CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
LILY'S HANDS gripped around the steering wheel of the 1999 Toyota Corolla her older brother had begrudgingly taught her to drive before he left to pursue his internship for the rest of the year. Her father had reassured her that he'd be back for the summer break so she wouldn't be alone, however, she knew that as erratic her life had become, her father's lifestyle on the truck was just as everchanging.
The humidity in the air had caused her hair to look unkempt as she examined it in the rearview mirror. A deep sigh escaped her lips and danced in the air as she focused on the door she was to knock on. The door she'd said goodbye to just days ago, the man she'd finally let go of until he'd pulled her in once again, a reel around her endless desire to know everything. She knew he was playing her, with the way he used his trump card against her. Yet, he was still ignorant to the woman he loved, ignorant of the stubbornness that had her create an act of breaking up to get what she wanted.
"I mean I did want to do that," she murmured to herself, justifying the showdown that left a broken-hearted man bargaining with the devil to get his lover back. "He should have let go."
It would have been easier had he done so.
A thick droplet of rain pattered against the windshield and formed patterns as it cascaded downwards until it met the leaves and pollen jammed in the crevice between the windshield wipers and the hood of the car. Lily stared above at the clouds turning grey by the passing second and pulled out the key from the ignition.
As she rose out of the car, she found herself losing her footing, having to lean on the wet car for support. Her hand rose to cup her forehead as she tried to shake the piercing sensation that traveled in her brain before she let out a pained gasp. Her eyes squinted shut and just as she did thunder roared outside causing her to jump in her spot. Begrudgingly, her shoes padded the ground inching her closer to his door with the sole aim to learn of the damned souls of Centennial Secondary School. There was a sense of uneasiness that swam free in her stomach, traveling to her gut, taunting her as she stepped on the small platform he'd made for her when she fell down the first time she'd visited his house.
A melancholic smile spread across her face as she looked down at the platform composed of a makeshift crate, their initials engraved in the corner, hidden by the moss that had started to grow. How innocent were they to think that it was them against the world? How foolish were they to have thought that love could silence all of their worries? In the end, the problems not only consumed who they were at the beginning but the peace and serenity that had blanketed their sheltered lives as well.
When Lily's head finally lifted, she was met with the door she'd first knocked on a summer ago. Her father's car had broken down in the neighborhood, and she'd knocked on every door until she came across the dingy door that led into the world of heartbreak and secrecy. It was a chance encounter, how the two had met, yet she knew that whoever was above had it all planned. An intricate chord of fate had been played that day when she waltzed into his life only to be stuck in the dance of love forevermore. And now that she was free, she found herself being drawn in once again by the memories that haunted her tainted heart.
She didn't love him, not who he had become. She didn't love him, yet she knew that if he opened his arms as an invitation for her to hide from the storm, she would accept. She didn't love him, yet her heart yearned for him. Perhaps because she saw a flicker of yesterday she craved in his eyes that morning when she'd erased the bond that held the two together in a world so big. A flicker of hope that he may still be the same Tyler she'd loved. How was it that her emotions were so easy to manipulate by the workings of the chemicals in her mind, where just weeks ago she'd wanted to be free from the relationship that drowned her. And now, she sought shelter in her failed relationship as the storm within her brewed.
"—Lily?" His voice kissed her ears and she was once again faced with eyes that contained the secrets she dared to ask about.
Lily stared at him, the man he'd become.
No longer was he the captain of the hockey team, no longer was he the man she loved.
"Tyler," she replied, his name so foreign on her lips.
"Y-you came?" Hesitance was thick in his voice, identical to the way his arms lifted then dropped, almost afraid that if he made the wrong movement she'd disappear like a figment of his imagination. "You hadn't answered my calls, it's been two weeks. You look...better."
Had it already been almost a month since she'd uttered those words, said goodbye, and embraced the cold? Lily had gotten used to the emptiness that lurked within her soul months ago, perhaps this futile attempt to feel the agony of losing a lover was nothing compared to that night that swallowed her emotions.
"You look nice as well." Lily found herself lying, as she looked at Tyler, taking in the cheekbones that protruded under his thin, pasty skin.
He was still afraid of being alone, with the way his eyes still held the same amount of love for her. She wished to be in a world where she could be ignorant enough to love him back, to be a beautiful fool that lived to love. But time had changed her for the worst, and as she stood there across him, she knew that loving him again was something she couldn't do.
