"Ruin and Redemption"

By KatherineElizabeth

96.3K 1.7K 211

Lizzie Henderson struggles to stay sane after her beloved Michael is murdered by a gang of patrollers led by... More

Prologue
Lizzie Learns Michael's Fate
Josiah Explains as Best He Can
Lizzie Alone in the Big House
A Way Out for Lizzie
Changing of the Guard
A New Husband for Lizzie
Burning the Evidence
Man and Wife & Derrick's Second Attempt
Lizzie and Scarlett by Horseback
Lizzie Curses Derrick and New Plans for the Kids
No Longer Faithful
Derrick Asserts His Authority & Tries to Destroy Michael's Memory
The Decision is Made and the Results are Buried
The Children Return to their Mother
Another Ball for Lizzie and Derrick and a New Addition to the Household
CiCi Endures an Ordeal Bravely
An Affair Ends and An Affair Begins
Derrick Tries to Conceal a Secret from the Public
Lizzie & Patsy Bring a Gift to Josiah
Izzie and CiCi & Josiah's Confession
Lizzie Confesses her Troubles to a Friend
Lizzie's Retreat from the World and the Return of Hope
Josiah Protects CiCi and CiCi Turns Down a Proposal
A Happy Outing and an Unexpected Scene
A Change of Fate for Scarlett
Taking Leave of Josiah and Izzie
Out in the Swamps
Lizzie's New Wardrobe
Derrick Accedes to Scarlett's demands and Gives Lizzie a New Necklace
An Unwelcome Visitor and a Gift for Josiah
Josiah's Decision and Derrick's Journey Begins
Derrick Returns from a Rough Journey and Earns Rebecca's Sympathy
A Dangerous Wager
An Unexpected Intervention to Save Lizzie's home
Not All Fun and Games
Father and Son Visit Charleston, SC
Derrick questions His Life
Michael's Return
A Glimpse into the Lives of Derrick's Parents
A Proposal for Mindy
A Reading Lesson with Rebecca and Amanda
Leaving Time
Scarlett's Bold Plan
An Affair in Charleston
Scarlett's Long lost Father
Derrick's Last Time w/ Scarlett before she goes with her father
Michael's Son Rejects his grandfather & Josiah's Wedding Day Arrives
A Pastor Gets Jangled & an Escapee Gets Found Out
Josiah Earns Michaels Forgiveness
Leaving Time is a Comin'
Honest Conversations
In the Line of Fire
Derrick, Lizzie and Esme in Charleston part 1
Derrick, Lizzie, Esme and Charleston pt. 2
Lizzie, Esme and Charleston pt. 3
Derrick, Esme and Lizzie in Charleston prt. 4 The Theatre
Playing Dress-up at the Theatre (pt. 5 of Derrick, Esme, Lizzie in Chrlston)
At the Tavern: Lizzie, Esme, Derrick in Charleston
Esme Gives Lizzie a Lesson Lizzie, Derrick and Esme in Charleston
The Unintentional Voyeur Lizzie, Esme and Charleston
Josiah's Battle and Scarlett's Arrival
A Letter Home
Mindy Bargains for Her Mother
Scarlett and her Brother
The Doctor Comes for Derrick
Josiah Makes it Home
The Revelation
Izzie Drops Another Bombshell
Rebecca's Changed Circumstances
Derrick's Illness
The Bedside Vigil for Derrick
Rebecca Asks for Support for Hers and Derrick's Child
Derrick Goes to Get Scarlett
A Talk with Scarlett's Father
Scarlett's Return to Pinehurst
Denning's Return
Towards the End of the War
Back from Berry Picking
Lizzie's School
School Lets Out Early
The Noose
Derrick Attempts Monogamy
Time to Begin Again
Scarlett Returns her Father's Love
Scarlett and Her Brother
Scarlett and the Will
Lizzie's Plan
A Wintry Night
Back to the House
A Renewed Acquaintance
The Mistress of the House
A Long Awaited Journey
To Fetch Esme Home
The Much Longed for and Dreaded Arrival
Lovebirds in the Parlor
The Happy Couple Makes their Rounds
The Shadow Stalks the Sun
Reading, Writing and Book Burning
A Wild Beast Drives the Men Away
Joe's Concerns
A Monster Rears its Ugly Head
A Desperate Dream of Happiness
A Guest Departs and a Fire Burns
Helpless and Hopeless
At Home with Scarlett
A Warrior in Husband's Garb
Rescue Attempted
Phoenix Rising New Hope for the Old South
Discussion Questions for your Reading Group/Book Club
Discussion Questions II
Patsy's Gaff Revealed

The Sorrow and Uncertainty of Parting

870 15 1
By KatherineElizabeth

Mindy looked down, not wanting to answer. Josiah had not threatened her, nor laid a hand on her. Nevertheless, she had been frightened in the barn today. The anger coming from Josiah had been so intense, she had been afraid he would become violent towards her. She hadn’t thought it mattered between them, but she was more conscious now than before of her former slave status.

