Joel's POV
She never came home.
I waited for her, for an hour and she never came.
The code span around and around in my mind, burning a whole in my brain.
But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't connect the dots.
"You look like shit." Hayley comments as I come downstairs, "I'm guessing you didn't see Lizzie yesterday."
"She wasn't home." I grumble.
"Text her then."
"That's a stupid idea."
"You are so stubborn."
"I can't text her, because I don't know what to say."
"Then why'd you go and see her yesterday."
"Actually, I never saw her. And my plan was to just wing it."
Hayley rolls her eyes, chucking me a bagel, "no, that's the stupid idea."
"Where was she yesterday."
Hayley looks at me, "how am I supposed to know."
I put the bagel down, "where could she possibly have gone."
"Joel, she's a person, she has a life and other things to do."
The knife that plunged into my heart when I found out that Lizzie was lying to me, digs in further.
I was foolish to assume that she was just wallowing at home, she was probably just putting on a strong front at school.
My eyes glaze over in anger, she probably doesn't even care.
Hayley gives me a concerned look, before gently prying to crushed bagel out of my fist.
I pull my phone out my pocket and go to Lizzie's contact.
I stare at the name for a second, before my instincts take over, and I press the red text at the bottom.
"Joel what are you doing."
I exhale, shoving my phone back into my pocket, "tying up loose ends."
I feel her eyes trained on me as I walk out the room.
Meri greets me in the hallway, and I clip on her lead.
"I'm taking Meri for a walk." I yell, walking straight out the front door without waiting for her response.
I find myself walking for over an hour, and eventually Meri gets tired and starts trying to sit down at every possible opportunity.
I start turning around, when Meri plops down onto the pavement, refusing to get up.
Huffing in frustration, I attempt to push her up gently, but she lets her tongue fall out her mouth and refuses to move.
We still have an hour walk home.
I guess I stopped paying attention to the time, and apparently where I was going because the street looks unfamiliar.
"You're a long way from home."
I twist my head and see Oli walking towards me.
"Hey dude." I attempt to smile.
"It's been a while." He muses, petting a very tired Meri on the head.
"And you're still wearing that panda hat." I joke.
"Hey." He smirks, "it's for the culture."
I smile, and properly this time.
"I've missed you." I say, unable to keep up the facade anymore.
Oli looks at me, his eyes sympathetic, "we've missed you as well."
He pulls me into a hug, a proper one, and I relax slightly.
"How did everything go so wrong."
"It's a crazy messed up world."
I nod in agreement, happy that I can still talk to him.
"I went to see Lizzie." I say honestly, "she wasn't there. I don't know what I would've done if she was there."
Oli looks at me, slightly shocked, "no one told you?"
"Told me what?"
"Lizzie went back to America."
Shock paralyses me, and I feel the lead drop from my hand.
She's gone.
All my anger is forgotten, and replaced with pure fear.
She's gone back to that place.
The place that hurt her, destroyed her family, her friends.
That hurt her so much that she lied to everyone in a desperate attempt to hide it.
Suddenly I understand why she did it.
But the realisation hurts me more than it heals me.
I pushed her away, I didn't even try and talk to her.
I didn't let her talk.
I remember watching her sob as she begged for me to let her explain.
The way her desperation made her shake.
And I ignored it.
How could I not have seen the pain she was in.
How could I not see how broken she was.
Why didn't I help her.
I barely register Oli talking, but all I hear is the blood roaring in my ears, and my rapid heartbeat.
I drove her off.
I drove off the one person who meant the world to me.
And now she's back in the place that destroyed her world in the first place.
She could be in danger.
I still don't know everything that happened, but whatever killed her friend, is still there.
And now she's there as well.
No.
I recall the feeling of my heart shattering when I found out she'd lie to me.
I thought that was the most pain I'd ever felt, and would ever feel.
But this is so much worse.
Instead of shattering, my heart is screaming from the inside out.
It's crying out, begging for help.
Just like Lizzie was.
I can barely choke back a sob as I fall to my knees, my hands knotting in my hair as I scream silently.
I hurt her, she was hurting and I made it worse.
This is my fault.
I hear Oli calling me, and slowly I manage to cap my emotions enough to speak.
"We need to go."
Oli looks me dead in the eye, "oh- okay, I can drive you home?"
"No." I shake my head in conviction.
Despite my aching heart, my head is clear for the first time in weeks.
There are so many things I don't understand, but none of that matters now.
I should've been there for her when she was hurting, no matter how I felt.
She was the one who went through it, but I was so blinded by my anger.
I was selfish.
Now she's moved away.
Moved back to America, to the place that almost destroyed her in the first place.
"Do you need me to call Hayley?" Oli asks, worry rooted in his voice, "where do we need to go?"
I push myself unsteadily to my feet, gripping onto Oli so I can finally regain my balance.
"We're going to America."
***
I'm on a roll 😂
I might even write some more, I'm really excited for what comes next.
EXTRA: it's not a mistake, Joel thinks Lizzie has moved back to America from what Oli said.
Also, no hate to America 😂 just felt the need to say it, I actually love America (most of it anyway cough cough, I hate Trump, cough cough)
Do you guys like Joel's POV? Let me know!
Make sure to vote as it's really motivating ❤️
- Feather In The Wind 💫