GUYS THIS IS THE END??? HOW? DID? WE? GET? HERE??? i mean for real though i honestly remember when i was first beginning this story and now it's over and i just what? WHERE DOES THE TIME GO (does it ever drive you crazy just how fast the night changes)?! i'm sort of emotional. also i stayed up SO FREAKING LATE TO FINISH THIS but i was on a roll and it just happened. anyway, i'd like to thank harry styles, jude law, and heath ledger for making it possible for me to create harry's character, and my parents for giving birth to me, and one direction for existing, AND ALL OF YOU WONDERFUL, AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE WHO HAVE READ AND VOTED FOR AND COMMENTED ON THIS STORY BECAUSE WITHOUT YOU I DON'T KNOW THAT I EVER WOULD HAVE GOT BACK INTO WRITING IT AFTER I STOPPED FOR THAT SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME. seriously though, thank you all from the bottom of my heart. you've never stopped making me smile like an idiot since the day i joined this website, and for that i am forever in your debt. i hope you enjoy this final chapter! please let me know what you think of it! and what was your favorite part of the entire story/your favorite moment that hexie had or brady and lucy or whoever?? i truly want to know! xx take care
Chapter Forty-Two
A M O N T H A N D A H A L F L A T E R
I couldn’t count on two hands how many times since being home I’ve found myself feeling like the first three weeks of my summer never happened at all. It was like the entire thing was beginning to blur, and in my head there was a soft glow around the images and the memories; the conversations and all of the sounds were echoing. I knew, of course, that it had all happened, but perhaps forgetting about it won’t be such a bad thing.
I’ve spent every free second I’ve had preparing for college. Part of me realized that I was packing to leave already when I’d practically just gotten back, but I was excited for college before we went to LA, and I was still excited now despite the circumstances. To be honest, I’m not sure how I would have had everything ready in time had we spent any more time away. I’m leaving in a week, and I’m still not even close to having all of my things packed, all of my supplies purchased. I’d say I’ve never been so stressed out in my life, but obviously that wasn’t true.
It was good to be home, though. I caught up with all of the people I’d had plans with before leaving, spent some time with my grandparents, and Mom and Dad seemed to be fine once we landed back on our home turf. I’d been sure I would have to deal with my mother’s constant sighs and sad glances for weeks, but to my surprise, she’s kept herself busy with helping me get ready to leave and cleaning the house and doing some yard work and just about anything she can think of to keep her mind off of missing my brother. Which is something I’m very grateful for.
Besides, she wouldn’t have to miss Brady too much. Yesterday she received this voicemail (because true to character, she still does not answer her phone):
“Hey, Mom. How’s everything going? How’s Dad? Is Lexie ready to go yet, all packed and everything? If not, tell her to get on it. I’m coming home for a couple days to say goodbye, and I don’t need her being too busy to hang out, so keep her on track until I get there. Oh, and call me back so I can let you know about when I’ll be arriving. Love you, bye!”
And despite just spending about three weeks with him, I was stoked to find out he was coming home. There was something about having him here rather than visiting him there that was so much more appealing, and knowing that he was coming to say goodbye to me was more than heartwarming. Which was sort of irritating because I hate getting all mushy over my brother, but things were so different now. Seeing him was a rarity that I couldn’t afford to downplay.
I still wasn’t finished packing the day he was supposed to arrive. I was getting there, and we at least had all of my supplies and toiletries and other household items for my dorm room bought and packed, so that was finished. I guess in my defense I couldn’t exactly pack away all of my clothes with an entire week left at home, because what would I wear? Packing my wardrobe shouldn’t take too long anyway. Everything else is ready.
It was weird being in my room now. A lot of the things that made it my room, all the personal touches and knick knacks I’d gathered over the years, were packed away, and it left my four walls seeming entirely too bare. I already missed my posters and photographs and Christmas lights. That’s where I was when I heard the knock on the front door.
At first, all I could think was how could he be home already? He wasn’t supposed to get here until late afternoon! Mom was going to be pissed. She was still at work.
