This isn't happening. There is no way this is happening. I won't—I can't—
Stage Kyung draped his blazer over a sick looking Danoh's shoulders as she sat down on a bench. He could hardly pay any attention to the words that came out of his mouth.
"It's not you I hate. It's your sickness. I hate my father who sees you as a way to make money. And I hate myself for being his son. I heard from Lee Dohwa that you're going to have your surgery soon—"
"I don't want to." Stage Danoh said firmly, "I don't want to have surgery. I'm happy to be with you in school. I'm happy that you said that you liked me. I don't want to stay in the hospital, away from you, waiting every day after the surgery."
"I'll stay with you." His mouth moved but his mind was miles away, "Every day, if you want."
She looked up at him and smiled.
Sagak.
Kyung inhaled sharply, stumbling back. Sputtering while wiping her mouth, Eun Danoh complained about how the Writer made her look sicker by the day. She did a double take and hesitantly asked Kyung.
"Yah, earlier...Dohwa came running into class, right? And you followed him when he said something about Yeonha." She bit the inside of her cheek, "Is she...okay?"
He couldn't breathe. The only way to stop his heart from tearing itself apart was by carving it out and, God, he couldn't fucking breathe. With shaking hands, he reached for his blazer, patting its pocket in a daze.
Eun Danoh was saying something again but this time, he could only focus on the way his fingers closed around the ring in his pockets. It felt like the platinum was melting into the skin of his palm.
Then the ground beneath his feet began to sway as he gasped for air, gripping the fabric over his heart.
Panicking, because she had never seen him like this, Eun Danoh looked around as she wondered what to do. "Hey, why don't—why don't you sit down for a bit?" She raised her arms a bit, in case he collapsed, "You don't look too—no, wait!" She hurried after him as he dragged his feet towards the school, "Baek Kyung, I don't think you should be walking around like this. I'll...uh, I'll call Yeonha. Why don't you—"
She unknowingly reached for his arm only for him to glare at her fiercely. Or at least he tried to. In Eun Danoh's eyes, he had never looked this pitiful before.
"Stay away." He was struggling to speak, "Don't—I can't even look at you—because of you—"
As she gaped at him, not understanding what she had done to offend him to this level, Kyung took long strides and made straight for the school entrance.
And she was standing right there.
His Yeonha.
Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, she frowned over her shoulder as she descended the stairs. Kyung felt the blood in his veins freeze.
She was okay. There were no visible wounds, no bloodstains, no sign of any harm on her. She's okay. Her hair was clipped back, unlike before, and her thigh-high socks were missing. But she's okay. He grasped at the sliver of hope that arose in him. All that was required was for Yeonha to look at Kyung. She'd know. She'd definitely know—
Behind her, Taek burst through the doors with an angry expression on his face. He hissed something at her and Yeonha turned to face him.
"I don't know what you want me to say." Yeonha deadpanned and Kyung felt the hope in him begin to evaporate, "Even though we might be in the same class, I've never spoken to you before. I'm sorry if that offends you."
Taek resembled a fish as he opened and closed his mouth, rethinking what to say.
But Kyung...he could only watch as Yeonha walked past him without sparing a glance. Pain that he had never, ever experienced before tore through him. In the back of his mind, he thought he would've collapsed had he not spun around and called for her.
She stopped to look at him, "Ah, Baek Kyung. Did you need something?"
No, don't say my name like that.
"Yeonha, you...do you want to go home together?"
Say yes. Say that you remember. Say that you're just joking around and that you don't mean to look at me like I'm a stranger.
She blinked in surprise, "What? Oh, um...thank you for offering but I'd rather be alone today. Maybe you should ask Danoh?"
"Yeah," He gave her a feeble smile, "Yeah, no, I understand."
"Are you alright?" Yeonha asked, noticing how his hands shook.
Kyung nodded, "I'm fine."
"Okay," She barely smiled before turning away, "I'll see you tomorrow."
This can't be right. He watched her leave, with the last shred of hope that she'd turn around and run back to him. Everything can't change so quickly. You held my hand this morning. I kissed you when I walked you till your classroom this morning. You laughed at me and with me in the hallways. This can't be—
Taek touched his shoulder. Despair shone in his eyes as Kyung turned his head in a daze.
"I went to apologize but she didn't recognize me," Taek said, "What happened?"