“Come on, Mindy. You aren’t a slave anyway. I freed you as soon as I could 'ford to, an’ I offered you a horse."

“Yes, you did, Josiah. An’ I didn’t want to leave you,” she remembered. But she had not thought at the time that Josiah had it in him to kill anyone. Now that she’d seen that side, it frightened her. Perhaps it was good that he was going away for awhile, so she could come to terms with this other side to her beloved husband.

Why did it have to be today? Josiah wondered. He had obviously frightened Mindy badly, and now there was no time to make things right before he left for the War. He sighed heavily. How was he going to fight with this on his mind?

Mindy could see the pain in her husband’s eyes. He looked so lost and alone. She hesitantly walked towards him, and slowly wrapped her arms around him . She kissed him on the cheek. He felt good and warm like he always did, not like someone who wanted to kill her.“It’s going to be alright, Josiah,” she soothed, stroking his hair. She felt him relax and sigh into her. He brought her close and stroked her hair and rubbed her back over and over, until she felt much better. She pulled back enough to smile up at him.

“I think we can go now, Josiah. I’ll be happy to have you back after the war. I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too, Mindy,” he said, holding onto her hands and kissing them. After a time, they walked out of the barn together and  rejoined Izzie. They began their walk towards the woods, where two of the men from the regiment were meeting Josiah to escort him to the camp.

He felt much better now, knowing Mindy would be waiting on him while he was away. She still loved and wanted him. There would be many good years ahead for the two of them once he got back from doing what he had to do for the world. It was a good feeling.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Lizzie was trotting her horse. Derrick rushed to keep up. He had not been eager to come today, but then he had decided he didn’t want Lizzie going alone to say good-bye to Josiah. Who knew what might happen?

What time of the day was he leaving? Lizzie worried. She hoped she would not be too late. She could not believe Josiah was abandoning her. What was she going to do without him? How was she going to make it without her friend and protector? She would practically be alone here. Who would look out for her?

Lizzie was in a panic by the time she made it to the house. There was nobody on the front porch waiting for her. Not even Izzie. She jumped off her horse before it had even stopped, causing the horse to stumble. She made a quick loose knot at the post, and pulled her skirt up an inch above her ankles, so there would be no chance of tripping; She was in no mood for modesty today. Not if it kept her from Josiah. She was going to run as far and as fast as her corset would let her to get to Josiah.

By the time she was past the barn and getting close to the woods, Lizzie was already sweating profusely. The corset and high heels made running difficult and extremely uncomfortable, the whalebones biting into her flesh when her gait became any wider than the dainty steps required by the waltz or tarantelle. In deference to her husband’s insecurities, she was wearing her most modest dress, an outfit she absolutely detested for the scratchy lace that came all the way from the top of her breasts to her neck, and even brushed her chin with its ruff encircling her narrow neck. Her wrists were also draped in the scratchy stuff, which was getting more itchy as her sweat dried in the wind, encrusting the lace with salt. The dress, petticoats and bloomers were hot and heavy.

Lizzie continued to run as if her life depended on it. She just had to touch Josiah again. She needed to hug him and know he was real, not some mirage in the middle of the desert. He was real, and therefore, he would come back.

“Josiah! Izzie! Celia! Mindy!” She heard herself shouting. Wasn’t Celia dead? The logical part of her brain asked. She paid little attention as she continued running as fast as her tiny steps could carry her. Her hair was pinned up, aside from the few curls on either side of her face which Patsy had helped her with. These bobbled annoyingly and brushed her cheeks as she ran. Patsy would wonder where the lady she had raised had gone to if she saw Lizzie now. Lizzie frowned at her imagined assessment of Patsy’s reaction. She had warned Lizzie earlier today to keep her dignity and not let her feelings get the best of her, “Remember your husband,” Patsy had warned, crossing her hands over her chest. Well, she had let him accompany her. That was the best she could manage right now.

