(CAUTION: CHAPTER CONTAINS TRAUMA TRIGGERING SCENES)
Dread fluttered in my stomach as I stood in front of the elevator.
My stomach rolled uneasily, constantly--angry and anxious. My hands were clammy with sweat which broke across my skin everywhere. Inside my chest, my heart still pounded noisily-- has been pounding for quite a while now, almost too loud against my ear.
Not because I was standing in front of the elevator.
No. Because it has finally gnawed upon me that there were some matters where I was absolutely helpless. And Dr. Thorne gave a practical exemplary of it.
I forced myself to not remember what he had shown me...his words against my ears, full of malice and threats, oh, conjured with anger so deadly that it would consume anyone in the path. I had no idea what kind of man he was...what kind of mind he carried.
How did I miss him during my intern year?
I licked my dry lips and waited for the car to arrive because there was only one way to forget what happened few moments ago. I needed a petrifying experience to make me forget that. I really needed to forget than and just go on. I could do this. All I needed to do was take a step into the elevator and mark it six floors below to the atrium. I would watch the doors close, shut my eyes while inside the closed but moving confinement until it slid opened.
All I have to do was remember falling to my near-death and take that feeling to counter my current fright. I could do this. I allowed the memories to blemish me.
The elevator stopped. I peered at the floor and found that there weren't none. The lights started going off and on and then the steadied. But then...Instead of descending the elevator started ascending. I frowned. A technical error perhaps.
I needed to do this because if I don't, I would break into tears any moment. Thorne's voice pierced through suddenly.
"You see her...she has been like that for thirteen years, her case is drug but I can make your--"
No!
Do not think about that.
Don't dare to think about that.
I pressed my hands to my temples, content that they weren't moist but bothered that headache was attacking me again. The mar must have triggered it.
It could go to the nearest floor above but almost five more floors? The lights began blinking again and my heart thumped against my chest. A sense of claustrophobia gripped me and I pressed the buttons of my designated floor again and again and again.
The elevator car arrived slowly, taunting my patience and grip on the tears but I managed to keep it at bay. When the doors slid open, it was empty inside. I sighed, a raucous sound.
I frantically banged the door and kept pressing the buttons, the emergency, the stoppage, the slider, but it didn't budge. Tears of fear ran down and I beat my hand against the door and shouted for help. The lights steadied again.
But I found myself unable to take a step inside. I was frozen.
I rarely used elevators outside, and that too with someone serving as the wing-pal to make sure the cables never willingly snapped. But I never used the elevator in the hospital. Ever....but today I needed to. I have to!
And the elevator shuddered. Once...twice and then it dropped down! My body lifted up!
"Get the hell inside, Charlotte Turner." I snapped myself and forced my legs to move. They were shaking just like my whole body, ending with deathly fisted hands. But I have to...I have to so that I can forget. I have to forget what I saw and heard.
Slowly, I put a step inside and to scare me further, the doors closed in. I stifled a scream and closed my eyes, as the doors touched my leg and retreated. Then I took another and I was inside. I gulped again and pressed the atrium level on the panel. Two seconds later, the doors closed and finally, I was inside the confinement.
I screamed as I went down.
My hands went to the metal railing which had saved my life last time and wrapped around it, tightly. Terror froze me as a level passed below. I breathed in and out, trying to calm myself but the technique was working. Fear was cutting fear out. The dread was removing what I wanted to forget. Thorne and his threats. It was working.
I tried to grip something, the railing or anything to help me save my life. I couldn't reach the railing and stretched myself hard, in between the screams. Fifth floor went up and now I was so close.
Another floor passed and suddenly the elevator stopped.
"No...no!" I gasped, "No!"
Why did it stop?! Why did it stop again?!
No! Not-again! Please....
I screamed as I went down.
I screamed as I went down.
I screamed as I went down.
