Natalie's POV:
Mia and I never talked about "what we were," we just went with the flow. I'm sure she wondered much like I did, but there are no words for how I feel around her. I've only known her about a month and she has been all that's in my mind all the time. I thought this was how I felt in my last relationship, I even fooled myself into believing it for three whole years, and now here I am, falling for a girl I barely know too many things about.
But I will know everything about her. All her fears. All her aspirations. Everything.
When I cornered Mariana by her car to ask what'd happened to Mia that day, I hadn't expected her to say that Mia had tried to kill herself. Why would my Mia do that? Why would she try to leave me? I didn't know what to say, but I knew I had to see her. She had to have been in absolute pain to be able to just want to throw away all of her life, just like that. I knew she'd been crying that morning, I knew that it was probably because of her mother, but I didn't push her. I didn't make her tell me what went down between them. I figured, in time, she'd come to tell me on her own. I didn't think she'd go into a bathroom, swallow an entire bottle of migraine pills, and wait to die.
I was at Mariana's car soon after I saw Mia being taken away on the gurney. Mia still had tears pouring out of her eyes as she was being hauled into the ambulance. I'd never seen her like that, I'd thought I'd been making her happier, that I was helping her, but I wasn't helping at all. I told Mariana that she better take me with her to the hospital, I knew she didn't like me too much, Mia had told me why, but I didn't care. She wasn't going to keep me from being there when Mia woke up...if she woke up...I hated myself for thinking that, but I couldn't help but be slightly pessimistic at the situation.
When we got to the hospital, after decades of waiting Dr. Richards finally came to give us an update. Well, or so we thought. Really he was looking for Mia's parents, who obviously Mariana had called and texted a billion times, I'm sure the school had too, but they were nowhere to be found. I'd been crying the entire wait, angry with myself, and feeling as though I could've stopped Mia's pain sooner, but I hadn't. So, when Dr. Richards began to look as though he wasn't going to take Mariana and I to see Mia, even after Mariana cussed him out, I knew I had to step in. For whatever reason, what I'd said worked, even though I didn't say half of the things that I was thinking, and he took us to her room. I guess, it was the tears, mixed with the crazy woman eyes I'm sure both Mariana and I had.
Then, there I was watching the girl I'd become so attached to, lie in bed asleep. Mariana looked like she wanted to jump on her and beat the hell out of her, and I must admit the thought had crossed my mind, but above everything else I just wanted to hold her. I wanted to hold her and let her know that she was cared for, that someone was always going to be there, through all of her pain and hurting, I was going to be there to help her through.
~*~
After another hour, Mia finally started to flutter her eyes and wake up. Before I could say anything Mariana started going off.
"You fucking asshole!" she started, "Why the hell would you just decide you wanted to kill yourself?"
She moved closer to the bed, eyes like flame burning through Mia, and Mia just sat there taking it all. Looking unbothered.
"You know I'm here!" Mariana continued. "I've been here through everything you've ever been through! But now, of all times, you clam up and don't tell me shit! And then you try to fucking die Mia? Are you kidding me!"
I think Mia tried to talk then, tried to plead her case her raging best friend, but Mariana was on a role and wouldn't let her speak.
"And her--" she pointed at me. "--were you just going to leave her?" I wasn't sure if Mariana had guessed what was up with us or not but all I could think was, Brava. My thoughts exactly...
Mia sat in silence, waiting for more, but nothing came, instead Mariana just looked at her expectantly, with the tears she'd been keeping in finally rolling down her cheeks.
"So, it's my turn to speak then?" Mia asked in a raspy voice. She looked from Mariana to me, then back again. "I just didn't want to hurt my mom anymore, Mar."
With that Mia was crying again. I know Mar didn't know what was going on, but she couldn't help but soften at the way Mia looked. Mia crumpled, she was shaking from her sobs and all I wanted to do was calm her down and wipe her tears away. The only thing is, I didn't know if she wanted me to. I didn't want to cause anymore damage. Besides that, Mariana was already on the hospital bed with her, rocking her in back and forth, telling her that everything was going to be okay. Still, it hurt me to see her this way. I hated it.