There were people ahead--- At the edge of the woods! And they had turned to look at her: Izzie with her bright, light blond hair, Mindy with her brown skin, pretty figure, and colorful dress, and Josiah, tall and dark haired in his navy uniform.

Lizzie continued to run, a big smile on her face. He had not left her! There was still time to say good-bye! She felt lighter, and the corset didn’t seem to bite so much anymore. Without stopping, Lizzie blazed a trail across the field, not stopping until she was just in front of Josiah.

She had to catch her breath for a minute. “Josiah!” She breathed, happily, as if there was no one else there.

“Lizzie,” he said, concerned. “I woulda waited once you came in. You could haf’ walked if ya wanted ta.”

“I jus’ wanted to be here with you as soon as I could, Josiah,” Lizzie said. “I wanted to say good-bye along with Izzie and Mindy,” she said, acknowledging them briefly, before going back to staring at Josiah. He looked strangely distinguished in his navy blue uniform. She wished she were saying good-bye to him in some of his normal clothes. The uniform looked so heavy and thick. Would she even be able to get close to his chest with all the layers of material?

Josiah put down his satchel and opened his arms to her, and she stepped inside. She reached her arms around him, as far as they would go, and began breathing deeply. Joe shifted from side to side, looking over at Mindy, who eyed him suspiciously for a moment, then nodded. That was all the permission Josiah needed. He pulled her snugly into his chest, as close as he could get her, and rested the top of his head on her shoulder. He could see her ear closely. He had never really noticed all the little whirls and shapes in it before. He closed his eyes and held her tightly. He could feel her heart beat, and hear her breathing. He hated to leave her.

“I’ll be back, Lizzie,” he promised, his voice a warm whisper

Lizzie wished Mindy and Izzie would disappear for awhile. She wanted to kiss him, dance with him, just sit with him for awhile. She felt him stiffen.

Derrick had come around the corner of the house, and he was staring at Josiah with contempt. Josiah gave Lizzie one more quick squeeze and pulled away. Lizzie turned, so that she and Josiah were both facing Derrick, who did not look at all pleased. Still Lizzie stood close to Josiah, their fingertips almost touching. He could be dead before the end of the day, and she would be left in a dark deep pit of loneliness and despair. She would keep him close as long as she could, regardless of Derrick’s feelings, though she felt shame creeping into her.

“Well, I’m here now, Lizzie,” Derrick announced. Not that it matters. He thought to himself.

“Hello, Derrick,” Lizzie greeted him formally, nodding her head towards him briefly, but staying close to Josiah. She wasn’t going to surrender her place by Josiah’s side until she absolutely had to.

“Hello, again, wife. I see you made it here before I did.” Derrick grumbled, standing facing the two of them, “Hello, Josiah.”

“Hello, Derrick,” Josiah said a bit defiantly. On one hand he felt he should step forward and surrender his place by Lizzie’s side to her husband. But he chose to honor the part of him which felt protective of Lizzie.

“Let’s talk for a few minutes, Josiah…away from the ladies,” Derrick suggested.

Reluctantly, Josiah gave his assent. He turned his head once back towards them, and gave Mindy, Lizzie, and Isobel a brief smile. Then he followed Derrick towards the barn.

Derrick propped himself up, one foot back against the old wooden structure, his hands crossed in front of his chest.

“You think I’m a terrible husband, don’t you, Josiah? That I don’t ever let my wife do anything, or care about her happiness, right?”

“Derrick, I don’t know anything about your marriage with Lizzie,” he said guiltily, remembering the time he had overstepped his bounds and comforted her in his arms.

“Oh, come off it, Josiah. I know Lizzie must have told you something. She’s seen you a couple of times alone. And Lizzie isn’t one to keep her unhappiness----or anything for that matter, a secret for long.”

“Well, I suppose I had heard some…” Josiah admitted reluctantly.

“I’m sure you did, and I’m not saying that it wasn’t true. But you don’t know the whole story. Right now, you’re probably thinking you would have made her a much better husband than I have, but you don’t know everything.”

“I’m happy with Mindy. I don’t need to go ‘round pinin’ fer yer wife anymore… I wish she was happier with the marriage. Can’t help keerin’ can I?”

“I suppose not, " Derrick sighed.  "That’s why I wanted to tell you what really goes on. I’m not as horrible as you must think I am. I do love Lizzie, Josiah.”

