GULF'S POV
I didn't expect for someone to notice what I did with my hand. I especially didn't expect for that person to be Mew. In the past, I didn't realize that I was doing it. I only realized when I actually broke my thumb from gripping it too hard. Since then, it's been a self-comforting thing for me.
With everything Bright said, I feel bad about myself. I didn't know he felt so alone with me. This is my fault. Everything's my fault. I know I'm messed up. I was laying beside Mew with our fingers interlocked. I can't exactly explain why I've chosen to give in to him but it's just that he feels comforting right now. His hands are rough but they're warm. It feels nice.
He hasn't fallen asleep yet and I want to ask him about things that I've been curious about.
"Why do you have this big house all to yourself" I started.
He answered after a while. "This used to be my parents' house. My dad left us when I was little...just before my mom got sick. She eventually passed away. Cancer".
He doesn't have parents either. We might have more things in common than I expected.
"Do you have siblings?".
"My older sister's married. She and her husband live abroad. We're not that close anyway, but I'm not used to living alone, that's why I turned this into a sharehouse". He turned to his side to face me.
"Is that why you have insomnia?". I faced him as well. He looks sad.
"I've always had trouble sleeping but... it got worse when my boyfriend left me...", he said that last part quietly.
"You must have loved him a lot if you're dealing with the break up this bad", I told him.
He fell silent. I probably shouldn't have said that.
"It..it wasn't a breakup", he explained.
Oh. I understood what he meant. "I'm sorry...I get it. I...I lost my parents too and...", I tried explaining to him but I couldn't continue. It's still hard to talk about it.
He gripped my hand tighter. "Gulf, you don't have to tell me if you're not ready".
We were silent again. I guess we understand each other a little since we have similar experiences somehow. Losing someone you love, that's the worst feeling in the whole world. It's messed up how life just plays with us.
Then I remembered something else. "What does your insomnia have to do with me then? Why can you suddenly sleep better when I'm around?".
He bit his lip. "You're going to think I'm crazy if I say why".
"I think you're already crazy".
He quietly laughed. "Let me tell you about my boyfriend first..."
"When I started dating him I was more than happy, I was a bit delusional to be honest; like nothing in the world can go wrong. I thought that we'd be together forever; that nothing would break us apart. I know, it sounds so corny, but that's how I felt at that time. I knew I liked guys ever since I was a kid and my parents weren't really accepting of it. I was a little ashamed back then and he was feeling the same way, but when we got together...it felt right. Being with him washed away all my doubts about myself. I loved him a lot. Then when I least expected, he just left".
I see him trying to hold back his tears. I let him explain more. "After what happened, I couldn't sleep at all, like a part of me just won't let things go. Most nights, my nightmares are about him disappearing in my arms. I tried everything, sleeping pills and whatnot. Nothing works. But when I saw you...things suddenly felt weirdly better".
"Why is that?", I asked.
"Because you remind me of him", he closed his eyes. "This is going to sound ridiculous but...you sort of look like him", he confessed.
"We do?" Is that why he keeps staring at me?
"Not completely...but yeah, in some ways".
"Oh...Is that why Off reacted that way the first time we met?".
"Yeah. Our relationship wasn't exactly out in the open back then. We dated in secret. He was the only other person who knew about us. At first, I started denying that you resemble him but even Off can see it".
I don't know how to process all this. I look like his dead boyfriend. That's such a weird coincidence; and the fact that me being with him makes him sleep better is a little creepy, honestly. Not creepy perverted, but just freaky. I'm starting to feel chills down my spine.
"Listen Gulf, now that you know why, I'll understand if you'll feel upset with me. Really, you don't have to do this. Now that I think about it, it's sort of fucked up for me to do this to you".
He tried to let go of my hand but I didn't want him to.
Mew, both of us are already dealing with our problems in really fucked up ways.
"What was his name?", I asked.
"Type. He was my Type".
Author's note:
1k reads?! To be honest, I'm not sure what kind of reactions this will get cause I didn't expect for this to reach this many views. This is probably a common trope already but I hope you keep reading. I've already planned this story until the end (a lot more things will happen) and I'll do my best not to make it so cliché! Thanks so much for reading :)