I'd had enough of just sitting there. I didn't feel welcomed. Mia was okay, Mariana was there, they didn't need me, did they? Without saying anything, I got up and attempted to go wait outside in the hallway.
"Don't go." I heard that raspy voice say.
I turned around and offered her a smile. "Mariana seems to have everything covered here, Mia."
"But she's not you." I could see her dimple then, that adorable dimple. "I need you here."
We stared into each other's eyes for a moment, before I made my way back to my seat, feeling a weight being lifted from my heart in the process.
Mariana watched our exchange in silence. I knew she was still trying to make sense of us, if she really hadn't guessed already, but I didn't care. The bitch wasn't going to hear it from me. She'd have to talk to her best friend.
"Hey Mar..." Mia said, but was still looking at me. "Can you give us a minute? I think she'd like to yell at me too."
I could tell she'd started to blush, because she looked down and was trying to bite back her smile. I love when she does that.
"Uh, no." Mariana said obviously frustrated. "What is going on between you two, anyway?"
Mia looked at her, then looked at me. I knew she was debating, trying to figure out if she should tell her or not, after what'd happened with her mother, but eventually she just shrugged.
"Mar, I like Natalie," Mia said.
"What do you mean?"
"Mar, I tried to kill myself, because I came out to my mom, and she said she was a failure as a mother." Mia said this so fast that I had a hard time keeping up. "I'm gay, a lesbian. Whatever. And I like Natalie."
Mariana just stared at her for a moment, it didn't seem like she was in shock, or even all that upset about it. She looked more hurt than anything.
I spoke then, I had to say something. "And I like her too...very, very much." I knew this was my opening to get everything off of my chest so, I didn't stop. "So, Mia, if you ever pull some shit like this again, I'm going to fucking gut you." I was mad. Of course I was mad, but I couldn't say it angrily. It came out in a whisper, and I almost couldn't even hear myself say it.
"Never, ever, try to leave me like this again." Fuck am I crying in front of her right now? "I was so scared..th-that I'd lost you."
"Come here," she said to me, spreading her arms out wide. "Please?"
I didn't waste anytime. I rushed into her arms and she held me.
"I'm glad you've found someone like her..." Mariana said, after I'd forgotten she was in the room. "She's going to take care of you in ways that I can't." I hadn't realized she'd gotten up and was walking out of the room until it was completely silent except for our breathing, but Mia didn't let me go.
"I am so sorry that I've hurt you," she whispered into my ear. "Never again."
I pulled back then and looked straight into her eyes. "Do you promise?"
She smiled at me, then held up her pinky saying, "Pinky promise baby."
I twisted her pinky with mine and smiled right back at her. I felt a churning in my stomach, it was warm. My eyes flicked down to her lips. I want them... When I looked back into her eyes, I knew she saw the longing in my eyes. She had to.
In the next moment, her lips were on mine, and I forgot all about the fact that we were in the hospital, because the girl kissing me had tried to commit suicide.
Her lips are so soft.
She pulled away all too soon. I wasn't done having those lips, but the look on her face told me she has something to say.
"Stay by my side?" She asked it as a question, like she was offering me a position, a job.
I didn't have to think about an answer. I wouldn't leave this girl for anything. "I'll always be here. No matter what. When you don't think you're strong enough to go on, I'll be righ here to take your hands and pull you through. I promise."
She kissed me again, just a quick peck this time, but I savored it. Then she pulled me down on the bed with her, wrapped her arms around me, and told me she was tired.
"Then sleep."
She went to sleep humming the Brian McKnight song that played in the car the day we went to Chik-fil-a.
Guess that's our song.
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Pretty long chapter, but it's totally worth it.
- August Kvng