Haechan couldn't resist Mark.
And that was the exact reason, why he didn't push him away, when the older kissed him. Again.
This was the reason, why he let Mark caress his sides, while keeping their lips together, Mark not daring to let the younger go.
"Mark", Haechan's voice got lost inbetween their kiss, ignored by Mark.
The older just kissed him more passionately and Haechan let him because it felt really good to be kissed by the person, you love. So good, that you try to forget that you heart will be broken in the end.
But the longer the kiss the more Haechan's head took over. His heart didn't want to let go but his head was screaming at him.
Haechan didn't understand, what was going on. Mark confused him yet again.
"Hyung", Haechan tried this time and Mark slowly, really slowly, leaned away.
And the older's next words broke Haechan's heart. Again.
"I am sorry."
The first instinct was to push Mark away but Mark didn't let him. No matter how hard Haechan pushed against Mark's chest, the older didn't move an inch. Mabye because Haechan was too weak, too emotionally exhausted.
"Really? These are the first words after the kiss you want to say again?", Haechan let his arms fall.
"No, don't get me wrong.", Mark shook his head. "I am sorry for everything that happened after our first kiss."
Our first kiss. Haechan gulped, when he realized the fact that Mark and him really have kissed each other. And this more than once. Bit by bit there was a blush seen on the younger's face.
"Hyung, what do you want from me?" Haechan just couldn't keep up anymore with Mark's back and forth.
"I want you. I thinķ. I don't know. All I know is that I am an asshole."
Haechan scoffed. "At least you realized that."
Mark looked at him with puppy eyes and Haechan had to look away. His heart is too big and too forgiving.
"Haechan, listen. I couldn't stop thinking about you, since we kissed." Mark took a deep breath. "Actually I couldn't stop thinking about you, since you went into hiatus."
Carefully, Haechan dared to look in Mark's eyes again. He needed to know if the older's words were true.
"But I am scared.", Mark continued. "I never had these feelings. Even less for a boy. For my best friend. I am just really confused. And I know I am not doing this right, at all. But I am sorry."
"Hyung?", Mark looked up again, his eyes before being glued to the floor.
"Yes?"
"I think I can forgive you, if you tell me what you really want.", Haechan spoke the words, which were giving Mark hope.
"I-", but Haechan wasn't finished and interrupted Mark.
"You don't have to tell me right now. I will give you time. I am still in hiatus for one to two weeks. Use this time to think about it, to find out what you truly want. And when I will be back, give me your answer. Is that alright?"
Mark could do nothing more than nod. Happy that he got another chance.
"Good", Haechan said. "Then I will see you, when I will be back for real."
Haechan leaned closer and gave Mark a quick kiss on his cheek, which Mark, this time, didn't reject.
And with that Haechan left and gave Mark time to realize, what he truly wanted.
Taeyong and Mark came back home from a SuperM meeting and practice.
As soon as they opened the door, they were engulfed by loud laughter and a special giggle.
Mark immediately recognized the giggle and ran into the kitchen.
His eyes immediately found the one's of a tanned boy, who looked up, as soon as they arrived in the kitchen.
"Haechanie, you are back", Taeyong said and went to the youngest to hug him.
"Yes, I am finally back.", Haechan smiled and stopped eating his dinner to stand up and hug the leader tightly.
"Hi, welcome back", Mark stood in front of him now and Haechan also pulled him in a tight hug, which Mark gladly accepted.
Not because they needed to pretend to be fine in front of the others but because they really missed each other.
"I'm really happy to be back", Haechan whispered in his ear.
"I'm happy about it too.", Mark squeezed him a final time before he let go.
"We also have some food left for you", Doyoung said and put some food on two plates for the two, who just came back.
They took the plates with a "thank you" and enjoyed the rest of the dinner with the others.
It was just like before Haechan left. And for a moment, the two boys in love were as happy as they weren't in a long time.
At least for now.
After dinner they all gathered in the living room to watch a movie, which was chosen by Haechan.
Haechan cuddled next to Taeil and Johnny, while Mark sat further away from him.
The two youngest pretended that everything was normal. Everyone just enjoyed that Haechan was back.
