"Kels! Come on!" Nina yells.
I groan, flipping the covers off me and sitting up. They all know I still feel off. They all know I only get out of bed for work and class. Yeah, I'm doing better, I just feel drained. I'm so tired all the time. Trudging down the stairs, I was so ready to just immediately start complaining.
I finally look up, my eyes filling with tears the second I see the three of them standing there.
"Surprise."
"Guys!" I sniffle, a weak smile on my lips, looking at them, then to the pile of things on the kitchen counter.
They'd clearly planned something to cheer me up. They bought a cake, and there were a bunch of chocolates as well. There were a couple gifts, some makeup, some books. There were painting supplies, which really meant the world to me.
"You've just been- you've been so fucking strong, Kels. You've been going through a lot. We just, we want to try our best to cheer you up." Nina tells me, shrugging her shoulders.
"You really didn't have to. I'm getting better. Things are... okay." I reply, not only trying to convince them, but myself.
"We know, but let us treat you, okay?" Kyle says, weakly smiling at me.
"Kels, I'm taking you to get our nails done." Nina tells me, smiling over at me.
"After that I'm taking you shopping." Ashton adds.
I sigh, shaking my head, "Guys, no, you don't need to do this. I'm okay. You've gotten me enough here. I don't need this." I gesture to the pile of things sitting on the counter, not needing them to do anything else for me.
"Will you just let us spoil you? You deserve it!" Nina replies.
"You guys didn't let me tell her what I got her! It's kinda the greatest." Kyle groans, making me laugh.
"Right. The one with the extremely rich parents bought you something." Nina says, trying to not seem petty.
"Anyways! Kels, we just thought this would be best for you. You even said so to Nina. So, here." He tells me, handing my a folded up piece of paper.
I give him a confused look, before I begin to unfold the paper. Skimming over it, my jaw drops, "Kyle, you didn't."
"I did." He laughs.
"This is so much money. I can't accept this." I mutter, my eyes scanning over the paper again to make sure I read it correctly.
"You have to. I bought it already. I can't return it."
"I'm paying you back."
"I don't need the money. But you need to go back to Seattle. You said yourself that you wanna go home. So, I bought you a ticket to go early."
That's when I start sobbing. I rush over to hug him, holding onto him tightly as I cry.
"I don't know what happened last time you were there, Ashton was worried about me getting you a ticket home. But Nina said you wanted to. I know you've gotten pretty close with your friends from Seattle again. I think you need to see them."
"Thank you so much, Kyle. Oh my god!" I wail, tightly clinging onto him.
"Hey, it's okay. You need this. You're only going two weeks earlier than you originally wanted to, I couldn't have you missing exams or anything." He chuckles, rocking me in his arms.
"I love you. I love all of you. Thank you for getting me through everything. The breakup, the miscarriage, just everything else... I really don't know what I'd do without you. Truly."
"Group hug!" Ashton tells, joining Kyle and I, Nina following.
When we all eventually pull apart, I look over at Ashton, "Ash, you're going through this too- I can't let you-"
"Kels, don't worry. He doesn't know yet that Kyle and I have something planned for him too." Nina laughs.
"I told you not to. Kels is the one going through it." Ashton mutters.
"You need it too, Ash. Stop acting like you're fine."
"Can we just focus on Kels?" He asks, obviously not wanting to deal with this right now.
"I do love you guys. You mean the whole world to me."
-
Ashton and I have been shopping for a little while now, we're taking a break in the food court now. My mood switched pretty quickly, I'm feeling awful about myself again.
"You can talk to me, Kels." Ashton says, taking a deep breath.
"I-I'm sorry." I sniffle.
"What's wrong?"
I know I shouldn't tell him, he's going to hate me. But I think I'd rather open up to him instead of a new therapist. That's not an easy thing to do. I take a deep breath before I speak.
"I just want to get high one last time. Fuck, I shouldn't say that. Especially not to you. God, I just-" I pause, sniffling, before realizing what I just said, "I'm so sorry. Oh my god."
"You did not just say that."
"I'm going through it right now, and that's what I did to deal with things. My marriage fell apart and I did coke every fucking day because of it. Things went bad in Seattle, I relapsed. I miscarried and I haven't done it yet. I just want to do it one more time. It made me feel better, Ash. It made me feel alive."
He pauses for a few moments, just staring at me as if this wasn't real. "When you get back from Kiana's wedding, I'm bringing you to rehab. That's it, Kels. Fuck, you're checking yourself in. I don't care what you have to say."
"You can't force me to go."
"I won't let you go through this again, Kelsey. I won't. If you don't stay clean I fucking promise you, Nina, Kyle and I will not be sticking around." He replies, his voice strained. He's trying to stay calm. He's trying not to breakdown.
