Claire:
"Clairissa, you're aware that this is our last visit right?"
My eyes drift away from the early afternoon sunshine. It's only beginning to shine through the large window, revealing the faint traces of dust in the air.
Realizing that I haven't answered the question I nod from my spot on the black leather sofa. Why does it always have to be leather? In reality it's not all that comfortable to sit on, and it sometimes makes awkward squeaking noises when you move around.
"Very well then, Clairissa. Since this is our last visit it's time for you to give me any overall thoughts on how you're feeling." Her tight bun moves around as she speaks. Every time I leave from here my head ends up hurting just from having to look at it the whole hour and a half.
Maria is a nice woman in her early fifties yet her brown hair shows hardly any signs of graying. And her light brown eyes always shine with a understanding as she listens to you speak. I'm incredibly lucky that she's one of Deaton's friends so I have been actually able to tell her everything, supernatural hoopla included.
"I got rid of the bows I had and any favors that people still owed me." I confess after a long pause. Knowing that she was hoping to hear if I had made any changes like I promised in the last visit.
"One of the most courageous decisions you'll ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting your heart and soul. It's one of my favorite quotes that I use often with my patients, but I've come to find that it's often much easier said then done." She speaks up with a tone of encouragement.
I take her words into consideration before responding. "Not that I wanted to keep all that mess around, but I don't know, I guess you're right and it's just hard sometimes to get rid of the things that hurt us the most."
Change. That's what she said I need in life. Moving out and changing my hair abit have been the simplest things I could think of doing. When I left last week I thought I'd jump at the opportunity to ditch all the bad things of my past, but no matter how bad they were, it still took alot out of me just to even look at anything regarding it.
"Have you become any more comfortable with talking about what's bothering you?" Her voice breaks the ten or so minute silence. Obliviously it's a rhetorical question seeing as how she needed to fill in some silence in the first place.
"Although preferring to solve others problems then yours is and admirable trait to have. I'm afraid you more often then not do it as a distraction from your own struggles. Struggles that I can tell you dislike greatly having to tell others." Maria explains.
I can't seem to shake off feeling like a five year old who got caught writing on the wall and stay silent as I meet her stare. "Keeping everything to yourself, and suffering alone is something that you should try and overcome."
My hands start to shake and my heart starts to pump widely in my chest. No matter what anyone says, nobody likes to have their problems pointed out to them. "I only keep everything inside because I don't want to hurt anyone. And ya maybe I'm being dumb for letting my problems only bother me, but that way it's only hurting one person."
"Accepting that you have the problem is the first step in solving it. So why don't we change the subject and talk about Jace?" She questions, and I can't help but lift my head up in surprise.
Every visit she always asks to talk about him, she never beats around the bush, or has a scheduled time to say it. "Um..uh, I was uh remembering when I stayed up late the other night something that I use to do when his death was more recent." I begin, taking a small breath.
"Whenever I couldn't sleep or would wake up in the middle of the night, I would stare up at my empty white ceiling and think about all the things I would tell him if he was still around."
"And it would help with the grief of losing him?" Maria asks with folded hands atop of her desk.
I give her a short head nod and feel a smile start to form on my mouth. "Ya, I guess it did. It definitely helped me feel less depressed about the situation, and maybe that's what pushed me to stop wanting to help his family."
She smiles at me before looking briefly over at the small digital clock on her desk. "Well it was a pleasure to get to know you. And as always if you ever need to talk again feel free to make another set of appointments. Doesn't matter if we need to keep making them as long as you get better."
"Thanks, Maria. And I'll do my best to contact you if anything comes up." I give her a thankful smile before getting up off the sofa.
"Word of personal advice, Clairissa." She calls out and I stop at the door. "Whenever life takes away someone you never dreamed of losing, trust that it will eventually replace them with someone just as meaningful.
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I was already out of it after the therapy session, and being hyper vigilant while I step out of my car outside of the Beacon Hills preserve doesn't help at all. Let's not forget that last time I wasn't, I ended up tyed to a chair with a knife wound.
So as a hand lands on my shoulder I can't help but screech like an idiot and throw my elbow back. It makes contact with the person, leaving a small tingle of pain behind for me to deal with.