“I guess you must,” Josiah said, a bit skeptically.

“Look I do, Josiah. I really do.”

“Alright, Derrick. So what is it you wanted to tell me?--- I’ve got to be leavin’ fer the War soon.”

“She still loves Michael! I catch her talking to him all the time, when she thinks I’m not around. I overhear her talking to him just like he’s still alive, Josiah!”

“Well, what did you ‘spect? She’d just ferget about him once he was dead? An’ live happily ever after with you--- after we killed him?”

“We didn’t kill him, Josiah! I just wanted to get rid of him. I didn’t care at the time how it was done. I could have just as easily sold him to Mississippi. I tried to stop it, Josiah! I gave Mr. Henderson the money for that new horse. I didn’t kill Michael, Josiah. That was you and your friends!”

“I’m not sayin’ I didn’t do nuthin’, Derrick. I’ve been takin’ ‘sponsibility fer my part fer years! I was there an’ I did it! I hate it! But I ain’t hidin’ from it. Why are you? Everybody knows now you set it up! You ain’t gonna get Lizzie to stop thinkin’ bout him like thet!”

“But he’s been dead for years! And she’s been married to me since two years after it happened. Shouldn’t she have gotten over it by now?” Derrick reasoned, pulling at his hair until the physical pain distracted him from the extreme frustration he was feeling.

“No, Derrick! Lizzie loved Michael. Why would she just forget someone she loved?” Josiah reasoned. Loving more than one person at a time was not a foreign concept to Josiah.

“She’s married to me now, Josiah. Not Michael, and not you. But she spends all her time thinking about the two of you! She could care less what happens to me.”

“Maybe that’s ‘cause you’re always runnin’ ‘round on her, Derrick!”

“I’m not always running around on her, Josiah! I’m home plenty of the time! In fact, most of the time when I’m in town!” Derrick defended.

“Listen, Derrick. When I married Mindy, I stopped seeing Rebecca. My wife can satisfy my needs now thet I’m married. Maybe Lizzie was expecting the same from you.”

“I don’t see Rebecca anymore.”

“I’m not just talkin’ ‘bout Rebecca, Derrick. I’m talkin’ ‘bout yer other women…Lizzie said she isn’t cold to ya.”

“She is now! Well…she is and she isn’t. But, but, Josiah, my father had plenty of mistresses. He said that was the way it was supposed to be. And my mother never…”

Derrick had a sudden realization. His mother and Old Ben. Now he worried more. Had his own wife ever done anything with another man while they were married? He would hate to think of that.

Josiah stared at him.

“Well, it doesn’t matter, I guess. Of course she’s going to talk to Michael. I suppose it’s natural, even if  I don’t like it! But still, Josiah, it’s hard, you know.”

“I guess. I don’t really know, Derrick. I’m not the one she married,” he said bitterly.

“It is! We can’t have any children, Josiah! And I try not to blame her for it. I know she didn’t know when we got married. She wouldn’t have been able to keep it a secret from me. She can’t help it, Josiah. But I want children! And I’ll never get them from my wife!” He said miserably. “You have no idea how badly I want to be a father, Josiah! You have no idea how much I want to share that with Lizzie. We could be a real family then!…But it’s never going to happen, Josiah. Ever.”

“That’s no reason to cheat on her, Derrick…I mean, maybe you could work out something with her. But she should haf some say in it, don’t ya think? I mean, as long as she’s takin keer of ya, do ya really haf’ to have so many women?”

“I don’t know! Maybe I do and maybe I don’t! I’ve never tried going without. If Lizzie cuts me off…I’d have nothing.”

“Well, Derrick, it isn’t up to me how you live yer life. I got to go soon, if you’re done with me.”

“There’s something else, Josiah. But please, don’t ever, ever tell anyone, not even Lizzie. Can you keep it a secret?” Derrick whispered.

“Yeah, as long as it isn’t dangerous for her not to know.”

“It would be dangerous for her to know, Josiah! I don’t know what she would do or how she would react if she knew… It was hard for me when I learned for the first time. But I keep her secret, even from her, because I do care Josiah, believe it or not. Because I do love her, and I don’t want her to have to know it.”

“Alright, Derrick. Go ahead and tell me if you’re sure it’s best thet she not know. You know I won’t hurt her if I can help it.”

“She isn’t white, Josiah. She isn’t like you and me, Josiah. Lizzie is black. Look at her hair and her nose if you don’t believe me.”

