36 -
I'm freaking out.
Tripti isn't answering.
Chintan is here but he doesn't gives a fuck.
Life's weird.
I care shitless about my finals.
I've never been so relieved and stressed out at the same time.
"Oh my god", I walked to the right and then to left, repeating.
"Once you're done doing that maybe...maybe I will talk to you", Chintan scoffed and I continued.
I called him for my problem and he comes here, takes off his shoes, lays down on the only sofa and very nicely scrolls Facebook.
Who scrolls Facebook, anyways?
"I love him", I said.
"I know", Chintan yawned.
"Chintz, I said I love him", I told him.
"I KNOW TARAN", he said.
"Fuck off! When did Taran reach to you", I asked.
"It's pretty popular", he smirked.
"Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh", I frustratedly let OUT. "I can't believe this", I sat on the floor.
"I knew this was going to happen bro! Did you ever spent so much time with anyone else?", he asked.
"But that was supposed to be like a fun and casual thing", I looked at him.
"Deep down you knew", Chintan said.
Deep down, I knew.
Argh!
Chintan wasn't helping so I skyped Tripti.
"Taco WHERE WERE YOU?", I yelled.
"Potty yaar", she replied and I sighed.
"I've to tell you something", I paused, "I think I love Darshan", I added.
"You think?", she promoted.
"I think", I repeated.
"Why do you think?", she asked me.
Thank god, she was seriously handling this situation.
"Because, there are a ton of physchological things happening in my head", I rubbed my face harshly. "I stare at him like a lot, I act nonsensically because a brain of a person falling in love is the same as a brain of a person taking cockaine and I'm mostly always thinking about him because the brain releases the phenylethylamine and the love effect happens and the hormones creates the feeling of infatuation and the amount of coristol has increased the activity so I'm always stressed also and I guess pretty much", I looked at her.
"See, that's why I didn't want to deal with it", Chintan yelled.
"So true man", Tripti agreed. "Nugget, any real reason why you can be in love with him or anyone?", she asked.
"These weren't real reasons?", I asked.
"These were scientific reactions to your feelings", she stated. "Real, your reasons?", she asked.
"Um, Taco man he's perfect", I said. "Like, all that I'll ever need...he's reading, he calls me what I'd like to hear, in all perfect", I laid back.
"And what are you going to do about these feelings?", she asked.
She's being my therapist.
"Nothing", I sat upright. "I'm going to let him be...he's Darshan Raval", I looked at her.
"Sorry, what?", Tripti asked. "This was just a realization hain?".
"Yes, a good realization", I hung up.
"You know you need to blow off some steam and grow the fuck up", Chintan said without bothering to look at me.
*
"So, it starts tomorrow but I'm going to be for your graduation ceremony", Darshan said, turning the steering wheel extremes right.
He was taking me out to have momos as if it was his last day in Mumbai for a breif period of time and well I was just looking at him.
"Hmm", I hissed.
"Okay, listen, is something wrong with my face or what? Why the fuck are you staring?", he asked me.
"Is there anyone at your house?", I asked him.
"NO", he said.
"Move it there, your place", I told him, shifting my hand at his thigh.
"Sex", Darshan said.
"Isn't it your last night in Mumbai?", I picked my hand up.
"Not as in forever yaar Vaid", he had a smile on his lips.
I leaned in, pulling him into a kiss, strong and powering as his eyes wandered towards the direction of the road.
"Tara!", Darshan exclaimed as I left him be.
"I don't know, I want to have sex with you right now", I looked at him.
"Now?", he looked at me. "Why are you acting so horny?", he asked.
"I'm horny, nice realization", I told him.
It took us 37 minutes to reach his place and no touching in the lift as you know well, it's Darshan.
Kumar Bhaiya opened the door and left us be as we walked in, shutting the door.
He pulled me close, his back resting at the back of the wall. My lips on his and my hand clutching his shirt. I stroke up Darshan's chest, rubbing up along his neck, his jaw, his ear and then I tug it.
Then I kissed him warm from head to toe. Kissing me deeper, Darshan's arm grazed over my stomach making gentle movement and a gasp left my mouth.
He pulled me up, kissing my eyelids and I smiled. The next he kissed me is on my neck, tight almost a bite and I moaned. His lips wandered around my flesh as he unzipped my top.
