Mark was ready to leave all of it behind. The knowing about Haechan's feelings for him, the words in Haechan's diary, his own confusing feelings, his awkward behaviour towards the younger. He left all of it behind to keep his friendship with Haechan.
And it really worked.
Well, at least in the beginning.
December was coming and the shoot of "Candle Light" was ending.
Now the members of NCT had to focus on the shows, which they would attend or even perform in.
So that meant a lot of dance practices and singing rehearsals.
And for the 127 members it was even busier. Because they were also preparing for their first concert and their first tour.
Because of all these things, Mark spent a lot of time with Haechan.
But he didn't mind. He really was acting normal again towards the younger.
Everything was alright and that made Mark happy.
They teased each other during the "Candle Light" shoot or dance practices.
Haechan felt more comfortable around the older again, so that he became more affectionate just like in the old days.
Mark didn't even know, why Haechan stopped being affectionate towards him.
Sure, he found out about the feelings of the younger but that was something the younger didn't know.
At least that was what Mark thought.
In reality, Jaemin warned Haechan that Mark could know something, so Haechan started to become a little less clingy.
But when Mark treated him normally, just like he always did, Haechan felt relieved and thought that he could also go back to normal.
This was the reason, why their Hyungs would often hear shouts of Mark, who was running away from a Haechan, who tried to give him cheek kisses.
Or shouts of Haechan, who was being chased by Mark, after succeeding in giving said cheek kisses.
But everytime these shouts were also accompanied by laughs of the two boys.
Mark was still a little bit annoyed by the cheek kisses and teasing of Haechan. Still not used to be so affectionate with other guys.
But what surprised Mark was that he was even more annoyed, when Haechan did skinship also with the other members.
Especially with Jeno, Jaemin and Renjun. The 2000er line was always close.
And actually Mark never minded. He had Lucas as his friend from the same year.
But something changed and now Mark became really bothered by the fact that he was not the only victim of Haechan's cheek kisses.
But since he really focused on not loosing their friendship, he just ignored these feelings.
Everything was really great. Their friendship was just as always. But there were also other things, Mark became more aware of.
Not only changed the fact that he became slightly more possessive of his friendship with Haechan. No, there were also more good feelings, he became aware of.
His stomach tingled more often than Mark wanted it to do.
He smiled more often, when he watched the younger, more than he wanted to.
He lost himself more often in Haechan's eyes than he realized.
His heart sometimes did weird things, when he was close to Haechan. Mark didn't really liked it but at the same time he didn't want it to stop.
All these feelings made him confused. And they all only emerged because of little things Haechan did.
Like when Haechan smiled, Mark would smile too.
When Haechan laughed, Mark's stomach did a weird flip.
When Haechan succeeded in giving Mark a cheek kiss, Mark's heart would beat faster.
When Haechan would tell a joke, Mark would be so unbelievable proud about the fact that Haechan was his best friend.
When Haechan fell after hours of dance practice because he was too tired to continue dancing, Mark was immediately worried and went over to the younger.
When Haechan put his hair out of his face, which got always in his eyes during dancing, Mark stared longer than needed.
When Haechan fell asleep next to Mark, be it on the dance studio floor or the couch, Mark put the hair out of Haechan's eyes and secretly caressed Haechan's cheek.
And when Haechan sang, Mark never wanted to hear anything else. Just Haechan's angelic voice.
Mark knew something had changed. And that that wasn't good at all. It all felt not right but weird. Something happened and now he became aware of every thing, that happened between him and Haechan.
And Mark knew he was in trouble, when one night he dreamed of kissing Haechan.
It was a normal afternoon in December with dance practice.
Everything was just like any other day. The heavy breaths from all the exhausting practices, the footsteps of the dancing members and the music, which filled the room.
But then in one moment to another, Haechan was crying in pain.
The members surrounded him, looking if he was alright.
But nothing was alright.
Haechan had twisted his right leg and had fractured his shinbone.
The result were shocking news, not only for the members and Haechan himself but also for all the fans around the world: Haechan had to go in hiatus.
Haechan wouldn't only miss the year-end activities but also Mark's graduation.
Mark would leave Dream at the end of the year and Haechan couldn't be there.