My brain showed me the last fragment of that memory when I collided with the ceiling and blackness devoured me. But instead I was again stuck on the floor. Now I could feel the tears rolling down my face because...because---
The doors slid open and a tall, blond haired male stopped on his tracks--seeing me inside.
It was Sienna's intern. Mitch.
His eyes went wide with alarm, "Dr. Turner? Are you okay? What's wrong?"
My. Myself. My stupid habit of getting into trouble.
I shook my head, ducking down to shield my face from his view. I did not want him to see me crying. Him, an intern of all human beings. The doors began closing again and he pushed himself inside just in time.
Great.
"Are you okay?" he asked me, eyeing my grip on the railing. I was perhaps holding it so tight that anyone could postulate I was trying one of the extreme sports to beat the escape velocity on a space vehicle.
A floor passed.
Mitch gently touched my shoulder and I flinched. He immediately took his hand back but I could feel him watching me. Alright..... A person was inside me which meant the cables were not going to snap.
I swiped the tears from my face and raised my eyes, meeting his concerned gaze.
"What's wrong?" he asked again, this time gently.
"I am panicking, that's wrong." I crossed my arms and narrowed my eyes at him, "What are you doing here?"
"You don't have a fever, do you?" he lifted his hand and touched my forehead. I shifted away from him, glaring. "Because I thought you might pass out."
"I was gonna which is totally due to you!"
Mitch's blond brows knitted, "What did I do?"
"You-uh! You stopped the elevator I was going in!" I let out an exuberated sigh, "I thought I was going to plummet floors below to my death!"
"Eh, why would that happ-oh." Understanding drew in his eyes. Every damn living soul in the hospital was aware of my accident last year, and I guess this little gossip will live through the walls as long as the hospital was standing here.
I crossed my arms and noticed a faint blush creeping on his light coloured cheeks, "I did not know that you were inside. Uh...how was I supposed to know?"
Exactly. How was he supposed to know?
I lifted my shoulders in a half shrug, "Listen to me very carefully, Dr. Mitch Keller. You did not see me inside. You saw nothing but empty space when you boarded. Say nothing about this to anyone or else I will lock you in the room with Mitch, the box-turtle at my house."
"You have a box -turtle named after me?" he guffawed.
"None of that, he came much, much before you." I sniffed as the doors opened to the atrium. I looked up to him, realizing this guy was really tall-- even had an inch over Ethan. I scurried past, shooting him a look which promised the truth of my words. The poor guy was confused but somehow he still managed to blush.
I rubbed my head as I was out in the atrium.
I absolutely have no idea how much my experiment succeeded in taming Thorne inside my mind.
---------------
I was talking with June in the atrium regarding Evelyn's case when an excited shriek rang across, drawing the attention of every being towards the source.
I found Kyra running towards me, her face beaming like rays of sun. She almost knocked me off balance when she rammed me into a tight--very tight hug and shouted, "Charlotte! I got it! I got the job!"
My spirits brightened with her shine and news, "YEAH! That's fabulous! I knew you would! How were they?"
"Pretty much exactly how you described. And they want to start onboarding me right away!" he replied, pushing herself back but still gripping my shoulders, "Sounds like they're in some kinda hurry? Is something going down?"
June voice cleared and I fumbled with a sheepish grin. I introduced both of them before June gave me the sign that we will continue our discussion tomorrow. The folks who were watching us became uninterested and focused back to their musings.
"So?" Kyra asked.
"Yeah, you could say that. I'm sure soon you'll know more than I do." I carefully said, making sure I would not baggage her with problems already. Besides, it wasn't my thing to gossip like almost everyone did here.
"Well, so long as they don't have me cooking the books...Hell, even then...I'm just glad to have something to do!" she wiped an invisible beat of sweat across her forehead and smiled. A real one, something which was missed for months.
I truly was happy for my friend because this was a chance for her to prove. To prove that world that she was not just a diseased body but rather a strong, independent woman who could work against the treatments and slams of approaching dread. This was the opportunity for her to heal on the inside, regain that confidence and fight against cancer.
