46 -
After everyone left, I just sat on the tea stall in front of the college for a while, thinking with my earplugs plugged in and even Tum Hi Ho wasn't making this whole thing better.
I so want to dance right now, eat some cake and forget that I'm human and I need money to survive.
Nothing wrong with wanting to dance with somebody...wanting to feel that heat with somebody.
I opened my messages and tapped on Darshan's name and composed a text, 'Hey, call me! I mean whenever you're free and happy. I got you'.
Mi amour: you're cute when you're nice <3
Me: and when i'm not nice?
Mi amour: hot as fuck ;)
Woah, god damn.
Me: aren't you supposed to be asleep right now?
Mi amour: i'm supposed to be a lot of things. i live to disappoint
Disappointment: sorry 🙂
[Picture message Tara: blank photo]
Me: I'd rather see you in this
Disappointment: wait, there's nothing there
Disappointment: oh fuck
Disappointment: that was smooth AS FUCK BABE
Me: ikr? ;)
Disappointment: send me a picture of you!
Disappointment: like right now
Disappointment: I want to see my pretty lover
How cute, he knows I hate being called girlfriend.
I clicked a selfie making a weird face and sent it to him.
Me: happy?
Disappointment: you're fucking adorable
Disappointment: and adorably fuckable
Me: shit, you're horny
Horny BF: hell yeah way tooooo much
Me: should i send nudes?
Horny BF: 😳🤤
Me: is that a yes or a no?
Horny BF: nudes for nudes
Me: DONE!!!
Horny BF: btw
Horny BF: why the fuck were you with soooo many guys today
Jealous ass: I saw your stories
Jealous ass: you're mine
Jealous ass: so all the other guys can fuck off
Me: I can't help it
Me: they think I'm single, public me and make a statement raval
Jealous ass: do not challenge me vaid, i'll just end up doing it and you'll have to deal with a lot
Me: whatever
Jealous ass: the statement still stands
Jealous ass: you're mine
Jealous ass: you're all fucking mine
Jealous ass: no one can ever have you
Jealous ass: you're my queen
What? What's with him today? I smiled to myself biting my lower lip.
Me: should I get that tattooed
Me: I belong to darshan raval
Jealous ass: yup
Me: well potassium is a very nice element
Me: very reactive
Me: unlike that response you just gave
Jealous ass: you fucking kill me
Jealous ass: it's like being in love with a 5 year old child
Jealous ass: who drinks
Me: I love saying dumb shit
Me: it fuels me
Me: I thrive off my own stupidity
Me: well fuck
Jealous ass: we'll
Me: ;)
Me: I kinda want you right now, oh the things I'd do to you
Jealous ass: you give me butterflies to be honest
Jealous ass: but you also make me super horny
Jealous ass: I'll probably end up getting a boner
Me: touch yourself and think about me
Jealous ass: you're gonna look so cute sleeping at top of me
Awww.
Cutie: but you'll also look cute grinding on top of me and kissing my neck
Teenanger Raval: but yeah sleeping is cute too
Teenager Raval: okay bye vaid
Teenager Raval: I gotta go
Teenager Raval: I love you, remember that and all the other guys can fuck off
I closed my phone and sighed deeply, looking ahead. I think, I should go too it's been a while. Everyone will be mad at me for missing our graduation day party.
I felt someone's back against me out of nowhere and I took off by earphones. Without, turning around I just sat still. It was him, I knew.
"Hey, did I just missed the graduation?", he asked.
I smiled to myself, pressing my lips hard, "I guess so".
"Shit, I think my girlfriend is going to be mad at me", he said.
"Maybe, maybe not. You'll have to find out", I went on.
"Would you be mad if roles reversed?", he asked.
"No, not really", I told him.
"Okay", he said.
"Is she losing you, though?", I asked him.
"Who?", he asked.
"Is your girlfriend losing you?", I asked softly.
"No, not ever", he replied instantly.
"Okay", I nodded but I forgot he can't see me.
"I love her, you know", he said.
"I know", I whispered.
"Do you love your boyfriend?", he asked me.
"I don't know, I don't like that term. Boyfriend, it's so...um...kiddish but yes I love him. You know, you’ll find someone and they’ll do all the little things with you that you’ve always dreamed of. That's sort of him", I said.
"Really?", he asked.
"Um-hm", I nodded.
Suddenly, he wasn't sitting with his back pressed against mine anymore, I turned around he wasn't there. I looked back ahead, what the--ugh.
"You scared me Darshan", I got up.
"I know, your face was like uh...like", he laughed loudly.
"Yeah right", I crossed my arms.
"Come", he took my hand in his.
"Where to?", I asked him as he dragged me.
"Somewhere on the earth", he said. "Sit", he opened the car.