I quickly slid off my bed and ran to the living room, avoiding a stack of boxes I’d left in the middle of the floor by mere centimeters. Why was I so excited? I don’t even know. And when I whipped the door open to see my brother standing there, clean-shaven finally, I did the last thing either of us really expected me to do: I threw myself at him.
He hardly caught me, not having expected such a reaction, but then he chuckled. “Damn. You act like you haven’t seen me in years.”
“It’s more like you haven’t been home in years.”
“That’s a bit of an exaggeration I think.” He let me go, a content smile on his stupid face. Then he spotted something over my shoulder. “Woah, what’s with all the boxes? You moving out?”
I rolled my eyes. “Something like that.” I stepped aside to let him in, my eyes following his every movement like I was worried he wasn’t going to like what he saw inside our home, though I’m pretty positive not a thing has changed since he’s last been here. Apart from the boxes. “Why are you home so early, anyway? I thought you weren’t supposed to be here until later.” Blindly, I reached for the door handle to shut it after Brady was all the way inside.
The door didn’t budge, and someone cleared their throat. It wasn’t my brother.
“Hi,” Harry said, staring at me expectantly for a moment before breaking out into a very Patrick Verona-esque, Cheshire cat grin.
I was rendered completely unable to speak at the shock of seeing him standing on our doorstep. Had he been standing behind Brady the entire time? His hair had grown so long in the month and a half since I’d seen him last… It was nearly touching his shoulders. His…his… Why was he here? I haven’t heard from him since our last week together ended, so why was he here?
“Oh, yeah,” Brady said behind me. “Harry wanted to tag along. Hope that’s alright.”
Keep it together, Lexie, Jesus Christ.
“Right, uh…yeah. Hi,” I managed to force out.
His smile was so charming I wanted to slap it off. But at the same time, it felt like I haven’t seen it in so long, and I never wanted him to stop looking at me like that. “You’ve always had a way with words, Lex, you know that?”
I just stared at him, still trying to fathom why he was currently standing before me and no longer in Los Angeles with the rest of his band. Still trying to fathom why I was so happy and so angry at the same time. Still trying to fathom what he was doing here and where the hell Katie was and why he wasn’t with her and what. the. hell. he. is. doing. here.
“Well, I’m starving, so, uh…” Brady began saying behind me, then. “I’m going to make myself something. You guys hungry?”
Harry said “I’m good, thanks,” at the same time I muttered “no,” and this was the first time I was able to finally away from him. I dropped my eyes to my bare feet.
“Cool.” And we were alone.
Why couldn’t I form coherent sentences? Why wasn’t I speaking to him? We didn’t end on bad terms. We didn’t end arguing! For God’s sake, I’m acting ridiculous. It ended the way it was supposed to, how I’d wanted it all along and how I knew it would. I’ve accepted it, haven’t I? I haven’t thought about it since I got home, so by now, I should be fine, right? And therefore, I should be able to, you know, form words, right?
So why can’t I seem to be able to?
“You have a nice yard here,” Harry said, letting his gaze settle on our front lawn. Dad had just mowed it yesterday, so it looked much better than it usually did. “Want to walk?”
He held his elbow out for me to take, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Instead, I just joined him on the front step and waited for him to lead the way.
“Alright, then,” he shrugged. “So how’ve you been?”
He was so annoyingly calm. How was this not weird for him? Why was it weird for me? “Fine.”
“Come on,” he scoffed, smiling down at me. “You’re going to have to talk sometime. Have you just missed me so much that you’re in shock, or have I done something to upset you that I should be aware of?” He waited a while for my response, but it didn’t come, so he continued. “I suppose I probably could have called or something. Is that it, then? Are you angry with me because we haven’t spoken?”
I opened my mouth and then shut it soundlessly, and then I did it again twice before my voice finally worked. “I’m not angry with you.”
To my surprise, he threw an arm around my shoulders and tugged me into him. “So you’ve missed me that much, then. I knew it.”
Quickly, I removed his arm. “Sure. You can say that.”
“Ouch. I must have done something.”
