My open window allows a cold breeze into my room. I lay awake thinking about the events of tonight. Jackson got into a fight for me. I've never been defended like that before.
Jackson and I haven't talked in days and he gets in a fight for me? You'd think after what happened with Auden I would be able to defend myself better, but it made me weaker.
It means a lot that Jackson did that for me. He was extremely drunk so, I don't even know if he'll remember everything.
After Jackson left me in the bathroom I told Abby and Emma that I wanted to go home. So, they dropped me off and I wouldn't be surprised if they went to the party again.
I'll have to thank Jackson again. I feel terrible that his knuckles are busted. I don't like seeing anyone get hurt and especially Jackson.
My eyelids become heavy and slowly close. Sleep becomes me and I wait for a terror.
~
My bare feet pad on the carpeted floors of the hallway of my school. The hall is completely empty and leaves an eerie feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see a shadow walk past me. "Hello?" I ask loudly. I turn to my left to see Kim walking towards a classroom. A slight relief washes of me.
"Kim!" I shout, jogging to catch up to her. She doesn't even turn around to face me or, anything. It's like she can't even hear me. What the hell is going on?
Kim disappears into a classroom and my hand pulls on the handle. As soon as I enter the threshold I'm transported back to the party. What the fuck?
The house is empty and Kim is nowhere in sight either. The house is messy with cups and bottles everywhere just like how I remember.
I look down at my clothes to see that I'm still dressed in my pajamas I fell asleep in. This is a dream, I remind myself and press forward into the house.
I see the tall back of a man with a red plastic cup in his hand. "Hey! My step sister Kim came in here, have you seen her?" I ask desperately.
His tall frame turns to me and my limbs stiffen. It's that guy that Jackson fought. My stomach turns into a knotted mess and sweat glistens my forehead. "Want to dance now?" He asks, his lips curling into a nasty smile.
"N-no t-thank you," I stutter out and turn my back to him trying to escape, but I feel arms snatch me back. "P-please let m-me go," I cry out, my voice sounding not like my own. This time there's no Jackson to save me.
His lips latch to my neck and his hands slide past my pajama shorts. I try to move, but my body is frozen in horror. I try to make any noise, but nothing comes out.
"Good girl, maybe this time you won't give up such a fight," the guy's voice turns into Aurelio's and my heart skips beats.
Please, no. All I can do is plead in my head because my voice box seems to have stopped working altogether. I try screaming at the top of my lungs and thrashing around, but my body does nothing in response.
Instead, it just stays still and lets him do whatever he wants. This is a dream. It's not real. You're not really here, Aurelio. "Oh, but I am really here. I will always be with you. And there's nothing you can do to make me leave," Aurelio coos in my ear.
Finally, my body allows me to move and I automatically fall to my knees and curl up in a ball. Tears pour out of my eyes leaving a river rushing down my cheeks. "You're not real! You're not here! Get out of my head!" I scream closing my eyes tightly.
~
I throw myself forward and wipe my face from sweat and tears. My heart flutters rapidly in my chest. It's nearly 3 A.M. I pull myself out of bed and wrap a blanket around my body.
My cold feet carry me to my window seat. The cold, harsh wind causes my nose to redden. I push my open window so that I can dangle my legs out. I stare at the hard ground wondering how bad it would hurt if I jumped.
I try to shake my head from the dark thoughts that are seeping between my walls. My body would smack the ground so hard I would lose consciousness. Would I die?
Tears sting my eyes once again, but this time I refuse to let them fall. Be strong Nadia. But your weak Nadia, I remind myself, and self-hatred returns.
The promise that I made Henry pops into my head. I pull my legs back into the mansion and lean my head against the wall. I curl my knees to my chest and close my eyes, falling into sleep again.
~
"Nadia, wake up! We have to be at the church in 30 minutes!" Mom yells behind my locked door. I flutter my eyes open and the cold instantly consumes me.
I take in my surroundings and notice I'm still at my bay window. I remember falling asleep here. I quickly jump off the seat and walk to my closest. I grab a black loose dress, underwear, and a bra and make my way to the shower.
~
I stare at myself in my long mirror absolutely hating the reflection of myself. My dirty blonde hair falls into long curls and bags sit under my eyes.
"C'mon Nadia! We're leaving!" Mom shouts from downstairs. I grab my phone off the charger and jog down the stairs and out the front door to the van.
Richard, Kim, Henry, Will, and mom are already sitting. I hop in and slip headphones into my ears, but I can still hear Kim's snicker from behind me.
Henry taps my shoulder and gives me his toothy smile. I return the kind gesture with a fake one and turn back to look out the window.
We cruise past tall green trees and I itch to get lost in them. We finally make it to the church and I slide out of my seat. My mom and Richard love the church and are proud Christians. I on the other hand couldn't give a damn.
The whole family stays to go to classes after the sacrament, but I walk home instead. It's about a 15-minute walk, but refreshing. But I still have an hour and 30 mins before I can go.
We all pile into a row of chairs and I sit on the end for an easy escape. The whole time I keep pinching myself to stay awake, leaving red marks on my lower thighs. Will doesn't seem to care to stay awake and is drooling all over my sweater I don't even push him off because I feel his pain.
Will and I talk sometimes, but not as often because we got different schedules. He's a cool kid, even if I hate his parents. Will has dirty blonde hair like me, but has caramel eyes.
~
After a couple of "Amens", the session is over. I stand quickly and immediately walk out of the chapel. I couldn't bother to say bye to anyone because it wasn't my choice to be here anyway.
The could breeze blows my hair as I exit. "Hey Nad," a guy's voice speaks behind me and I immediately recognize it. Ezra. We've been friends since my mom married Richard and we started going to this church. He's a senior at our school, but I barely see him.
"Hey Ez," I say sheepishly. I remember when I had the biggest crush on him. I was young, but it's still hard to ignore his perfect features.
Ezra has soft brown skin and dark brown almost black hair that he styles well. His cheeks are chiseled to the bone and his eyes are a gentle, yet deep chestnut.
"What are you doing out here?" He questions, stuffing his strong hands into his pockets and flashing his cheeky grin.
"Just leaving. What are you doing out here?" I ask back. His eyes dart to the floor then back up to me.
"Just getting fresh air," he answers like shyly. "And reminiscing when we would play tag on the playground behind our old elementary."
My cheeks redden at the memory. It means a lot that still remembers that. "The good ole' days," I laugh and he joins in. "Remember when you ran into that pole and got a nose bleed?" I ask flashes of him chasing me on the rickety play set runs through my mind.
"How could I forget? You gave me a kiss on the cheek because you felt bad," he laughs and my face is probably a tomato. "It was snowing that day, but we still insisted on playing tag. Your nose was red and your cheeks were bright pink. The best day of my life," he says with his eyes glazed over as if he's there at that moment.
"I would give anything to go back to those days," I say quietly, but still enough for him to hear. He nods his head and his contagious smile infects me and my lips curl into a wide grin.
"Get home safe Nad," he says still smiling like the little boy he once was.
"I will dad. Don't go running into any poles," I tease. We both chuckle and he disappears into the church's doors.
I turn back to the sidewalk and begin my journey back to the house. I take a cool inhale and stuff my hands into my cardigan's pockets.