Our kissing paused as he was busy with the chain and then with a jolt a weird sound reached our ears. I looked at him in terror as he ripped apart my t-shirt. I bit my lower lip, hiding my stupid smile I'd on my lips.
He picked me up gently into his arms taking me to his room. Darshan shut the door close and looked at me. The entire back of my t-shirt is finished. Gone. I can see my naked back and the straps of my bra in the mirror.
"Sorry", he said.
"You should be, it costed 300 rupees", I mocked in seriousness as he took steps towards me, a grin on his lips.
He extended his hands, getting me out of that t-shirt and I smiled at him. He took off his shirt as well, and oo la la!
Two loud knocks, ugh.
Darshan looked at me rolling his eyes.
He opened the door a little for his head to peak out. I can hear Vishal. Ugh.
"So, you're coming?", he asked Darshan.
"Hmm", Darshan slammed the door. "I'll be back in 5, I promise", he stated.
He needs to have a permit to have sex, honestly. Darshan walked out after wearing his shirt.
I opened his wardrobe and took out his monstrous sweatshirt and slipped into it getting rid of my shorts below. I laid down on the bed thinking about his skin against mine, his heart against mine.
As I looked up a while later, it was already 30 minutes.
Didn't he tell me no one was home? Well, Vishal maybe came after us as I heard the doorbell rung once.
I followed and went into the kitchen but even Kumar Bhaiya wasn't there. I heard sounds from the studio, there!
I stormed off to the studio and went inside before knocking in, Darshan's eyes snapped at me and his sight moved from my face to my toes, noting everything in between.
"Wait, Vaid", he concentrated on the screen and I looked on at him.
My eyes shifted to Vishal and Rudra, glaring them.
"It's not that necessary Darshan", Vishal spoke.
"It isn't?", he still did whatever he was doing.
"Come, Rudra come lets go have a walk", Vishal got up pushing Rudra out and as I was sure they'd left I took step towards to Darshan and turned his chair.
I held onto his shoulders smirking down at him. As I sat below on his lap and his hands locked my neck.
He looks tempted enough and I smirked harder.
Leaning down I kissed his neck, leaving the most gentle bite mark and his hands caressed my back.
His grip is on my waist was like ironclad, keeping me against him close and tight and his lips instinctively buckled upwards.
The next kiss we shared was red hot. Overlapping and leaping, twisting and turning, the chair almost lost balance, our hands all over each other and lips gentle and warm moving roughly. His grip on my hair grew a little tighter, just in the right way.
And then I stood up, out of nowhere in the midst of it all and I smiled at him teasingly. He just sat there, his hands taking off his shirt and something inside me shifted.
I'm the more tempted one now.
"We never would've worked as friends", he got up.
"Of course, friends don't know the way you taste", I said it rather than sing and his smile grew bigger.
Darshan's hands whipped out grabbing me by the wrist. With my hands caught in his, he walked me up against the wall, pinning me there. His thigs worked between my legs and I shut my eyes close. The dizzying weight of him closed to me.
I twisted, writhing against him as he kissed my neck tugging it harder and biting it sharp, his nose travelled all the way up to my ear nibbling it in the right way like he knew absolutely what he was doing and all I was able to do was stand there enjoying whatever the hell he was upto.
He released his grip and my hands rested on his naked back travelling up and down, sending shivers down his spine and a soft moan left his lips. He looked at me, eye in the eye. While his hands reached down the hem on the sweatshirt I'm into and he took it off, just like that, leaving me semi naked.
He pressed his body against mine, his lips on my shoulder and my hands in his hair, caressing and clutching accordingly. I could feel his fingers down my bra starp and in a twist it left open.
His thumb rubbed down my chest, tracing my breastbone and my bra finally dropped off. I felt my breath rising and his eyes peeped in, just smiling. His fingers wandered all over my flesh and I let him.
He gently walked me to the couch and I laid down my hand behind his neck as I pulled him down, on me. His skin against mine, just right. His lips moved from my chest to my stomach and my hands undid the button of his jeans.
I pulled it out, gently, with a lot of pushing and pulling in. We removed all of each other's clothing and he looked at me just before entering into him as I wrapped myself around him.
