"All that you are is all that I'll ever need." - Ed Sheeran
27.
I felt shivers all over my body as he moved closer to me.
"At that moment I just wanted to declare you as my mate in front of everyone. I was absolutely ecstatic, full of joy - I became an Alpha and found my mate in one single night. But that was short-lived because my father's voice rang in my head. I had to confirm our bond because all Alphas' eyes were trained on us."
His shoulders slumped as he leaned against the bench and stretched out his legs.
"After the ceremony, they took me to a corner and told me to stay away from you. They didn't want us to mate until they could eliminate any potential threat. I was full of rage, I thought after this, they would allow us to be together and I could finally explain everything to you. But I was wrong," he scoffed. "I was the Alpha now, so all my senses were at the optimum. My wolf and I didn't want to keep you in the dark, knowing exactly how much it was hurting you. So we made a decision - we were going to tell you - Alphas be damned. It was our relationship, our choice. We should be allowed to make our own decisions. That's why I asked you to dance with me, so I could come forward with the truth but I guess I didn't word myself correctly, and you ended up rejecting me," his eyes flashed.
"You cannot imagine how hard it was for me to control myself at that moment. Silver has nothing on the pain I felt when you rejected our bond. My wolf was screaming inside my head, begging you to take us back. Then he became mad at me and just like always, isolated himself to the back of my mind, and refused to communicate, not even caring that he was an Alpha now. He was mad at me, he was mad at the Alphas. So was I, but I couldn't do anything. I lost you forever. I myself felt lost." He gulped, "and you already know what happened next, the night where I was supposed to feel the strongest and most powerful I've been, was the night I felt weak and powerless," He exhaled loudly before continuing, "And Cindy was there..." he trailed off but I stopped listening.
Cindy.
The name taunted me, and kept replaying in my mind like an echo.
That's her name. Cindy.
The nausea swirled unrestrained in my empty stomach. My head swam with half-formed regrets. It felt like someone was eating at my chest, tearing its way to my quivering heart.
"I liked her when she was just a she." I turned my head away from him, my brain making me relive the pain I went through that particular night.
"Vivian, I know that no amount of apologies can ever fix or justify what I did. I fully admit it was my fault and for that I am going to apologize anyway," he shifted his body to the side so he was now facing me directly, "I am sorry. I am terribly, terribly sorry. I hope one day, we can get past this but until then, I'm ready for whatever punishment or penalty you want to give me. I'm ready to grovel at your feet, to spend my entire life proving to you how much I regret what I did and how she meant nothing to me."
He cautiously moved his hand forward in an attempt to grab mine which was resting on the bench, but noticing his intention, I pulled it back to my lap. He looked at me with a dejected look.
"I was stupid. An absolute bastard, if I may say so myself. When you came back that night to my pack, that is when it hit me. What had I done? In that powerless state without my wolf, I had completely lost control over myself and then seeing you made me realise what I did. Fuvk," he cursed, kicking a stone which was resting next to his feet, "If I can ever forget the look on your face... and when you called me a coward, just like you used to in school, I almost collapsed... I knew it then and there - I had lost you forever." Something glistened in his eyes, "Along the way of losing you, I realised I was losing my own self too.
"I didn't sleep that night, not when the only sound in my head was of my wolf chanting 'Mate rejected us. Mate rejected us. We are not worth her.' But one of us had to be strong. I couldn't give in to my emotions so I decided to meet you at the pack. I couldn't rest knowing that you were unaware of everything happening around you - it didn't make sense to me, how were we protecting you by keeping you in the dark?!"
I ask myself the same thing every day, I thought in my head.
"Unfortunately, my father caught me outside my bedroom door. He knew I would've never lasted the night without meeting you- we were mates after all, our wolves recognised the bond. He again stopped me from meeting you, using the same reason which he knew my wolf would never go against - your safety. For my wolf and I, there was not a single doubt that you could stand up for yourself, we knew you were strong," he looked at me. "You are strong. But to my wolf, your safety mattered more than anything in the world. He wanted you safe first, everything else came after which put me in a dilemma. I had no idea what to do; to listen to my human self and go after you or to listen to my wolf and not? My dad took the silence as an opportunity to remind me of the Academy, how we were bound to meet again and how I could make an effort to improve our relationship there which is why I made the decision to listen to my wolf and not go."
