Quick Recap of ch. 18
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Oh what a night this will be. He thought while putting his head in his hands.
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Shifting back over to the nervous wreck that equals Lance McClain, if I could describe the mess that was him at that very moment, I deserve some sort of award.
He didn't know fully why he was so panicked. Sweaty palms, closed throat, dry eyes, and the urge to gasp for air. He felt a dizzy feeling and at first he thought he was sick but then he thought for a while and figured out it was the butterfly corpses begging to be buried properly in his stomach.
He was trying to act calm, cool, and collected but even his friends could tell he wasn't being his badass self at the moment. He chugged his whole bottle of water and chucked (Yeeted?) it into the trash can.
"Woah, you ok dude?" Josh asked his best friend. He put a hand of reassurance on Lance's shoulder and his gaze shot over to his blonde haired friend. Josh couldn't tell if it was a death stare or the general eyes of despair.
"I don't think I can do it bro.." Lance responded. There was a sound of plea in his voice, shaken and rough. Josh looked back to Shiro and Hunk for help but they just shrugged. He glanced in the other direction at Roxy who snorted.
"Sorry dude, you're on your own for this one." She said walking over to join Shiro and Hunk. Josh flipped her off and turned back to his nervous wreck of a friend.
"What do you mean you can't do it?" He asked removing his hand from Lance's shoulder. Lance snapped back from Narnia or wherever his mind was and actually answered the question. For once in his goddamn life.
"I mean, I don't think I can say I love you to Keith.." he scratched his neck and looked away in embarrassment. "And you think that because?" Josh looked at him with a blank stare. Lance started throwing out every excuse in the book.
We haven't been dating for that long?
"You've been together for 3 months"
I'm not fully prepared?
"You've been practicing for a week"
I don't think he's ready yet?
"Dude, you can't know until you tell him"
"Gah! I hate it when you're right!" Lance pouted in frustration. Josh weakly smiled at his currently deranged friend. He stepped aside and let Hunk do the calming, as he was the best at it.
"Lance, you've never let anything scare you before. Shay has told me stories of how you were fearless and didn't let anything bother you. We can all tell Keith has changed you perception of that. You can do this. We all know you can." He said holding his shoulder. Lance's breathing steadied at Hunk's calming words. He was shocked they hadn't been friends a long time ago when they were kids. Hunk was just the kind of friend you feel like you've known your whole life.
"Thanks Hunk that actually really helped, I'm glad Keith has had you as a friend for a long time. I'm glad you're my friend now too. Ok, I can do this..." He said in confidence. Whether or not that confidence was fake he couldn't tell at the moment.
He wasn't lying when he said he was happy that Keith had Hunk as a friend with all he's been through. His calming personality and voice was very reassuring. And his way with words could settle you in an instant. It felt almost like he could make any situation better just by talking. (I have to give some love to my boy, he is best boi no one can argue with that)
After calming Lance down their ride rolled up in front of Shiro's house. The five of them got into the limo to pick up their dates. Lance kept thinking to himself that he was prepared and he could do it. Maybe if he lied to himself reverse psychology would commence and he'd be able to do it.
In a few minutes they pulled up to Shay's house and walked up to the driveway. Roxy texted Pidge again telling her they had arrived. Did she feel slightly bad that the boys had to embarrass themselves by wearing dresses in front of the whole school? Sure. But that was their fault for agreeing to it.
A little while after she texted her girlfriend, the boys, Pidge, and Shay emerged from the front door. As usual, Keith and Pidge were arguing about most likely something stupid, Matt and Shay were watching it and Adam looked like a tired mom.
They greeted each other politely and the putting of the corsage on your dates wrist took place. Keith started being a mix of flirty and cute while talking to Lance, and Lance was internally flipping out at how oblivious Keith was to what was going to happen that night.
"Josh where is your sister anyway?" Matt asked during the drive to the school. They had to come early because Shay was apart of student council and she needed to make the final check to see if anything was missing.
"Oh, she said she'll meet us there. Something about having to go across town to pick up her girlfriend for the dance." Josh explained. He intertwined his hand with Matt's. The shorter boy blushed before playfully pushing Josh away. That didn't stop Josh from being romantic though. He kissed the back of Matt's hand and he stared blushing even harder.
He pretended like it was nothing but then he leaned his head against Josh's shoulder. He stared playing with the fabric of his dress so seemed as if he didn't notice what he was doing. Why he was being so flustered and awkward, he didn't know because Josh was his boyfriend and this is something people in a relationship do.
Maybe it was the air that made him feel awkward. He could sense the pent up stress wafting from Lance's body. He knew why he felt this way but he didn't understand why. Saying you love someone is a meaningful and beautiful thing.
I' e talked a lot about Lance's stress, but I never explained why saying I love you made him feel this way. You see, Lance never had a good childhood. When he was young, he and two of his brother's were staying at their dad's house. Their parents had a stable marriage but they had two houses for work purposes so Lance rarely saw his father. Every three months he got to visit his dad when he wasn't traveling abroad.
They were supposed to stay for 2 weeks. Two weeks of one on one time with their father. Their father loved them a lot, he never abused them or called them names. He was the best father Lance could ask for. But his time with him was cut short. He was only 4 years old. He always questioned why this had to happen to him at such a young age.
There was a shooter. He broke into his father's home and started shooting at the light fixtures so they would fall from the ceiling and shatter all over the floor. His dad told him and his two older brothers Marco, who was 14, and Luis, who was 12 at the time, to run upstairs to the back of the house and stay there.
His dad was shot. Luis being the oldest and most responsible, called the police to get them to come save them. They were to late. To get to the phone he had to go to the kitchen, he made the call and just barely got out the address before being shot as well.
Marco wanted to protect his baby brother and in the process was shot too. The guy tried to kidnap Lance instead of shooting him, but the police arrived and arrested him on the spot. The cops returned him to his mother who was still living in Cuba at the time.
She was pregnant with his sister Veronica, and wept when she heard of what happened to her husband and children. That night Lance cried in her arms as he slept, she wanted him to feel safe and protected. That's when she made the decision to flee Cuba and move to California. For Lance and Veronica's safety.
At such a young age Lance became afraid of love. He was afraid that if he loved someone, he might end up losing them. He protects his sister and his mother. They were the only people he truly loved and he was scared of it.
He put on a mask to hide with. He vowed to always protect the ones he loved. In doing so, he became distant from most people. Until he met his friends. He kept the mask to protect them and they all had their masks.
Shay has a mask of being happy to hide her sadness. Roxy pretended to be cold hearted and a bad girl to hide her feelings which she felt made her weak. Adam hid his pain of losing everyone in his life, similar to what happened to Lance except he was abandoned as a child. And Josh, he pretended to be flirty and happy and arrogant to hide his abuse.
He never wanted to love anyone in his life. He was scared. Scared of losing them. Scared of eventually feeling ok for it all to be ruined just like it was 14 years ago. Every year on his brothers' birthdays he visits their graves with his sister who never got to meet them. Every Father's Day and birthday of his father they visit him. The father Veronica never got to have or talk to.
Keith made him feel different. He made Lance feel this thing he is so scared of and he never wants to lose him.
I vow to never let you go Kitten. I wouldn't be able to bear it.
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I'm sorry to add in angst in what is supposed to be a happy occasion but I had to tell you. Next chapter is probably going to be the last one and then maybe I'll make and epilogue. Who knows.