I walk out of the comfort of my room after what seems like days, but what was actually a few mere hours. I had trapped myself away, allowing myself to grieve the death of my best friend, my brother, but no amount of time seemed enough to heal the hole in my heart.
It was a strange feeling, knowing that I'd never see him smile again, or listen to him hysterically rant about some Sci-fi movie I know nothing about, or better yet go to another one of his performances and see him entrancing every single person in the room who has the blessing of listening to his voice.
It was hard to believe that I wouldn't ever experience anything with him again.
I make way through the elongated and seemingly never ending corridors, my feet fast paced as I swiftly pass through, the mahogany walls and water painted pictures swimming past me in a blur. I assumed that Clary and Jace would be back by now, and we soon had to complete the harrowing task of staking Simon through the heart.
That's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say.
Shaking the terrifying reality from my mind, I venture into the main part of the institute, my eyes washing over each of the busy Shadowhunter's rushing around, trying to spot a certain strawberry blonde, needing to know how everything went.
When my eyes fail to find Clary, or even Jace, I instead spot Alec in the training room, furiously sparing against the wavering black bag, which looks hits away from deteriorating. Building up my courage I walk towards him, nervous to speak to him again after how cold I had been earlier.
And my nerves increase, as when I enter the room, my eyes lift and I quickly notice Alec's lack of clothing, his upper body shinning under the bright lights, as his lean figure moves at an indescribable speed. I feel my body react, my eyes feeling blessed at the sight of his defined back muscle that clenches at each move and the flexing of his toned arms.
He was unbelievably attractive.
After what seems like hours of me staring, Alec notices my presence and stops moving, dropping his weapon at his side and evening out his breath.
"Camilla" He states, surprise evident in his expression, before walking to the desk at the side and placing down his sparring stick.
"Hey, I saw you training and thought I'd come see you, you looked like you were taking out a lot of frustration on that poor bag" I say, my voice light and teasing, causing Alec to smirk lightly. I feel myself blush at his exposed body facing my way, my eyes unintentionally lingering as the beads of sweat trickle down his abs and past the band of his shorts.
I quickly shake my head clear, scolding myself for even thinking about Alec's abs and especially for thinking about anything to do with what's under his shorts.
I need God.
Noticing my stare, Alec glances down, his eyes slightly widening as he probably realises how undressed he is, and with a small smirk, a knowing smirk, he grabs his hoodie and pulls it on, his eyes not leaving my own as he zips it up to his chest.
He was enjoying this, the asshole.
"How are you doing?" He suddenly asks, his voice lowering a few octaves and his gaze softening. I shrug nonchalantly, walking over to him and stopping a few steps in front of him.
"I've been better, It's hard knowing that he's really- um, but I want him to be at peace so, I know it's the right thing to do, even if it sucks" I say, gulping slightly, pushing down the ball stuck in my throat. I notice Alec's confused expression, and raise my brow.
"What's the right thing to do?" He asks, folding his arms over his chest.
"Oh, right, you weren't there." I state, sighing "We can bring Simon back, but he would be a vampire and well, no matter how much I wish he could come back, he wouldn't want to have to live his life like that. We're going to have to stake him through the heart and let him die in peace" I explain, my voice wavering but I keep myself strong, knowing it was the right thing to do.
He deserved peace, after everything, it was the least we could give him.
"Camilla, I'm sorry... I know how hard this must be for you" Alec states, a sympathetic frown on his face as he lift one hand to arm, his fingers soothingly caressing it, giving me more comfort in that small gesture than I had felt in hours.
"Thank you, Alec. For everything." I state quietly, feeling myself elate at the small smile etched onto his lips as he gazes at me, glad that I had told him how grateful I was for him.
Because I really was grateful for him.
"Look at us, always talking about me" I suddenly exclaim, a smile gracing my features as I step back slightly, making Alec also come back to reality. I wipe the stray tears that are threatening to escape before, turning back my attention to Alec.
"So, like I said before, a lot of frustration on that poor bag. What's going on, Alec?"
"Nothing, you've got a lot on your plate, you hardly need me to add to it" He says dismissively, taking a step back. His face is much serious than it previously had been, and I could practically see in his eyes as he built his wall back up, brick by brick.
But I refused to let him take us back to square one, not again.
"Alec" I sigh, rubbing face tiredly "You could never burden me with your problems. I care about you and I want to know what's wrong, you don't always have to keep everything inside. Open up to me, please" I say, my voice barely above a whisper as I plead with him, allowing myself for once to be vulnerable.