"We are neighbors now, ring me up anytime." I smirked. Over her shoulders, I saw Sienna walking in our direction, lips drawn into a thin line. As soon as she saw me with Kyra, she pasted a fake smile and joined us.
"Kyra! I didn't know you were coming today." She said, but casted an uneasy look in my direction.
I groaned on the inside. Damn that Mitch!
Kyra went through a rapid explanation and was awarded with another joyous squeal and hug. Then Sienna broke the conversation by saying I had some 'case' with her and asked Kyra to join us in Donohue which was totally unplanned. Let Sienna do her bids without asking anybody. Kyra gave me one last hug before walking to check out her office.
Sienna turned to me, eyes flashing with concern, "Charlotte, we need to talk."
"Good grief, Mitch and Mitch are going to be such great friends." I grumbled.
---------------
We both signed off the biometric and headed outside to take a stroll.
Clear evening atmosphere greeted us. The sky was unfolded into two stark parts of surreal colours. In the west, the setting sun cast a fading dance of orange and red, shades of purple as well breaking nearby while from the east--night approached with its coarse navy blue blanket, bringing pale coloured clouds which gleamed with the moonlight. It was full moon today, hence the celestial body overshadowed everything else, save for Venus which sparkled in the sky like the eternal archaic beauty.
I marked certain constellations as uncanny warm breeze from the ocean arrived and rustled the lifeless leaves fallen on the ground. The gale was different, so unlike from the current weather to let us know that it was the wind of change.
"Charlotte." Sienna said.
"Can't your intern just clamp his lips shut?" I popped a rizatriptan and guzzled it with water.
Sienna's eyes flashed, "I am so glad he told me. What do you think ran in my head when my intern comes running to me with a face as if you literally died!"
"What? No! It wasn't like that!"
"Humph! He said you looked like you would pass out and you were inside the elevator-alone!"
"I was trying to get rid of the elevatophobia!" trying to rid of Thorne's words and face by bringing out my fear, "And I was succeeding!"
"Do not lie to me of all people, Charlotte. You should have told me before pulling a stunt like that. You could have made the situation worse." She snapped.
"What worse could happen to me for what has not happened before?" I softly said, skidding to a halt, "For everything that began when I arrived here has changed me to remind that I am no longer the person I used to be."
Her expression abated, "How long have you been feeling this low?"
I leaned against a tree, raising my eyes to the sky, "I am not feeling discontent. I am just...different. It feels different."
"Tell me?"
"Remember how weird I was when I arrived? I wanted to save everybody, make my proud family prouder and mark a place in the team. I seem to be getting all of that yet-there's this feeling of being helpless to actually save."
"Save whom?"
I smoothened down my shift dress, "More like save from."
Thorne's face flashed but I pushed it away.
"I don't understand, Charlotte." Sienna mused unhappily. I gave her a sad smile which deciphered neither did I.
We both stayed silent for a moment, pondering upon out thoughts. My mood was sour from the day my mother called me and gave me the news of my father's death. I belief that was throttling me deep down and added to that was the current case which remained stubbornly unresolved. And then there was Thorne.
"Are things good between you and Ethan?"
I gave her a curious glance, "Of course. Nothing's wrong."
"You both have been distant these days."
I gave a mirthful chuckle, "Comes with when your boyfriend is the boss. I can't practically stay with him in his apartment, it will raise all red flags in Edenbrook and a gossip central will tune on, following both us. Ethan perhaps will start strangling people to shut them, so, not until this residency is over."
Our conversation reflected in my mind. The one which was bugging me from the very moment those words left his lips.
"Exactly. I don't want that. No matter whatever it takes." He raised my face with his hand, "Charlotte, nobody. Nobody can ever find about us."
Short of breath, I touched his cheek wishing to brush my lips there, "For how long."
"Until we get out of here."
What did he mean by that line?
Sienna touched my hand, motioning me to walk so that we could head to Donohue, "He's changed, you know?"