Haechan tried to be enthusiastic. At least he already had could say goodbye to Mark during their "Dream Show."
It was a goodbye full of tears.
But they still had half a month left with Mark and Haechan couldn't spend it with him.
Sure, they would still be together in 127 and also live together.
But it was not the same.
Mark belonged to Dream. And without him it was just wrong.
Mark felt as bad as Haechan.
Sure, they lived in the 21st century.
They still could text, or call, even facetime each other, when they would want to see each other's faces.
But this was the first time they would be seperated from each other for such a long time since over 5 years.
And Mark didn't even like the thought of it.
Something bothered him so much about the fact that Haechan wouldn't be consistently at his side to cling at him and annoy him.
But Mark didn't knew what it was.
But he knew he would miss Haechan for sure.
Haechan was at his locker at the dance studio.
He wanted to get his stuff, before he would go back home to his family that day.
Mark looked at him, a few feet away.
This was his last chance to talk to Haechan before the boy would leave.
So Mark went over to him and did something unexpected.
He hugged the younger from behind, making said boy flinch.
The smaller boy turned around to see Mark leaning his chin on his shoulder.
"What are you doing?", Haechan asked in a quiet voice.
Speaking too loud felt weird in this empty hallway.
"Saying goodbye", Mark mumbled back.
"I'm not leaving forever", Haechan chuckled.
"I know. But it is the first time we are seperated since years.", Mark hid his face in Haechan's shoulder.
Haechan let go of his crutches to put his hands over Mark's that were resting on the younger's stomach.
Mark hold him and made sure he wouldn't fall.
"Are you gonna miss me?", Haechan asked in a teasing voice.
"No", Mark said in a monotone voice.
"Liar", Haechan giggled and Mark also started laughing.
"Of course I will miss my little dongsaeng.", Mark said also teasingly.
"Urgh", Haechan pretended to gag. "How much longer will you keep this Hyung thing up?"
"For the rest of our lifes."
"So you want to spend the rest of your life with me?", Haechan smirked again and Mark blushed.
"We will see", Mark only answered after a few minutes.
"When do you have to go?", he asked the younger.
"In about ten minutes manager will come and drive me to the dorm to get the rest of my stuff.", Haechan explained.
"Okay. I will wait with you.", Mark said and his arms were still around Haechan's waist.
"Don't you have to go back to practice?", Haechan asked because he didn't want the older to miss anything because of him.
"No. I think these ten minutes will be fine.", Mark answered. "Do you want to sit down?"
Haechan nodded and so they went to a little table with chairs in the room next door, Mark helping Haechan with his crutches.
Haechan sat down and to his surprise Mark sat down in the chair directly next to him. Leaving only a little space between them.
"I am really gonna miss you", Mark said after a couple seconds of silence.
Haechan smiled sadly. "I will miss you too."
Mark took Haechan's hand in his.
He didn't know what made him do it. But in this moment he didn't care.
Haechan would leave soon and this would be his last minutes with him before he wouldn't see him for a long time.
"I would say we could meet sometimes but I know how busy you will be", Haechan spoke out what they both were thinking.
"I know, I am sorry.", Mark caressed Haechan's hand with his thumb.
"It is not your fault.", Haechan tried to reason but Mark only shook his head.
"Still."
"Manager said it will hopefully be only three months. And if you ever miss my cute face you can just facetime me.", Haechan again teased and put his face closer to Mark's.
Instead of leaning away, how Haechan had Mark expected to do, Mark stayed close to him.
"You won't be there, when I will graduate from Dream." The atmosphere became sad again.
"Maybe this is better. I don't know if I could really endure it.", Haechan looked away but then back at Mark.
"You will still have me in 127. Our dorm. And as best friend.", Mark looked at Haechan's lips and the younger followed the movement of his eyes.
"Mark", Haechan forgot the Hyung but Mark didn't even realize.
This was the first time Mark gave in to his feelings, which were hidden deep inside him.
Their lips already brushed and Mark was about to close even the rest of the space between them, when Haechan's phone rang.
Haechan reluctantly leaned back and took his phone out of his pocket.
"It is Manager-nim. He is waiting downstairs. I have to go. I already said goodbye to the others, so....", Haechan stood up and Mark helped him.
