"I'm lost in space and I want to find a way home.
Nobody else can get me back to the planet,
so I have to do it myself."
-
"So? How's that for an update?" I impatiently asked Daniel, who was sitting across from me in my office. He had his index finger pressed to his cheek, propping his chin on the rest of his clenched fingers, giving the script a good hard read before his gaze turns to me again.
I decided to start sending him the stuff I add to the book whenever I finish a great amount of them, since he was so interested in how things were turning out in the book and all.
"Not that I'm going to go with whatever you'll say a hundred percent..." I quickly added, remembering what Steve told me a few weeks ago. "I just like to be open to hearing opinions other than mine." I confidently rested my back on my chair, arms clasped behind my head.
He squinted, as if he didn't believe I would actually say something like that. "No doubt, of course." He said with a somewhat sarcastic tone. "It's beautifully written, we already established that," He paused. I mentally prepared for the 'but' that's coming up. "But I just don't understand why are you prioritizing love triangles that much? They're...exhausting."
"It is exhausting, that's what makes it desired the most! Like, c'mon, won't you like it if you found two amazingly hot girls fighting over you?" He shifted uncomfortably as I rose on my feet and stood next to him in excitement, he looked like he was imagining his fiancée setting him on fire for just the thought. But I don't think she's capable of doing such things, she's too sweet and...glittery.
"I'm already too decisive." He shook his head, shaking along the idea out of his head. "I can't even decide what socks to wear in the morning." He continued.
"Don't be a boring adult." I groaned. He's crushing my spirit. I lowered myself so that I can put my arm around his shoulder and then said, "Just imagine the beauty of complicity; having not only one, but two love interests. They're both amazing in their own way, find different ways to make your heart melt. It's the best way you can attract the curiosity of a reader as well." I wiggled my eyebrows.
"Alright. I have to admit I'm a bit curious to know how things will develop later on..." He lowered his head in defeat. I raised my fist in the air, happy that I proved my point. He stood up, his cue to leave and get back to boring work.
"Just keep in mind that things are not always pink and unicorn about love triangles. Everything will fall apart if someone made the wrong decision." He said as he was closing the door behind him. I wasn't sure whether he was still talking about the book or love triangles in general.
Before I could give it too much thought, I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I checked it to find a message from Steve. I automatically smiled before I even read what he wrote.
From: Stevioo
Meet me at mac? Thought we can change the atmosphere a bit .x
I don't know what is it with him and McDonald's as he seems to like hanging out and dine there always, but I shrug it off, replying to his message.
To: Stevioo
Sure! I'm starving
Thankfully the nearest McDonald's from the office is not too far, so it didn't take me long to arrive there. I saw Steve leaning his back next to the door, as soon as he noticed me approaching he had the biggest smile on his face. Which made me automatically smile back at him. Gosh, I never felt this excited to meet him, and I meet him quite frequently these days.
"Will if it isn't my favorite writer slash grumpy friend." Greeted Steve. I tried to brush those feelings and thoughts away as he welcomed me with a quick hug, but long enough to take in his cologne. I felt my heart make a backflip.
"Why did you wait out here?" I asked as soon as we pulled back and entered the place.
"'Cause we're not going to eat inside." He grinned, but went inside anyways.
"Wha- what do you mean? We're already inside." I said, catching up to him.
"Just order." He only replied. I tried to shrug it off, deciding what to order. Which is always the same order, I have no idea why do I waste time in thinking that I might change it.
As we received our order, instead of walking to the tables, Steve went through other door that I didn't even realize its existence until now. I was confused, but I followed him anyways to finally get the answer to my question. The door led to an outside park that belonged to McDonald's, and you can either sit on the grass as if you were in some kind of a picnic or you can sit on benches with tables attached to it.
"I've never seen this before." I stated, impressed.
"We didn't have time to look around much the past visits." He shrugged.
"Is that why you're obsessed with coming here?" I asked Steve, who was already staring at me.
"Like I told you, it's nice to change the work atmosphere from time to time." He smiled slyly. He led me to a less crowded table and placed our order on it.
