Disclaimer: written by yorke0593
A/N: okay so if you saw on my message board my laptop broke, so now I am on my sisters old phone because mine is getting repaired (I'm rlly clumsy ik) so I will try to do updates but it's gonna be hard cause this phones crappy and I won't get mine back for at least 2 weeks and I have no idea when my laptop will be repaired
Anyways this chapter isn't a jily chapter but it's extremely sad like rlly sad and I felt the need to share it :)
Summary: I can see it in the way he faces a challenge; James is within him. I see it in the way he looks at Ginny; Lily's love. I can even see it in the way he laughs; Sirius's humor. WARNING: IT'S SAD!
Sometimes I lay in bed and look up at my ceiling fan and just wonder. I let my mind go places I normally avoid. I let it relinquish all the hate the day has caused and I do it so I do not remember them sourly. I do not want to be the bitter friend left behind. I do not want to be alone.
I used to think that we were all invincible. I thought us marauders ruled the world. People groveled at our feet and we could conquer any land. I miss that naïve perspective. For every year I have lived since James died I have aged ten. My reality has slowly slipped away and I am stuck in a world of fan staring.
I try not to blame Peter for what has become of us, what has become of me, but I fear I cannot just forgive him so easily. Back when Sirius (about a year ago) was around he hated Peter like he hated his family and the lot of the death eaters. He said that Peter had changed. I think, though, that Peter has died. He is no longer with me and I stand alone. My dear friend is no longer found in him, which is why I am sitting here lying in this bed.
I remember when we were all back in Hogwarts we walked around like Kings. Sirius would do a strut in front of us and wink at every good-looking girl he saw. James was next to him rolling his eyes and waving at all the people he knew. Peter was somewhere behind them, lost within them. And I was in the back smiling and nodding at acquaintances.
We all planned on growing up together. We were going to get a big apartment and go to Auror training. Our whole lives changed when Lily finally said agreed to go on a date with James. Don't get me wrong all of us were still unimaginably close, but something inside of James automatically aged.
Sirius hated what Lily did to James. He hated the way she had him whipped. Sirius would often devise plans to screw up their relationship, but I would secretly foil them. Peter did a lot of watching that year. He didn't speak up. No one gave it much thought back then however I kinda wish we would have.
Maybe Peter felt like he didn't get enough attention or something of the sort. I particularly think that he was lucky to even be seen in the presence of Sirius and James. I think he was about as popular as humanly possible for a person with Peter's personality. Maybe if people had smiled directly at Peter sometimes instead of whispering about his dodgy look. Maybe things would have been different if I had listened to their gossip.
I can sit here and recount every mistake I made and everything I misjudged and I realize it's just not getting any better. Every part of me is aching and I am not doing a damn thing to fix it. So now I'm going to get off my ass and stop wallowing because the facts stand; my best friends are dead.
Everybody I used to think mattered has not given me a thought in years. I have lost almost everything. There is one thing that remains though. He's stronger than the rest and he will prevail. I can see it in the way he faces a challenge; James is within him. I see it in the way he looks at Ginny; Lily's love. I can even see it in the way he laughs; Sirius's humor. My best friends live on in that boy. He's the reason I have to live right now. I've got to keep going to show him that all my old friends are still within him. He has to know he's more than just a fighting mechanism. He's got to know that he is a part of them