"Goodbye, Mark-Hyung.", Haechan said and pulled Mark in a last hug.
"Goodbye, Haechanie."
And then Haechan was gone.
Mark cursed himself for what he was about to do. This could never ever happen again. Mark promised himself.
But sometimes promises got broken.
The first concert of their tour would be in a month.
The members of 127 were practicing hard for it.
But even with all the rehearsals, all the practicing, all the shows, which they were attending and all the Vlives, Mark still was not busy enough to get Haechan out of his head.
He couldn't understand why he missed the younger so much.
Of course, he would also miss any of his other friends, if they would have to go into hiatus.
He also had felt sad, when Jaemin had left back then.
But why did his heart right now felt like it would break without the younger by his side?
Mark missed the younger so much and just texting him wasn't satisfying him.
They facetimed him during his graduation from Dream but Mark just wished the younger would be back already.
They weren't even seperated that long but he still missed the younger so much.
He was even too busy to facetime him alone from time to time.
The only thing he had time to was to text him every few hours and it just wasn't enough for Mark.
He missed him and slowly became aware of something.
He slowly realized that maybe, just maybe, Haechan was more than a best friend for him.
Because of Mark's graduation, the other Dreamies invited the oldest to a sleepover at their dorm.
They spent the whole evening with eating snacks and playing board and card games.
Mark tried to be happy. It was a really funny evening with some of the people, he loved.
But someone was missing and that made Mark feeling down.
Haechan couldn't join them. To go to their place and spend the night with them sounded great but also exhausting, when he couldn't use his one leg.
So Haechan declined the offer. Hoping that this wouldn't be their last sleepover, even when Mark has left Dream.
Mark was still enjoying the evening but after some time he just couldn't take it anymore.
He said he felt tired and went to bed.
Not knowing that some minutes after that a tanned boy decided to facetime them.
He called on Jeno's phone and the latter answered his phone.
They all were surprised to see the boy through the camer but happy nonetheless.
"Mark already went to bed. He felt tired.", Jeno explained, when they all gathered on one couch to see Haechan.
"Understandable. With all the end of the year shows and preparations for the tour. He is really busy.", Jaemin said with a sad smile.
"I know. He barely has time to even text me", Haechan also said with a sad smile.
"But I think he misses you", Chenle giggled.
"That's right.", Jisung also chuckled. "Everytime we tell about a call with you or that we facetimed you or about some text messages, Mark-Hyung would immediately listen and asks a lot of questions."
"Really annoying, if you ask me", Renjun scoffed but everyone knew he was just joking.
"I miss him too", Haechan admitted.
"But enough about me and not being there.", Haechan tried to change the topic.
He didn't even realize the door, that silently opened, revealing a boy, who couldn't sleep.
"How is our lovely couple doing?", Haechan asked Jaemin and Jeno.
Jaemin smiled at Jeno, who smiled back.
"We had a huge fight. A really heavy argument. But in the end we made up again.", Jaemin explained.
"As if I could live without him clinging at my side", Jeno laughed.
It was true. They already reconciled after their huge argument. But this is for another time to tell.
"That is good. You two just belong to each other. You shouldn't be seperated from each other for too long.", Haechan also smiled, glad that at least his friends were happy and in love.
"Urgh", Jisung pretended to throw up, when Jaemin and Jeno wouldn't stop looking at each other with so much love in their eyes. "You are gross."
"You are just jealous", Jeno winked at him and pecked Jaemin's lips, not afraid anymore to show his boyfriend affection in front of their friends.
"Seriously?", Jisung whined.
"Don't worry, Jisung. Soon enough, you will also have someone to kiss like that", Renjun teased the youngest and pinched his cheeks.
Jisung looked over to a slightly older boy, when these words were said but said boy didn't even realize.
He was thinking about Jisung finding and kissing someone else and his heart that was about to get broken.
But all of them were absolutely clueless to the boy, who watched all of them. And who just found out about one of the Dreamies' biggest secret.
"I'm glad that you are all good and healthy. But I really should go to bed now. It is already pretty late. I miss you. Good night and have sweet dreams. And greet Mark for me.", Haechan said his goodbye.
