tw: mentions of self-harm
Jens
Jens looked across the bed at Lucas, who was sitting with his back against the headboard, a plastic bowl in his lap. He was looking at his phone, lifting fries to his mouth, taking small bites. Jens hadn't seen Lucas eat since he'd arrived in Utrecht, and he was happy to see him eat, even it was just a small amount of junk food. Lucas's eyes cut up from his phone, looking at Jens, and he smiled shyly, looking back down. Jens grinned.
"Hey." Jens kicked Lucas's foot, taking his leg out from under himself.
"Hey." Lucas set his phone on his lap, taking another bite.
"Questions?" Jens asked, holding up his phone. Lucas nodded. "Okay, hang on."
He could feel Lucas's eyes on him while he searched. About a minute later, he looked up at Lucas, who was gazing at him, his lower lip between his lips. They stared at each other for a few seconds, not saying anything until Jens interrupted the silence, clearing his throat.
"Uhm..." He broke their eye contact, looking down at his phone. "Do you have any tattoos or piercings?" He looked back up at him, raising his eyebrows and cocking his head.
"I think you would know if I did." Lucas's voice was soft, even though he was suppressing a smile.
"Okay, true. Would you get any tattoos or piercings?" he fixed the question.
"Hm." Lucas took a deep breath. He watched Jens, thinking. "Maybe."
"What would you get?"
"Tattoo, I don't know. Piercing, maybe..." He lifted a finger and touched the side of his nose. Jens smiled brightly.
"That would look cute on you."
"Isa got hers down a while ago and I thought it looked nice."
"Mm." Jens nodded. It would look nice on Lucas. Artistic. "Your turn."
Lucas looked down at his phone, typing, and Jens took the moment to appreciate the boy sitting across from him. Messy curls, tired blue eyes. A different hoodie than he slept in the previous night, Jens's hoodie that he'd had in his bag, a hoodie Lucas stole while Jens was in the shower. Jens had taken revenge by stealing one of Lucas's t-shirts while he was picking the food up from the delivery person. Just Lucas's smile alone when he walked back into the room, carrying two paper bags, seeing Jens sit and smile innocently, could have kept Jens's heart bright for weeks.
But when Jens's eyes skimmed down to Lucas's hand, purple and green, his heart broke a little.
"Can I ask you a question?"
"I thought it was my turn," Lucas said quietly, not looking up.
"You can ask me after."
"Go ahead." He sounded like he already knew what Jens was going to ask.
It was a few seconds before he did.
"Do you hurt yourself?"
Lucas looked up at him, dropping his phone.
"Only during breakdowns." He held up his hand, showing Jens the bruises. He'd told Jens about the mindlessness of it, how he usually didn't even know he'd been hurt until afterward. The room was silent, the sounds of the outside world muffled behind walls and closed windows.
"And on purpose?" His voice almost blended in with the sound of passing cars. He was scared of the answer, scared the Lucas hurt so much that he had to hurt himself, scared that he had while he'd known Jens, while Jens assumed everything was fine, while the thought of this torment Lucas knew so well hadn't even crossed Jens's mind. He was scared that he wouldn't be able to help Lucas. Scared he would know how to.
"Not in a long time."
Jens nodded. He wanted to reach across the bed, wanted to pull Lucas in and kiss him until he was okay. But he didn't.
Lucas seemed to understand the way Jens was looking at him and pushed himself forward, setting the bowl aside, until their legs were tangled under the thick blanket as he looked back down at his phone. He pulled Jens's hand into his lap, running his fingertips lightly up and down Jens's forearm. A chill went down Jens's spine.
"Do you believe in soulmates?" Lucas tilted his head back, smiling almost slyly. Jens suppressed a smile as he saw Lucas's eyes flit to his mouth.
"Maybe."
Before he could even think of another response, Lucas was leaning across their legs, lifting his hand off of Jens's arm, and gently kissing him. Jens's eyes fluttered shut as he gasped softly, touching Lucas's wrist. Lucas dropped his phone, setting his other hand on Jens's face, and slipped his fingers into his hair, pulling lightly.
Jens put his hands on Lucas's waist, drawing his body closer as Lucas leaned back, looking at Jens's face, and Lucas ended up sitting between Jens's legs, his own wrapped around Jens's waist. They both leaned in, their foreheads pressing together, and Lucas pressed his hands to his face, his thumbs brushing his cheekbones. Their breaths mixed, and suddenly neither of them felt very cold.
"I missed you," Lucas breathed.
Jens kissed him again, angling his head and gently taking Lucas's lower lip between his own. Lucas sighed, sliding a hand down Jens's neck.
"I thought we were asking questions," Lucas whispered after a minute when Jens pulled away to breathe.
"I'd rather do this."
Lucas smiled and pulled him in again. Jens slid a hand under his hoodie, pressing his hand flat against Lucas's back. He was warm. They stayed like that, Lucas's hands against Jens's face, Jens's against his back and waist, kissing lazily. Nothing else in the world demanded their attention.
After several minutes, Lucas pulled away slowly and Jens gazed at him through hooded eyes. His eyes were still closed, his mouth hanging open slightly like he was in a trance, and Jens smiled before pressing one more soft kiss to his reddened lips.
"I'm going to see my mom on Wednesday," Lucas said.
"Yeah?"
"Do you wanna come to meet her?"
Jens leaned back, taking in Lucas's face for real. His eyes opened, and a slow smile grew across his face.
"Really?"
"Mhmm."
"Like as your boyfriend?"
"Obviously."
Jens shoved his face into Lucas's, kissing him happily.
"Okay."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." They stared at each other.
Lucas
His boyfriend was going to meet his mom.
Lucas felt like his heart could burst open.
"Do you think she'll like me?" Jens asked after a silent second. He sounded nervous, almost shy. Lucas snorted.
"She already loves you."
Jens furrowed his brow at him, confused.
"What do you mean?"
Lucas could feel his face flush with embarrassment, his cheeks becoming pink.
"I...may have already told her about you."
"Told her what?"
"Just..." He looked away from Jens's eyes, looking at the base of his neck, where his thumb was gently tracing over his exposed collarbone. The t-shirt he had on was massive on Lucas when he wore it, purchased as pajamas from a cheap second-hand store, and the collar of it was baggy, hanging down when Jens bent over. "Why I like you."
"Mhmm..."
"That you're silly. And make dumb jokes."
"Rude."
"That you're nice. And you're a good big brother to Lotte. You're sweet."
Jens slowly moved his fingers over Lucas's skin, gazing at him.
"You're funny, and smart, and clever. And you always know just what to say, even when you don't know that I feel like shit. And that you're pretty." Lucas leaned forward and pecked him on the mouth. "She agrees."
"How would she know?"
His face flushed again.
"I may have shown her a few pictures of you." His mouth twisted to the side. "Most of my pictures of you."
"Are you serious?"
"A hundred percent, yeah."
Jens kissed him again, giggling. Lucas was embarrassed, but he supposed he didn't have to be.
"So I'm going to meet your mom," Jens said when he finally pulled away.
"Yeah."
"How is this going to go? How should I act?"
"Just like you." He looked into Jens's eyes. "Maybe just...toned down a little."
"Hey!"
Lucas snickered quietly, pulling Jens in by his hair to kiss him again.
"Really though." He was slightly breathless. "You don't have anything to worry about."
"No?"
"Mm-mm." He shook his head, playing with Jens's hair carefully. "She said you make my fire burn brighter."