"What do you think happened?" Kyung's voice was on the verge of breaking, "I saw her die. She's gone."
What will you do, now that you're alone?
◆◆◆
Haru couldn't shake off the image of Danoh staring up at the night sky, begging the Writer to let her live. Both of them knew that the Writer couldn't hear her, but what else could she do? Changing the Stage was a shot in the dark Haru was debating to take. After what he had heard from Baek Kyung about his sister...he didn't want to mindlessly rush into things.
The boy jerked to a stop at the thought of Yeonha. How could he have been so stupid? He had completely forgotten about the way Dohwa had burst into the class. He had refused to say anything afterwards, looking too traumatized himself, and had taken the rest of the day off.
Haru ran all the way back home.
Sagak.
Their parents were working late again. Surprisingly, Haru didn't feel the usual jolt of irritation that he usually did when he was around his sisters. He had quietly chided Jiho for picking around her food and had offered to clear the table. Yeonha had seemed taken aback.
"It's fine." She said, "I'll—"
"Stop being annoying. I said I got it." He insisted, "Why don't you go upstairs?"
Stage Yeonha gave him a doubtful look but caved in. "Um, okay, then. You know how to use the dishwasher, right?"
"Yeah."
"And the leftovers need to be—"
Stage Haru scowled at her, "I know. I'm not an idiot. I live in this house too."
She flinched, "That's not what I meant. It's just...you've never offered before so—"
"Just go, watch some childish crap with Jiho." He dismissed her and began clearing the dining table.
Sagak.
Haru dashed after her to find her distractedly flipping through a magazine. Yeonha looked up as he entered the living room, and frowned.
"You're done already? It hasn't even been—"
He cut her off, "Noona, you're okay, right? Dohwa had pulled Baek Kyung out of the class, saying that you called for him. He wouldn't tell me why but you're okay, right?"
Yeonha slowly registered what he said and then, with absolute disbelief, asked, "What did you call me?"
"What?"
They stared at each other in complete silence. She inhaled, raising a finger, wanting to say something but decided against it. Instead, she walked around him to the staircase, "Nevermind. I must have misheard. I think I'm going to turn in for the night."
Haru's hand shot out to clasp her wrist, "Noona, wait—"
Startled, Yeonha narrowed her eyes, "There! I thought I imagined it but...why are you calling me that?"
"I don't understand."
She tread carefully, as if saying the wrong word might set him off, "You usually just call me 'you' or 'hey'. Why—why the sudden change?" Yeonha inched away from him, pulling out of his grasp.
Haru's insides plummeted when he realized that she looked at him with fear in her eyes. What have I done?
"Do you..." He gulped, "Do you remember Jinho, noona?"
Shaking her head hesitantly, she said, "No. Is he a friend of yours?"
"You're lying, right?" He asked in desperation, "You're pulling my leg, aren't you? There's no way you can forget Jinho. He's too important—"
Yeonha shifted uncomfortably, not wanting to continue the conversation. "Why would I joke around with you?" She brushed her hair back, shrinking into herself. "You know what, I'm really tired. Goodnight, Haru."
He watched her disappear up the stairs in a stunned silence. She couldn't bear to be in the same room as him, this Yeonha. The manhwa version of her. Of course, she couldn't. He was terrible to her. But he'd rather have her be aware and snap at him than cower in fear and see him as someone who despised her.
What have I done?
Letting out a strangled gasp, he wondered if she had to go through the same pain as in 'Trumpet Creeper'. He remembered that for days after her death, he'd go back to the library to flip through the strange book that he didn't then know was the manhwa, and stare at her pictures for hours at end. The last memory of her that he had had was when she patted his cheek, saying that she wished for him to live a better life than hers.
Sudden rage coursed through him. This was her fault. It was Yeonha's fault because she had hid the truth from him. She had lied to him all this time. If she had just told it to him straight—if she hadn't lied to him, then he would have definitely found a way to save Danoh without Yeonha getting hurt. This was all her damn fault. Her and her stupid heart that had loved him too much.
Haru raked his fingers through his hair in frustration.
He didn't want to blame her or himself. But he did want to direct his anger at someone. There was so much going on right now, what with Danoh's possible surgery being scheduled some time soon.
In the back of his mind, he thought of Baek Kyung and his threats, and then all he could see was himself cradling Yeonha's cold body in their front yard and then the sword piercing through Danoh as she gazed at him with despair—
Haru sank to his knees.
