"What the hell are you doing here, Jin?"
"Hello to you to," he tsked and stepped forward.
"No," I said, folding my arms and taking a step back, which was almost impossible because I was just barely inside the doors. "What the hell are you doing here, Jin?" I repeated. "I blocked you on everything and specifically told you I never wanted to see you again."
"That was over seven months ago," he said, stepping forward again and I have him a warning glance and he stopped. "Why do you think I'm here? I miss you." He stepped forward again, this time quicker than I was and pressed me against the door, kissing me. The gesture shocked me into standing there, lips pressed against his for a moment before I pushed him off.
I scrunched my face in disgust and scoffed. "You missed me? Is this a fucking joke? You need to leave and never contact me again," I said and started to walk around him.
He backed up and tried to keep in front of me. "(y/n) just wait. Give me one second to explain," he said, but I continued to walk past him and into the hallway toward my door.
"There's nothing to say, Jin. It's over and it's been over. I don't know how much clearer I could make it. I don't want to hear what you have to say," I said, finishing my words before opening my door.
"(y/n)," he said again, but I closed the door in his face.
I heard him audibly sigh and then a few minutes later I heard his footsteps retreating.
Luckily, the lights were off in my room and Sowon was still dead asleep, so I wouldn't have to explain why I'd gone from blissfully happy to horribly sad, unwanted tears falling down my face. My back stayed pressed up against the door until I had the strength to leave it and strip myself of my clothing and crawl back into bed.
If I knew Jin like I thought I did, this wasn't going to be the last of it. He was going to find a way to say what he wanted to say and I was going to hear him out whether I wanted to or not. As I lay there, I thought about texting someone, maybe Jimin, but then I realized it was late and I had class tomorrow and so did everyone else. It was probably better to attempt to sleep and wait until the morning to let the bomb drop.
I closed my eyes and tried to take myself back to that backseat with Taehyung, which actually worked out okay because I could smell the scent of him in my hair. I relaxed and then there was nothing.
My dreams were a mess. First, I was back on my date with Taehyung, except we were on a boat. Then, he turned into Jin, which was weird enough, but then Junghwa was there and so was Lisa. I had turned to talk to Lisa about something, maybe Sowon related, and when I looked back Jin and Junghwa were fucking right in front of me. Except then it wasn't Jin anymore and he'd turned back into Taehyung. I was going to kill them both, but then Jimin appeared out of no where and for some reason I decided it was better this way. He could just fuck Junghwa for all i cared and Jimin would never know about us and that would be that.
Then I woke up and remembered everything that was actually happening and debated with myself if the dream or real life was more tolerable. Then again, Taehyung wasn't fucking Junghwa in real life, so that was a bonus.
I sighed and sat up.
"Hey," Sowon greeted from her bed. She was still slumped in her bed and the only thing that told me she wasn't sleeping was that her eyes were visibly open.
"Hey," I greeted back, sleepy, but sympathetic.
"Do you think you could stop by my English class and pick up this packet thing my professor made for me?" she asked, her eyes pleading.
I shrugged and stood up out of bed, stretching. "Sure, but you know you're going to have to get back at it eventually."
She nodded. "I know, it's just... I'm not ready." She sighed.
"Well, maybe you should talk to Lisa or something. You did sleep with her and all you've given her since then is radio silence," I said. I hadn't really talked to Lisa much either, but I wasn't the one that slept with her.
She groaned. "I'm not ready for that either. Please, just get it for me?" she practically begged.
"I said I would," I said and then went into the bathroom to get ready for whatever the hell today had planned for me.
World Religions came and went without Jungkook and I sharing many words. I was late again, but not on purpose this time, but afterwards I hung around a little bit.
"Hey, so what happened to you after that party?" he asked as he slung his bag onto his shoulder.
I followed suit and we walked out the door together. "Lots of stuff, I don't know. Taehyung and I are kind of hanging out," I said, trying to remain nonchalant.
"Really?" he said, cocking an eyebrow at me and then laughing a little. "I knew he was into you."
"Yeah, well," I shrugged. I didn't want to let him know too much. "Just don't mention anything to my brother, okay? I'm trying to keep things lowkey for a while."
He nodded. "Can do. I think there's enough drama going around the frat house right now," he said.
I nodded. That had to be difficult for Jungkook. Yoongi was his frat brother and Lisa was his best friend, plus he was friends with me, who was roommates with Sowon. "Does Yoongi know it was Lisa?" I asked.