The only thing that filled the space between them was the awkwardness that she'd created between them when she'd uttered the three words they thought would never be exchanged. Instead, she walked past him into the room that smelled of old pizza, and unwashed clothes. Her fingers lifted to subtly rub her nose, as she found a place across the bed she'd shared her first kiss with him.
His footsteps followed once he shut the door behind him, and instead of sprawling across the bed like he usually did, he opted to sit on the small coffee table, looking down at her. Lily couldn't find the strength to look him in the eyes and resist melting into his embrace. Despite his room in her heart being locked, she still missed being loved by another.
"Were you serious about what you'd said that day?" She murmured, entranced by the patterns of the rug that hugged the ground.
"Oh." He let out, "you're not here because of my texts."
Lily was glad her head was bent because she couldn't handle taking in the expression of pain that was painted on his face. She couldn't look him in the eyes and tell him that the moment she'd received those texts she'd deleted them, instead, waiting for the person she'd been texting to reply. It was funny how the person she didn't want to talk to was the only one that gave her what she needed, yet the one she hadn't talked to in a month hadn't given her even a response that he was alive.
Even as she sat across him, she couldn't help but think of Trevor.
Their relationship had truly run its course.
"I'm sorry, Tyler, but what I'd said that day," she breathed out her emotions so as to not let a tear slip in front of him, "—we've changed." Lily struggled to find the right words.
"You said you'd give me another chance if I told you everything you wanted to know," Tyler sounded desperate, his hands fidgeting in his lap. "Was that a lie?"
"No," she lied, "it was the truth."
"Do you still love me?" A sense of hope was laced in each word that escaped his lips, Lily's eyes still refusing to meet his.
"I don't know," she answered.
"Why can't we start over, Lily?" His hands caressed her cheeks, forcing her to look into the eyes of the man with one too many daggers impaled in his heart.
"To how things were? Where we snuck behind her back? How can we start over, when our beginning was so twisted?"
"We'll start afresh," he begged her, his hands so warm against her skin. Even with the temperature rising outside, the heat laced in the air, she found herself cold to the core. "We'll try again until it works."
"Tyler," she said, in an attempt to wake him from the slumber of oblivion. "Why haven't you been taking care of yourself?"
"How can I, when I'm my biggest enemy?" His hands dropped from her cheeks and she found herself leaning into the body that retracted from her. "When I look in the mirror, I hate who I see. It was easy for you to leave, but I'm stuck with myself, I can't leave myself, no matter how much I try."
"Tyler, why are you talking like this?" Lily's tone was laced with concern, as she rose from her spot so that she loomed above him.
Her steps towards him were delicate and careful, and when she placed her body in between his legs, a single tear escaped his eyelids. As the thunder roared outside, he finally let a cry fill the air, as if for the first time since she'd left him, he'd let himself drown in the emotions he felt. As if for the first time he'd been given a life-jacket that would allow him to swim during the storm that went on within his soul.
Just as Lily had made the decision to step away from him, his weak arms enveloped her in an embrace, as he buried his face into her chest, dampening the sundress she'd adorned.
"I'm scared," he whimpered, as Lily made no attempts to console the man that clung onto her. "I'm scared you'll hate me when I tell you everything."
Lily's eyebrows furrowed as she stared at his hair, her hand twitched on her side, itching to run her fingers through her hair. Her mind and heart may have removed as much of Tyler away, yet her body was still learning that he was no longer a lover but a mere stranger. His hot breaths against her body sent a shiver down her spine, and as the rain grew stronger outside, his hold on her did as well.
"I hate myself," Tyler said.
"Don't say that." Lily pulled away from him, instead, walking towards his bed to retrieve a box of tissues for him to use.
"You were right, I'm just as bad as them."
"No," Lily crouched down so the two were at eye-level. She wiped his tears with a tissue, before continuing, "you're not, because you know what you've done is bad, whatever it may be. You know right from wrong, you just have to make it better. We're humans, Tyler. We can't always be good."
"Some things are so bad they end up defining the person you are." Despite looking into his eyes, his voice sounded distant, as if he were gone long ago.
"Tell me." Lily urged curiosity itching beneath her skin.
"What do you want to know?"
"Everything, just tell me everything that happened at that stupid school that made everyone so wicked."
