JENS
Jens lay on his stomach, his chin on his arms crossed in front of him, his eyes on his phone. It hadn't buzzed in a while, and when it did, Jens's arms snapped open to grab it, checking the notifications.
None of them were from Lucas.
He hadn't heard from Lucas since the night they'd kissed, and Jens was reaching the point where he began to worry that he'd crossed a line somewhere.
He didn't know which line he'd crossed. (His mind rushed thinking about it, wondering. Was it when he'd grabbed his legs? When he'd licked into his mouth? When he'd accidentally moaned? Did he scare Lucas?) He felt awful about it, even though he didn't know.
He had skipped hanging out with the guys. He was so worried, and sad, and lonely, he didn't want to be around people, especially people who would ask questions when they noticed how he was. He felt bad about leaving them hanging (but also didn't think they would miss him that much). But he felt worse waiting for Lucas to talk to him.
LUCAS
Lucas laughed at Milan over the table of the restaurant they were in. Ralph covered his face with his hands, giggling, as Milan bumped his arm into him, teasing.
As their laughter faded though, as they ate their food in between exchanges of words, he felt sad. He'd been leaving Jens on read for the past day.
Since they had kissed.
Lucas couldn't leave that alone in his head. Jens had kissed him. Lucas had kissed back, had given permission for him to kiss him. And Jens was happy and all, Lucas could tell from the way he'd stared at Lucas's mouth as they spoke in his room, the way he smiled so softly at Lucas, the way he'd sighed, and held onto him.
Lucas stirred his fork around his plate, staring blankly at it. He didn't know how to explain anything to Jens. Anything about his mom, or his anxiety, or his fears. All he could think do was leave him alone and hope that both their feelings faded.
It didn't feel like that would be happening anytime soon. Jens has texted him things like "Are you okay?" and "What's going on?" and Lucas felt awful. He wished he hadn't kissed Jens that night, but at the same time, he was glad he did.
It was so good, that night. He was so happy. Everything about Jens, everything Jens had done, made him happy. At one point Jens had moaned into a kiss, and at another, he had slid his hands up Lucas's legs. It would be nice to hear that again, to feel the vibrations of his throat against Lucas's hand, to feel Jens's hands on him, gently squeezing his hips and running his fingers gently across his skin.
But that couldn't happen anymore.
Jens didn't deserve to have to deal with Lucas.
Lucas sighed, still staring at his plate, absentmindedly mixing his food.
"Lucas, you good?" Ralph asked, pausing his conversation with Milan, which Lucas had completely missed.
Lucas looked up at them, raising his eyebrows and giving a small, tight-lipped smile.
"Yeah. Tired."
YOU ARE READING
Starstruck (the Idea of Always)
Fanfiction"Just let me." Jens's voice was all he could hear. "Let me love you." Lucas let him.