"What? Not a sitting-on-grass eater?" I teased him as I sat next to him on the bench.
"Just eat your food, Jefferson." He ordered me, trying to sound serious but failing as a hint of smile appeared on his face.
We started eating in silence first, then we talked about the future of the project and our companies and eventually we started finishing up on the last part we were assigned to translate. Throughout the day I couldn't stop the voice in my head that kept saying that this is the last time we'll work together and I can't believe how much his presence grown on me these past few weeks. It affected me greatly so much that I don't want this to end, and it sounds so weird coming from me.
My phone buzzed on the table as a message appeared on my lockscreen, cutting my thoughts off. I glanced at the screen while Steve's eyes were glued on the page he was writing some notes on, it was a message from Niall asking if there's a change to wrap up early so that we can hang out.
Without thinking, I turned the screen back off again.
I glanced back at Steve, who still hasn't moved from the position he was in.
Who would've thought that pouring coffee on strangers can make you this close to them? He was a total flirt when we first met, showing off his perfect body and the charming smile of his. I remember that there was a moment between us where we almost kissed before we got interrupted. I wonder what would've happened if we weren't, though? Would it have changed everything between us? Why do I even feel this curious to know?
"Are you going to do this every time we start working?" Steve's voice cut me off. I snapped out my loop of questions I got myself into. I sighed in frustration.
"I'm sorry, Steve. I feel so weird these days." I hid my face with my hand.
Why am I thinking about this stuff? I don't even have feelings for Steve! ...do I?
"Hey, what's wrong? Talk to me." He softly said, taking my hand away to take a good look at my face. I stayed silent. I have no idea what to say and I don't want to make things weird between us.
"Is it the girls again?" He decided to guess himself. I shook my head.
"Something's wrong with Niall?" He, once again, tried to guess.
"It's nothing, just felt a little nostalgic to the day when we bumped into each other," I started. His eyes widened, as if he didn't expect that I would say something like that. He quickly recovered, showing the infamous smirk of his.
"Yeah? You miss seeing me shirtless?" He cockily said. I playfully hit his arm, blushing.
"Just reflecting on the people we were then, and the people we are now." I said, hiding from his burning gaze on me.
"You, blossoming into the prettiest flower that you are, sure. But me? I'm the same Steve you spilled all your coffee on." He chuckled.
"That's not true! If I'm being honest, I couldn't picture us as friends if our only interaction was based only from that day."
"That's not how it looked like at all when we got busy in your kitchen." He smirked, definitely remembering what almost happened that day in my kitchen. Saved by Niall ringing the door.
"What I'm saying is..." I glared at him to hide the redness of my face. "You had no boundaries and if something had happened between us back then, we wouldn't have been friends right now. I would probably have been just a fling to you." I honestly said what creeped on my mind. His hand found my chin to make me look at him. His eyes pierced my soul.
"You can never be anyone's fling. You'd get stuck on a person's mind like a broken record, that much I can tell." He smiled kindly at me. I tried to look for any signs of mock or sarcasm, but there were none. He genuinely meant these words to me.
"If not kissing you that day is what made us still talking 'till now, then I'm glad we didn't." He said, then broke the eye contact while saying underneath his breath, "It's a shame though." It came out as a mumble, but I could pretty much still hear it. I gulped, not knowing how to react anymore.
What's going on here? It feels like this is completely different than any other time I ever had with Steve. There's this tension I'm the only one who's feeling. He looks unbothered with the conversation, as if we're talking about sports or something.
I can't put my finger on this tension though, is it an awkward tension...or a sexual one?
"I know how to fix the situation!" Steve rose up with excitement all of a sudden. He had a wicked smile as he looked around him before he tugged the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it over his head. My eyes widened as I realized what he's doing.
"Steve!" I yelped; the sight of his fine figure stunned me to the point where I wasn't able to form a sentence.
"Yes?" He smiled innocently at me, leaning casually on the table with his arms crossed, as if what he's doing is completely normal. I'm sure he noticed how flustered he made me feel, that's why this is even harder on me.
