"Dawn, I know... You're surprised you're on these tapes. I wish I never had to put you on them. But, there are some things that are unforgivable. No matter how nice you are."
I was sitting outside of Jeff's house. That was where the map took us next. I haven't been near his house since he died. I sat in my car, doing my best to hold myself together. Justin knew I wasn't okay, but I had to get through this tape. I had to know why I was there. What did I do to Hannah Baker?
"Do you remember the nigh of Jeff's party? That night when you snuck upstairs with Monty and had sex with him in the bathroom? I know, surprise. I know exactly what happened up there. But, it's what followed that, the video. You remember the video, don't you? The video that Monty sent out."
I looked over at Justin, just for a second. He had already listened to the tapes, he already knew that I was having sex with Monty that night, why should it matter? We weren't together when it happened, Monty was my ex. I was drunk and he found a way to get under my skin.
"Monty walked out of the bathroom, walked down the stairs back into the party and told Bryce that it was a video of me and him. You knew that wasn't true. You knew exactly who it was, but you didn't stop him. You wanted to save your reputation, wanted to make sure all your friends stayed your friends. No strings attached. I wish I was like that, I wish I was like you. I think I have always wanted to be you, since I met you."
Justin reached over, grabbing my hand. He squeezed it as I took a deep breath. The tape was hard to listen to, to be honest. I had no idea what I was feeling at the moment. The video wasn't circulating for long, nobody said anything to Hannah about it. They just laughed about it and continued to pass it around for a short amount of time. The video was of me, if there was any boy who was smart enough could put that together. If they even took a second to look at any selfie I ever posted, there are parts of my room in the video that would give it away in a second.
"It wasn't only that, Dawn, it's when you went into that room with Justin. I rushed in there crying. Everyone was staring at me that night and whispering about me; calling me names... Slut, whore, homewrecker. I walked into the room crying, right when you and Justin were going to sleep together. You didn't come after me to see if I was okay. You stayed with Justin. I was your friend, right? You wanted to be friends with everyone. Why didn't you come to see if I was okay?"
A lump formed in my throat, I struggled to swallow it down. I had no idea how bad her situation was. I knew that she was struggling with the photo being passed around, then a video that wasn't even of her. "I guess I get it," I told Justin, he looked over at me, "I really screwed her over."
"It is not your fault that she killed herself. It's nobody's fault," He tried to reassure me the best he could. I guess it did make me feel a little better. I was still upset, of course. Especially now that we were sitting outside of Jeff's house. I was waiting for him to run out and greet us. It felt like torture sitting out here.
"Then there was Jessica's party. Which, I won't go into too much detail. Yet, I'm not done with you, Dawn. Far from it, but I will speak about what happened after the party. How you rejected me. I know Jeff's death was really tearing you apart, but you would think you would at least give me a moment of your time. Especially when I begged you to talk to me, right? So, stick around. I have so much more to say to you."
"Another tape, really?" I scoffed, "What else did I do? I don't get it," I was frustrated now. I tried everything to be nice to this girl, I was being blamed by her. Being blamed for her ending her life. "What the fuck!" I shouted. Justin was quick to pull me into a hug.
"You are not a reason," Justin repeated, "Nobody's a reason, don't listen to her. She's a liar."
"Then why did you put these out? It's terrible, it's fucked- she's ruining people's lives from her grave. I don't understand."
"You know, you don't have to keep listening. We can pass them on, get them out of the way. Forget about them."
"No, I want to know. I want to know all the reasons. Everyone else that's on here, my second reason. I have to know."
"Are you sure?"
"As long as you're with me. I'll be okay."