But when the night arrived and everyone was already asleep, two doors were opened, and a tanned boy and a boy, who debuted way too often, sneaked into the living room.
"So, can we finally talk?", Haechan whispered and Mark nodded.
They sat down on the same couch but with some space between them, which made Haechan pat the space next to him.
"Come closer. We need to be quiet and this is only going to work, when we whisper."
Mark agreed with that and carefully came closer.
After that Mark took a deep breath and then started to say everything that he wanted to say.
"First of all, I want to say that I am sorry. Really, really sorry. For confusing you and doing all that to you without your consent. I knew you have or had feelings for me, so it really makes me to an asshole. I am sorry.", Mark apologized into the night, the words only for Haechan to hear.
But when he looked at the younger boy, two wide eyes looked back at him. "You know about my feelings?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah. I do.", Mark admitted.
"But- but how?", Haechan was confused. He really thought he was not that obvious about his feelings for the older.
"Well. I am sorry for that too. I have to confess that I, and I know it was a mistake, so I really am sorry, but- ehm- I read your diary.", Mark really felt ashamed about this.
"You did what?", Haechan did his best not to scream. "Mark!"
"Hyung", Mark added.
"What?", Haechan was confused.
"It is still Hyung for you.", Mark mumbled in shame. He wanted to slap himself for correcting the younger in that moment.
"Seriously?", Haechan scoffed.
"I am sorry", is the only thing Mark answered.
It became quiet for a few seconds.
"So. What did you decide?", Haechan interrupted the silence.
Mark slowly looked up to the younger.
"I- I want you. I know that. But I am still scared."
Haechan nodded in understanding.
He knew what the older was feeling. Before he caught Jaemin and Jeno while making out, (a scene he still tried desperately to forget,) he was scared himself.
"But if you will help me and stay by my side, I think I would become less afraid. I want to try it. With you. Together."
"Really?", hope bloomed in Haechan.
"We have to do it slowly. But, yes. I am sure of that. No more playing around. No more confusing and hurting you. I don't want to hurt you ever again."
"I- I think I believe you.", Haechan admitted with a slowly growing smile.
"I am serious. If you want me you will have me, for real."
Haechan giggled. "You are really cute."
Mark felt the weight on his shoulders fading. Haechan wanted him too.
"But I have one condition, before I accept you.", Haechan said.
And there was the heavy weight again. Just not as bad.
"You need to explain something to me?", Haechan slowly showed a teasing smile on his face.
"Sure. Everything.", Mark said quickly.
"You have to tell me, why I've always had to call you Hyung."
"Okay everything but that.", Mark blushed and whined.
"Come on, tell me. If you want to be my boyfriend, you shouldn't have secrets from me."
Mark gulped. Boyfriend.
"I- it is just", Mark stuttered.
"Yeah?", Haechan quietly laughed, obviously enjoying the older's suffering. And happy that he would finally get his answer.
"It is nothing special. Just. Deep down, I always liked you.", Mark confessed.
"And the word Hyung put a distance between us. It means I am your older brother, if you look at it literally. And a brother is far from a lover. So, when you kept calling me Hyung, I didn't get my hopes up and wouldn't become delusional."
"Oh", Haechan said quietly. "This is something I wasn't expecting."
"Being your Hyung meant not being too close to you in a romantic way. And that gave me some comfort and safety in all my panic.", Mark explained further.
"You mean all your gay panic.", Haechan smirked and then laughed, when Mark pushed him.
"Shut up", Mark blushed in all his embarrassment.
"So, that means, you no longer are my Hyung?", Haechan wiggled his eyebrows.
"I hate you.", Mark whined.
"No, you don't."
"No, I don't", Mark whispered and leaned slightly closer.
"Actually, I like you." Mark quickly pecked Haechan's lips, making the younger immediately blush.
"I like you too", Haechan whispered back and gladly accepted Mark's kisses that were coming after both their confessions.
They laid on the couch for another hour. Sharing kisses between their stories about the things, they missed, while Haechan was in hiatus.
It was a beginning.
A beginning for their love. For their happiness. And all that was to come, now that they opened up about their feelings. Finally!