His eyes widened and then he shook his head. "God, no. He's moping around, though, and Lisa feels fucking terrible about it, but she also feels like shit cause Sowon won't even speak to her." He shrugged. "Everyone's just having a rough time right now."
"What about you and Namjoon?" I asked curiously.
His face lit up a little bit, "Well, I guess not everyone," he said and then he grinned.
My mouth widened and I hit his shoulder playfully. "What happened?"
"Well," he said, smile threatening to take over his entire face, "Nothing major, I'm still keeping it lowkey too, but there may have been a kiss and we may have talked about said kiss since then and there is no regret. He spent the night too, but nothing scandalous happened," he shrugged. "Things are good."
I couldn't help but smile and laugh giddily. "I'm so happy for you, Jungkook," I wrapped my arm around him from the side. "See? What if you never even tried."
He rolled his eyes, but continued to smile. "Well, I guess I'm glad I did."
We began walking toward the park behind the union, one way went toward the frat house and the other way went toward the dorms. Someone called out to us before we could cross the street.
"Hey you, losers," she said and then ran up behind us.
"Hey, Lis," Jungkook said, wrapping one arm around he shoulder and squeezing.
"Long time, no see," I said, remembering the last time I saw her, before I met Taehyung and he asked me out on our date. Strangely, she was probably the one person who knew almost everything going on between Taehyung and I besides the newer stuff.
"Hey, Namjoon asked me to meet him to work on a demo for him this afternoon. Do you want to tag along?" Jungkook asked Lisa.
She pulled away from him and made a face. "And give myself another chance to run into Yoongi? No thank you. I can feel like shit for being a cheating accomplice all by myself, thanks."
I pouted. "Aww, don't be like that."
She shrugged. "It's hard not to. I'm not even getting the good parts of it. Sowon won't speak to me," she sighed.
I pat her head. "Just give her time. I don't think she hates you or anything. She's just confused."
She nodded and stuck to my side. "Anyway, thanks for the offer, Kook, but I think I wanna hang with this one. She reminds of my lost love and I'm in the mood for a pity party."
I snorted and Jungkook chuckled. "Fine, whatever. See you guys later," he waved and then headed in the opposite direction.
"Well," I said as I looked at Lisa and then the direction of my dorm. "I think we better steer clear of the room for your lost loves sake," I said and turned back toward the student union. "We'll just grab a snack or something. Maybe we can sit next to the fountain."
She grinned. "You read my mind. I love that fountain."
I laughed and we headed in that direction.
Since it was the afternoon, but well past lunchtime there were plenty of open tables. Lisa got in a line to get some fries smothered in cheese and I grabbed a big cup and filled it half with lemonade and half with black tea. We paid together, I used my dorm meal card, and then sat down next to the running water.
"So, am I just pathetic or is your life also falling apart at the seems still? Did you end up working things out with Taehyung?" she asked as she stuffed fries into her mouth.
I shook my head. "The last four days have been the weirdest roller-coaster of bull shit in my entire life and I don't think it's even done yet."
Her eyes widened and she smiled and tilted her head. "That sounds interesting. I'm intrigued. Please, do go on."
I began to explain to her all of the things that happened, starting with Taehyung and our date and ending with Jin, who I had to explain from the beginning about, and then ending with him showing up last night out of the blue. By the time I was finished my drink was nearing empty and her fries were long gone.
"What kind of fuckery," she said, shaking her head and then laughing. "I'm sorry. It's not funny, but I mean, it kind of is. I thought I was going through it."
"Yeah, well, the worst part is I have no clue what he wants and for all I know he could be lurking around the corner ready to pounce at any moment. Besides all that, I don't want to have to explain to anybody why Jin is here, especially Taehyung because I don't even know what we are yet or where exactly we stand," I said and then sucked the rest of my drink through the straw until it was coming up empty.
"Do you have any pictures of him?" she asked curiously.
I sighed and fished my phone out of my pocket. I went to my photos. I'd deleted every photo I had of him except for one. It was one of the first pictures we'd ever taken together. I handed her the phone.
"That's him," I said, sighing again. After all this time and his total loss of explanation before made me wonder what he really could be doing here. He said he missed me, but I hardly felt like that could be true. Granted, I had kind of missed him, but not now. I was over it and done with him, so what did he want now?
"That's him?!" she asked looking at his picture and then looking at me and then the picture again.
"Yeah, why?" I said.