"I'm beginning to think that this is a normal greeting for you." Peter says in an irritated tone as he massages the spot on his face that my elbow connected with.
I give him an exasperated huff and go to walk forward. Only, for some annoying reason, Peter blocks my step. He does it again looking highly amused before stepping out of the way.
"Alright spill. What'd you do?" I sigh, walking as he leads the way into the woods where I'm suppose to meet Derek and Isaac. After some convincing, which includes the fact that I'm able to do ten pull-ups without my left arm locking up, Derek finally caved and has been filling me in with their search for Erica and Boyd.
"I'm quite offend, Claire, really. I mean after all the help and friendship I've given you, and you still don't trust me." He rants in a mock hurt tone. Friendship--my bologna sandwich wrapped in bacon. If he hadn't blackmailed me I would have happily never spoken to him.
"Peter I'm not a mean person, but, if you don't get to the point then I'm going to push you into that dog poo that we just walked by." I flick my thumb over my shoulder, making him glance over at me in disgust from the threat.
"Fine, impatient as ever I see. Well when you went to visit your lovely mother-in-law...just shut up and I'll explain." He tells me, seeing the how-the-heck-do-you-know-that look on my face. Why do I get the feeling that he's not going to tell me that they're going to leave me alone.
"Well she just so happened to contact me asking if I wanted anymore dirt on you. So I listened to what she had to say--only incase it was something important." I give him a not so thankful stare, of course he couldn't help himself.
"Gee thanks, I'm forever in your gratitude." I mumble sarcastically. Only he seems to not care about the sarcasticness behind my words and still takes it as a compliment.
"When I told her that I wasn't planning on doing anything with that information any time soon she began to yell some fairly offensive things over the phone. Long story short they shouldn't have left so many explosives laying around that weapons storage of theirs." He finishes his story with a content smirk at what he did.
My eye twitches and I stop mid step to look over at him with a terrified expression. "Peter did you just happen to major in making dumb ideas or does that come naturally?!" I yell out. "Do you have any idea what they're going to do to the both of us if they find out that it was you that did it?"
He rolls his eyes, obviously not seeing what big of deal this is. "First off I'm not an idiot, Claire. I know how to get rid of any signs that would point to it having been me. And secondly if I'm the one who did it then why would you be involved in any of it?"
I start walking again while letting out a tired sigh. "Well seeing as how they hate my guts they'll just use it as an excuse to want to kill me even more. But it shouldn't matter if your careful or not because the Waylands are definitely a family of hunters that you don't want to be on their bad side."
Peter lifts an eyebrow in question, so I explain. "For starters they named their oldest son after the Greek god of war. And if that isn't enough to scare you into a fictional book world...well then I know you atleast had some sort of glance at the horrible things they like to use."
The clearing is just up ahead, so before Peter can open his big mouth again and be heard by the other two, I think of a pretty funny joke. "Okay so what happened when the italian chef died?"
Peter looks at me as if I've just about went crazy, but soon notices the two other wolves standing a few feet ahead of us. "I don't know, what?"
"He pasta way." My grin quickly turns into a laugh, but Peter doesn't bother joining in.
"Claire, that has got to be thee dumbest 'joke' I have ever heard in my life. And take into account that I've lived a fairly long life so far." Peter remarks, making me scoff and look over at Derek.
Obviously Peter doesn't know what he's talking about, that was a quality joke. "Your uncle not only scared the living daylights out of me, but apparently I'm only now knowing about his lack of humor?"
Said man without a sense of humor looks over at me with a glare. I know he also probably wants me to say something about having gone to go see Jace's family, but I really don't see the point in it.
Looks like even after what I just talk to Maria about...I'm still stuck with being uncomfortable to tell others what's bothering me.
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A/N:
I finally got time to edit this and before I post the last chapter of this book, I'm going to post up the next book today. I'm excited to start writing it but on the not so good side I just started another semester of college today, so I'm going to go back to only updating either on Friday or Saturday.
I always can't help but laugh whenever I tell that joke to someone. Not going to lie though, most of the time their reactions or either that they don't get it or the same as Peter's...
Until next time my lovely mofos...
~Shazam.