Today.
Today was the day.
Where my silence would be broken finally.
Currently I was in my room putting my uniform on, my surgery was later at night. But I would have people accompany me before they put me under.
The thought of being put to sleep and not being able to wake up on my own scared me.
I slept well with the option that I could wake up whenever I wanted with a little force. During this it would be taken away from me. Alone, the thought scared me.
I tied my shoes and got my pad and pen to put in my uniform pockets. This was hopefully the last day I would have to use it.
I could be permanently injured during this surgery though.
They could accidentally damage my brain, or destroy my voice box. Both had happened during this surgery before.
I open the door to my room and head downstairs to where Papa and Dad were. They were sitting in the kitchen eating breakfast.
Papa was at the stove while Dad was on his phone, taking a call. Probably from Uncle Nezu.
I grab a bowl and the cereal. Setting it down on the counter before going and hugging Papa. I guess he could feel how scared I was this morning because he wraps his arms around me almost immediately.
"ཡཏศ₮ཛvཛཞ ཏศ♇♇ཛསຮ ₮๑อศƴ ར ʆ๑vཛ ƴ๑ມ ฅƴ ຮཡཛཛ₮ ๖ศ๖ƴ ʆརʆຮ." I snuggle myself into him further and then release so I can eat and leave for school.
"Lily? Want me to drive you today?" I hear Dad from the table. I just walk into the room and nod silently, a smile on my face.
Soon after, I finished my food and grabbed my backpack, my last nights homework and studying materials inside.
I hop into the car and Dad starts driving towards the school. My leg bounced in nervous anticipation, I hadn't exactly slept well last night. And that was putting it nicely.
I kept having a memory dream.
It doesn't sound so bad at first but all I kept dreaming about was when Hand mans quirk activated and this whole mess started.
I blew out my own voice and didn't even think to cancel his quirk. Stupid. I know. I was so useless..
The dream entailed his words, what his face looked like so close up to my own, his disregard for human life, his stance and motives.
And last of all, his smile.
It was clearly pained but it also held a sadistic side, he was there obviously because All Might was his main target. I was just an extra that didn't matter.
Dad parked the car a street away from the entrance, I got out and gave him a fake smile and wave. Trying my best to hide how tired I really was.
I continued on my way to school on foot, Dad had told us yesterday about something, though when I tried to remember it, the answer just wouldn't come to mind.
I walked through the large gates and made my way to my class. Opening the door I'm met with a few different people, all of which looked like they were preoccupied.
All except my "brother." He smiled my way and then made his way to me.
"Morning Lils! I just wanted to make doubly sure that the surgery was today, it doesn't exactly feel real." I gave a fake breathy laugh.
Yes. Today is the surgery. You said you were coming with me, though I need to find Bakugou.
"Bakubro? He's sitting over there.." He pointed towards the ashy blonde on the other side of the room.
I gave a quick thank you and head on over to the Pomeranian. His eyes meet mine and I smile, waving a little hello. "What do you need dumbass?"
Are you still up to coming with me to get my voice? I wasn't sure if you still wanted to come since we fought, I know I'm pretty useless so you don't have to come..
"One, you sounded like Deku, two, you are not useless. Do not believe that bullshit. Three, yes." I stared at him shocked, he still wanted to come?
Even after we fought? Even after I proved to be completely useless against a villain? He still wanted to come when I wanted him?
Why?
"What do you mean, 'why?' Do you not want me to?" His face turned to one of slight hurt, I shake my head wildly.
No! I want you to come, I'm just confused as to why you would still come after.. everything.
His face turned a bit pink, "Why not? It's you." I raised an eyebrow at that.
What does 'Its you,' mean exactly?
He pinched the bridge of his nose as his face turned even more red, "You're my Friend."
I didn't know how to feel right then, Bakugou had called me his friend. But why did it hurt? Why does my heart hurt as if I've been punched in the stomach all over again?
Unconsciously I take a step back, he looks up at me and I guess he must've seen that the color has drained from my face because his eyes widen slightly.
Friend.
Right.
I'm his friend.
I feel myself refocus, shaking my head I hold it as a throbbing headache comes over me.
I look back down at him, he's clutching the desk so hard, tense, as if he's ready to move at a moments notice.
I give a pained, forced, smile.
That's nice to hear. I would do anything for my Friend too.
I purposely capitalize the word friend and watch as his body language goes both into shock and drops.
Friend. Yeah. He's my friend.
But why does it hurt?
My focus is broken when Dad comes into the room and starts talking to us. "I hope you all are studying for your final exams. They are next week. The written part is from Monday to Wednesday, and the practical is the day after."
I make eye contact with Dad. "Since Lily will be recovering Monday and Tuesday she will have part of her written taken in her hospital room. Nobody is missing out."
I sighed and went to my seat. I felt like the conversation with Bakuhoe could've gone a different way.
At least now I know what I am to him. A friend, that's all. I felt almost.. betrayed.
Class and the rest of school passes quickly, and soon enough I'm holding hands with Eijiro as we walk out of the school and to my car.
Bakugou was still inside but my nerves were starting to get the best of me and I was getting pretty scared.
"Oi! Shitty hair I thought you were keeping her calm?" I jumped at his voice but relaxed when I saw his face.
"I'm trying Bro but she's not listening.."
Bakugou frowned but followed us to my car, where my Dad was. "Hello Mr. Aizawa Sir! I've got Lily!" Eijiro tried to be upbeat.
"Wait, Death is driving this dumbass to her surgery?" My eyes widened at his question, sure that Dad was going to hunt him.
