Lucas
It wasn't dark outside yet, but Lucas and Jens both lay in bed, facing each other. Light was streaming through the window, between cracks in the curtains, washing both of them in a warm, pinkish-red glow. Lucas brushed his hand over Jens's face, looking into his eyes, before dropping his hand onto Jens's on the bed between them.
The dark brown of Jens's eyes gleamed, and they looked like they were glowing. Lucas couldn't tear his gaze away. Not that he wanted to.
Jens twisted his hand, weaving his fingers with Lucas's, not looking away.
Lucas hoped Jens could read what he was trying to say, what he couldn't say with words. He had barely been able to speak all day, and all he wanted to say to Jens was lost on the way to his mouth. Lucas stared into his eyes, flickering back and forth between Jens's trying to tell him.
I want you
I want you
I want you
Somehow, even without saying anything, he felt like Jens understood him.
So he did what he's been wanting to do all day.
He kissed him.
This was different than the kisses they'd shared yesterday. Yesterday, they were sweet, lazy, soft, and they both pulled away before it got too heated, resting their foreheads on each other, wrapping their arms around each other in warm embraces. But now...
Now, Lucas pressed his mouth to Jens's in a hot kiss, biting down on his lip, pulling his hand away and placing it in Jens's hair, pulling. He heard Jens gasp quietly and felt Jens slide his hand over Lucas's body, pulling him in by the waist. He pulled away before pushing his body forward and kissing him again, slipping his hand out of Jens's hair, gliding down to his neck, where he gently squeezed, eliciting a short moan from Jens's throat.
Lucas's pulse sped up until he was panting into Jens's mouth, and Jens was swallowing each of his breaths. He let go of Jens and pushed himself up so he was above him, then gently pulled at the hem of the blanket that was covering his body, slowly pulling it off of him as Jens's hands slid to hold Lucas's face.
"We don't have to," Jens whispered, pulling away and placing a hand on Lucas's, stopping him. Jens's eyes were intense, reading the same thing he said the first time they did this. Are you sure?
Lucas let go of the blanket, pushing himself up all the way so he was kneeling next to Jens, and tugged at the hem of his sweatshirt. Jens's sweatshirt. He pulled it over his head, and Jens watched, not looking at his bare chest, and instead at his face. A few seconds passed between them before Jens pushed himself forward, shoving their faces together in a harsh kiss, a hand brought up to hold Lucas's head as the other supported himself, and Lucas smiled softly against his mouth as he pulled the blanket off of him.
Lucas slid his hands under Jens's shirt, gently smoothing over his warm skin, before tugging at his shirt. Jens leaned away, breathing heavily, and let Lucas pull the shirt over his head. After tossing the shirt to the floor, Lucas put his hands on Jens's shoulders, pulling himself up and throwing a leg over Jens's lap, before pushing Jens back so he was laying down. Jens watched him, his eyes wide in what was almost wonder. Lucas bent down to kiss him, both hands holding the sides of his head, his hair gripped tightly.
Jens's hands slid up over Lucas's legs, getting caught in the thick fabric of his sweatpants, gripping his thighs. Lucas sighed into his mouth, sliding his tongue across Jens's bottom lip before pulling back and pressing his lips to the side of Jens's neck, alternating between gentle kisses and harsh bites, making Jens gasp and let out quiet moans. Lucas kissed his way down his neck and collarbone, down his chest and stomach, and slowly slipped his fingers around the hem of Jens's sweatpants.
"Lu..."
Jens
Jens let Lucas take control. Let Lucas slide both their pants off, let Lucas climb on top of him. He watched as Lucas reached behind himself, watched as his jaw dropped, as his eyes closed, as his chest raised with every gasp for breath he took.
This was different than the other times.
The other times, what needed to be said was said.
This time, there was nothing to be said. But at the same time, it felt like there was. Jens had said everything he needed to say to Lucas, but the way Lucas looked down at him, his bottom lip between his teeth, his eyes flicking back and forth between Jens's, looked like there was something he had to say, but couldn't. Jens slid his hands up Lucas's legs, gripping him tightly. He watched, helpless as Lucas's eyes welled in tears, words stuck in his throat.
"Baby..."
Jens didn't know what to say. What to do. All he could do was go with it as Lucas took charge, as Lucas said everything he couldn't with his body instead of his words. But even as he and Lucas moaned and gasped, as they gritted their teeth and clutched at each other, every sound out of Lucas's mouth sounded like the start of a word, like the beginning of something.
Just say it, Jens pleaded with him silently, searching in his eyes. Whatever it is. I can see it in you, just please. Please.
Lucas
Lucas wanted more than anything to say it.
The words he'd whispered when Jens wasn't listening, couldn't hear him, when he was sleeping across from him. The words he'd said in his head while kissing him, while holding his hand, while he had his face hidden in his neck. The words he'd wanted to say since that night Lucas apologized to him. The words he kind of said in the voice message, but didn't really, because he couldn't. Because every fucking time he tried to, the words got stuck in his throat like some invisible string was tied to them, not letting them get past his lips.
Lucas slid his hands across Jens's skin as he moved on top of him. With his hand on Jens's throat, he felt as Jens groaned lowly, and he felt as Jens's stomach tightened as he pushed up into Lucas. Lucas let out a high, short moan, that sounded awfully like "I-".
Lucas looked into Jens's eyes, felt Jens's eyes search him, and felt tears stream down his face. Jens reached up and gently wiped his face.
"My boy..."
Lucas shut his eyes and turned his face against Jens's hand, and let out another high pitched noise as Jens sat up, sliding his other hand around to the small of Lucas's back. Jens kissed him, their bodies slowing to a stop as their tongues pressed together, and their breaths mixed and their teeth clashed.
"I love you."
The words lept from his mouth like the string had been snipped.
"I love you, I love you, I love you, I-"
And Lucas couldn't stop, as Jens stared at him in wonder, as Jens touched his face gently like he was going to break.
"I love you, I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't, I- I could-couldn't." His voice cracked and broke, falling apart, and he knew he was crying, knew he was sobbing, knew he looked awful, but he couldn't look away.
"I love you too," Jens whispered as he pushed his hair out of his face, pressed the tips of his fingers against his skin, wiping it clear of tears. "I love you so much." He pulled Lucas in again, pressing a short kiss to his mouth before pressing kisses across his cheeks and forehead, his lips salty.
"I love you, I- Jens." Lucas rolled his hips as Jens did the same, and moaned loudly. His knees tightened around Jens's hips as his fingers tightened in his hair, and he felt Jens's hands press against the small of his back, pulling him closer. Lucas wrapped his arms around Jens, scratching his back with his blunt nails without meaning to, and Jens let out a noise somewhere between a pant and a moan.
Lucas pulled him closer like he wanted to open Jens's skin and crawl inside.
Like he wanted to tangle their veins and press their hearts together until they were one.
And suddenly, with the sounds Jens made around him, with the feeling of Jens,
whatever had been holding him back,
whatever door had been slammed in his face,
whatever lock had been in his face,
broke.
And suddenly,
Lucas van der Heijden was a bird set free.
You've got me.
Right where I need to be.
Hold on forever.
Don't ever let go.
Jens
I've got you.
Right where I need you.
I'll hold on forever.
I won't ever let go.