"I really wish you had told me... or at least father could've told me," I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. "Things would've been so different."
We both remained silent for a moment, letting our minds wander to an alternate reality where everything was far different than the mess we were currently living in.
"You are a rarity, Vivian, not only to our species but to your father. I cannot blame him for this, you are his pup after all. I would've done the same in his place."
I chewed on my lip. All this information was making my head pound. It awfully felt like I was drowning, the darkness enveloping me, slowly closing in on me, filling every inch of me with deep dread.
"The Academy started soon and I was once again told to make as less contact with you as possible, especially since now you thought we had rejected each other. However, I went against the order when I asked you to dance on the night of the party. I was an Alpha now, their command wouldn't work on me anymore. It shocked the Alphas but they couldn't do anything, not when there were so many wolves around us. I was glad I mustered the courage to talk to you because having you in my arms that night brought me more happiness than I could ever imagine. But then came those pups, sharing a room with you - Josh and that fuvking Tyler," he spat venemously, "I failed to understand how it was alright for those two, un-mated, Alpha-blooded pups to share a room with you, would that make everything suddenly less suspicious?"
His eyebrows were drawn together, his knuckles white from clenching his fists too hard and face red with suppressed rage. I felt his anger come out in waves, "I commanded Lee to change your room. Just the mere thought of you being with them was unbearable, and then every time you came with them to the classes, every little gesture was like salt to my wound... And you especially took a liking to that pup Tyler and by Goddess did I want to rip him apart. If only he wasn't an Alpha's son, he'd be long gone by now."
I decided to remain silent, not offering him my two cents which could further fuel his rage.
He swallowed, hard. "His closeness to you was the reason why I intentionally called him in the ring during my class that day. My wolf felt challenged so he felt like he had to prove himself to you and to show that you rightfully belonged with us, and not some weak, immature pup.
"My temper got the best of me during the fight. My wolf wasn't having it. And when you went after Tyler instead of me, you took a chunk of my heart away with you. I remember thinking to myself - this cannot happen, I can't lose her," he shut his eyes tightly and shook his head, "No, I cannot lose you." He struggled to find words, his eyes in a trance-like state, as if he could see everything happening clearly in front of him.
"And then if I hadn't had enough, the Moon Goddess decided to bless me with another dish of betrayal served by my very own Beta and best friend," he shut his eyes once again, his jaw clenched. "I was lost, my world had turned completely upside down and you were the only direction which made sense.
"I told the Alphas that the limit had been crossed. I couldn't take it any longer and that I was ready to tell you everything. Somehow my prayer was answered when you walked in. But guess what," he let out a short, sarcastic laugh, "even that didn't work in my favour because you ran away." His eyes found mine again, this time reflecting the same mischievous sparkle that was always there.
"That was the last straw, and my wolf took over. He had enough of their games. You were alone, somewhere and the threat was still present. We had no source of contact with you, my wolf couldn't feel your presence either. He refused to sleep and searched each and every nook and corner as many times as he possibly could... You had to be some where. The thought of someone taking you away or worse-" I saw his body stiffen, he slowly inhaled and exhaled in an attempt to calm himself.
My eyes fell on the tulips, "You have to understand, I had to leave... I was being lied to my whole life, I had thought you, my mate, rejected me. My own father hid everything from me," I look up towards the serene blue sky, "I needed time to process it all, I just couldn't stay and pretend like everything was fine. Even if it was done to protect me, it wasn't right to make my life's decisions for me. Maybe if they'd have told me, I might have even agreed to go with the plan. But what they did wasn't right."
"I've thought about it for a long time and I don't blame you. If I was in your place, I would've probably gone mad." He tried to lighten the mood.
"I guess you didn't search that well," I smiled at him.
He raised his eyebrows, confused.
"I was staying at the East Pack. Took you quite some time to find me."
"I knew that pup was in on it," he muttered under his breath, "Doesn't matter, even when I did find you, I still failed to get you."
"I decided to leave for the human territory. I needed to breathe in a different atmosphere, where I could have some space to think without having the fear of getting lied to again."
"How did you manage to block the Alpha out?"
I shrugged, "I could always do that since I was a child."
He studied me for a long and hard time. Then picked up once again, "Is there anything else you want to know?"
I paused for a moment to think.