The others answered a "goodnight" and "will do" in unison, before the call ended.
Mark already made a decision. He would go out there and talk with them. Mark was raging out of anger.
How could they keep something like this from him?
He went further into the room, so everyone would see him.
"So you are a couple?"
Everyone's eyes widened.
Oh, shit.
"Mark-Hyung, since when were you listening?", Jeno tried to ask calmly.
"Long enough to know that you all were lying behind my back.", Mark was so angry, the others became really scared.
"Let us give them some time alone", Renjun said to the two youngest and dragged them out of the room with him.
"Hyung, we can explain", Jeno tried still with a calm voice but Mark wasn't having it.
"Since when? Since when are you together?", Mark wanted to know.
"Some time after 'Black on Black' ", Jaemin answered.
"And you told everyone but me?", Mark was so shocked about this fact.
"No. Not really. Renjun kind of found out himself. Maybe he knows us better than we thought.", Jaemin explained.
"And Haechan ran into us, when we were.... Making out."
"And then we decided to tell Chenle and Jisung, so we could at least be ourselves in the dorm. We hoped the two would understand, just like Renjun and Haechan did, and to our luck they did.", Jeno explained further.
"And I couldn't understand?", Mark asked but now his voice only sounded sad.
"No!", Jaemin immediately said but then after a few seconds. "Actually, we weren't sure. Hyung, let's be honest. You always hated affection between guys. And you take the whole Hyung-Dongsaeng thing so serious even though you are from Canada. I mean, of course it is nice that you adapt to this country. But what if you adapted more than you realized.", Jaemin sighed. "Because Korean people aren't really the people, who open their arms wide for homosexual people."
"Okay, but except Chenle and Renjun you all are also Korean and are able to accept them.", Mark countered.
"We can't really hate ourselfes, can we?", Jeno asked. "I mean, sure we could try. But I think loving ourselfes is more important."
"So what? Just because Chenle allowed Jisung to drop the age honorifics, they were allowed to know about you?", Mark asked.
It wasn't the fact that Jeno and Jaemin were a couple that made him so mad. But more that everyone knew about it behind his back.
"That is not it.", Jaemin explained. "We- we also thought they could understand somehow because- because they maybe aren't really different from us. Maybe they don't even know themselves but everyone can see how close the two youngest are."
"Maybe one day it will be more than friendship.", Jaemin finished.
"And we wanted them to know that this would be alright", Jeno completed.
"I- I don't know what to think anymore.", Mark ruffled his hair.
"About what?", Jaemin asked softly.
"What is right and what is wrong?", Mark was so confused.
"Mark-Hyung, are you maybe also in love with a g-", Jaemin started but couldn't finish.
"Don't you even dare saying it.", Mark sounded so furious that Jaemin even gasped out of fear.
When Mark saw the look in the eyes of the boys in love, he immediately wanted to take his words back.
"No, no that is not what I meant. I have, and I promise you that to one hundred percent, nothing against your sexuality or that you are a couple. I am even happy for you, to find love. I know how difficult it is as an idol. And your love maybe even makes everything really complicated but at least you have each other and I am really happy for you. I am just disappointed that you haven't trusted me enough to tell me the truth about you.", Mark hurried to explain. All of his words were true. The couple could see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice.
"But I am not gay", Mark felt the need to say it.
For a few seconds no one said a word but then Jeno felt like he should speak his mind out loud.
"And even if you are. There is nothing wrong with it."
"And we will be at your side no matter what", Jaemin added.
"We are really sorry that we didn't tell you. And we hope you can forgive us one day", Jeno said and Jaemin nodded, confirming that these words were true.
"Of course I will. But right now I am still mad", Mark explained but still smiled.
The couple stood up to hug Mark and after that they all went to bed.
It was an exhausting talk and they all needed their sleep.
They could continue talking about it the next day. Mark would forgive them, they all knew.
Because that is what you do in a family.
"You really are here", Taeil came running to Haechan.
"I didn't want to miss this concert", Haechan joked and hugged Taeil, still with his crutches in his hands.
Haechan would join this concert.
Only in singing of course, since his leg was still fractured.