For God's sake, Jade, pull it together.
"Put your shirt back..." I was about to say, but got interrupted by him lowering his head which made his face inches away from my face.
"...On, please." It came out as a whisper, showing how weak I am right now.
"My God, Jade, you're so easily flustered." He stood straight again, finding his t-shirt to put it back on.
He looked amused by the situation.
That makes one of us.
"You're such a jerk." I shook my head.
"You love it." He replied proudly. And it was partly the truth. I like how carefree he is with me and comfortable, just as I'm comfortable around him.
And just as if it was cue for the fun to leave, Steve's phone vibrated on the table next to me. I glanced at Steve who was to busy flexing his muscles to the public like the idiot he is. I wanted so badly to glance at the screen, instead, I grabbed his phone and swung it right in front of him just so that he notices it, and so he did. He apologized, then took the phone with him further away from our table.
Now I'm getting really curious to know who he's talking to. I moved a bit on the bench to the direction he was standing in. I pretended to be busy with writing notes for work, when my ears could practically fall off their places to eavesdrop.
"Missed me already?" I managed to hear him say.
"...finishing some work stuff, why? Oh, you're nearby then." I raised my eyebrow. Is it possible that he made up with Nicole already? Maybe that's why he didn't like to talk about it that night of my birthday.
He sounded sure that they won't get back though...so who is he talking to then?
"You don't have to. I can just come to you when I'm done." Whoever she is, looks like he doesn't want her here. Why though?
After a few seconds later, I couldn't manage to hear anymore from his phone call. But what I already heard left me plenty to over-think about. I was this close to just walk over to him and understand more, but my pride stopped me. If he made that much effort into keeping it vague around me, then I'm not gonna show him that I want to know.
"You didn't mention that Jade's here too! That's even better!" I heard a familiar voice giggling from behind me. It confused me how familiar that voice sounded like. I glanced at Steve, who was already looking behind me at the source of the voice. I gulped.
I slowly looked behind, and my fears were confirmed by finding a really excited Deja in front of me. She squealed, and before I could even react, she gave me the biggest hug ever.
It amazes me every time how friendly Deja is.
"Heeey, Deja! That was terribly fast." Steve said, his voice is much closer now, announcing that he's right next to us. She backed away and with no hesitation jumped on Steve, kissing him. He looked taken aback by the turn of events, but started to kiss her back.
My heart sank.
I don't know what's happening, but I got a feeling I'm not gonna be curious to figure it out anymore.
"I'm sorry, I couldn't help it." Deja apologized after pulling back.
"It's alright, I still had some stuff to wrap up with Jade here-"
"Oh, no, it's alright." I found myself saying. "You guys do whatever you were planning to do, I'll wrap things up on my own."
"Really? That would be so kind of you, Jade." Deja kindly smiled. She's so fucking kind. I don't like the fact that my mind is trying to make me feel otherwise.
After all, I'm the one who told her to go for it in the first place.
"You don't have to..." Steve said, concern started to creep from his eyes. I smiled back at him anyways.
"C'mon, Mr. McCarthy, are you doubting my professional work?" I tried to joke, just to lighten up the mood of the conversation and to indirectly tell him that I'm okay with whatever's going on. I still have a boyfriend whom I care so much about, and if he's here with me, then that's all I'll ever want in my life.
"Of course not, Miss Jefferson." He joked back. "I'll trust whatever you'll do." He nodded, confirming what he's saying. I collected my stuff, unintentionally overhearing their conversation while also trying to give them some space. It was mostly Deja expressing how happy she is because she saw Steve and that this was their second date. I walked back to them to tell them goodbye, the lovebirds were already intertwining hands.
I'm feeling so weird right now, I can't explain it. But there's a knot in the pit of my stomach that I can't take out, no matter how many times I tried to remind myself that Deja is a great woman who deserves to be happy, especially with a guy like Steve.
"Have fun, kids- don't do anything I wouldn't do." I joked awkwardly, finally turning my back to walk away.