"What do you want Raval?", I sat and he say besides me, driving off rapidly.
"You", he beamed and I shook my head, pressing my lips from forming a smile.
"I'm sorry though. I know you said I need to be at your graduation way long back and I promised you also and in fact that is the only thing you literally asked me till now but dad, like he'd a surgery and I know that I didn't tell you about it but I was so mad because he told me last moment and I couldn't shift dates so today was free because I already had it scheduled for your graduation but I flew to Ahmedabad instead to meet papa and then I flew back to Mumbai. I so hoped I'd make it in time for your ceremony but I fucking didn't so I promise I'll make it up to you", he went on about it.
"Oye, it's okay! But can you stop the car for a second", I told him.
He looked at me confused and then slightly parked the car aside.
"What?", he softky asked me, he kind of looked a little freaked out. I wondered, why?
"Um, I'm so not upset with you really and even if you want to make it up to me you can but later, can we just go to bed and maybe sleep or make out I don't know, I just want to be with you really right now because you have to go tomorrow", I said.
"Tonight", he said and I tangled my fingers in his.
"Okay, I'll make it up to you later", he started the ignition. "I kind of feel bad that you have to spend your day so boringly", Darshan added.
"Nah, you're never boring Raval", I bit my lip as I looked at his chest as he opens the first three buttons of his shirt on purpose.
"I can see you doing that", he said, smiling at the road.
"What? I didn't move", I smiled, looking at him.
"Your eyes moved", he said.
"My eyes are kinda having sex with your eyes", I said and he fell back chuckling.
On a completely other note, he's so hot.
"You know, feels weird graduating college because I’m no longer ever gonna be a student again...I’m like an adult now", I said, out of nowhere.
"Well, you can always apply for your masters", he said.
"Shut up! Doesn't changes that I'm an adult plus I hate learning in classrooms. 12 years in school and three in college, I've had it! But like I'm an adult", I said, thinking about it briefly.
"Well, yes you'll be an adult. Actually, you're an adult now", Darshan remarked.
"When did guys stop bringing flowers to dates, though? Maybe I should start bringing flowers to dates", I randomly blurted.
"Maybe", he said. "Also, you know Sagar, right? He just got engaged. He'll be marrying in what six months, damn", Darshan added.
"Woah, congrats to him. Are you going to go to his wedding?", I asked him.
"Obviously, we'll go!", Darshan said. "But like the amount of people getting married around me is just super insane these days. On this scale, right now, my family is quite but they'll start pressurising me soon", he rolled his eyes.
"I have time, thankfully", I smirked.
"It's not even funny, once that starts what will I do? It's super serious", Darshan averted.
"You can always do an engagement and they'll be quite for a few years, chill", I took out my phone as it buzzed.
"I don't think I can do that either", he said.
"Why?", I asked, tapping on Instagram.
"Because the girl I'll ask will just lose it", he said and I pressed my lips hard.
"Oh, yeah", I mumbled.
"And I've lost it with my weight! Honestly, what the fuck. I just can't maintain my diet while travelling. The calorie intake is fucking messed up", Darshan nagged.
"Do you know sex burns 144 calories?", I raised a brow, smirking to myself as I liked all the posts on my feed.
"You make me smile but also super horny but that's not the point", Darshan commented.
"It's not even my fault, I was getting back at you because one time you left my question on read and threw your phone in the ocean", I sarcastically smiled at him.
"Oh, really? Is that what it is then? We're getting back at each other, you and me, eh okay", he dramatically said and I casted a look at him.
Darshan undid one of his buttons and I just stared at it until he closed two of them. Ass.
Okay, honestly though that turned me on completely.
"You did that on purpose you ass", I protested.
"Babe I was just getting back at you", he gave me an innocent look and a wink after that.
"THAT WAS ILLEGAL", I threw my hands in the air.
"When we live together, I'm purposely going to try and make you horny all the time", he teased me.
'When we live together'.
I did kind of wanted that though. I really missed him because he was never fucking home and that's on main why I'm so horny in the first place.
It was really sad, I wish he was kind of non-famous but he deserves it equally ugh but like I really want to keep him for myself!
We reached home after a brief teasing session and I was complaining in the lift how there are so many people at his place and I wanted to make out on the sofa while Darshan didn't give a fuck. When has he given a fuck really? I'm just here to bark and he's just here to ignore the shit I bark.
"If you keep making that face, I'll kill you", he said, taking out the keys from his hand and unlocking the door.
"No one is home?", I asked.
"Are you scared the things I'd do to you?", he said that deeply.
Kinda. But I want that.
"I'm scared of the things I'd do to you", I walked in.
"Yeah?", he asked.
"Yeah", I replied. "Did you finished Lolita though?", I asked him.