"Who? Ethan?" I got a nod in response, "How so?"
"He feels like...he has-it feels his cold heart has microscopically thawed." She giggled which broke a smile in my face.
"It's because he isn't the Intern Terminator anymore. He perfectly grills the rest of the hospital though."
She flicked a strange of lose hair behind her ears, "Do you remember how we met?"
I rolled my eyes, "Can't. Ever. Forget. That."
"That's why." She said, contemplating, "We used to shake whenever Ethan Ramsey would pass in front of us but now, he's like a normal doctor-of course we fear him. The Ramseyphobia lives on but uh-he's different!" she scratched her head, "I think you have changed him."
I stopped again, "He left me alone for two months!"
She smiled with triumph as if expecting it, "And when were you gonna tell me about it? That the absence was eating you up."
I stared at the ground below were dead leaves scurried with the aimless wind. I felt stupid for a moment. She was so damn right.
I gave Ethan a chance, some space and time to let go of his past to me but he never bothered to explain what happened with him in Amazon except for the rare video feeds we had which were only brief. He's come back but Sienna was so close to mark me as an imperfect prudence who was ignoring the signs that something wrong did when down there.
She was right.
Ethan did seem a bit drawn back, but there were millions of reasons for that. Starting from his parents to his past, or the Amazon trip he had to the current situation with the hospital. Our busy lives barely allowed us to glimpse through the same room but what about us?
I wanted to slam my head.
Can't live without something-multiple things falling upon me at once, can I?
"We both cosmically love each other, Sienna. I have faith in that. In us...but there seems to be something wrong here. Something I can't place." I whispered.
Both of us resumed walking as she replied, "Perhaps, you should talk to him. Just like the way you talked with Kyra today. You can't always starve and look after patients. You should tell him."
I nodded, "My father."
She gasped, "What happened to him?"
"He's dying, Sienna. And my mom is asking me to see him. I agreed on that but I fear it will be the most difficult confrontation of my life."
"Why?"
I paused. Sienna did not know who my father was or what he had done to me. Only Ethan knew about it and I guess, it was better he was the only person to lock this ugly secret of mine.
"He's just a bad guy who's never been in my life." I replied instead, "And now he is dying and I am afraid what more could I just say for what I don't already know."
We crossed the street just as an ambulance passed by us. I noticed Sean and Fab sitting inside but it was too dark for them to notice us hence they simply went in the direction of ER door. The nurses strewn out and unloaded the patient along with a family member, their faces grim. Of all, the nurses' were suffering the worst of the impact of budget cuts. Many of them had resigned and we were down to ten percent less of the crew.
On the pavement, our long lithe shadows walked ahead of us, sharing the same foot but planning to keep meters ahead. The remnant of the sunlight had vanished, reflecting my own thoughts which I was keeping within. There were so many things Sienna did not know and there were some things which even Ethan did not know. I was afraid if I started stockpiling with all these bitter little ciphers, I would be opening another dangerous pit for myself just like I had with Sylvan.
Only it took me ten years to accept his death but by that time till now, a thousand more have arrived.
"Its okay, Charlotte. He is still your father and if you don't see him in his last moments, his soul would never be at peace. Neither would be yours." Sienna gently said as if afraid of the topic.
I turned to her, brows drawn, "Do you believe in...souls and afterlife?"
"Will you think less of me if I do?"
"Never." I sternly replied.
She touched her eyes, "What is see is what we believe. And what we don't is not supposed to exist. The problem here is, we don't see enough. We don't see with heart and our open mind." Her gaze narrowed, "There are things which can't be explained, does that mean they don't exist? I am not saying to put all that religious stuff here. But believe in...our universe. A different belief."
I nodded, understanding, "Did you know Declan Nash is here?"
"The news can't stop." She grimaced, "How are you holding up?"
"Honestly?" I spat, "I don't trust that guy but so far he has been ridiculously quiet in his chamber. I have seen him just by passing, always hording the interns together but showering them with jelly jubilee."