Sagak.
Stage Yeonha hurried inside school before Haru could shoo her off. He abhorred being seen with her. To both their surprise, this time, he caught up to her.
"Hey," Stage Haru gruffly said, "You...try not to take too long after school. Since you got kicked out of the team and everything, it's not like you have much to do."
She frowned at him, "What?"
"I'm not going to waste time waiting for you." He awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck and brushed past her, "If you're not on time, I'll leave without you."
"O—oh." Yeonha nodded, understanding what he was trying to say, "Okay."
Sagak.
She turned her gaze away the moment Haru looked at her.
"Noona, you still mean what you said, right?" He asked, "That no matter what happens, I'll always be your brother?"
Confused, Yeonha could do nothing but jerk her head once as a nod. Yet that did nothing to lessen the guilt in him.
◆◆◆
The first thing Yeonha's vision zeroed down on as she neared her classroom was Jung holding hands with a shaggy haired boy. When had that happened? They seemed quite disturbed. Jung immediately leaned off the wall when he saw her approach.
"Hi," Yeonha gestured at the other boy, "Who's this?"
Jung gave her a watery smile, confusing her further, "Ah, yeah, this is...um...this is Taek. My boyfriend."
Her eyebrows went way up. "Oh, that's—that's great. Hi, my name's Han Yeonha. What class are you in?" She thrust her hand forward.
Taek forced a grin as he clasped her hand, and Yeonha could see him try to keep himself together. "I'm in the same class as you." He replied.
"That's...not possible." She slowly said, "I've never seen you before. I'm sorry, that's terribly rude of me to say but..."
"It's alright." He waved it off, "I'm kind of a wallflower, really. I don't blame you."
Yeonha absentmindedly fidgeted with the plaid, floppy bowtie around her collar. That was weird...it was like something was missing. She was almost sure that she wore a chain on her neck or something...
The three of them turned at the sound of Bom skipping down the hallway.
"Good morning, everyone!" The shorter girl said in a singsong voice, "I hung out with Soohyang-unnie again yesterday. And I managed to read all our horoscopes oo this morning. They're all positive so it makes me really happy! I haven't felt this was in a long time."
Yeonha smiled fondly at her, "You know I don't believe in horoscopes, right? They're all so vaguely worded and their underlying meaning is always the same for all zodiac signs."
Bom nudged her playfully, "You should stop spending so much time with Kyungie. You're beginning to sound like him."
Silence.
Jung and Taek exchanged worried looks as Yeonha let out a baffled laugh.
"I don't spend time at all with him these days. He's either in the A3 room or he's always hovering around Danoh. It's like he barely wants to be with anyone else these days. Besides, I didn't know you two were close for you to call him that."
"Did you two have a lover's spat or something?" Bom giggled, "What did you fight about this time? Who gets to be the little spoon?"
"Bom, I think you should—"
Yeonha cut Jung off, "What...are you talking about? Whatever it is that you're implying, Bom, I'd like you to stop. It's really uncomfortable and, not to forget, if Danoh heard you, she'd feel really hurt."
Blissfully unaware of the boys trying to distract her, Bom let out a scoff, "I thought you didn't really care about her feelings after recent events."
"Why are you being like this today?" Yeonha demanded, "Danoh's my friend. Of course I care about her. What's wrong with you?"
Bit by bit, all mirth disappeared from Bom's face and was replaced by a vacant expression. "Do you remember that time when you told us that Kyung climbed over your balcony to check on you?"
"What?"
"Or the arguments Jung had with you to make you change your mind about him?"
"Bom, what are you—"
"All of us, sitting together in your secret spot? Or the aquarium? That night we got drunk and broke into school?"
Yeonha took a step back, feeling a headache beginning to form, "I don't know anything about what you just said."
Taek interrupted, "Let it be, Bom."
But she couldn't stop and shakily raised her voice, "What about when all of us went to visit Kyung's mom because we didn't want him to be alone—"
"Bom." Jung placed himself between the girls, "That's enough. She doesn't remember anymore."
Absolutely perplexed, Yeonha looked at her friends for an explanation only to receive melancholic expressions and unshed tears. This had got to be a practical joke. But if this was their way of making her feel better after her botched confession to Dohwa, then this wasn't funny.