“She doesn’t look black to me, Derrick.”

“She doesn’t have to have dark skin to be black, Josiah. I read about it. She must have had a white parent, too. So she has light skin. But one of her parents was a nig—I mean Negro, Josiah. That’s why her hair is so coarse and curly. And her lips are so wide and her nose, too, Josiah. She isn’t white like me.”

“Maybe you’re right, Derrick. I never thought about it. I guess she doesn’t look like Rebecca or Izzie, but I just figured women came with all different kinds of hair and lips and noses…Maybe they don’t? There’s so few around, I never guessed.”

“Of course, they come with different types of hair and lips and noses, Josiah. But they don’t have wide noses and coarse curly hair unless they’re part Negro.”

“What about men, Derrick? Can men have coarse hair and thick lips and be white?”

“I don’t know, Josiah. Maybe.”

“If they can, then maybe I am, Derrick. I always thought I was.” The realization of his own ancestry was beginning to dawn on Josiah.

“Well, maybe you are, Josiah…I really didn’t mean anything this time. Lizzie says I’m a snob because I care about what people think. But I’m trying to protect her, Josiah! It’s not because I think I’m better than you, Josiah. It’s because I have to make it seem like I’m different than you, that Lizzie is different from you. I have to make her fit into my world, Josiah! Because I did marry her, not knowing. And now I have to protect her! If too many people start to think that I’m married to a black woman, there’s no telling what could happen to us! It doesn’t matter if you’re just a sharecropper! Pardon me, Josiah. But it’s the truth! I have an image and a reputation to maintain, and I can’t let Lizzie spoil it. Otherwise, it will be bad for all of us, and for her father’s plantation which she cares so much about. She’s upset that I hired an overseer, but he’s a good man. He doesn’t whip the slaves, he just makes sure the work gets done. And she doesn’t like having to wear her corset all the time. But do you know why she can’t do any work or go without her corset, and why I wish she wouldn’t go riding all over kingdom come? It’s to protect her! If she at least acts like a lady and dresses like a lady, and charms people the way we both know she can, then they’ll let it slide! They’ll put her in the white category, and our marriage is legal, and we’re safe! If she doesn’t look and act like a lady, then she’s black! She’ll never pass, and I don’t know what we’d do, Josiah! If we lost everything, I’d never be able to support her like you could! I don’t know anything about working the land! I can’t do it; we’d starve if I lost all my business connections and no one would buy from us anymore!”

“Calm down, Derrick. You’re right. She can charm anyone, just about. An’ she looks pretty in those fancy dresses you buy her. I definitely can’t ‘ford to keep Mindy or Izzie up like thet! But they’re fine with it, I guess," he sighed. “Try not to worry. If you lost ev’rything you’d both be welcome on my land. You know thet! I’ll always take care of Lizzie, when she needs me to Derrick. I know she’s married to you, an’ I’m not trying to take her! I’m jus’ sayin’ if either of you truly needs anythin’ you can count on me.”

“Really?”

“Of course, Derrick. Do ya want ta shake on it?”

Derrick extended his hand. He was shaking hands with a probable black man. Things just got stranger everyday.

“Maybe if you are black, it’s good, because then you and Mindy are in the same category. I wish Lizzie and I could have that.”

“Don’t worry about it, Derrick. You love each other. Your wife wants you.”

“I suppose.”

“It’s the truth, Derrick. She wouldn’t have told me thet if it wasn’t.”

“She said that?”

“Yeah, Derrick. She said she loves you,” Joe admitted begrudgingly.

“That’s good.” Derrick LaPoint smiled for the first time that day.

Joe led the way back across the fields to the clearing in the forest where the trail began. Lizzie was waiting impatiently for a last glimpse of Josiah before he left for the War. She was trying to distract herself conversing with Izzie and Mindy, but it was only partially working. They were all thinking their own thoughts about Josiah’s imminent departure.

“I’m back,” Josiah smiled warmly at Mindy, then glanced over at Lizzie, a worried expression on his face. He worried about her with no one to depend on besides Derrick. He wasn’t nearly as worried for Izzie or Mindy. They could take care of themselves if they needed to, but Lizzie was a lady, and she was still unreasonably attached to him.

Lizzie set her face in what she hoped was a calm expression. What it looked like was a turtle straining its neck out past its shell…a turtle who seldom allowed itself to be seen. Or perhaps you could compare her expression to that of a corpse prepared by a mortician who had no idea what the person they were working on had looked like in real life.

