After Jacob had gone off with his friend Connah and his family we had cleaned together as a unit. Derek said he wanted a shower and to complete a few emails and Gerry was going for a nap. We arranged to come back down to the tv room in the basement for around 4pm and to have take out for dinner.
They knew I wanted to talk and we had no idea how it was going to go. I decided to run a bubble bath. As the bath was running I took out my phone.
Pria: an afternoon entertaining a football team has left me yearning a bubble bath. I hope yours was a little more relaxing ;) xx
I couldn't help but want to text Brandon it's as if a few hours of no contact had me craving to speak to him. This was silly I was acting obsessive I shook my head and made my way to the bathroom. I put on a little music on my phone and lowered myself into the bubbles.
It felt like heaven. I needed to relax I wanted to share my past with the two of the most important people to me. I needed to share my secrets, it felt like they were weighing me down.
When I was rescued at 10 I had never spoke about my experiences. My Father had shot himself at the siege so there was no one to prosecute. I had spent 3 years within a foster facility they had helped accumulate me to people, test my education and initiate lessons and offer counselling. After trying for 6 months they realised counselling was not an option as I refused to talk.
I had flown through my classes and managed to complete my high school education. Studying kept me from thinking about my past and have me focus.
Derek and Gerry had never asked questions about my past or pushed me to try counselling they were just there. Every day we spent time as a trio doing something. Playing cards, painting, meditating, watching tv, swimming anything. My fondness of fitness started with swimming and something Gerry and I bonded over.
I started to write diaries about my past and as I completed each book Derek and I would burn it. Neither of them read what was in them and always said when I was ready we would face it together. Today was that day.
I climbed out of the bath, checked my phone with no reply from Brandon. I dressed in my pyjamas and went downstairs.
It was 3.45pm and Gerry was filling the coffee pot. As I entered he looked towards me. "Hey princess do you fancy some iced latte for downstairs. We also didn't eat the fruit salad at lunch if you fancy a bowl".
"The latte would be nice but I'm not hungry thanks" I gave him a side hug and made my way down to the basement.
This room and outside was where we spent most of our time. It was all finished in white with a mural on the far wall of a beach scene. The ceiling was covered with silver stars of all sizes that Gerry had hand painted. The corner sofa down here was blue suede and filled with cushions of varying blue. A large screen filled the opposite wall to the mural and along one side was a white sideboard filled with family memorabilia.
I went to the ottoman and pulled out one of the blankets. Finding my spot to one side of the sofa I plugged my phone into the charging wire that was in a compartment at the end of the armrest.
I pulled out a small section of sofa to my other side to a cup holder and space to allow somewhere for snacks.
Gerry entered followed by Derek and Gerry placed my latte in the holder to my side. They sat on the other section of the sofa.
"Now I want to reassure you before you start that you are in control of this family meeting. You tell us as much as you want. Why don't you start with what's made you want this talk" I knew Derek would take control.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for just a few seconds. When I opened them Derek and Gerry were watching me. There was no pressure, no judgement just them. I knew this was the right time and the right thing for me.
"I was in college on Thursday and our lecturer was talking about an extension course. He was talking about our futures and how we wanted the course to relate to employment potential for us. It sent me into a blind panic. I realised I had never considered what I wanted past college. After the lecture I bought a coffee and went and sat under a large oak tree that looked out onto the campus. I suddenly realised how much my life surrounded my studies. I have filled my life so much with learning it has helped me avoid everything" I sighed.
"I came home because I don't want to hide anymore. I avoid conversations, most social situations and have even allowed myself to miss out on family milestones to pacify my fear" I explained
"What is your fear Pria" asked Gerry. His tone was gentle and I knew I never had to answer any of his questions.
"I'm afraid of being noticed" I looked at them to only see a shade of sadness but still not judgement.
"I think it might help to let you know everything" I leant over to lift my latte trying to soothe my dry throat.
"I realise you know when I was rescued I was found in a locked cage in the basement" I heard a growl but wasn't sure if it was Gerry or Derek. Gerry slid along the sofa nearer to me and took my hand. He placed my palm upwards on his lap and starting drawing small circles with his finger.
