Starstruck (the Idea of Always)

Maandag 10:18

JENS
Jens shut the door behind him after blowing his sister a quick kiss. He had woken up early to make her breakfast (their mom was at work) and after she had eaten, her friend had arrived, both of them squealing excitedly as they leaped for each other through the door. Jens thought it was precious, how sweet their relationship was.

He quickly tidied up the kitchen, washing the dishes, hoping he did them well, and cleaning the counters, leaving out some chips he might want later. As he threw himself back into his bed, possibly getting ready to go back to sleep, his phone buzzed. He grabbed it out of the pocket of his hoodie and lifted it up to read that Lucas was calling him. 

A video call.

Jens's heart stopped beating for a second before he sat up as quickly as was humanly possible, and touched his hair for a second, worried it was too messy or something. He tapped "Answer" when he decided he was taking too long.

"Hey." Jens looked at Lucas, at his curly hair and blue eyes. He glance darted around his face, at his freckles, the spot above his lip.

"Hey. Everything good?" Jens asked. He could hear his own heart beating and hoped Lucas  couldn't hear it.

"Yeah. Tired." Lucas gave a sleepy smile and laid back on his bed. The pillow his head was on was a clean white, and crinkled loudly when Lucas turned onto his side and pulled his blanket up to his chin.

"Same, same." Jens gazed at him for a second before laying on his belly, tucking his pillow under his chin and holding his phone in front of him, propping it up on the headboard of the bed.

They looked at each other for a second before Lucas started giggling, looking away from his phone for a second before looking back. Jens suppressed a smile, which was difficult.

"How's your day going?" Lucas asked. He pressed his lips together, cocking his chin toward the ceiling.

Jens took a deep breath.

"Good? Made food for my sister. Her friend came and picked her up. You called."

"Hm."

Jens adjusted the pillow under his chin, tucking his hand between them. His other hand held his head up, his fingers in his hair. He could feel that his gaze was soft, the slightest hint of a smile on his face.

"We're going shopping today. Milan wants to get a new shirt for the party tomorrow," Lucas said, his voice soft, as the phone was close to his face.

"In true Milan fashion."

"Fashion." Lucas raised his eyebrows quickly, laughter in his eyes.

Jens snorted, shaking his head.

"Nerd."

"Rude."

Jens heard Lucas's phone buzz through the call, and watched Lucas's eyes flick above his head on the screen, reading.

LUCAS
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so as you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Lucas read the notification over again, suddenly overcome with sadness. He stared at it, his eyes lingering above Jens's head, Jens, who stared at him, noticing the change in his expression.

"Lucas, you okay?"

Lucas didn't hear him. He watched at the notification receded, and frowned, his eyebrows drawing together. His mother was always sending him messages like these, Bible verses and reminders that God loved him. It never made him feel any better. Instead, they made him worry.
     He worried constantly about how she would react if he told her. I'm gay. I like boys. I'm not what you want me to be. It was always rushing in his head, a whirlwind of shame and fear. He didn't know how to tell her that he didn't God did love him.

"Lu?"

Lucas's eyes snapped back to Jens. He saw that Jens had sat back up, holding the phone in front of him, his face serious. Jens's eyes were focused, his eyebrows pulled together. Lucas's face softened as he looked at him.

"Yeah, sorry," he said softly.

"You okay? What happened?" Jens sounded actually worried, and Lucas smiled gently.

"It's just my–my mom texted me," Lucas stuttered as he rolled over onto his stomach, in the same position Jens was before.

"Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she just..." Lucas sighed, propping his phone up on one of the pillows and dropped his head on his arms crossed in front of him.

"Lu," Jens whispered.

Lucas sighed again and lifted his head to look up at him. He smiled softly and Jens pushed his chin forward, bobbing his head in circles, saying I'm waiting.

"She sends me bible verses. It's kinda..."

His voice faded out and he gave Jens a tight-lipped smile.

"Yeah."

Lucas was quiet for a second before saying, "Let's talk about something else."

"Uhm..." Jens laid on his back, holding his phone above his head, his arms straight out in front of him.

"Don't drop me on your face," Lucas said. Jens gave him a quick smile.

"Orange or yellow?" Jens asked.

"Yellow," Lucas answered without a thought. Jens raised his eyebrows.

"Not going to think about it?"

"No, yellow is superior. It's sunshine."

Jens smiled fondly at him, before saying, "Cute."

Lucas stuck his tongue out at him.

"Cute," Jens said again, shifted his grip on his phone, smiling. Lucas heard a click.

"Did you just take a screenshot?" Lucas asked, laughing.

"I couldn't not, you're adorable."

Lucas's face warmed up, and he rolled his eyes.

Jens smiled again.

"There it is again."

Lucas dropped his head onto his arms and heard another click.