- Ariana's POV-
«ARIANA» «ARIANA» «OVER HERE ARIANA» «SMILE THIS WAY ARIANA» «LIKE THAT YES»
Screams is coming at me from all sides. Fans behind me and paparazzi in front. If you haven't guessed already I'm at the red carpet for the EMA's. Im lucky that I'm one of the first to walk it so it isn't too crowded.
Im wearing a long black gown with cutouts and this mesh thing in the neck area. It really hugs my body in all the right places and makes it looks like I got some curves. The necklace Sean gave me is turned backwards as I didn't want to take it of but it didn't go with my dress. My hair is straight down and my makeup is light but not too light.
Griffin my rode manager is following me down the carpet. Sending me from interview to interview wile making sure they aren't asking anything they aren't allowed too. I don't really have anything Im not willing to answer but my management and label have some stuff they don't want me to be talking about and stuff. People think its some sort of a diva demand but it really isn't in my control. Most things inst.
«Ariana you have a lot of collaborations on your album. From 'the weekend' to 'a$ap Ferge' to 'zedd'. Does... does Sean have anything to do with the collaborations» the interviewer at the end of the line asked.
After giggling for a second I respond «no he is usually very supportive of my... my collaborations. I just pick who I'm a fan of. Not necessarily who people expect me to work with»
That was the last question so Griffin escorted me backstage «you okay? Seem a bit tense, kinda shaken up»
«Yeah I'm okay. Red carpets just shake me up a bit. They also asked a question about Sean that made me giggle. It took a lot of me to not blush. Im sure I went all gooey eyed. Omg I really don't want to watch that back»
Walking into my dressing room my whole styling team is there ready to get me ready for the performance. We didn't have much time just about an hour or so. Getting behind this curtain thing sammy helps me open the dress in the back but step out from the curtain when I'm about to take it of. Understandably as I'm 100% nude under the dress. He has seen me naked... or partly naked. Just in a thong.. anyhow that was for a fitting tho its all for work. But if its avoidably we do just out of respect to everyone. I don't mind being nude I like it Nona even encourage naked sleeping. But its not like I want o be nude around everyone... if it was Sean and we where alone at the house for the day I wouldn't mind walking around butt naked. Laying on his chest.. Him touching me everywhere he would want to.. Ahh that sounds like a perfect day.
«Ariana snap out of it!» I half yelled at myself
«Eh you okay in there Ariana» came from scooter outside the curtain.
After giggling for a second slightly embraced «yeah I'm okay. I was daydreaming..Just thinking out loud»
(A/N see what I did there? If you know what artist it is and from what album comment down bellow ;) )
«Eh sammy? How am I supposed to wear this outfit exactly? Am I supposed to wear anything under? Wouldn't that show?» slightly unsure about how to put this outfit on.
I can hear him walking up to the curtain stoping outside of it «you can wear a thong under it won't show because its more layers between. Take it on then the black tights. Then you can take on the like silver performance bottoms. I will haft to help you with the top tho»
«Key thanks»
Doing as he said I put it all on. After that Sammy comes in and help me get into the top
«Ariana 15minutes» griffin calls at us «then you haft to be on stage»
Taking some deep breaths we finish dressing me and I walk out from behind the curtain. «Lets do this»
** After the show**
«Congrats Ariana! On two awards and an amazing performance» Nikki walked up to me giving me a big hug. «Girly you killed it!»
I hug her back before I let her go «thanks Nikki! Congrats on your award and performance too!»
We hugged once more before we got dragged in different directions.
Griffin followed me to my dressing room where Sammy helped me change into something more comfy as we where heading straight to the airport. We where doing this to avoid Paparazzi at the airport. So we packed our stuff from the hotel this morning so we can just leave now for Berlin.
In the car thoughts started to come into my head about all and everything. About my life today, yesterday and tomorrow. About everything people have been saying about me and what I've ben saying about myself. Grabbing a notepad and pen from by bag I start writing down the lyrics thats coming into my head.
So many things to do and say
But I can't seem to find the way
But I wanna know how
I know I'm meant for something else
But first I gotta find myself
But I don't know how
Oh, why do I reach for the stars
When I don't have wings to carry me that far?