Joe reached out his hand and touched her shoulder. The warmth relaxed her a bit too much. She felt tears straining her eyes, and a migraine threatening to come on.

“Lizzie, Derrick promised me he’s going to take real good keer of you while I’m gone. An’ you’re always welcome to visit Mindy and Izzie anytime you like. If you’re hungry, you jus’ let Izzie know, and she’ll go out and hunt somethin’ for you, an’ Derrick, too. Ya’ll don’t have to worry ‘bout nothin’ like food or clothes, Lizzie. Anythin’ you really need, we’ll do what we can to he’p you with.”

“Thank you, Josiah.” Lizzie looked to Izzie and Mindy, who reassured her with their expressions that they would carry out Josiah’s wishes and help her if she were ever in need. “I doubt we’ll be starving or out on the street anytime soon, but I’m grateful for your offer, Josiah, and thank you, Izzie and Mindy for thinking kindly of myself and Derrick. I’d be pleased if you would both visit me.”

Derrick groaned behind her.

“For my husband’s sake, perhaps you could both visit me at Scarlett’s old house, rather than the porch, so his business associates will not think badly of me.”

Mindy gave her a strange look. She wasn’t a slave anymore, and she didn’t want to think of herself as improper in any way. Not unless she was trying to be…Her skin was still black, but what did that matter? She was a free woman now, and surely that is what visitors would see when they looked at her on Lizzie’s porch? A slave wouldn’t have a wedding ring, or a nice housedress like she wore. Nor would a slave carry herself like a free woman.

“Yes, come and visit,” Derrick said, wondering what he would have to do to salvage their social standing, should Mindy come over and chat with his wife on their porch. The thought of his former slave sitting and having a glass of tea on his porch was more than he could take. Yet, he knew Josiah was sincere in his offer to help should Derrick and Lizzie need it, so he couldn’t insult Josiah by saying his wife couldn’t come to visit.

Josiah reached down to his wife and hugged her closely to him, “Don’t you worry, Mindy. Nobody is going to question our marriage; I just re’lized that I’m Black, too. They might not want me sittin’ on their porch, neither.”

“The porch is free. Come and sit on it! I’ll figure out something to tell my associates. You’re our friends and you’re welcome to the porch. Come sit on it as long as it’s still standing.” Derrick was surprised at himself. He was being overdramatic, and he knew it. Still, it was going to be difficult maintaining their social standing with a sharecropper and a former slave making regular visits to the proch. Come to think of it, maybe their visiting in Scarlett’s former house was a good idea, though he hardly felt he had a right to invite them to her territory. Scarlett might be gone, but that house still belonged to her and her children. Maybe he could write her a letter and ask permission.

Lizzie stared at Derrick.

“I’m sure it will still be standing, Derrick,” Lizzie said, dismissing his concerns. Yet, a thought came to her, that the house would not be hers forever,  that someday there would be no porch, and no house, either. The thought was a strange one, and it was disconcerting that she had no idea where it had come from.

Lizzie looked back at Josiah and Mindy standing close to each other, huddled together. Izzie stood over to the other side of herself and Derrick, using a slingshot to shoot pebbles at the leaves of the trees, which twirled as they fell down to the Earth. What did she have to say to her brother? He was leaving. She was as ready as she would ever be. He would be back.

“I’m sorry, Josiah. I meant no harm. Please don’t leave angry with me. I promise if Mindy comes to visit, she can stay as long as she likes. I am lonely for company, and I’d love to have your family to visit,” Lizzie offered.

“Don’t worry about it, Lizzie,” Josiah said, dismissively. But he still felt the slight to his wife, smarting him. And he felt badly that he couldn’t do more for her to give her the respect she deserved in his society. Nor did it seem she could earn it on her own. He hated to think of the years ahead and the events Mindy could be left out of.

Through the trees, Josiah caught a glimpse of the grey uniform of a confederate soldier. That was not the side he had expected. But it was the same two men.

“Hello, Josiah. You’ re dressed and ready to go.”

“Yes, I’m ready,” Joe said, not feeling ready at all. He was going to try to kill people he hardly knew, and they would try to kill him as well. “Why are you wearing the Confederate Uniforms?” He asked.

“We killed a few and we thought their uniforms would work better. We haf' to go past the Confederate camp to get to ours. We thought it would be safer, if someone sees us. Then once we’re past, we’ll get our own uniforms out from where we hid ‘em.”