She looked up again, except this time I could tell she was looking passed me. I turned around, confused, and lo and behold he was sitting at a table only a few feet back. He waved when I saw him.
"Are you fucking serious?" I muttered under my breath.
"Dude," she said quietly, leaning in. "He's been there for a good twenty minutes. I didn't know, I'm sorry."
I shook my head. "It's not your fault. How would you have known?"
"Do you want to leave, or-?" she started to stand up.
I shook my head again. "I'm just going to see what he wants real quick and then we can get out of here, okay?"
She nodded. "I'm just gonna get a drink and then we can go when you're ready." She got up and went back toward the cafeteria.
I stood up and walked toward the table Jin was sitting at. I sat across from him and sighed. Time to get this over with. "What are you doing here?"
"Looking for you," he said simply. He had his chin in his palm and was staring at me much like he had before when we'd been together and he'd take me out to some restaurant or another.
"No, I mean, why did you come here to talk to me?" I asked. I thought about him kissing me last night and frowned. It had been unwanted, but also confusing. I had been with the guy for two years, so it wasn't like he was a stranger.
He shrugged. "Well, you blocked my phone number and-"
"Jin," I said warningly.
He stopped and then sighed. "I fucked up, okay? I know that. I made a mistake that I will regret for the rest of my life, but," he paused and reached across the table, taking my hand in his. For some reason, I let him. "I'm still in love with you," he dropped the bomb. "Hopelessly, deeply, completely in love with you."
I tried to pull my hand away and say something, but he griped it tighter and continued.
"Look, I thought I wanted something else. I made the stupidest mistake in the world and thought that someone like Junghwa could show me the world in a different way. Instead, I ended up realizing that it's you that I want. You're the only one that I want," he went on.
I could have rolled my eyes, but I couldn't even find the energy to do that. "If that's really true, then why did it take all this for you to realize it? You were fucking her for three whole months behind my back, and god knows how long after that," I said.
"It stopped when you found out," he insisted. "If you believe nothing else, believe that." He sighed, "I don't know, really, why I didn't see it before. It may sound cliche, but I guess you don't really know what you've got until it's gone?"
This time I did roll my eyes, and scoff. "Look, Jin, you shouldn't have wasted the time to come all the way here and apologize and say all this because it's too late. It's been too late. There's really nothing you can say to make me trust you again."
He nodded, but continued to look straight at me. "I knew you'd say that, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to fix this. You're the love of my life and there's no way I can go on without you," he said adamantly.
"Well, you're going to have to find a way," I said. "There is absolutely nothing I can think of that you could do to change my mind."
"Oh, yeah?" he said, reaching into his pocket and started to stand up from the table. "What about promising you forever?"
"Wha-" I started to say, but all functions of my brain paused when he got down on one knee beside the table and in front of me.
"(y/n)," he said very seriously. "I told you. You're the love of my life and I will do anything to prove it to you. I want to grow old with you. I want to buy a house and have children with you. I made the biggest mistake of my life, but through it I've realized that it's you. You're the one I want to be beside through anything," he said, repeating some points he'd already said, but now there was somewhat of an audience as the few people that were also in the union had paused to gasp and watch as he knelt down in front of me.
"Jin," I warned when I found my voice, but it hardly had any strength. It might have even sounded as if I was getting choked up instead of in disbelief.
He took my hand and slid the finger into it as I blankly stared down at the motion. I still couldn't even process what the hell was happening.
My brow furrowed as I looked at the strange sparkling object on my hand and then up at Jin. "N-" I started, but he put a finger over my lips.
"I know you're confused and I hurt you," he said this much more quietly. This was only for my ears to hear. He always was careful of appearances. "But I do love you and I really want you to think about this. I want to work through this with you, even if you don't want to marry me, I want you to know how serious I am about this and I want you to be sure of your answer. Don't say yes or no now. I can wait. Give it twenty-four hours at least and then I'll hear what you have to say."
I nodded despite my better judgment and then he stood up and he hugged me. People were clapping, but I was still so lost in my own head, and yeah, completely confused. I still wanted to say no, shout it from the balconies of every high up building I could find and ride off into the sunset without him, but that didn't mean his confession and appearance and all of that didn't throw me for a loop.
He pulled away from me and gave my forehead a kiss. "I'll leave you alone now. Let's meet again tomorrow," he said. He rubbed his thumb over my cheek and then pecked my lips again, and then turned to walk away.