My whole body shuddered in pain and once again as my nails dug into the couch and my lips trembled, one again hit and one again. A tear rolled down my eyes and I licked the salvia in my mouth as Darshan got out.
He looked at me and his expression shifted to this worried one, and I leaned in giving him a small peck that I'm just fine.
I grabbed my clothing and slipped into it one by one while Darshan wore his jeans and vest. Not the shirt. I laid beside him on the floor after lighting my cigarette as I took a deep drag of it and I could feel my nostrils high.
I passed it to him while he pushed himself more close to me, his nose on my neck as he took a small inhale and passed it back to me.
"Mi amour", I called out and he chuckled.
"Si mi cileo", his voice hoarse.
"Te amo", I said and he jerked up to look at me.
"For real?", he asked.
"For real what?", I asked back.
"You love me?", he asked.
"That's what te amo means Raval", I took a drag out of my cigarette and got up. "You don't have to come to my graduation ceremony anymore. Guess I knew what you were talking about", I told him as Hardik came in.
"Listen, come outside there's a few things you need to deal with", he announced and walked out.
"But why?", Darshan asked.
"Because this", I gestured at me and him, "won't work and you know it. You've goals and I've dreams. We're better off targic plus you're you", I said while he walked out, "and I'm me", I yelled.
He was out in the living room and I caressed his sweatshirt and ran my fingers through my hair. I walked outside.
"Just a sec Naushad Bhai, Tara wait you and I need to talk", Darshan yelled as I grabbed my backpack.
I turned him towards me, my lips on his, slow and soft.
"Adios", I marched towards the main door with a tear in my eyes. I wiped it clear.
*
"For the last time, I'm not gay", I slammed my door shut laying on my single bed, in my own room, in my own house.
After that fantastic day and my beautiful confession, Darshan did try to call and text me but you know the bitch I'm and he's an egoistic person plus he was busy touring and living his dream life he didn't have time to deal with my shit and I was slowly processing that and I was good pretty much.
I'd given my finals and we all came back home, like separately. I did miss the gang and Bombay and everything in between.
The first few days were awesome, we went to Sarojini and CP and did the fun things but now I was bored, as fuck. So bored that I even went to the zoo.
I opened tinder and swiped left mostly, occasionally in between right swiping. I'd went to a few dates as well and they were so boring that we didn't even hookup.
I had no idea if I was getting a placement because I didn't recieve any email on that regard but I did tell Karan to talk to his dad about it.
It's kind of nepotism but I don't really care man!
Plus, my dad thinks that I'm gay and honestly I can't tell him about my spicy sex life believe me that'll be worse than being gay.
I walked out to grab a water bottle out of the fridge while papa eyed me.
"Isn't it a little unbelievable Nivi that she didn't had one boyfriend?", papa spoke to Neiva who was just involved in her cellphone.
"I think she's lying", Nivi replied and my phone buzzed, as I casted a look at it she'd sent me three laughing emoticons.
Bitch.
"She's", Papa said as if he was sure. "Are you a virgin Tara? Still a virgin?", he asked.
"Ugh, gosh, papa", I sat on the sofa trying to process this shit that was going in. Neiva looked at me smirking. "Let's not discuss it please", I folded my hands.
"But, why? I'm your father. You can talk to me about all of this as well", papa tried to play therapist.
"Yeah, thanks but no thanks", I rolled my eyes.
"Tara", he called out way more humbly. He needs something. "I know, you're young and you've to deal with your career and I'm not forcing you. I didn't wanted this in fact but your janam patri (life depicting astrology shit) has it mentioned that you won't marry till you're 35 if you're not married by 23 so", he said.
Oh my god, ew.
"NO", I yelled.
"Let me finish beta, so, you just have to meet this guy pandit ji has shortlisted. He's nice, say yes. Just a meet", he pleaded. "For me beta", papa used the emotional target. "You know I've limited years to live--", I cut him, "--fine", I said.
"But just one meet", I told him and he smiled, holding his phone. "And this pandit ji is Deepak?", I asked.
"Pandit Ji", he glared me and I ignored him.
"You called him Deepak", I randomly continued.
"Now I call him Pandit Ji and so will you", he smashed and that was the end of the discussion. I'd to call him pandit ji.
"Yeah whatever", I shrugged. "Also, who's this guy?", I asked.