I knew he needed this contact as much as me. "I don't remember my Mum much but I small memories of baking with her and her with me at the park. I don't think she did anything to me physically but she was strict. I always had to follow her instructions to the letter. As you know I never went to school. We lived in isolation and I was taught to read and write. We had no television or radio. We had a routine and we followed it regimentally" it was hard to remember my earliest memories with my mum as there wasn't many.
"My mum died and I honestly can't remember for sure my age but I think I was about 4. I don't even know how she died. One morning I remember getting up and that she was gone" I stopped remembering this day as it was when things started to change.
"My Dad was rarely home before my Mum died but then he was home all the time. He was loud when he spoke but that wasn't often. He explained that I was responsible now for the home. I was to cook clean and he expected the same standards my Mum adhered to. You can imagine that a 4 year old would struggle and I think he counted on that" the soft circles from Gerry were soothing.
"If I failed at any chore my Dad started punishments. The first one I will always remember, I think it's because of my shock at was happening rather than it being the worst. I was struggling to hang the bedsheets on the line. I had a stool and had pegged one side but as I was climbing off the stool to take to peg the other side of the bed sheet my dad exited the back door. He was furious that I had left the sheet sit on the grass whilst I was manoeuvring the stool. I couldn't understand, how was I able to hold the sheet and move the stool with my height. He didn't care. As he was shouting he walked over to me grabbed my arm and dragged me to the outside tap. He filled a bucked and threw the cold water over me and when I was soaked he took some rope and tied me to one of the posts of the washing line" I shuddered at the memory.
"How long were you tied up outside sweetie" asked Derek.
"I'm not sure but it was at least a few hours because night had fell. He came back out to untie me up because he was hungry and wanted dinner" I looked at Derek and he nodded slightly. I think he was afraid of any reaction causing me any anxiety.
"It became as regular as his drinking. The only thing I was grateful for were my books and when he passed out. He never struck me until I was I think 8. I can't even remember how many times I had punishments I think at least a couple of times a week. It changed radically when I was 9" I leant back into the sofa and avoided looking at my Dads.
"He had called me to the kitchen and announced that he was getting remarried and things needed to change. He didn't need me cooking and cleaning anymore as his wife wanted to look after him. He wanted the home to be theirs. So he changed my bedroom into a craft room for his new wife and moved me to the basement. I was given a mattress to use which was inside a large cage with a bucket. He would let me out once a day to clean myself, the cage and my bucket. He kept the basement locked and told me if I made any noise I would be punished" I let a few tears escaped.
"It was the boredom that was the worst. I hoped so many times that when I closed my eyes I wouldn't have to open them again" I heard an intake of breath.
"I lost track of time but this one day things turned out differently. My step mother had become curious about the basement. She had decided she wanted to renovate the basement and had taken my fathers keys whilst he slept. I remember waking to the sound of the locks opening and was surprised to see a woman. I watched her hold her nose and her eyebrows rose once she noticed me. She never said a word but when she went back upstairs I heard arguing" I rubbed my hand over my face and reached once again to finish my latte.
"Do you want to continue princess or would you rather a break" Gerry squeezed my hand as he asked me. I still couldn't quite look towards them.
"I'm ok I need to get as much out as a can" I replaced my empty cup and squeezed Gerrys hand back. "After the visit from my step mother my dad came down and told me to clean up. Once everything was cleaned up my dad returned with my step mother" I took the biggest breath. The next few revelations may change my dads opinion of me.
"My Dad did the most talking but he said my step mother had made him aware that I needed to pull my weight. I was basically living for free and she wasn't prepared for me to relinquish my responsibilities. I would start doing some chores to start with and that would be in exchange for food. They would look at making the basement downstairs a bit more habitable as I would start working in a couple of weeks and at present it wasn't appropriate for visitors. By habitable they bought a bed and painted but at night I would still be locked in the cage with the mattress" the tears now started.