Pulling herself together, Bom patted her arm, "We'll bring you back, Yeonha. I can't imagine what Kyung might be going through."
"Why do you keep bringing him up?!" Yeonha snapped and immediately gasped at the horrible pain that shot through her heart.
Even stranger was the way her friends relaxed at her reaction. She opened her mouth to say something—
Yeonha walked back from the science lab alone. She had been running from Dohwa the whole day. It didn't help that he sat right behind her in class and was lab partners with her. Her heart raced faster at the thought of him. If only he had given her an answer the previous day instead of staring at her wordlessly.
'Take all the time you need,' she had told him, 'I'll always be here no matter what your answer is.'
Stupid, stupid, stupid—
As she turned around the corner. Yeonha found Haru and Dohwa standing by the windows and talking. That was impossible. Hadn't she left the lab before Dohwa? Then how...?
Yeonha kept her head down as she walked past them. Unfortunately for her, Dohwa had spotted her.
"Yeonha, wait!" He hurried over to her, "I wanted to talk to you."
She blushed and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "You did?" Over his shoulder, Yeonha saw Haru look at them with concern.
"I got really scared after seeing you yesterday." Dohwa said, "I really hope Baek Kyung got to you in time. After everything I heard and saw, I..." He seemed a little embarrassed, "sort of got sick—y'know, the blood and everything— so I took the day off. But I'm glad to see you're okay now. Really." His wide smile faltered when he noticed that Yeonha looked hurt by what he had said.
"So you're saying that you felt sick when I told you that I like you?" She managed to keep her voice steady.
He widened his eyes, "What—no! That—Yeonha, you're misunderstanding—"
Yeonha threw a careless glance at Haru, "I told you, Dohwa, that you don't have to like me back nor do you need to beat around the bush about it."
She was bewildered by the way Dohwa seized her by the shoulders just as she began to leave and peered into her eyes. Ashamed and upset, Yeonha looked away. He immediately let her go and turned to Haru.
"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked quietly.
"I didn't know how." Haru replied helplessly.
Scoffing in disbelief, Yeonha shook her head at the two. Yes, she didn't understand the context of their conversation but boy, did Dohwa's words cut deep.
"Yeonha," He told her, mustering a smile, "Haru and I need to do something. But...once we get back, can we talk?"
Warily, she said, "What more do you have to say?"
"You'd be surprised." The amusement didn't quite reach his eyes as he said that—
Baek Kyung was just leaving school as Yeonha walked past the fountain. She didn't expect him to stop and talk to her as she addressed him.
"You look worried." She frowned out of concern, "Ah, I heard from my father that they've decided on a date for Danoh's surgery."
"That's..." Baek Kyung began, "not what I'm worried about. She'll be fine if the Stage doesn't change."
"The...what?" Yeonha asked.
There was something in his eyes that she couldn't read. It made her feel so, so sad. To her immense surprise, he smiled at her. "It's only been a day but I already miss you terribly, Yeonha."
"Baek Kyung, you're not making any sense." She shifted, fidgeting with the sleeves of her cardigan.
He gently raised a hand as if to cup her cheek. Yeonha flinched and, as if burned, he let his hand drop. "There's a shoebox in the fifth drawer of your wardrobe." She had never heard him speak in that tone. It almost warmed her but also twisted her heart painfully. "I think you should take a look at it."
"How—how do you know that?"
"You told me to remind you. You made me promise."
Yeonha couldn't bear it anymore. The unsettling feeling that was smothering her increased with every sentence that he spoke to her. They made absolutely no sense to her. What shoebox? What promise?
"I..." She gulped, "I need to go. I told Bom I would—"
Baek Kyung chuckled and she felt her breath hitch the way it did when she looked at Dohwa. What was happening? "You're not very good at lying, Yeonha." Their hands brushed as he walked past her and she tried to ignore the way her fingers twitched. "I'll see you later."
Yeonha whirled around and—
"Hey," Jung tapped her shoulder, readjusting his school bag over his back, "What were you and Kyung talking about?"
She quirked an eyebrow. When did they become friends? Baek Kyung had been preoccupied with Danoh all this while to actually pay attention to anyone else.
"He was worried because Danoh's surgery is soon. That's all he told me. You know how he is."
◆◆◆
its midterm season and my procrastination is at its peak 😔