We rounded the corner of my house to the side that seems to never see the sun. It is constantly shaded by our second story, and when the sun is on this side of the sky, the trees that line our property tend to block it. I sort of liked it over here. The same way I enjoy rainy weather, I find that I also prefer cloudy days over clear ones, and the ceaseless shade sometimes makes it easy to pretend that the sun was being hidden by storm clouds.
“You didn’t do anything, Harry,” I sighed. I’m the reason for my own discomfort, don’t worry.
“Yeah, you’re right,” he nodded solemnly. I wasn’t sure if he was teasing me about something suddenly, but his expression became serious. But before I could analyze further, he stopped walking and made me face him, and it seemed like he was actually…angry. “You did.”
“Excuse me?”
“I saw the video, Lexie. The interview? You know, the one where wished me happiness and all that?” I couldn’t breathe, but it was okay; he wasn’t finished. “I mean, are you kidding? Why didn’t you ever tell me how you felt, huh? Could you be any more selfish? God,” he paused, exhaling sharply. He seemed to need this moment to gather his thoughts, but again, it was fine because there was no way I could speak yet anyway. “You’re so…infuriating sometimes! I fell for you so damn fast, and the entire time I had to pretend that that hadn’t happened because I was sure that you didn’t want anything to do with me.”
My brain finally rewired itself to my tongue. “Wait, hold on a second here. Did you just say you fell for me?”
“Pretty sure I didn’t stutter.”
I narrowed my eyes. “And is there a reason, Harry, you failed to mention this to me? Could you be any more hypocritical right now?”
“Are you joking?” he practically shouted.
“No, I’m not. You’re bitching me out because I never told you how I felt about you when in reality you did the exact same thing, except, oh, wait a minute – you were going out with Katie Clemens. So excuse me for keeping me mouth shut, but at least I had a reason to. What’s yours, huh?”
He pinched the bridge of his nose as he responded. “Lexie, Katie and I were never a thing.”
“Yeah, bull shit you weren’t.”
“I’m serious.” He lifted his eyes to level them with mine. “When your brother and Lucy set us up that first day, we got to talking about you and my predicament and then all she ever was from then on was something of an advisor. That black dress you wore the night of the dinner? It was hers.”
I didn’t know what to say to any of that, so I picked something that I could cling to. “You and your predicament?”
“What?”
“You said you guys got to talking about you and your predicament. What was your predicament? I thought me pretending to be your girlfriend was solving the predicament.”
He took a step closer to me and cocked his head. “The predicament was that I had fallen stupidly, irreversibly in love with you, and for someone who has a tendency to be violent, bitter, sarcastic, and annoyingly stubborn, you sure made it easy.”
“Harry,” I breathed, awkwardly chuckling. “We were only together for like, three weeks. You can’t… That isn’t – “
“I told you, you made it easy. It didn’t take long at all. I was as surprised as you are when I realized it.”
If I thought it was hard to fathom what he was doing here before, then it’s utterly impossible to fathom how any of this was even happening right now. The fact that this conversation just happened and those words just left his mouth is so beyond baffling that I found myself dying to hear him say it all just one more time so that I could be sure I heard it right.
“Then…why didn’t you tell me? Why did you let the façade go on and…and end? Why – “
“Because I didn’t think you felt the same. And I’d already caused so much trouble for you that I didn’t want to push it. But you have no idea how badly I wanted to. Especially that last night. Well, there were many times, but… You were so upset the last night, and I almost did, Lexie. I almost told you.”
“And you didn’t because?”
“You were so conflicted about something, and I wasn’t positive, but I assumed it was about us, and if you weren’t one hundred percent positive about how you felt then I wasn’t going to tell you. I didn’t want you to have to carry around that burden of knowing some fool wanted you to be his after everything was over. But I could see it all over your face; you were so conflicted.”
We stared at each other in silence for some time while I gathered my thoughts and determined my next move. My mind was trying to make sense of all that’s happened in the last ten minutes, and it was nearly impossible, but it wasn’t giving up. Not this time.
“I was conflicted,” I finally admitted. “Very.” His face fell a little. “I’m terrified of your world, Harry. I don’t know if I belong in it.”