What was that all about? There's so many questions racing on my mind right now, it makes me want to stop and take a breather. I just couldn't let myself look weak in front of them, especially when there's nothing to even be overwhelmed about.
Just as I thought this day was finally over- I bumped into someone on the way inside.
"Hey, watch it!" I heard yet another familiar voice.
I apologized, quickly recovering to see who I bumped into, just to find no other than Natalie herself.
Are they ganging up on me or something?
"Natty! What're you doing here?" I asked somewhat nervously.
"I was just getting an uber outside but my phone's dead, so I was on my way to Deja to order for me. And here we are." She answered, looking as unamused as ever with this encounter.
"Oh. I was just leaving, maybe I can order one for both of us." I suggested, making up for bumping into here, I guess?
"Oh, thank God." She said, now looking so relieved. I raised my eyebrows.
"Don't get me wrong, I love my girl De. It's just that if I went there to ask her, I'll end up being convinced to be the third wheel. I hate that shit, dude."
"In that case, I'm glad we bumped into each other. Nobody likes to be a third wheel." I tried to joke just to lighten the mood up a bit.
"Are you okay though?" I found her asking.
"Yeah, we didn't hit each other that hard." I replied almost immediately.
"That's not what I was referring to." She didn't continue, instead, she just casually glanced at the direction where I just left Steve and Deja. I found myself, out of habit, looking as well at their direction. They still seemed deep in conversation, still intertwined.
"Oh! Of course, I'm okay! Why wouldn't I be?" I laughed awkwardly, scared shitless that Natalie would be one of those people who can read minds and all this creepy stuff.
"You seem a bit tense. I assumed you just got awkwardly informed that they started dating." Natalie explained.
"It was awkward, I'll give you that." I rubbed my neck, remembering what just happened all over again.
"It looks like he makes her happy, though." She said admittingly. I took a second to think about it, realizing that there's no point of denying it.
"Yeah, they both deserve to be happy." I smiled, it was an honest smile. If all it takes for them to be happy is by dating each other, then so be it. What bothered me was the fact that Steve never mentioned this to me, as if he wanted to me to never find out or something.
A few seconds passed, I was ordering for us the uber, and my phone buzzed in my hands. For some stupid reason, I automatically hoped that it would be from Steve. But actually, it was from Niall, who sent me a meme.
Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind getting texts from Niall, no matter how silly they are. But still part of me hoped that Steve felt bad for not telling me, so he wanted to double-check if I was okay.
Or tell me that he'll explain later.
Anything?
...still no new texts.
I don't want to feel as if I'm becoming less important to him now, this would be a loop I won't like getting myself into. It can't be right to lose people left and right just for some inconvenient matters such as this one. Isn't it?
"You look like you've got a lot on your mind." Natalie's voice cut my thoughts, as we were waiting after finally getting out of that place.
"Let's say, hypothetically speaking, that there's someone who has a boyfriend whom they like so much, and yet, hypothetically speaking, they enjoy the company of someone else more than their boyfriend. What does that mean?" Natalie stared at me for a while, maybe giving the question a good enough time to think about in her head before she can answer.
"I say that's dumb. You can't have the best of both worlds. Either you like your boyfriend so much that you don't find it troubling enjoying his company only, or you don't. And in that case, you'll need a new boyfriend. Hypothetically speaking, of course."
"But it can't be right!" I yelled, mostly to myself. She waited for me to explain. "Hypothetically speaking." I added. As soon as I finished my sentenced, a car parked in front of us. I almost forgot we were even waiting for it to arrive. We entered the car, then Natalie continued the conversation.
"I'm telling ya, I've been in the dating biz for too long I can literally run a business about it. Don't fool yourself into thinking that you'll grow out of your fondness of someone, especially when it feels forbidden. That's what makes it exciting." She winked at me. I parted my lips, but she stopped me by putting her hand on my shoulder. "Hypothetically speaking." She added, knowing that I was going to add it myself.
"Tell you what," She paused, her hand leaving my shoulder. "I totally get it. When I first started dating, I made the rookie mistake of not choosing wisely. Far from wise. So much that it didn't feel like I was even in relationship with someone in the first place." I gulped.