I knew that I had to take the first step for him to follow.
He sighs in defeat, his eyes softening and demeanour relaxing as he turns his attention back to me, a more pained expression covering his features.
"My parents... they used to be circle members" He states, a mixture of shame and disgust in his tone. I try and mask the shock I feel at his statement, my brow furrowing unwilling as I step closer, surprised at his words.
"But the circle rune...?"
"They made a deal with the Clave before the uprising, in return for their help they were given immunity." He explains, a bitterness to his words, he spits them out like venom, obviously having a lot of anger towards his parents.
"Have you talked to them about it yet? Maybe there's an explanation or something. You know your parents Alec, they aren't bad people. Talk to them" I say softly, not wanting him to feel pressured and especially not wanting him to think I'm not taking his side.
I mean, hell would probably freeze over before I took Maryse's side on anything.
"It's not just them being apart of the circle, it's everything" He exclaims, his voice rough and frustrated, and I remain silent, knowing he needed to vent. "They're hypocrites, they've spent my entire life forcing me to follow every order, every rule to protect our family name when they themselves tarnished it. They want to control my life to make up for the mistakes they made"
"My whole life's been a lie" He exasperates, running a hand through his hair in frustration. I step forwards, my hand softly grabbing his hand in comfort and swiftly his eyes raise to mine, the angering seemingly vanishing.
He was there to remind me of who I was that night on the roof, now it was my turn to do the same.
"We aren't responsible for our parent's mistakes, Alec. We are our own people with our own lives and we choose our paths, not them. You've spent your entire life bending to the will of the Clave, to the will of your parents but now, you need to live for yourself. Do what's in your heart" I say, my hand simultaneously coming up, and shakingly, I place it gently over his heart, feeling the soft raising and falling of his chest under my palm.
I feel Alec freeze at my gesture and instantly regret the act but I almost jump in shock when moments later, I feel the warmth of Alec's hand wrap over mine. My eyes lift and lock with his, and we both seem entranced by the intensity of the moment, the both of us seemingly uncaring of the world around us.
" I can't believe that I'm saying this, but you're right" he says, smirking and I chuckle out in reply, the atmosphere feeling much lighter than previously. "Thank you" He mutters gratefully, his hand still clutching over mine, making me smile sheepishly, under the heat of his gaze.
I had to tell him now.
"Alec, I need to tell you-" I start.
"I hope I'm not interrupting anything"
Swiftly, at the sound of the voice, Alec and I both almost stumble back, shocked awake by our surroundings. Blushingly, I turn to see Magnus, who's of course sporting a cheeky smile, glad to have caught us in a intimate moment.
Thought I myself felt disappointed that our moment was ruined.
Especially before I even got to the most important part.
"Magnus" I say, smiling as he comes over. My hand wrapping around him comfortingly, glad to see him after these few days.
"Hello, muffin. I heard about Simon... I'm sorry" He mutters sadly and I nod, not wanting to ruin the mood by getting emotional again. I knew that I would be doing plenty of crying later on.
"Muffin?" Alec asks with a raised brow, as I turn back around and I giggle, noticing Magnus's smirk before shaking my head in amusement at him.
"It's a cute pet name, I'm pretty big on them" Magnus states, beaming up a typically passive Alec. Ignoring the weird tension, Magnus turns and pulls out a folder before turning back to Alec, handing it over to him. "I have the preliminary autopsy report of the Forsaken"
"Why are you giving these to me, they should go to the head of the institute. Lydia's in the office." Alec states gruffly and I stiffen, confusion and a weird unfamiliar emotion filling me at the name.
"Who's Lydia?" I ask, my voice smaller than usual.
"She's an envoy from the Clave, she's temporary head" Magnus explains and I frown looking to Alec who merely shrugs, sadness evident in his expression.
Alec was clearly going through a lot right now.
I felt guilty for not being there enough for him.
"I'll take the folder to her, thank you" He states, taking the folder from Magnus's hands. With one last glance and a small smile to me, Alec swiftly walks away and out of the room, going to meet this Lydia woman.
Why did the thought make me nauseous?
***
The time was nearing sunrise, and I gravely made my way through the institute and to the front of the building to where Clary and Jace were seen, knowing that we would be staking Simon and giving him the peace he would want and the right to die as a human.
I walk out, the darkness of the night no longer blinding me as a small glimmer of the rising sun appears, lighting the once dark and desolate night, making finding Clary easy.