"Yes, her parents aren't currently in the country so I've been taking care of her along with a co-worker until they get the nerve to come back."
"Shitty parents." I kept my head down as I got in the backseat of the car with Bakugou and Eijiro, sitting in between them both. "Dumbass calm the fuck down." I let go of Eijiros hand and my leg starts bouncing as my nerves start to get the best of me.
Both Eijiro and Dad pretended they didn't hear what he said and our drive continued.
I look around for something to use to calm my nerves and end up catching a glimpse of crimson eyes that looked filled with worry.
Then I feel my hand being picked up again and follow the hand to Bakugou. He was looking out the window now but I felt a bit safer. I laced my fingers with his and took a deep breath.
The smell of caramel and lavender filled my nose as I leaned my head back. After the adrenaline rush I was beginning to feel a bit groggy. Must be good in a way, I won't be as much trouble.
Why am I such a burden?
We pull up to the hospital and get out. Heading into the waiting room I start to get fidgety again, I grab onto Bakugous hand once more.
He simply looks at me and then away, squeezing my hand in most likely, extra reassurance. When we are told to head to a hospital room though, my eyes start watering and I can't help but cry.
Dad looks at me, worry more than evident, but unable to do anything since Bakugou is here. I watch as he steals a glare at the Pomeranian before refocusing on where he's going.
Room 666, the number of the devil. That's my hospital room. Either he's going to try to kill me, or I'm going to end up dying on my own.
I shiver at the thought before opening the door.
Inside were yellow flowers and another baby yellow coating the walls. I gasp with a smile, getting stars in my eyes.
I run into the room and flop on the bed, it was so cozy in here!
I see Dad and Eijiro with a smirk at the door while Bakugou looks like he's going to keel over. His face was red and he was punching the bridge on his nose again.
I start scribbling.
What's wrong Mr. Bakugou? Scared?
He looks as if I just insulted him. "NO WAY YOU BITCH." I hear the anger, but see the humor behind his eyes. I only let out a breathy giggle at the sight.
I grabbed all of them and lead them into my new favorite room.
2 minutes later I hear a loud knock on the door and then a nurse comes in. "We need to prep her."
My eyes widened and the nerves were back, only worse and more immediate. I wanted to run. Hide. I was simply terrified.
Eijiro looks at me, "Do you think one of us could stay with her, she seems a little jumpy.." I frowned, why was I always underestimated? First Fourth Kind, then my classmates, now Eijiro..
I was weak.
Why can't I be seen as strong? Why can't I be strong? Because I'm a girl? Because I can't make decisions to help my case? Is this why I'm weak?
I should be okay. Just come back when they're done?
I tried my best to not have any tears run down my face, as my eyes were watering. I looked up to the boys and watched as their faces become pained.
"Yeah.. we'll come back.." Dad says, his voice cracking at the end. "Don't go under before we see you again." He says sharply, hoping to redeem himself.
I nod, and look to Bakugou, his face was stone hard, as if he were debating something. "I'll hang back for a second." He says, Dad looks at him weirdly before walking out with Eijiro.
What's wrong?
I ask, generally concerned because he never showed he cared in front of others. "I don't want to be friends.." I felt my heart lurch and my breath escape my lungs.
You don't want to know me Bakugou?
I was on the edge of tears now, deeply hurt by the idea. "Katsuki."
Confused I looked to his eyes, they looked calm, but I couldn't help but feel anxiety from them as well.
What?
"Call me Katsuki. I don't see you as a damn friend.. something.. more.. something.. deeper.. but I don't know how to fucking describe it. I don't want you thinking of me as your fucking friend because that's not how I see you dumbass."
My mouth hung open, shock completely enveloping me. I could barely write the words out on the page my hands were shaking so much.
How do you want me to see you?
His features soften as he opens his mouth, except he was interrupted by none other than Dad. "They can't wait much longer on this, you need to be done."
He nods and the door closed once more, he takes my face in his hand, brushing my cheekbone with his calloused thumb.
"Not a friend." He says before dropping his hand and heading out the door.
Not a friend.
What does he mean by that?
Does he want me to be his enemy? Rival? My breath hitches and I can't help but let my mind run rampant.
What does he mean?
What does he mean?
What does he mean?
Does he like me?
In that way? Is that why he seems to have a soft spot for me? What does he want our relationship to be?! This is going to change everything.. I don't want to lose him..
The nurse renters the room, clipboard and gown in hand. It was a wrap back so my hair would be moved out of the way.
"Put this on and then get onto the bed." I feel myself go on autopilot, nodding and getting the gown on then getting in the bed.
She puts in my IV and then other wires around my body, all connecting to machines. "Now the next step of this is to put you under, so I'm going to bring those that you brought back in."
She leaves for a second and then brings the boys back in. I scribble lazily, already having the drugs taking effect.
I hate needles. อศอ, ར ཡศས₮ ར໒ཛ ໒ཞཛศฅ ཡཏཛས ཡཛ gཛ₮ ཏ๑ฅཛ.
Dad chuckles lightly. "Alrighty then Lily, you're going to go to sleep soon."
I am? Ohhhhhhhh yeahhhhh.
I got more chuckles from that. I frowned, I don't like people laughing at me.
Don't laugh at me..
I was frustrated to say the least, but they stopped laughing which made me feel better. "Are we ready to begin operation?" The nurse asked.
I watched as Dad nodded. And I strained my chords, only searching for the crimson ones that brought me comfort.
"Kat... su... ki?" I asked as they were putting me under, I finally found them as my eyes began to close. Smiling I watch as he disappears from my sight.
The darkness swallowing me whole.
That's when I realized.
I really do like Katsuki.