ㅡ Jimin's POV ㅡ
This is the first night we spend together, excluding the storm day, this is our first real night.
I feel unsettled, not even when I lost my virginity was I so anxious. In fact, I don't even remember much of that night ... or day. Or the person.
Chaerin is changing in the bathroom, in her pyjamas, I hope Hwasa has packed something nice for her ... in short, I hope she was my accomplice in this too.
But my fantasies are shattered as soon as she comes out with plain pyjamas, green t-shirt and shorts. But she's still fine.
《Why do you look so disappointed?》she asks as she brushes her hair.
Her black hair falls long over her shoulders, I wonder if she ever dyed her hair.
《I'm thinking.》I reply trying not to let her notice why I am actually disappointed.
But my eyes light up as soon as I see her nipples through the pyjama material. She is not wearing a bra.
Jimin, stop it. I close my eyes instantly.
I look like a sex maniac, it's not like me to have these thoughts, kinda. But that's not my goal with her. It's hard to resist someone when you're so attracted to that person. And so it is, I am attracted to Chaerin on many different levels, mental, personality, physical.
I try to get distracted by looking for my pyjamas and go into the bathroom to change and wash and above all, calm my thoughts.
As I finish I head to the bed, my hands are sweating. She looks calm, her back is propped up and she's using her phone. She's already under the covers.
We decided to share the bed because there is not even a sofa here, apart from a hard carpet.
I lift the blanket cautiously, it's like I'm doing something wrong and afraid of being caught red-handed at any moment. Because in theory, we weren't supposed to be in the same room. Is it remorse, what you are feeling huh, Jimin?
《Jimin?》
《Mh-yeah-what?》Asshole, could you answer in a more suspicious way? I drop the blanket and stand up straight like a penguin at attention. I'm too uncomfortable.
She looks at me dazed for a moment but turns her body towards me, putting her knees bent.
《I wanted to ask you something.》
Could she have understood that it was intentional to let us sleep together? Did I get caught? Or maybe the receptionist said something to her?
《What are your intentions with me?》
《Mh?》 I ask confused.
《Your true intentions with me, that is, you want me ... just ... Well, you understand.》
On hearing her question I sit on the bed, all this talk needs attention and I don't want to give a wrong or misunderstanding answer.
《No, I don't want to.》
《You don't want to be with me?》
《No, wait I mean yes. But I don't want to fuck with you.》
《What?》
《What?》
We ask at the same time. She is surprised, I'm incredulous of my own words. Did I really say I don't want to fuck her?
《You've been trying to fuck with me the whole time while I was with Yoongi and now that I'm free you don't?》
《Exacttly.》
A strange silence falls between the two of us. She stares at me like I'm an alien.
《I can't believe I said that but yes it is. Let me explain and don't make that funny face.》 She chuckles softly as soon as I point out her expression.
I fix my hair with my hand, she follows my gesture with her eyes, then returns to point them at me.
《What I mean is I just don't want to fuck with you. It wouldn't be honest. I'm not as manipulative as you think, I won't jump on you as soon as I get the chance.》
I scratch the back of my neck, it's difficult to explain what I feel.
《I'm not like the way you paint me in your head. You know why?》
She shakes her head, her big black eyes scrutinize me curiously waiting for my answer.
With the palm of my open hand, I hit my chest a couple of times, slowly, just to make her understand what I mean. 《I have feelings for you.》
I say in a low voice.
Chaerin does not respond. She just stares at me. What is she thinking? I just made some sort of confession. Shit, it's the first time I've expressed myself like this, and it's the first time I've made it to her.
What does she think? Did she understand? Maybe I need to be more explicit.
《So you do it to get a chance with me?》
《No, not only.》
《Why then?》
《I feel like I did mistakes with you.》
《Mistakes?》
I'm glad she is curious about my intentions.
《When you were with Yoongi, I ... tormented you.》
《More than anything you have never respected my relationship.》 She says.
《I know, I've crossed the line many times.》
I've done this countless times, at times I seemed psychopathic and manipulative.
《Yes, but I must admit that I too have sometimes given you false hopes.》
She? For returning a single kiss? How can she think it's her fault ...
《I created false hopes for myself, I took advantage of the fact that you didn't have sex for a long time and I know how much you enjoy having sex, as much as I do maybe. And that's one thing we have in common.》
《Wow, you say that like it's a merit.》
《Definitely, it's not a defect.》 I say convinced.
She looks at me as if she is surprised by my sentence.
《Not everyone thinks like you. Many accuse me of being a whore or a slut because I love sex.》
《And it's wrong, you see, we live in a world where if I say I love sex it's okay because I'm a man. But if a woman admits it, well things change.》 I widen my eyes as I explain, with my hands I make movements to reinforce what I say.
《I didn't know you had such an open mind.》
Her face is genuinely surprised.
《There are so many things you don't know about me, you only scratched the surface of my persona.》
And I'm going to show you more of me, a lot more.
《Often it's you who don't open up to me, but I love these types of conversations. I'm glad to see a guy who thinks this way. It often happens that other women call me a slut and that hurts me the most.》
《Shouldn't women support each other?》
《Yes and not just women, but we all have to support each other.》
《You are right.》
《It sounds like trivial talk, but we need to remember that we are human and we need to support each other.》
We talk about this topic for a while longer, discussing various similar speeches, both she and I are surprised at the turning point all this is having. Because we're on a bed and I've only ever done two things on a bed: sleep and sex.
But this ... her smile as she speaks or her way of expressing her strong opinion on things stunned me.
She usually tends not to say her opinion on topics, but she actually has a lot of valid thoughts and is convinced of what she says. She's charismatic, it's a side I've never seen of her. Or maybe I had never noticed.
This was our first real night. Not just sex, not just passion, but an exchange of communication different from the carnal one we have had.
Human communication par excellence, the verbal one. It made me happy and full of enthusiasm to be able to talk to her in this way. On our first night, we opened up more, removing a piece of the mask that characterizes our persona.