I gotta have roots before branches
To know who I am
Before I know who I wanna be
And faith to take chances
To live like I see
A place in this world for me
Ohh, hey
Sometimes I don't wanna feel (Sometimes I don't wanna feel)
And forget the pain is real (And forget the pain is real)
Put my head in the clouds (Ohh, ooh)
Oh, I start to run and then I fall (Start to run and then I fall)
Thinking I can't get it all (Thinking I can't get it all)
Without my feet on the ground (Ohh, ooh)
There's always a seed before there's a rose
The more that it rains, the more I will grow
I gotta have roots before branches
To know who I am
Before I know who I wanna be
And faith to take chances
To live like I see
A place in this world for me
Ohh, ohh
Whatever comes, I know how to take it
Learn to be strong, I won't have to fake it
Oh, you're understandin'
Oh, but we can come and do what's best
There won't be north and south, east and west
But I'll still be standing
I'm standing
If I have roots before branches
To know who I am (To know who I am)
Before I know who I'm gonna be
And faith, ooh, to take chances
To live like I see
A place in this world
I gotta have roots before branches
To know who I am
Before I know who I wanna be
And faith to take chances
And live like I see
A place in this world for me
I gotta have
Roots before branches
(A/N The song is called 'roots before branches' by 'room for two' but 'glee' did a cover of it and I love it. So.. Lets pretend Ariana was wring it cause I like the song and the concept of it. And it kinda makes me cry too tbh)
Wiping the tears from my eyes as I write I can feel eyes on me. I have no idea where these feeling is coming from or what they mean. But I think this is about something I've learned this past 6months or so. That I haft to take chances and be strong. That without foundation you cant get anywhere. Having 'roots before branches' can mean many things. It can mean that before you can explore different possibilities in life you haft to have something stable to fall back in that will always catch you if I you fall.
Thinking about it my life hasn't been this stable before. Thats why I was so stressed and nervous last year putting out the first album because my personal life was a mess and not healthy, relationship wise. But That resulted it me not being able to give something my all because I had people in my life holding me back.
All this press and media, all the work I've been doing recently. Nothing of it would have gone as smoothly if I still was with either Nathan or Jai. The only guy I've ever had something stable with before Sean was Graham but that was a totally different story, and we where better of as friends. We still are btw.
Sean is like my roots. My family too but Sean is something different. Without his constant support and love I don't think this would have gone so smooth. Looking back in time he has really always been there. Only a phone call or text away. Always in reach if i needed him. The feelings between them had really always been there too but they where both to blind to see it.
And now with me of working, traveling all over the world means less time together. Its this fear about not being there for him thats scary. He needs me too as much as I need him but what if I cant give him what he needs? What if I isn't what he need? My world will fall apart. Ive had a broken heart one too many times now. If my heart got broken again it would be different. This time its more into it than ever. Something about Sean makes me feel like I can commit and that its okay to let my guard 100% down. Being away from him is killing me.
Sure being away from my family is really hard too but its not the same. Ive come to realize I cant live with my mother forever. Its like my mother has done her job raising me now and that she wants to let someone else take care of me, making sure I'm okay. But on the other hand I need to be able to stand on my own two feets before I let someone else carry me. Its not that I'm weak and I need someone to take care of me but its nice to know you always have someone to lean on you know?
I don't know but its all so confusing. This growing up thing is not easy.
«You seem deep in troughs Ariana. Everything okay?» Jones said with a hint of concern
Looking up at him I smile weekly. «Yeah I think so. Just thinking about everything. About today, tomorrow and yesterday and how it all hold together. How one person have always kept me together in any situation»
«So Sean?» he smiled at me «yeah Sean»
«You miss him don't you?»
A couple tears roll down my face with the trough of him not being there when I go to bed tonight «i do. I really do. Distance suck»
** At the plane **
Walking all the way back into the plane I sit down In a big chair cuddling up to a blanked. Quickly texting Sean before takeoff
Ariana - Hi baby. Miss you. Bout to take of for Germany. EMA's went grate. Really miss you. Haft to go. Bye baby :) love you
Turning of my phone before getting a response I put it in my purse before taking out an eye mask ting. Putting the silk eye mask in pure Tiffany Blue color I snuggle up under my VS blanket slipping into a deep sleep pretty exhausted..
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