Itachi's POV
The guilt I'm feeling is rivalling with the time I slaughtered my entire clan. And that's saying something, since that was my family. When Deidara said he loves me, all I wanted to do was hold him, and tell him I love him too.
But I couldn't. How can I? It's my fault I've made him fall in love with me. I'm the one who started it, blackmailed him, screwed him, and spent as much time as I possibly could with him. And he hated me. He despised my soul, and I never would have thought that it would change. That my feelings for him are neutral, and that his for me is hate.
But fuck, now look where I am. I saw Deidara cry, and he barely ever does. The only emotion that's normal when it comes to him is anger, or happiness. Not sadness. When I saw the tears fall from his eyes in the forest, I so badly wanted to hug his frail, delicate body, and whisper to him that I'm sorry and that I love him with all I have.
I had made a split second decision though. I had to tell him that I don't live him. Because if I said other wise, then what? I'm scared that if he loves me, he can be in danger. Like if I'm on a mission that's extremely perilous and risky...Deidara could try and find me, and maybe just end up getting himself killed.
I'm just scared for him. I don't want anything bad to happen to him. It's for the best, I tell myself. It's better like this. Deidara will hate me again, and nothing else will happen.
The downside to that is I will never be able to make love to him again, or be with him in an intimate way. Hell, we don't even have to look at each other anymore.
He'll be a ghost to be. A ghost I'm in love with.
I sigh, knowing that I've let the most beautiful, artistic and so serious being I've ever met, go. I've let Deidara leave my side for forever. But it's for the best. It has to be.
Because I can't have it any other way.
I enter my room, Kisame inside it already. I keep my stoic composure, even if I'm so sore inside.
"Hey, Itachi-san," Kisame says to me. I give him a nod in response, because I really don't trust my voice from breaking.
I take off my cloak, laying it on my bed. Kisame is staring at me, but I don't care. All I care about is how I hurt Deidara.
I love him so, so much. And I hate how I told him I don't. How I said to him that he's just a white that means nothing to me. I know that's not true.
Deidara is so amazing. He gave some sort of meaning in my life. I love him, I really do.
I just want to tell him that though. Thinking about it won't do anything. But I know that it's better this way.
It's a short chapter, srry. The story gets a bit more interesting from here tho. A lot of drama 😌👌🏻
I am staring to freak out, however, cuz school is coming next month. It's online school, cuz that's what high schoolers are taking rn, but it's still gonna take a lot of my time. That's why I'm trying to finish the fic this month, since I might not be able to work on it next month. Or, like, ever. Hopefully u guys don't mind. Thx for reading, and plz vote! I'll update again soon!
❤️Sexy-Sushi