“Oh,” Joe answered. It was strange how matter of factly they spoke of wearing the uniforms of the dead men. Joe could see now blood stains and splatters on the grey uniforms. He wasn’t eager to kill again. Was this really necessary?

“Come on, Josiah. We’ve got a lot of ground to cover ‘fore nightfall.”

“Alright, I’m coming,” Josiah answered reluctantly.

The men turned away from him when he went to embrace Mindy and kiss her again. He nodded to Lizzie and Derrick, and reached out for Lizzie’s shoulder again. She reached up and held his hand there for a few moments, not wanting to let him go. He grew uncomfortable, and shuffled his feet. Lizzie let go, and he took his hands back.

“I’ll write to you, Josiah,” she promised.

“Alright, Lizzie. I’ll find someone to read the letters, an’ I’ll try to write back when I ken,” he assured her., “Take good keer of her, Derrick. An’ I’m countin’ on you to protect my wife an’ my sister, if they ever need it.”

“I think they can take care of themselves, Josiah. But if they ever do need someone to vouch for them, I’ll do it.”

“Thank you.” What more could he say? Everything felt so unresolved. He hated to leave like this, but he couldn’t ask that the War simply stop while he figured everything out. Slowly, he began his journey along the path that led away from his family and towards the “camp” where he would become a Union soldier. What an innocent sounding word for something that could be deadly. His only hope was Michael. Maybe, just maybe, Michael would guide him away from the bullets and keep him safe. He smiled a wry smile---The man he killed would help him avoid death so he could come back and take care of the woman they both loved.

In his satchel, Josiah carried the paper and pens he hoped would allow someone to faithfully dictate his letters home. Rather than thinking of the war, he tried to focus on the sounds of the forest, the leaves and the literate person he hoped to befriend. Nevertheless, Josiah felt alone and jittery as he walked through the forest. In every shadow, it seemed an assassin was concealed, or maybe some wild animal he had not yet met.

When sun had set and they had walked in darkness for awhile, they cleared some undergrowth and made a camp for the night. The other two men slept easily, but Joe found little rest, despite his physical exhaustion. Worries, regrets, and the strange environment all kept him awake. He wondered what Mindy and Izzie were doing now? He longed to be eating Supper with them and settling in front of a cozy fire. He had brought little food with him, and his stomach rumbled queasily as he shifted from side to side on his bedroll. The stars he could see through the dense network of branches brought him some comfort as he traced patterns and blinked his eyes to see their light afresh when he opened them. Lizzie told him once, when they had been lying in a field, that the stars were made of fire and each one had planets going around it. The tutor had said so. Michael had groaned at her explanation and turned over on his side. It hadn’t been so bad once, between them all, when they were young.

Get some rest, Josiah. Michael encouraged, but Joe was unsuccessful until sometime after four.

Bright and early the next morning, they woke and cooked some grits and lard over a fire. They took turns spooning the thick substance into their mouths. When he was finished, Josiah wiped his sleeve across his mouth, having nothing else suited to the job. Then Josiah packed his bag for the next leg of the journey. He felt absurdly grateful for this place that he was about to leave--- this place that was not a battlefield. He had survived the night here, and seen the stars at their finest.

Joe pushed the wiry hair back from his face and pulled on his satchel. He assisted the other men in spreading leaves over the camp, returning it to its prior state and concealing their brief occupation of its territory. The men cautioned him to proceed quietly and to watch for their hand signals. He would know when to drop down and hide behind a tree or bush.

Later on in the afternoon, they came to a little clearing in the woods. Soon there would be a ridge up ahead. From thence forward they would have to be particularly careful, as anyone could spot them. They would need to rush across the ridge, past the Confederate Camp, then duck down, change their uniforms, and proceed on to the Yankee Establishment. The two camps were less than a mile apart and they did not want to be spotted by either.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

To Josiah’s surprise, the men were greeted warmly at the Confederate Camp. He held his breath. Had they brought him here to make an example of him? Should he run now? The man with the scruffy mustache and beard turned to him grinning. The other man whispered in his ear, “We’re lucky Tibbs is the one we met this afternoon! He’s happy to let us bed down here and get us out in the morning.” Josiah did not know what to say, as he shared a meal that night with the Confederates, even a few acquaintances who were surprised to see him. How was he ever going to get out of here?

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