I stayed in place and watched him walk away. I stared down at my hand again and then took the offending piece of jewelry off and stuffed it in my pocket.
"What the fuck?" Lisa asked when she came up.
I dragged my hand over my face. "Not what it looked like. He asked me and then said I should tell him my answer tomorrow," I said.
"Yeah, okay," she nodded, "But what the fuck???"
I laughed, although there was no humor in this situation. "I have no fucking idea. You wanna get drunk?"
She slung her arm around my shoulder and nodded. "I thought you'd never ask."
There weren't a lot of places we could go, was the issue. Lisa wasn't old enough for bars. My room was a no-go because of Sowon, Lisa's roommate was apparently a bible-thumping christian, so another no, and the frat house was a no-go because I didn't want to come face to face with Taehyung while dealing with the weight of Jin's proposal. He didn't even know Jin was in town and if I could help it, I would keep it that way.
Somehow I came to the conclusion at Eunha was the best option. I called her and she said it was okay. We stopped by the liquor store first. I went in by myself and then we went back to the dorms and I knocked and she let us in.
"You're my favorite person right now," I said after she shut the door. I hugged her and she returned the hug.
"What about me?" Lisa pouted and I pulled her in too. Sort of a group hug sandwich thing.
"Well, I kind of want to drink too. There something I gotta tell someone and Sowon out of commission right now, so," she said and we all parted.
"Out of commission?" Lisa asked.
We both shrugged. I said, "Well, she's been skipping class and laying in bed. I dunno. I think she'll be okay. She just needs time."
Lisa nodded and squinted her eyes and then took the bottle from my hand, twisted it open quickly and gulped some of the alcohol down. "Great start to the night," she nodded and then handed it back to me.
I snorted, "Sorry, sis," I said. I took my own big swig and then passed the bottle to Eunha.
She didn't hesitate this time, just took some swigs herself and set it down.
"So what's up with you?" I asked with a smirk. I wasn't sure the corruption was all my doing, but she was so different from the Eunha I'd met at the beginning of the semester already.
She sat down on her bed and I joined Lisa on the couch. Lucky for us, Eunha's dorm room was a solo.
"Jimin and I have been discussing... actually doing it," she said, hands in her lap looking a little spaced out and wide-eyed.
"Oh shit," Lisa said from beside me.
"What's he been saying?" I asked.
She shrugged. "Nothing bad or inappropriate or unwanted. It's just... I don't know. I'm nervous."
"That's normal," Lisa said, getting up to grab the bottle and then sitting down again.
"Yeah, don't let it freak you out too bad. If he's not nice I'll kick his ass for you. I'm his sister, after all," I said, grabbing the bottle from the Lisa and drinking some.
She nodded. "I know I have people to rely on, and I trust Jimin. I just want to make sure I'm ready. I mean, I think I am, but how do you know for sure?"
I shrugged, thinking back to my first time with Taehyung and actually smiling at the memory for once. "You just kinda know. I felt really comfortable and was with someone I really liked, so it just felt right for me."
"Granted, she spent three years pining after him after that, but things between them are heating up again," Lisa added in and stole the bottle back.
Eunha smiled at me. "Really? What happened."
I told her about my date, but stopped before I got to the Jin part. She didn't need to worry her pretty little head about that and I didn't want her telling Jimin either. As few people that knew the better.
She sighed dreamily. "That's so cute. I can't wait until I go on a romantic date like that with Jimin. Actually," she took a deep breath. "He said he wants to take me out this week sometime."
"Well, see? Things looking up," Lisa said, her voice slurring slightly. I could tell the alcohol was starting to hit her. Also, because it was hitting me as well.
"Can we play some music?" I asked Eunha and she handed me the remote to her stereo. I plugged my phone in to the aux cord connect to it and then there was music.
"Oh, I love this song," Lisa grinned and stood up. She started dancing and soon I was dancing with her.
Eunha took the bottle and gulped down a little bit more and then she joined us. Lisa and I were singing along to the song and Eunha was laughing at us. We must've been a sight to see already, but I was glad she was enjoying herself. I was also glad that I didn't have to think about anything complicated for the moment.
We continued dancing through the next song, and the next song, and the next. Eunha left us momentarily when her phone buzzed and she checked it.
"Jimin's coming by for a minute," she said suddenly. Her cheeks were pink and I wasn't sure if she was still blushing about him or if it was the alcohol. "He needs some of my notes from our study session," she said and then set her phone down.
