Lucas
"Hi, sweetie."
Lucas gave his mom a weak smile, noticing that she looked better, more energetic and awake. She was sitting up and smiling at him, a glass of water in her hand. He sat on the bed next to her, his hands in the pocket of his hoodie, twisting the thick silver ring on his finger.
"Hi, Mama."
She held out her hand and wiggled her fingers, something she always did when she wanted a hand to hold. Lucas stared at her hand for a second, biting his lip, before taking a short and pulling his bruised hand out and placing it on top of hers. She turned his hand in hers and looked at it, softly brushing her fingertips over the bruises and small scab. Lucas watched her face, her lips purse and forehead wrinkle.
"Was it a face or a wall?"
Lucas scoffed quietly.
"Wall."
She nodded slowly and moved their hands to her lap. Lucas listened to the clock ticking on the other side of the room.
"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" she asked gently after a few seconds.
Lucas looked at her, his mouth closed, jaw moving, like he wanted to say something, and then he looked away, down to their hands, watching her thumb run back and forth.
"Lucas..." she whispered. "Tell me."
"When I went to Belgium..." He stopped, thinking about how much to say. Thinking about what she might say if he told her about Jens. If she would tell him she would take him to church, that he can be fixed. If she would push him away, let go of his hand. He tightened his grip on her hand instinctively. "I-uhm..."
"You..."
He didn't look at her.
"I met this guy." Her thumb didn't stop moving, and he watched it, focusing on how her skin moved. Her hands had always looked older than they should have. "And we hung out a lot, we would go to the skate park together, and just talk-" His breath caught and he swallowed. "Uhm..." He took a deep breath, feeling her eyes on him. "I fell in love with him, Mama."
He looked at their hands, waiting for her thumb to stop moving, waiting for her to let go and shove him back, waiting for her to tell him he was broken, defective, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, but she didn't.
He looked up at her, her eyes soft on him, sad.
"Did he fall in love with you, too?"
Lucas nodded slowly.
She was quiet.
"Then why this?" She looked down, holding his hand up.
"I-You're not mad?" he asked, ignoring the question.
"Oh, no, of course not." She leaned forward, touching his face. "You're my boy. I don't care."
He stared at her in wonder.
"But what about...God?"
"God is love, Lucas." She let go of his hand and moved it to hold his face. "He loves you, and He loves that boy you love. He doesn't care." Lucas had started to cry as she spoke, and she wiped his tears away. "God loves you."
Lucas had never thought he'd hear those words. In every scenario he'd concocted in his head about this moment, she would push him away, she would curse him, she'd cut him off, kick him out. He'd never considered the possibility that everything would be okay.
"I thought you would hate me," he choked out, reaching up and holding her wrists, and she leaned in more, pressing her forehead to his.
"Never," she whispered. "I could never, my love." Her voice broke, and Lucas opened his eyes to look at her, and saw that she was crying with him. A sob burst out of his mouth and he pressed his head against hers, squeezing his eyes shut. "I love you more than anything, okay?"
He nodded, gasping, and she pulled him closer, moving back and wrapping her arms around him. He let her move him, collapsing against her chest, and grasping the blankets around her. He heard her whispering to him.
"I'll always love you."
---
Lucas sat with a leg tucked up onto the bed between him and his mom, holding her hand.
"Why?" she asked in a low voice, touching the bruises. He didn't answer, and instead watched as she touched them. She let him stay quiet for a minute before pressing further.
"Why are you so angry with yourself?"
He swallowed and wiped under his eye.
"I hurt him."
"How?"
"I-I left him," he stammered out. His heart was aching again.
"Why, darling?" she murmured.
"I didn't want him to see me like...that." He looked at her and she cocked her head at him, confused. He looked back at his hand. Like that.
"My love..." She brought his knuckles to her mouth and kissed them. "You said he loves you, right?"
He paused, knowing that Jens had never said the words exactly, but he kind of didn't have to. Plus he did say that he wanted to marry Lucas someday. But Lucas didn't mention that.
"I think so."
"He loves you."
Lucas looked into her eyes as she looked at him intensely, clutching his hand to her chest, over her heart.
"All of you. Even the bits that are a little rough around the edges."
"A little?"
"Even the bits that are rough around the edges," she corrected herself, tilting her head and laughing quietly. He nodded, pressing his lips together and looking down.
"How do I know if he'll still love me, though?"
She gave him a sad smile.
"You just have to have faith."
"Okay," he said almost silently.
"You talk to that boy, you hear me? I know you haven't been, I can tell." She tipped her head forward and raised her eyebrows. "Talk to him."
A nod.
"Promise?" She held up her little finger. He smiled and hooked his around it.
"Promise."
She hummed, satisfied, and let go of his finger, leaning back.
"Can I have his name now?"
Lucas paused, trying to suppress a smile.
"Jens."
"Jens..." She closed her eyes, laying her head against the wall. "I need a face to go with that."
Lucas let the smile take over as he reached into his pocket to pull out his phone and began to scroll through his photos. He stopped at one that Jens had taken while Lucas had left the room to use the restroom, a photo that showed Jens's whole face, smiling innocently. Lucas gazed at the picture for a second before holding it in front of her, saying "Here."
She opened her eyes and lifted her head, looking a little too excited, and pushed the phone further away, moving her head back.
"Oh, he is lovely, isn't he?" she said, smiling at the screen
He nodded.
"I'm assuming you have more pictures of him."
"Scroll."
She grinned as she snatched the phone from his hand and began swiping, pausing frequently to look at the silly selfies Jens had taken. She laughed and looked up at Lucas when she came to one where Lucas's hand was in the shot, poking Jens's cheek as Jens stuck his tongue out. She zoomed in on one that Moyo had taken of them at the skate park, Jens's arms wrapped around Lucas, Lucas covering his own face as he laughed.
As she scrolled, Lucas watched her, her soft smile, the way she swiped through the pictures in a way only someone her age would. Lucas sighed, feeling at peace for the first time in a long while.
"Oh..."
Lucas's eyes snapped to his mother, having drifted to the ceiling, tracing around the tiles. She was looking up at him, her eyes suddenly glassy with tears threatening to spill over.
He held his hands up, his palms facing the ceiling, and shifted on the bed, moving closer, worried, until he realised she had a quivering smile on her face.
She turned the phone around to face him, and he looked at the picture.
It was a selfie Jens had taken of the two of them, Lucas's arm around his neck and his cheek pressed to Jens's. Both of them were smiling softly.
Lucas looked back at his mom, who was covering her mouth with a hand, two tears streaking down her face.
"Mama, what is it?"
She took a deep, shaky breath before moving her hand and looking back at the picture, and then back at Lucas, sniffing and wiping under her eye swiftly.
"You've got a fire in you, Lucas." She smiled, tilting her head and looking at him wonderingly. "I've never see it burn as bright as it is here." She held up the phone.
Lucas looked at the photo again, closer. Maybe there was a certain glint in his eye that wasn't usually there, a kind of shine that showed that it wasn't just his mouth that was smiling.
"Call him," he heard her whisper.