"And what did you do?"
"I dumped the guy, and eventually grown apart from the guy I liked over time." This really bummed me out.
"So I stopped dating altogether, started embracing the single life. It took me years to realize what I did wrong."
"And what was it that you did wrong?"
"People tend to attach themselves more to the less complicated, more fun matters. I couldn't imagine myself, in any scenario whatsoever, that I'm happily committed to one guy." So is that the case with me? All this time I thought that getting into a relationship with someone who will love me for the both of us is going to fix all my life problems. If what she's saying is true, was I doing this wrong this whole time?
No, of course not!
I've liked Niall ever since I laid my eyes on him. We started off on a rough patch, but we progressed through it and this is the results; us finally being together after too much of back and forth. What she's saying may not be a universal thing, could be something that doesn't happen very often.
I was kind of traumatized to say the least, throughout the whole ride. I know she can already tell that I was deep into thoughts about what we just talked about, so she decided not to bother with small talk. Eventually, we reached her house.
"I'd tell you to come over, but I feel like you got some stuff to figure out." She told me as soon as she got out of the car. I smiled at her in understanding.
"It's okay, maybe some other time." I replied.
"Just feel free to talk about anything with me. I won't judge, I'm pretty sure I won't even care if you were a serial killer. As long as you don't murder me." She joked to lighten up the mood. I laughed slightly, mentally feeling glad that we bumped into each other today.
"I'll make sure to write that down in my serial killer diary." We both laughed, then waved at each other goodbye. And just like that, the car drove away from Natalie's house, announcing that it's back to reality time.
The car pulled up in front of my apartment. I took a good look at it before stepping out of the car. It feels like forever since I've taken a good look at the place I'm living in and its surroundings. We get so used to some stuff in our lives that we often forget to appreciate them.
I remember the first day I moved in this neighborhood. I was still a newbie, in everything. Almost three years ago, I thought I had my future planned out in front of me. I'll find my dream job so that I can do the thing I love the most for a couple years, instead, I felt like I was trapped in a place I didn't feel like I belong in. It was suffocating, but I managed to survive.
At least I got out of it knowing the girls, is what I kept telling myself over the years.
I'll one day meet a really great guy, who will sweep me off of my feet with his intellectual, witty self. We'd have our first kiss in front of this very spot in front of my apartment's door. We'd go on the most unusual dates ever. He'd keep me in awe in every way possible, with every time my name rolls out of his lips, or when he embraces me with his welcoming warm embrace whenever I get overwhelmed with work. We'd find comfort in each other, talking and sharing like there's no one else we'd rather be with right now. Instead of all this, I found myself a really crappy guy who couldn't give two fucks about me. Got my heart broken over, and over again. I settled for less than I deserve, I made some really godawful decisions in my life.
I was even thinking of adopting my own pet someday. I'd call it some cheesy pet name and hang out with each other on weekends, we'll walk every morning before I'm off to work. We'll create the best memories ever that I'll forever cherish in my heart.
I was planning to be happy, goddammit.
"What are you doing here sitting all by yourself?" I heard a voice, cutting my trail of over-thinking. I looked around me as if finally taking in the state I was in and my surroundings. I was sitting at the entrance this whole time, staring at nothing in particular.
In front of me stood Niall. I was immediately brought back to reality.
"Change of scenery, I guess." I chuckled. "Were we supposed to meet up?" I asked, confused as to why he showed up all of a sudden. He sat next to me.
"You weren't answering my texts, so I got worried." We didn't make eye contact. We just kept staring at the view of the empty street in front of us. The sun was sitting, giving the sky a beautiful shade of orange. There was a slight breeze, strong enough to move my hair. It was enjoyable to say the least.
"I didn't mean to make you worry. I had a lot to do at work, it drained me." I replied, rubbing my eyes tiredly. I found his arm finding its way around my shoulder. With one swift move, he pulled me in his embrace. I didn't have the power to move on my own, so I let myself enjoy his embrace.