"Ashton-"
"No. I'm not trying to be an asshole here, you need to realize that you can't go back to that. You relapsed, it happens, but that doesn't mean you have to keep using. You can stay clean. It's been, what? Months? It's been months since Seattle. You can keep going."
I sniffle, "I need to go home. I have to see Kiana and Calum. And Luke."
"Luke got you into this, Kelsey."
"But I think now he can get me out of it. I'm trying so hard to stop having feelings for him, Ashton. I'm trying. Fuck, I've been trying since the moment I filed for divorce. After Seattle all I've wanted is to just... be around him. It's so fucked up, I know."
"You kicked him out when he came to visit you."
"Because of the baby, Ashton! He kept saying things about how that should've been him and I but all I could focus on was trying to tell you. It was giving me anxiety so I kicked him out! Because all I could think about was that he was right. I wanted that with him and only him. We were never meant to have a baby, Ashton."
"Fine. Okay. You can run back to Luke. I can't stop you. But this whole going back to drugs and alcohol thing? Fuck that." He scoffs.
"I'm sorry. I'm stupid. I didn't mean it. I don't want to do it again." I tell him, knowing that what I said is truly stupid. I know I don't need to get high. I know I don't need to drink.
"You said it, Kels! You obviously meant it!" He quietly exclaims, not trying to attract attention from the people around us.
"Fuck. Fuck!" I yell, now gaining the attention of a few people around us.
"Okay, Kels, maybe we should go."
"No, we're out to have a good time and not think about this shit, we're going to have a good fucking time." I mutter, leaning back in my seat.
Ashton sighs, "Listen, I didn't want to fight with you. But I can't coddle you forever. I have to be straight up with you eventually. That's all I was trying to do."
"Fuck, I know." I sniffle, trying not to cry, "I just- I wish everything was easier. I don't know why I'm still like this.
We sit in silence for a few moments. Both of us weren't in the mood to. Neither of us wanted to break the silence now.
"Oh, hey, guys."
We both immediately look up, seeing the last person we'd want to see right now.
"Michael. Hi." Ashton replies, trying to smile at him.
"Yikes. Sorry. I knew I shouldn't have come to talk. Sorry." He mutters.
"No, Michael. It's not you." I sigh, getting more frustrated with Michael and his recent behaviour.
He scoffs, rolling his eyes, "You know, I'm starting to not believe that."
"Fuck." I mutter reaching out to him, "It's not about you, Michael. I have so much shit happening."
He lets out a huff as I pull him into the empty chair next to me, "Fuck."
"I'd love to tell you what's going on with me, but it would hurt you."
"Tell me." Michael snaps.
"Kelsey, don't." Ashton demands, his head snapping up to look at me.
"Well I either let him keep acting like this or I have to fucking destroy his relationships with us to get him to fucking understand this isn't about him!"
"Let him." He demands, getting visibly angry.
"What the fuck is wrong with you two?" Michael asks.
"She just asked to do coke 'one last time' and I'm not here for it." Ashton answers.
"Kelsey!"
"You don't get it Michael! I had a miscarriage and it's fucked me up! I just want to get high again. Just one more time. That's all." I let out a deep breath, not ready to have this conversation.
Michael's jaw was dropped, pausing before speaking up, "Y-you were pregnant? So you did really cheat on me with him."
"Fuck, Michael! I never slept with Luke!" I pause looking over to Ashton, "I'm sorry, Ashton, I have to."
"Kels, please don't-" He begs, but I cut him off.
I take a deep breath, unable to look Michael in the eye, "I slept with Ashton."
"What?"
"We shouldn't be doing this in a fucking mall food court." Ashton angrily mutters, staring over at me.
"You two did what?"
"It was after you guys broke up, Michael. Dude, I'm so sorry. I just- I got really drunk and I just- we were talking and it- it happened."
"Fuck you. You had sex with my ex-girlfriend, what, a month after we broke up?"
"A week." I whisper.
"He doesn't need to know the details, Kelsey!" Ashton yells, once again making a couple people around us look over to us.
"Fuck both of you." Michael chokes out, before getting up and walking away.
Ashton sighs, shaking his head.
"I'm sorry. I don't know what else to do about Michael anymore." I whisper, looking down at my hands.
He stays silent for a couple seconds, before reaching into his pocket, "Here's the car keys. I'm ubering home now."
"We can drive together, stop being dramatic-"
"Bye, Kels." He mutters, interrupting me, as he drops the keys on the table and walking away.
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hi it's been a little bit I'm sorry I'll be back asap!