A month later- Chris' POV
I laid back into my chair and waited until my next patient here. The last one was definitely a handful and I'm getting depressed just thinking about it.
"Good afternoon, doctor."
I looked up to see James with a big, bright smile on his face. It looks like he got his supply for the day. This is going to be interesting.
"Afternoon, James. Please, sit down." I nodded.
I pulled out his file from my organizer and set on on my desk. Today's the day I give him the test results.
I looked over at him and smiled.
"How was your week?" I asked.
"Excellent. I was just made a partner at my firm and I landed several high profile cases."
"Congratulations! That's really good for you."
"I know, and the best part is that I have a chance to be really respected. I'd be more than my other partners at the firm." He smiled to himself.
"Good, are you ready for your test results?" I asked.
"Yeah, sure...whatever." He mumbled while still off of his own high.
I took the file into my lap and took out the result sheet.
"Well, accoording to the several tests you took, including mine, you've qualified for several traits in the DSM Axis II."
"Meaning...?"
"You have a cluster B disorder, known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder. H-"
"I'm sorry, what?" He asked, amused.
"I said you have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It's a-"
"Narcissistic, huh? You can't be serious."
"No, your test results state so otherwise. However-"
I was interrupted by the sound of his laughing.
"So, I love myself. Isn't that having some self esteem? Would you like me to be a loser and hate myself?" He laughed again.
"No, there's a difference between healthy narcissism and pathological narcissism and you qualify for pathological."
"So, there's pathological narcissism, huh? So, do I love myself more than the average loser does or am I just above that?"
"You're not understanding the point."
"I am understanding it. The point is that psychology is a bunch of bullshit. If I have a disorder, than so do you. In fact, most mental health officials do." His chuckling turned into maniacal laughing. It wasn't even a laugh anymore, but just gutteral sounds of his denial.
"If Psychology is a bunch of bull, then why are you still here?" I asked, keeping my composure. I can feel my mood is about to shift.
"I just wanted to know why I felt that way, but it's clear that I'm fine."
"You are not fine. Pathological narcissism is very dangerous."
"I guess having high self esteem is dangerous."
"You don't understand."
"Whatever, doctor. I'm leaving." He got up from his chair to leave.
"W-" The door slammed before I had anytime to answer him.
Michael's POV
I was going over my notes in the kitchen when my phone began to ring. I looked at the caller ID and guess who it was?
"What do you want, James?" I asked, annoyed.
"What? No hello?" He playfully asked.
"I'm not really in the mood right now."
"Fine, but when you are in the mood, come and get your stuff."
"What stufF?"
"The stuff that's been catching dust in my closet." I sighed deeply into the phone.
"You can keep them."
"Um....no, I won't. Either I throw out your stuff or you pick it up. It's your choice."
I rubbed my temples with my thumb and index finger. Stubborn ass James.
"Alright, fine. How's tomorrow sound?"
"Tomorrow is...no. I have plans then."
"All day?"
"Yes, I have meetings. What about today?"
"As in..now?"
"No, come by anytime today--just make sure it isn't too late."
"Alright, fine. Later on it is."
"Bye, Mike."
"Bye."
I hung up and put my phone down on the countertop. I continued reading, when my phone rang again. I am going to kill James. I looked down at my phone, only to see Angela's number flash across the screen.
"Hello?" I asked.
"Hi, Mike. It's been awhile since I've seen you."
"I know." I said, dryly.
"Look, whatever happened between you and your brother is between the both of you. I don't want to get in between y'all. All I want know is if you're free tomorrow."
"Why?"
"Because, I want you to sleepover like the good old times."
"I don't know..."
"Trevor won't be there."
"I didn't ask for him, didn't I?" I said, sarcastically.
"There goes the old Mike! I was looking for you!"
"Ha ha, very funny, ugly! What time do you want me to come?"
"Tomorrow night."
"I'll have to tell Chris-"
"Don't tell me he's another James-"
"No, no! Of course not!"
"Then, be there!" She said.
I took in a deep sigh and shook my head.
"Fine, I'll be there at eight."
"Great-" I hung up the phone before she could quickly continue her sentence.
I continued to go over my work until I finally looked over at the time. It was 5:38. Maybe now is later.
I put on my jacket and went out the door to walk over to get my stuff from James' place.
"Hi." I said, walking up his porch.
"Hi." He greeted me, moving to the side so I can enter.
"Thank-" I was stepping into his house when I stopped at the sight of a brunette with green eyes. She was a regular build and shared the same complexion as him. So this must be his girlfriend, huh? Average at best. He could do way better.
"....you.." I said, still eying the average-looking woman.