His frown deepened, although I could tell he was trying to fight it. He nodded, dropping his gaze to the ground for a second before looking back up at me.
“But I’m not conflicted anymore. I don’t know when I figured this all out, to be honest, because I’ve been doing my best to think of you as little as possible since I’ve been home, but uh, I don’t care if I don’t belong in your world.” I shrugged. “I don’t even care if I’m afraid of it.”
He looked so hopeful, his eyes just barely widening, his eyebrows raising. His lips were parted and in a slight pout as he waited for me to go on and processed what I’d said thus far. His hands were in fists at his sides, his knuckles turning white, and I realized while staring at them that despite how shocked I’d been to learn that Harry had fallen in love with me in such a short amount of time, I was undoubtedly in love with him as well.
“Bring it on, I guess.” I was unable to stop my lips from spreading into a relieved smile.
He was slow to mimic my expression, but it happened, one corner of his mouth at a time. “The cheese is real,” he eventually said.
“The cheese was real when you explained your predicament.”
“Speaking of cheese – “
“If you even consider telling me a joke about cheese, I’m taking back everything I just said.”
He pouted. “Aw. Why?”
“Because you’re ruining our moment.”
His smile returned almost immediately. “I didn’t realize we were having a moment.”
“That’s because you didn’t let me finish.”
“You weren’t finished?”
“No.”
Before he could say another word that would make me change my mind or think twice, I crossed the small space between us and pulled his face down to mine, and when I kissed him I’m pretty sure the entire world stopped moving. At least, my world did. It was sort of easily the best kiss I’ve ever had, too, because as soon as he realized that I was kissing him it was like his entire body awakened and he wrapped his arms around me and held me flesh against himself like he was afraid I’d slip from his grasp if he didn’t. The desperation of it made me want the kiss to never stop, but of course it had to. We ran out of oxygen.
When our moment ended, he didn’t let me go. He rested his forehead against mine until he caught his breath, and then he began to chuckle and shake his head.
“What?” I wondered.
“Can’t believe I’ve been missing out on that,” he said, his honey and summer voice still breathy and sort of shaky. He was smiling so largely that the corners of his eyes crinkled more than usual, and the expression was one hundred percent contagious. “You never fail to surprise me.”
“Maybe that’s the charm you were talking about that – apparently -- I have,” I suggested.
“I think you’re right.”
“There’s one thing you’re going to have to figure out pretty quickly, here, Harry: I’m always right.”
Amused, he rolled his eyes. “I guess I can live with that. By the way, I like your necklace. Where’d you get it?”
I picked up the paper airplane pendant and glanced down at it, feeling a fond attachment to it almost instantly. “Oh, this? Some idiot gave it to me a while back.”
“Is that so? Well, that idiot was right to hand it over. It suits you.”
“Yeah, I think it does, too. Probably why I haven’t taken it off.”
“Oh, I figured you haven’t taken it off because, since that idiot wasn’t calling you, it was all you had to really remember him by. Also you were basically in love with him, so there’s that as well.”
“Basically.”
“I think we’re going to kiss again.”
I chuckled. “Fine with me.”
And then we did. It was like the first one, only better somehow, and I couldn’t wait to spend more time kissing him like this because I think he’s the best kisser I’ve ever encountered and I’ll be damned if I die before I learn some of his tricks; if he does that tongue thing one more time I might melt in his arms.
Our kiss wasn’t cut short by us running out of oxygen this time, though. It was cut short by a phone’s camera snapshot sound. When I pulled away to see what was going on, I found that Harry had managed to pull his cell phone out of his pocket and had held it out to capture a picture of our kiss.
“What are you doing?” I demanded as he tapped away on his screen. “Did you take a picture of us?”
“I did.”
“For?”
He didn’t respond. Instead, he cutely stuck the tip of tongue out while he finished whatever he was doing on his phone. When he was finally done, he held it out for me to see. Sure enough, there we were (and no two people have ever looked better kissing, I must say) on a tweet he’d just composed with a caption beneath it.
Round 2: here we go again!
THE END