"I don't know if I want to explain all that happened in detail. They fed me up bought me a few items of clothing and lots of new underwear. After they had renovated the basement the first man visited a couple of weeks later. They then became regular, about three times a week. Out of the payments my Dad would give me a percentage which I kept in a tin behind the boiler. Once I'd had a visitor they would allow me to shower and eat before they locked me in the cage" I had let go of Gerrys hand at some point. I hope they knew why these men came to visit I really didn't want to elaborate.
I wiped my tears and turned to look at my dads. I braced for the disgust. Gerry was sat clenching his hands silently crying. Derek was harder to read. It wasn't disgust but i thought it was an apology.
Gerry grabbed for my hand. "I knew the instant that I saw you that I would spend every day showing you that you were my princess. All I want is for you to chase your dreams and see you smiling. Those monsters should be nowhere near children. I thank god every day that you were brought to us" I gasped at his words. He truly loved me. The shameful and dirty girl I felt inside was finally allowed to be at peace and it didn't change anything to Gerry.
"There is evil in this world Pria and sometimes there is nothing we can do to stop it. You were a child and had been put in an impossible situation. You couldn't stop or control what was happening to you. This doesn't define who you are or the love we have for you. We will tell you this as much as possible until you believe it but you are beautiful, you are lovable, you are sweet, you are compassionate, you are brave. Your past has led you to us, Gez and I would not be complete unless you were our daughter and Jacob is lucky to have a big sister like you" the tears were cascading down my face and I gripped Gerrys hand.
"I always thought if I told anyone they would think I was a whore and wash their hands of me. When I was rescued and they told me my age I was shocked. I never spoke as I was afraid to spill my secrets. When you both made me feel secure enough I remained focussed on the present too afraid to look back" I explained.
"What has made you want to open up now" Derek asked he was keeping his voice soft. I knew he was just curious but didn't want me to react too badly to his questions.
"I want to feel whole and I knew that my studies weren't enough. I don't want to be afraid to be myself anymore. I want to be as put together as I appear on the outside" I almost whispered.
"We will do anything you need to help you" Gerry said. I was finally able to smile. It was only a fraction but I felt lighter because of it.
"How about we order some Pizza" Derek asked.
"It must be serious if you are suggesting Pizza" Gerry teased. Derek stuck out his tongue as he pulled out his phone. "How are you princess do you need a squish" asked Gerry.
"Yes please Dad" calling Gerry and Derek Dad was so easy they were my family. Gerry let out a squeal before launching towards me.
"My baby girl" is all he said as I was engulfed by him. His smell of leather and citrus soothed me.
"Pizza will be about 20mins. How about some wine" Derek asked already out of his seat and heading towards the door.
Gerry leaned back "are you ok?" he asked gently wiping my wet cheeks.
"I surprisingly am. I think me worrying about telling you far outweighed the reality. Your love has helped me realise I can be whatever I want to" I replied.
"I think is a great start for you" I heard the chink of glass as I noticed Derek enter with the wine and glasses. He opened the bottle and poured into the glasses handing Gerry and I a glass each. Gerry moved next to me as Derek leant down to kiss my forehead.
"I'm very proud of you" I could see his eyes hold my gaze as if to reinforce what he had just said. I smiled. He sat back on the sofa.
"What happened when you were rescued" asked Derek.
"We were raided as my step mothers brother was involved in a sex trafficking ring. She had been involved with helping arrange transport, flights and some logistics. As the police raided my father was killed in the skirmish but my step mother was arrested and charged. They found me in the cage and I'll always remember the man that came. His name was Phil Roberts he said he was a doctor and he treated me in hospital and stayed with me for a few days" I explained.
"You are safe now and family is a choice princess and we shall always choose you" I relaxed into the sofa. The door chimed and Gerry shot up to get the food.
"Come here" Derek said patting the sofa next to him. "Dad cuddles are all soothing" I moved over to his side and relaxed into him.
We decided to enjoy the pizza and watch a movie and I don't remember much of the film as I drifted off to sleep.