"You just meet him like a...what do you do these days um blind date. No stalking his facebook and instagram", papa said.
"What? Why?", I nagged.
"Tara, beta, go. Tonight evening, sector 13 raddison", he looked up from his phone to me.
Woah, that was pretty fast!
"Wasn't it too fast?", I questioned.
"I already confirmed with T--", he stopped, "--I already confirmed", he said.
"Oh, okay", I went in my room.
I'd nothing better to update Tripz about it but she'd better news.
"So, the time you'll be in Mumbai. I can come maybe", she pressed her lips. "Also, things with Sam are totally lit", she blushed and I smiled.
"Did you give him a blowjob?", I mocked.
"Hey! Shut-up", she blushed.
"What? Guys love it", I protested.
"He's decent you know", she said.
"Oh, you're just in love with him", I stated.
"What about your love?", she asked.
"Listen, Taco, just don't bring it up. I don't like talking about it", I said.
"You're so fucking stupid", Tripti uplifted a middle finger.
"Besides, Tripz, I'm meeting a guy because my janam patri says if I'm not married by 23 I couldn't be able to marry by 35 or something so papa wants me to meet this guy", I told her.
"What! Bullshit! Tell me you said no", she raised her brow. "Why did you say yes? You don't believe this, do you?", she asked.
"Of course, not! It's just I am not having a good time with tinder dates and I'm bored here as fuck. I caught up with all old friends man, I liteatlly have nothing to do so just for fun", I winked at her.
"Use a condom, if it gets to it", she smiled at me.
"Yes mom, I will", I told her.
"Listen, Sam's gonna be here in 30 so I better get ready", she informed.
"Send me pictures", I hung up.
Okay, blind date please be good.
*
I walked in Raddison with zero idea of how my potential to be/can be husband looked like because my dad said he'll recognize you.
I walked around, trying to find a guy alone on a table but seemed like nothing.
Am I early?
I took out my phone from the pocket of my denim, dialling papa until I felt a pat on my shoulder and I turned around disconnecting up the phone call.
"Hey Tushar", I exclaimed in shock. "Mansi's brother right? 6th standard I was in and she was also, I came to your house after I'd left school to say a final goodbye, remember?", I smiled. "What are you doing here?", I asked him.
"I'm the one you're supposed to meet", he shrugged, pressing his lips.
"For marriage? Like, you're, why do you want to get married in the first place man?", I questioned.
"I wasn't interested but then mom showed me your picture and I stalked you on Instagram and well here I am", he smiled, warmly.
Wow!
The fuck!
"Oh", only this came out of my mouth. "I need to talk to my dad", I added. "I'll be back", I went outside the restaurant to the main lobby.
I called papa and he answered in a while.
"This is why I couldn't see him? It's Tushar and you knew it. Really? Really?", I asked him.
"Deepak Ji is from Janakpuri only na so he'll get a match from Janakpuri only na, not USA", papa defended.
This was defence?
"He is the elder brother of my ex bestfriend whom I don't even follow since 8th grade, I mean seriously? And by the way, I followed Tushar and he followed me back and then he unfollowed me and I've beef with him", I bellowed.
"Tara, wedding is more important than a silly follow and unfollow thing", papa explained.
"You know why he unfollowed? Because I was dumb and non-hot in 7th grade and he said yes because I'm hot today. Plus, he has a dog called 'shero' which is absolutely cringe and I hate dogs because I'm terrified of them so this can't even happen", I blurted.
"Tara, go in, talk. He's going to pay anyway", he hung up on me.
My dad hung up on me?
This can't get worse man.
I turned around and I heard someone call out, 'Tara'. I made a 180° turn to see who is it, Nitish?
Nitish took step towards me. I just knew him as Darshan's band members and we'd met once.
"Hi, what's up?", he asked me, unusually.
"Um, I am here on a...matrimonial set up", I cringed at it in my head. "You?", I asked him.
"Oh, I live in Dwarka sector 12 so I came here with a few friends. We're in the bar", he told me.
"Oh, really? I live in sector 6", I smiled at him. "Catch up, sometime. Right now, I gotta rush", I said.
"Sure, 100%", he sort of smiled at me.
"Adios...I mean bye", I walked off back to facing Tushar.
Is it just me or I meet a lot of people from the past quite frequently?