Because of some difficulties Haechan couldn't come to the rehearsals, so he practiced with the others over facetiming or by himself.
He only was able to join the dress rehearsal but Mark wasn't there.
Mark had an important appointment with his Manager. Just like Taeyong. And also Lucas and Ten but about that the 127 members weren't aware.
Because of this, the first time Mark and Haeachan saw each other again was at the concert.
They didn't had much time to talk before the concert. They were surrounded by busy stuff members, who prepared them and got them ready for the concert.
The whole time Mark kept stealing glances at Haechan.
When Haechan would look back, they would smile at each other.
Mark wasn't mad at him about the whole Jaemin and Jeno couple thing, since Haechan was just a good friend, who could keep a secret.
And Mark was actually really happy to have a friend like this.
The concert passed and Mark also tried to interact with Haechan on stage.
Mark didn't know why but somehow his feelings for the younger were weird. But he just ignored these feelings and concentrated on making a good concert experience for their fans.
Everyone was happy to see Haechan back on stage and you could hear people scream his name.
The concert ended too fast for Haechan's liking.
He went down a hallway, when a hand stopped him.
"We need to talk", the voice said and helped Haechan with his crutches to follow him.
After a few minutes of walking, Haechan found himself in an empty corner of the arena with a still taller Mark in front of him.
"Hi", Haechan smiled at him.
"I really missed you, you know. To annoy you and everything. I was really lonely for some time without you all."
Haechan was happy to be with Mark again but Mark didn't seem that delighted to be with the younger again.
"Mark-H-"
And out of nowhere there were soft lips against Haechan's.
Mark had kissed Haechan without a second thought.
The first kiss. Their first kiss.
Haechan barely realized what was happening but he immediately kissed back.
Mark, his Mark, the Mark he was in love with for such a long time, was kissing him right in this moment.
Haechan let his crutches fall and wrapped his arms tightly around Mark's neck.
Mark's hands, which were on his cheeks in the beginning of the kiss, had wandered to Haechan's waist.
Haechan slightly leaned back for a second to get a breath. "Mark", he whispered between their lips.
"It is still Hyung for you", but Mark immediately kissed him again.
He licked over the younger's lower lip, who opened for him gladly.
Their tounges touched and Haechan felt even more out of breath.
Haechan's hands got lost in Mark's hair and pulled slightly, which made the older groan.
"You looked so beautiful. The whole night. Fuxk", Mark said against Haechan's lips before he kissed him again.
Again and again.
Till they both stopped to get some needed air.
But with that also reality came back.
"Why- why did you do that?", Haechan asked with heavy breaths, still trying to calm down his rapid beating heart after these passionate kisses.
"Because I wanted to" was the only thing Mark said.
"And why did you want to?"
"I don't know", Mark admitted.
"You- you don't know?", Haechan had a bad feeling about this.
"I- yes. I just- I need some time to think.", Mark didn't dare to look in Haechan's eyes.
"You- you need some time to think?", Haechan was incredulous. "You kiss me and then you need to think about it? Seriously?", Haechan was hurt.
He thought the kiss had a meaning but it seemed like Mark was only playing with his feelings.
"I- I just missed you so much. And then you came back looking so good. And your voice on stage was just so beautiful. And I- I just wanted to kiss you. I'm sorry.", Mark finally looked back in Haechan's eyes.
Haechan could see that he was sincere but he still had one question.
"What exactly are you sorry about? About kissing me?", Haechan felt tears in the corner of his eyes.
"No! No, I am not sorry about that. I mean except you want me to be sorry about that. I didn't even ask you. Maybe you didn't want it and then it was wrong to do it."
"You are an idiot", Haechan shook his head.
"What?"
"Nothing, Hyung. Nothing."
"Maybe we should go back to the others. They are probably already looking for us."
"Yeah. Maybe we should."
Mark gave Haechan his crutches and they walked back to the others in silence.
Haechan stayed a little bit longer. Talking with the members, he had missed so much.
The Dreamies also had visited the concert and were happy to see Haechan again.
But in the end Haechan had to leave. His hiatus hadn't finished and he had to go home.
So he left. Leaving him and Mark full of questions.
And the most improtant one:
What would the future bring?