As I make my way through the bumpy grass and uneven mud, I spot the strawberry blonde strands of my sisters hair in the distance, and quickly notice she was in the company of not only Jace but Raphael too.
However, as I reach a closer distance, I feel my heart plummet into my stomach, my eyes widening as I see the dirt covered shovel clasped in Clary's hand as well as the section of revealed soil and mud in front of them.
By the looks of anticipation on their faces and their unwavering gaze at the ground before them, I knew what they had done.
"You didn't" I yell, immediately catching the attention of the others and as soon as I notice the guilty yet heartbroken look that Clary gives me, I know that they hadn't done what we swore we would and instead have chosen to resurrect Simon.
They've cursed him to a life of a blood sucker.
"I'm sorry Cam, we didn't have a choice. He couldn't die... he just couldn't" Clary exclaims, tears trespassing hazardously down her cheeks and I sob, my heart aching in guilt and regret of everything that was about to happen.
"He's going to hate us!" I roar out, my harsh words cutting through the silence of the night sky, making Clary flinch, her tears and cries increasing.
"I'm sorry Cam, I'm sorry-"
Clary's cries are cut of by the movement beneath us, the soil begins to separate and I feel my chest tighten as a hand reaches out from the ground . We watch in horror as Simon climbs from the depths of the ground, covered in dirt and frantically staring at his surroundings.
Jace quickly comes over to me, and with a gentle hand guides my stiff and frozen body next to Clary and him, the caution in his face as he looked Simon over, suggested he questioned how safe he was right now.
But Simon would never hurt us.
He just wouldn't.
"Simon... It's me, it's Clary" She states, her voice breaking and body shaking at the confused look on his face. Clary takes a step forwards but immediately is pulled back by Jace, and I am too, as Simon hisses out aggressively at us, the light hitting menacingly upon his new canines.
He didn't even look like Simon.
Raphael comes forwards and throws a blood bag directly besides his body and within seconds Simon is ripping the bag open, drinking the contents clean as Raphael throws him a few more. My eyes widen, a look of horror and disgust on my face as he devours the blood, barely acknowledging his actions.
"When they emerge, they emerge hungry." Raphael states, noticing my terror. "Very hungry"
"Cam, Clary... what's happening?" Simon whimpers, dropping the blood bag and staring up pleadingly at us, so confused and scared.
"You, um, you died." Clary states, hesitantly, watching in pain as Simon's eyes widen in realisation, the memories of everything probably coming back to him.
"I, what? What's this? " He asks picking up the blood bag before flinging it away in disgust "That's blood! Oh, my– Oh, my– Why can't I say–"
"God. It'll take time to regain the ability. There's a lot you will need to learn." Raphael says, his voice calm and casual, making the situation appear simple and normal, completely different form what was actually happening.
"I'm a vampire... tell me... tell me this isn't real. Tell me this is not really happening!" He exclaims, making Jace further pull Clary and me back, not trusting Simon's ability to control himself right now.
All I wanted was to hold him and tell him everything's going to be okay.
But I couldn't.
" I'm, I'm... I'm repulsive!" Simon cries, touching his fangs and scratching his body in fear and disgust. I immediately cry out, feeling myself weaken and tears fill my eyes as I watch my best friend go practically mad, revolted by himself.
"No, please! Please don't say that, okay? You're still the same, Simon. You're the same Simon I've known my whole life. The same guys who loves sci-fi. And who can recite every line from... from every Nicolas Cage movie. The same Simon who carried me over the Brooklyn Bridge when I lost my shoe, okay?" I plead, tears fogging my vision as I fight Jace's strength to get closer to Simon, just to hold him for a second and make him feel better.
"I'm not. I'm nothing more than a monster. Stay away! Please just... stay away." He exclaims, muttering out in sadness and fear before he eventually gets up, at first with weak knees but as soon as his strength returns he runs away, barely glancing at us before leaving.
"Simon!" Clary and I exclaim, fighting against Jace to chase after him.
" I'll look after Simon. You have my word." Raphael states, coming forwards to look sincerely into our eyes before vanishing, his vampire speed taking him away to find Simon.
And hopefully, save him from himself.
Hello my loves :)
Hope you enjoyed the chapter, I really needed to give Camlec a good fluffy and cute scene before shit went down, just as little piece to keep you all going, because the next few chapters are going to be rough.
Heartbreaking for Simon, but us Shadowhunter fans know how strong he is and I don't plan on changing his character arc at all for my fanfic, he will be treated like the king he is.
Make sure you VOTE, COMMENT and SHARE.
And I will see you all next chapter xoxo