+ + +
The two had found a place on the bed, with Tyler sitting against the headboard of the bed, his legs crossed, mirroring Lily's. Lily maintained a healthy distance between the two, distrusting of herself and Tyler as well. The pillow she'd placed on her lap had her attention as Tyler had gone mute several minutes ago. Her patience was wearing thin, waiting for him to finally utter the truth behind the sadness the three people she'd met that night held in their eyes.
"Tyler." She looked at him, only to find himself picking at his bloodied lip. "Just start from the beginning."
"Promise me something." Tyler finally met her gaze, his eyes dried after an hour or so of crying, yet his voice still hoarse from the sobs that burned his throat. "Promise me you won't see me differently."
"Tyler..." she dropped her gaze, lying had become second-nature to her, but she knew that she was an open book, he would easily be able to notice a change in her demeanor. "I can't promise you that, but I can promise that I'll try to not see you differently."
"Okay," he shook his head in an attempt to get any other thoughts away from his head. "Then I'll start from the beginning."
And with that statement, he finally opened a world of rumors that everyone had shut Lily out of. Starting from the beginning, from before she was even in the picture. Trevor, Kate, Raj, and everyone in between, mere pawns in the game of rumors. One, two, three, lives ruined for the sake of gossip. As he continued, Lily found herself scooting closer to him, almost afraid he would pass out with the speed he unraveled the secrets her three unlikely friends had kept from her.
"—Trevor?" She sounded pained.
"Y-yeah," Tyler dared not look at her. "I walked into a room, to go to the bathroom. I found him on top of her. I-I didn't see anything before that, but then Venus, she started yelling that he was forcing himself onto her the moment she saw me. And I don't know—I just saw red. He was on top of my girlfriend."
"What did Trevor say?" Lily clutched onto Tyler's hand. "—He didn't do it, Tyler. He's not like that."
"How can you say that so confidently?" Tyler ripped his hand from her hold. "If you were me, what would you have done? Would you have not believed what was in front of your eyes? Would you have not believed me when I said that?" Lily leaned back into her original position, a sense of confusion blanketing her as Tyler continued.
Surely no one would ever lie about that. But Trevor, no, he wasn't like that. She knew that he wasn't like that. But why did she still feel a sense of doubt floating in her heart as she put herself in Tyler's position that night?
"You'll hear what I have to say, and then you'll hear his side and you'll believe what he says. That's how this will pan out, that's how it did then. History repeats itself."
"What if I believe you?"
Lily gasped as the conversation she'd pushed into the back of her mind crept up on her as Tyler detailed the tortures Trevor went through after that night. How he was slowly kicked off the team, then outcasted. How he was suspended, how the entire collapse of him happened.
"Stop," Lily whimpered as she wiped the tears away with the back of her hands. "Just, stop."
And with that, Tyler moved on to the next person that was ruined at the hands of Venus Wilson. Lily found herself floating back to the conversation the two had had about Trevor until he uttered an event that she'd never known about.
"—Dominic?" Lily interrupted him once again, "as in your friend?"
"Y-yes," Tyler looked at her cautiously.
"So you're telling me when Kate came forward and said he'd done that no one believed her. Yet, when Venus did so, everyone believed her? So you guys just pick and choose who gets to play the victim?" Lily shouted, throwing the pillow to the side of the bed, "I'm done, Tyler." Lily crawled off the bed, while Tyler failed to latch onto her wrist.
"Put yourself in my shoes, please." He begged.
"It wasn't an accident those pictures leaked," Lily remarked staring at the door she so desperately wanted to open, "Venus did it."
"—Lily!" His voice bellowed in the silent room, and within moments she was facing him. His face was flushed bright red as he stared at her. "She wouldn't do that." His grip on her elbow deepened the way the frown etched on his face did.
"Yelling won't change the truth. Pictures that were only on your phone were magically sent to the entire school. You're saying that you never sent it, then who did, Tyler? If it wasn't her wouldn't that mean it was you? You're not that stupid, Tyler." Lily yanked her arm from his grip and watched him fall back onto the bed, his mouth held agape. "How could you have seen all of this unfold and not once point your finger at her?"
"I don't know," he whispered as if for the first time he'd untied the blindfold he'd willingly wrapped around his eyes. "—My head is spinning," he groaned as he doubled over, gagging.