There was still one question gnawing at the back of my head.
Fuvk it. Let's just ask.
"Did you..." I stopped, "Uh... did you..."
"Any second now..." my wolf rolled her eyes.
"Didyoufeelit?" I let it out in one breath.
His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "Pardon?"
"No going back now, Viv," my wolf reminded.
"My heat. Did you feel it?"
Something dangerous flashed in his eyes. His gaze hungrily swept over me, devouring, delving, claiming. But then he blinked and was returned back to his normal self.
The corner of his lips lifted up a little, "Of course, I did. My side of the bond is still present because I never rejected you... I never could and never will."
I nodded, not finding the words to speak. Warmth flooded to my cheeks and tingles travelled down my arms.
He felt my heat.
I had more questions I wanted to ask him like how was I able to picture us together. Was it real? A fantasy? What? But I didn't have the guts to put those thoughts into words.
Somehow, he understood without me telling him.
"It was one late night, I woke up heaving, body full of sweat. Heat coursed through my entire body. It felt like I had died and entered the deepest levels of hell. At first, I thought it was my wolf trying to involuntarily shift again but that wasn't possible because I was wearing silver. Then I thought it must be the silver, but this was a different kind of pain. I felt flames envelope every cell of my body, it was crazy. And then something clicked and I knew it was you. You were hurting. You were in pain. You were in heat."
I gulped. "But that isn't possible. Normal male wolves can't feel the heat... it has never happened."
He grinned, "I thought we already established the fact that you are a rarity and we are far from normal mates."
The way he said those words made my... heart flutter?
"Without my wolf I was already half dead and now you - I couldn't bear the pain so I squeezed my eyes shut and began concentrating. I don't know why, but there was something in the back of my mind, telling me to look for you. So that is what I did - I tried to find you. At first, everything seemed stupid to me. It was all dark, nothing but darkness. Hell! I didn't even think it was going to work, after all you had rejected me - our connection was weak. But then I saw it, a tiny light in all that blackness. I followed it and... there you were."
There was a moment of silence. My heart picked up.
"You know what happened later," he grinned. "Don't worry, those images weren't real, I just tried to project them in your mind so it could ease the pain."
"But how is that possible? That has never happened before..."
"I don't have the answer to that, Vivian. It just happened. But I do know one thing..."
Another pause. My heart rang in my ears.
His gaze held mine intently.
"It doesn't matter if you are thousands of kilometres away or galaxies away from me, I will always be able to find you. I feel your pain in mine and every time I look at you, I feel happiness and peace coursing through me. And it doesn't matter how long you need - be it a day, weeks, months - I've made up my mind, and it says you."
I stopped breathing. My heart faltered and then hammered in my chest.
He was suddenly too close for my liking. I attempted to put space but the end of the bench prevented any movement. The heat from my body engulfed his and I had to fight the urge to lean closer to him.
"I have been waiting for you all my life," he looked at me with blazing eyes, "And I think I can wait a bit more. Besides," he tugged a hair behind my ear, "I believe those images worked." His mischievous grin returned.
"Um, should we?" my wolf interrupted after she was done swooning.
"You're kidding me! You initiated the heat, you wanted a pup, so you tell him!"
"But human, you were the one who lured Chris, so please do the honours."
"No, you are going to tell him!"
"Sorry, your wolf has left the chat." Before I could reply, she shut me out.
Bloody traitor.
"Um about that... Ethan, I..."
I felt a brief but sharp burst of pain in my mind. Someone was trying to mind-link me.
"Alpha?"
"Beta Jonathan?"
"You need to come back, there is a situation at present."
I quickly stood up. Ethan stepped forward in concern, hands hovering, battling whether to touch me or not.
"What situation?"
He seemed out of breath. "A letter came addressed to you."
"A letter? Who sent it?"
There was a dark, dangerous pause.
"The Lycan Committee."
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A/N: Phew! Those were two long chapters with a lot of talking. Haha. Hope you guys enjoyed it. Once again, thank you for being so patient and for all the awesome feedback! You guys are amazing.
This would've gone up sooner but I had Internet problems so I decided to thank you guys by giving yall a double update!
If you have any confusions or questions, don't hesitate to ask!
So, do we see progress between Vivian and Ethan or no? Whose side you on?
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Until then, stay safe you beautiful bunch. xx