"With the time I get how can you even ask me this? But I read like 4 pages somewhat", he said. "How much did you read Vaid?", Darshan asked, throwing himself on the couch.
"Around 55", I said. "It's a hard book, lot of old english so it's taking a lot of time to decipher it", I took the bottle out of the fridge walking back.
"Exactly! I'm telling you let me get you a kindle so that you can tap and you'll get the meaning", Darshan persuaded me.
"Thanks but no thanks, I'm a dictionary person", I sighed.
"More like a Google person but anyways", he shrugged. "Show me your journal", he asked.
"Never", I shook my head.
"The one I gave you ass", he recalled.
Yeah, he got us the same kind of journal. It has Vincent's Starry Night as its cover picture. Thriving.
Then, I proposed why don't we write things that happen in a day nothing too personal and yeah the agreement was to sort of read each other's also.
I reached out for my bag and took out the journal.
"Where's yours?", I eyed him.
"I don't have a bag that I carry with meself 24/7 filled with journals", he rolled his eyes getting up.
"Just two", I reminded him.
"Still plural", he came back with his and tossed it to me.
"You don't feel a wee bit uncomfortable me reading this?", I asked him.
"Nah", he snatched mine from my hand, flipping the pages open rapidly scanning everything.
I kind of feel naked now.
I took his in my hand and flipped it open, he'd scribbled his name in big block letters at the center of first page.
Flipped.
Page 01: this is so random, i don't know what to write. i've been thinking like a lot lately and it's intense thinking, travelling is really hard but then you also love it and well it's all messed up. Good thing, i wrote some songs. i've been thinking about kids though, daughter in particular, like i'll have to become a father someday right? not to be a sexist really but i'd really want a daughter. i saw this girl at the airport today morning, around 5 or 6, and her dad was making her eat food. it was simple, though it was cute and i'd like really want that. but then i'm really scared to have a daughter as well, i don't know it's all twisted and complicated but what if like i really have a daughter, what will i do?
I think you'll do just fine. But well, let's go ahead.
dear future daughter,
1. when you're at some party smoking on the roof with some strange girl with blue hair, ask her about her day. soemtimes the most strange people have the most captivating stories to tell.
2. there's a difference between desire and love. love happens in the soul and desire is in the veins.
3. you know who's going to give you everything? not me, not your mother, certainly not a boy...yourself.
4. fuck school, it isn't even important baby. i know school is supposed to teach you things, but it just made me forget how much i loved singing and watching animal documentaries and exploring nature and learning new things and having fun so genuinely fuck it. i'll never be mad if you fail.
5. if your heart breaks because of a boy and you feel like dying, you know that's stupid. keep your mental health above all that. everything, a boy, your parents, your friends, you come above. to hell with anyone who tells you differently.
I think I was on the verge where I was going to be really really in love with him. Or in love with him already.
I looked at Darshan as he was reading whatever word vomit I've written on that, I just want to give this boy some self esteem and blowjobs.
Page 02: it's just people don't really get it, do they? you never stop loving or hurting, it continues and continues until you are dead and maybe even after that. it never goes away, it just gets adjusted in the background so that it's not consuming you everyday. you never forget your lovers, ever. you remember somewhat always and you change. when you look back you realize it was a different person with them altogether, living some different life. and you're okay. maybe.
Woah Raval!
Page 03: she loved sunsets and sunrises. rains and thunderstorms. adventures and journeys. and i...loved her :)
As, I turned, nothing.
That's it, that's all? All these days which really felt like years he could only pen 3 pages.
Weren't they too good, though?
I looked at Darshan who was already looking at me.
"I hate you", he said.
"What?", I closed his journal shut.
"I hate you, yours is way prettier", he compliant.
"You can always make it prettier, you know", I got up keeping his journal on the table, and went to sit besides him on the sofa he was sitting on.
He placed my journal on the table just besides where I kept his and I side hugged him, tightly shutting my eyes close. He moved a little bit and his fingers caressed my face for a second, my eyes still shut and I smiled.
His hands reached around my lower back before he started bringing his face closer to mine. His lips gently touched mine like it was our first kiss, before he got sure of himself and pressed them down and started moving.
His phone rang. He opened his eyes while I had already opened them. He jerked back.
"Just a second, Vaid. A second", he reached for his phone and answered it. "Right now? I am actually kind of in the middle of something...um...yeah", I stopped listening after that.
I licked my lips hastily and pushed my hair behind my ears. Trying to smile, I wanted to be the positive one here. Please T!
"Vaid, you've to give me an hour. I'll be back", he got up and I nodded, smiling.
"Yeah, no shit Raval. Go", he gave me a soft peck before taking his car keys and storming out.