"You just let all of this happen," Lily's voice was so soft that the rain that had turned to a slight trickle had swallowed it whole. "You want another chance?" Tyler looked up at her, "fix this mess. Fix Kate and Trevor. Fix what Venus ruined and I'll look at you the same."
"Lily?"
"Looking at you makes me so mad. How could you have been so blind?" She sobbed out. His hands that attempted to latch onto her were swatted away by her hands. "I can't help but hate you!"
The revelation bounced off each wall in the room. Her chest heaved up and down as she tried to regain her composure that was lost long ago, as she leaned against the dresser her eyes finally found their way to Tyler who stared at her. An expression she'd never seen on his face. Lily couldn't help but look away, their cries becoming one. Right there, the two realized just how terrible of a person he truly was. Perhaps he was right that some bad deeds did end up defining a person, and his worst deed was ignoring everything that was happening in front of his eyes.
Lily turned around to face her reflection, her skin, splotchy, eyes bloodshot. And behind her, a broken man that stared at her back. Another sob racked through her body, as she cupped her mouth. How could she have loved a man so oblivious to everything around him? How could she have even given him another chance, she should have known birds of the same feather flock together. She should have known, yet she didn't. Like him. Perhaps she hated him so much at that moment because she herself knew she would have taken the same actions as him. She hated herself just as much at that moment.
"I was so foolish," he whimpered. Her eyes remained trained on him through the mirror, she watched as he made no attempt to wipe his tears away, allowing it to dance with the snot that escaped his nose and create patterns of misery on his face. "I-I was so in love with the idea of her being my first love that it never ran through my mind that the common denominator was Venus."
Lily sniffled, waiting for him to continue.
"What happened to Kate," Lily started, "was your fault as much as Venus'. What happened to Trevor..."
"B-but if I believe Kate," Tyler's eyes met Lily's in the mirror, "that means I'll have to believe Venus. I can't pick and choose victims. If Dominic did what he did that night, doesn't that mean,"
"—No," Lily raised her hand as if to stop him from continuing. Although she knew that what he was saying was true, she couldn't help but believe Trevor more than Venus.
"I'm sorry, Lily." He whimpered, rising from his position on the bed, "I'm sorry."
"You shouldn't be apologizing to me." Lily turned around to look at Tyler. "You ruined their lives, Tyler. Now you're going to fix them."
"The only one that can fix what happened to Trevor was Venus," he looked at her. "How can I fix what's happened to them?"
"Kate," Lily uttered the name of the woman she'd grown to tolerate.
Tyler didn't need Lily to continue, he knew what she was trying to say. He knew what thoughts were swimming in her mind because those same thoughts were floating in his mind as well.
"But how?" He replied to her thoughts all while caressing her cheeks once more. "He's Dominic, Lily. If he was capable of doing that, I can't—you're not going to be a part of this."
Lily turned away from his hold, taking two steps to the right, repulsed by the feeling of his skin against hers.
"I won't have to be a part of this. You'll be doing everything," She cleared the fear that roamed free in his body. "That feeling in your body only shows that you're ashamed of your actions. That doesn't fix anything. Actions speak louder than your apologies. If you care about me, about what you've done, the things you've condoned in the name of 'friendship' and 'love' you'll do what's right." Lily heaved for air as she finished.
"But everything is over, it's been so long since that party, how is this even going to affect Dominic in any way?"
"It will," Lily replied. "It'll have to. He can't think that he's fine, that he's untouchable. You're going to take him down." She pointed a finger at him. "Like always, like how everything starts, the undoing of Dominic Bilyk will happen."
"What?" Tyler grasped onto her upper arm as if to snap her out of her monologue.
"Rumors." A touch of playfulness danced in her eyes. "That's how you get them. With a single rumor." Lily looked up at Tyler, who seemed to be moments away from breaking down.
She awaited for confirmation that he would partake in her plan that was yet to be made and was reassured when he nodded.
"I'll do anything if it means that you'll see me the same way again."
And with that statement, the cycle continued at the hands of another, unknowing of the detrimental effects ahead.
The two stared at each other, hope glimmering in their eyes, one that aimed to save an already doomed relationship, and the other to finally bring back justice to those that suffered at the hands of Tyler Meyers and Venus Wilson.
Perhaps Venus Wilson dying that night was divine intervention, perhaps, she deserved it. The hatred for her grew within Lily's soul and the only thing she found herself regretting was attempting to bring the blonde devil back to life.