"Hi, I'm Nicole." She said, extending her hand. I'd rather twist it than shake it, but fuck it. I took her hand into mine and shaked it as a way to be cordial.
"Hi, I'm Mike." I said, widening my smile.
"Um..Mike, can I speak to you privately in the kitchen please?" James interrupted my soon-to-be-interesting conversation with Average Annie over here.
I nodded and said an excuse me before following him into the kitchen. I walked in with my arms crossed over my shoulders.
"You know, your girlfriend is pretty. I like her." I complimented.
He smiled at that before shaking his head.
"No, she's not my girlfriend."
"Really?"
"No, she's actually my cousin."
"From who's side?"
"My father's."
"Mmhmm... Listen, why did you bring me in here anyways?"
"I just wanted to talk to you."
"About?"
"What happened at the reception. I was just so wrong and--"
"No, it's alright."
"No, it isn't. I knew exactly what I was doing. I was invading your personal boundaries, so I shouldn't have reacted like that the way I did. I just want us to be friends. I'd hate to have my girlfriend cheat on me with her ex." He said, staring directly into my eyes.
I could feel cold, slashes against my skin as I looked at his expression on his face.
"James, it was...."
"No, Mike. I don't care about that. I just want you to be happy and Mr. Psychiatrist makes you happy."
"Do you really mean that?" I said, carefully like a skeptical child. My tone was so soft and timid.
"Yes, I just want to be friends if that's okay with you?"
"O-o-okay," I said, stumbling over my own surprise while nodding, "but, why?"
"Because, you mean a lot to me. You were a huge part of my life and I'd hate to not make things right when we didn't end on good terms."
I gave him probably the warmest hug I've ever gave him in years. It felt so great to see him change into a different person. We broke away from our hug and took a few steps back from eachother.
"Thank you.I should be leaving now." I said, waving to him.
I walked back into the living room and grabbed the box in both of my hands. I turned to face him, who was smiling back at me with his cousin nowhere to be seen. Maybe we could be friends.
8:37 p.m.
I looked down at my work, seeing a huge blur infront of me. I purposely hit my head against the counter. One. Two. Three. I started to cradle myself while sitting hunched over the countertop. I just can't--I can't. I can't over there tomorrow.I can't escape Trevor's words and that was over a month ago. It's like, everytime I do something, I hear him and his words and it's scaring me. I'm starting to believe him day after day.
"I’m just telling the truth. Look at poor Mike. She had no friends or anything. Not even Mom liked you. How sad is that?” I can hear him say this over and over again.
His words penetrated my mind and I couldn't get them out.
“You’re still a slut, just this time in a woman’s body.”
I started to shake my head and breath deeper and deeper. Forget it all, Mike. Forget it.
“You’re still crazy, only now you have an actual diagnosis that proves that you’re still batshit insane!”
STOP IT! STOP IT!, I thought while putting my hands on each side of my head to cover my ears. Oh God, please make it stop! Make it stop! I cried and cried, but the warm, salty tears falling down the smooth steep that was my face was doing nothing, but making things worse.
"No one ever liked you. You wanna know why? Because you’re an over-emotional bitch who no self esteem. Your little boyfriend that you have now is gonna abandon you anyways and you’re going to crawl back to daddy like you’ve always have!”
No, he's not, I fought back in my mind; Saying the things that I wish I could've said to him.
"Well, Mom knows you’re already dead—you—you just don’t know yet!”
That was it. That was the last straw. I got off the stool and stood up to reach for the utensil drawer. My eyes went through each one of every tool until my eyes were glued to a stainless, steak knife. It was sharpened and shiny.
I rolled up my sleeve and pointed the blade at my green veins flowing through my skin. The stainless steel looked good against my skin. They weren't dull and unpolished like Chris' razor blades. No, this one was much better. I gently glided the point against my skin--side to side--not pressing too hard, but to the point that I could see the popping red seeping through my soon-to-be-scars.
See? I'm not dead. I'm alive. Alive as one can be. And another thing, I am not crazy. I am normal, perfectly normal. Normal and alive.
Chris' POV
After I was done with the last patient, I tiredly walked out of my office to head home until the contralto sound of Marie stopped me. I stopped in my tracks and turned to her. She stood there, by her doorway, beckoning me over. I nodded and followed her inside her office, closing the door behind me.
"You seem....worn out. Is there anything stressing you?"
"No."
"You sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure." I sluggishly said.
"You don't seem okay....is there any problems with any of the medications?"
"No."
"Then, what is it?"
"I don't know, I'm just really tired."
"When was the last time you've slept?"
"Uh....last week."
"Any changes in your environment?"
"No."
"Do you think you're cycling?"
"I don't know." It probably was.
"When was the last time you've had an episode?"
"Last month."