I'm not gonna like.
"Well, it's just been a while since we have gotten to hang out with you (y/n)," Ron said, but it wasn't long before Draco interrupted, not letting anyone else have the chance to say something.
"What a load of rubbish. We shouldn't have done this without asking her first."
"Done what?" My heartfelt as though it had skipped a beat as I watched Draco stand. He held his hand out to me, gesturing to me to follow him. Nervous about what was going on, I accepted. I had no idea what they were trying to accomplish, but from the looks of things, it may be something I am not going to enjoy.
"Follow me, I'll let you know what's going on and if you are uncomfortable with, I'll take you back-"
"Draco we had an agreement!" Harry piped in, again arguing with Draco like always. Except for this time I am completely in the dark about WHAT they are fighting about. As they fought I walked around Draco. I was starting to feel a bit annoyed with this entire situation. Why would they think this would cheer me up? I've always hated it when everyone was upset and that's what this entire trip has been. Everyone is uncomfortable. Perhaps I should just go. Then I glanced at the door and realized what they were planning. The first thing that caught my eye was the sunlight lighting up the red hair that was covering a bit of Fred's forehead. I stopped dead in my tracks. His face blanks as he stared at me, and I am sure I had a similar expression written on my mind as well. There it was. Rushing at me all at once. That warm, welcoming feeling of 'home'. Something I've never had. My lips pulled into an irresistible smile as his honey brown eyes squinted into a smile, matching mine. Before I had time to process the emotions I was feeling, I was pulled into the warmth of Fred's arms.
"It's so nice to see you (Y/n)." He spoke as I watched George walking into the diner over Fred's shoulder. A small smirk rested on his face.
"Alright, can we get to eating now that the tension is over," William said as our food arrived at the table.
"Yes, please. I haven't eaten anything today. I have been too nervous." Hermione stated as her eyebrows relaxed from their worried expression that she has been trying to suppress all day. Now that everyone wasn't worried about me shutting everyone out again, we all sat, ate, and joked. I was laughing for the first time in weeks. I felt like myself again. That is until I felt Fred's hand rest on my knee beneath the table. He has never done this before. Butterflies erupted into my stomach and a pure feeling of bliss took over my senses. Everything felt perfect whenever he was around. But then without warning... This feeling of sheer fear struck my thoughts. The 'perfect' feeling never lasted long until the fear set in. I can barely think of Fred without being absolutely terrified of the thought of us being together. I am so scared of not being good enough. I'm scared of there being the slightest chance of him not choosing me. The fear of his death or simply him leaving me in any way. These thoughts entered my head, pushing out any positive feeling I had. I pushed his hand away from me. I could feel my chest growing week as if a big hole was created there, stealing all the oxygen from my lungs.
"(Y/n), are you okay?" Fred asked. I nodded as I listened to all my friends' laughter that was circling around me. Why couldn't I just give in to happiness? I have changed so much. I have always been positive. Why when happiness right in front of me do I choose to push it away now? What happened to me?
"Come here at..." He said as he stood, leading me over to the door, away from any prying ears that we both knew would be lingering at our table.
"What's going on (Y/n)? You can tell me anything... you know that right?" As I heard his voice speaking gently to me I couldn't hide the comfort he made me feel. I wanted nothing more than to hug him. Choose this path to be his. But the fear of losing him had affected my brain. I would rather have him always in this way, than ruin what we have now by being selfish and asking him for more. If this ended badly between us... the same way that it happened with Severus I would never forgive myself for ruining the one thing in my life that felt like... home. The only way to avoid the pain that will eventually come is to end whatever is going on between us now. If I don't let it go any further it won't hurt as much.
"I just- Fred... I don't know if I can do this."
"Do what?"
"Us." He was quiet as his eyes searched my own as if he was trying to read my thoughts. Looking to see if there was something, anything that I was hiding from him.
"And you're sure this is what you want?" I paused momentarily after he spoke, knowing damn well this is the last thing I wanted.
"Yes..." I said.
"Really, (Y/n)? Cause I'm having a hard time believing that." I took in a deep breath, trying to calm down my shaking nerves.
"We work when we are just friends." I said as Fred pressed his lips into a thin line as he took in a breath, a short sigh following quickly after. His shoulders slumped ever so slightly and there it was... that look... The look of not being good enough. My stomach twisted into instant regret. This is the last thing I wanted, but I know it's for the best. I don't want either of us to feel the pain that could easily be avoided. That look only lasted a few seconds before he fixed his posture and then it was replaced with his usual happy grin.
"Okay... friends it is then!"
"Is that okay? Nothing changes between us then right?" I asked, surprised at how well he was taking it... a part of me was hoping he would have protested my decision, but then again, perhaps he agreed with me that this was for the better. That is a good thing... right?
"Of course (N/n)." He wrapped his arms around my shoulders as he led me back into the diner without friends.
"Let's have some fun, okay? Just relax and let me see the (Y/n) we all know and love. We all miss so much." The warmth of his arm was all I could focus on. His touch. I craved more but knew this was all I could ever have of him. His embrace. I enjoyed the rest of the night with my friends. I joined in with their laughter. Talking to them and actually participating in their conversions, which I haven't done in a month. Next to Fred, I felt like myself again. Though, in my gut, I could feel the pain of never having him be truly mine, sink in the back of my mind. Something I would just have to live with. Though, the strange thing was, I'm also happy. I'm happy that no matter what, Fred will be a part of my life, with no painful memories of him and I together. There will always be the 'what could have been'. But that is better than the 'what was'. And for that, I am thankful.
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Next chapter is already drafted! I just need to type and edit! It should be posted soon guys!! Thanks for readingggg!!!
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