"That's cool," I said and Lisa gave a noise of affirmation. Neither of us were sober enough to care one way or another at this point.
Lisa pressed her body against mine and I felt something hard poke me in the hip. Even in my drunkenness, I couldn't forget the heaviness of that thing. What in the fuck. I fished it out of my pocket and stared at it through blurry vision.
"Fuck this thing," I said, making a face of disgust.
Lisa frowned. "It's ugly. We should flush it down the toilet."
I laughed. "That sounds amazing."
Eunha tilted her head. "What is it? Why?"
I shook my head. "Oh, honey. You do not want to know, not even slightly."
She pouted. "I do, though. You guys never tell me anything. Like what's going on with Sowon and what does it have to do with Lisa?"
Lisa sputtered and then laughed. "(y/n) is right. You don't wanna swim in that drama either."
Eunha huffed.
There was a knock at the door.
Eunha went over and opened it and then Jimin was here.
"Jimin," Lisa and I threw our hands up and greeted in unison.
"Oh my God," Jimin said instantly, looking between the three of us. "It's like six o'clock. Why are you all wasted?"
"I'm still okay," Eunha said, although her face was still red. Definitely from the alcohol.
I shrugged and threw my hands up. "Why are you being so judgy?"
His eyes narrowed and he stepped forward. "What the hell is that?" he asked. He took my hand and took the shiny little object out of it.
Of course, Jimin of all people would be observant enough to notice a tiny little ring in my hand when there was music blaring and three drunk people stumbling around.
"It's nothing," I tried to dismiss and get it back from him, but he held it out of my reach.
"No, seriously, where the fuck did you get this?" he asked me, eyes boring into mine.
I groaned. There were only so many options my brain could come up with. I wasn't sober enough to make up convincing lies, though, so I just went with the simple truth. "It's nothing. Jin gave it to me."
His face grew dark. "Jin? When did he give this to you? Is he here?"
I shook my head. "It's fine." I tried to wave my hands dismissively. "Itss fine, Jimin. He gave it to me today, but it's not big deal."
"Today?" he said, eyebrows raising and he put a hand firmly on my shoulder. "You saw Jin today?"
"Whose Jin?" Eunha asked, but no one answered her.
I sighed and tried to shake my head, but my words were different. "Yeah, for like, a few minutes. It's okay. I handled it. I said no. And I didn't let him kiss me this time, so yeah."
"She didn't. I saw the whole thing," Lisa piped up. She was drinking from the bottle again.
"This time?" he asked, incredulously. He held the ring up. "If you said no, why do you have this? Where is he, (y/n)?"
"Jimin," I whined, leaning on his shoulder. "It's okay. I said no, and he said he wouldn't take my answer until tomorrow when I'll tell him no again."
He seemed to soften a little, and then looked at Eunha and then back at me again. "Maybe I should stay."
"Wanna drink?" Lisa piped up again, shoving the bottle towards his face.
He laughed and took it from her and then carefully handed me the ring again. I put it back in my pocket.
"Do you mind?" he asked, but it was to Eunha, not me.
She smiled softly and shook her head. "It's always more fun if you're around."
I could have died from the cuteness, but I just smiled and hugged Lisa instead. She was smiling and pouting at the same time.
Jimin started drinking from the bottle and I thanked myself for getting the extra large one. Sober me was so fucking smart.
"I have one request, though," I said, suddenly remembering that Jimin was Taehyung's best friend and Taehyung could definitely not know about Jin and the ring. I still had some wits about me. "Don't tell Taehyung that Jin's here or anything, okay?"
Jimin paused and looked at me confused. "Don't tell Taehyung?"
I nodded and then he looked like he was going to ask why and my eyes widened and my brain caught up with my words. "I mean anyone," I corrected and then rubbed my face. "I don't fucking know. I'm drunk and he's your best friend. Just don't tell anybody," I said.
That seemed to be enough of an explanation for him. He laughed and pat my head. "Your secret is safe with me, but only if you tell me when you're going to see him again."
"Jimin," I said, whining again.
"I'm serious," he took another big gulp from the bottle. "I'm going to kick his ass. I don't care how much bigger he is than me," he said.
"Okay, i'll tell you," I said, although I didn't mean it.
He seemed to relax at my words, though, taking them at face value.
I sighed a sigh of relief and went back to dancing with Lisa.
My burden felt at least a little bit lighter with a few people knowing my struggles, and the alcohol was helping too.