"Wanna talk about it?" He lowly said, kissing my hair for comfort. I bit my lip.
I don't want to lie to him, but I also can't tell him the whole thing either.
"We had to put extra effort into work today because this was the last time me and Steve we'll meet up to work on our part of the book. He couldn't finish it with me though, he had a date with Deja." I already knew it, but I still couldn't stop myself from feeling this knot I felt earlier once again. I don't understand, it's not like I'm not going to see Steve ever again. We're still friends, we see each other plenty of times outside of the workplace. What's gotten into me? Is it maybe the fact that I got used to his presence in my office every week? That we'd no longer have an excuse to hang out during work hours? Or maybe it was the fact that he's now dating Deja, and probably won't have time to spend it on me anymore.
"Who's Deja?" I raised my eyebrows, even though I know he couldn't see my face.
Have I not mentioned Deja and Natalie to Niall? Not even once?
"Just someone I became acquaintance with at work." I replied.
"You did make new friends already! That's wonderful, babe." Proudness was all over his voice, I could already imagine his expression. "But why would Steve date your friend?" He couldn't help but ask.
"Acquaintance." I corrected him. "She's the one who was drooling over him from the first time she saw him, maybe he thought he'd give it a shot since they're both single. And Deja is a nice gal." I answered.
"So, what will happen next?" Niall asked.
"I don't know, Niall. I'm not their parents." I found myself snapping for absolutely no reason.
"I meant with the project."
"Oh." Is what I found myself saying, already feeling bad that I'm talking this way. "We'll have one last meeting with everyone, every group will share their part and edit them together as team."
"And that's it?"
"Yep."
"One week, and all this will finally be over." He stated, as if he was mentally putting it as a note in his mind. "One week and we'll be able to have dates, just like Steve and Deja." For some reason, I couldn't get myself to be as excited as he was. I've been dying to have a date with Niall since forever. As much as I wanted to express how happy I am with the way things are going right now, I can't bring myself to do it. Something's stopping me. Something I fear of being revealed.
"Even more than them, too. I'll have you all to myself." He continued, pulling my face closer to his face by my chin.
I found Natalie's voice from our conversation earlier echoing in my head.
"...When I first started dating, I made the rookie mistake of not choosing wisely. Far from wise, so much that it didn't feel like I was even in a relationship with a human being in the first place."
He kept leaning in slowly.
"People tend to attach themselves more to the less complicated, more fun matters."
My relationship with Niall is not complicated...will it be in the future? What if the second we start going on dates, things will get complicated? I won't know how to handle it. I can't get myself into anything that will make me relive the pain I lived in last year.
"I couldn't imagine myself, in any scenario whatsoever, that I'm happily committed to one guy."
Am I...
Our lips made contact.
...actually not ready to settle down,
At first, it was a slow, sincere kiss.
just like I've always thought I wanted?
Then, the pace was slowly getting faster as Niall's hand slid through my hair, deepening the kiss by pulling me even closer.
I couldn't take it anymore.
I pulled away quickly, as if the second I pull away my thoughts would finally stop being so damn loud. Niall looked at me in confusion as I stood up. I must've looked like a mess by now, and I don't blame him if after today I'd look suspicious. But I couldn't take it anymore.
"I'm feeling tired, Niall. Can we continue this later?" I asked, plastering a smile. His eyes searched mine closely, mentally deciding whether to believe me and ignore it or should he interfere.
"Alright, get some rest." He decided to say, giving me a peck on the cheek. With the same plastered smile I had, I left him to get to my apartment.
As I closed the door of my apartment behind me with an exhausted sigh escaping my lips, it accorded to me.
This by far was the weirdest worst day I've ever had in my life.
And at any given point of these next few days, I'll probably make the worst decision I can ever take.
**
A/N: things are starting to get heated y'all!!!!!
The rest of the book is going to be filled with all the drama and action I've been DYING for you to read.
And since I finished writing and editing all the chapters I'm gonna start posting two updates every month!!
Only 5 chapters to go, are you ready for it?