"I am wary of him."
"Whole hospital it but they are also desperate." I unkindly muttered, "Of all the pharma companies needed for re-collaboration, they chose the one which threw offal at them in the first place. Everyone is forgetting how close it came for Edenbrook to shut down three months ago."
Her eyes widened, "About Panacea, you still have those files in-"
I raised my finger to my lips, shushing her when Donohue arrived in front of us. She and I never talked in public regarding Panacea but it was often the topic of our discussion. More likely where to head from now-if direct at all, since it was back in our hospital with much more ugly secrets against its name.
My head was full already and I couldn't add Panacea to that list. So we both kept our mouth shut as Elijah wheeled to greet us inside.
---------------
Jackie was sitting with Bryce, Elijah and Aurora while the interns lagged a seat behind. Esme was absent today, not that I was searching for her. It would better if I didn't see her face and sent her to a private island for protection.
Thorne's face flashed again and I stifled a shudder, trying to forget it again by bringing my elevator shift-raft today. Mitch was also there and he ducked his eyes when I glared at him, again for some weird reason-blushing!
"Psst! Sienna?" I called to her, "Does your intern blush at every girl he looks?"
She gave me a nervous glance, "No. There is only one."
I groaned.
Great. My best friend's intern was having a crush on me. How wonderful.
Jackie looked pissed and she was whispering furiously to an exhausted Bryce who was close to passing out. He looked up and gave a tired smile to me before listening to Jackie.
"What's up, guys?" Sienna said as we took our seat in front of them but unfortunately, that put me directly in the scope of Mitch Keller as well who out-of-change found his drink uninteresting.
"Lot of things. First of all, I don't like the way they have shoved me for the night shift!" Jackie grumbled, guzzling a glass of soda down. Since she was going to be in duty, it would be really immoral if she went to work half-drunk.
"Who knows who might be the lamb next week?" Bryce yawned.
"You look exhausted, Lahela." Elijah said, frowning.
He got another smile in return, "Long day. Too many surgeries at once."
Just then Kyra entered and a collective round of applause met her from our seat. The interns followed out the feat as well, unaware, but supportive as usual. She was hefting a large bundle of what seemed like ledgers and huffed when she planted it on the desk, immediately searching for water.
"Welcome to the team, Kyra." Bryce's mood lifted a bit.
"I heard you got grilled by Wilcock and Myles?" Jackie's mouth curved up in amusement.
"They were very impressed, mainly due to Charlotte's awesome prep work. I was even ready for the trick questions and everything." Kyra winked in my direction and we both jumped for a hi-fi.
At the same time, I found Mitch unabashedly staring at me. Again. I inwardly rolled my eyes.
"So when do you start?" Elijah asked.
"Technically it was supposed to be tomorrow but they kinda rushed it today itself." Kyra's expression tightened for a second before she wrote it off, "They threw me right into the books to try to start shuffling money around..."
"It's that bad, huh?" Sienna grumbled, elbowing me. I gave her a look, indicating that yeah, that problem still danced in the hallways.
Kyra continued, pointing at the fat ledgers she brought with herself, "Pretty much everything is on the chopping block. The clinic and the diagnostics team are expensive to run."
"The diagnostic team? They have an international profile! They probably bring tons of patients to Edenbrook." Elijah gaped, "They are probably the reason these budget cuts are happening!"
I slightly felt offended by his comment regarding my department and reached out to defend the topic, merely by correcting him, "Yeah, but we take cases based on merit. Our patients pay what they can. That means half of the cases end up pro bono."
"Seems like you guys should start praying for some billionaires to get seriously sick." Bryce shook his head, "They should stop that community clinic. They can't maintain it now-it was really a bad time to even start."
While they began discussing how atrocious it was to carry on something for free while rest of the hospital was crumbling down day by day, I drifted off from the conversation, calculating what Kyra just imploded here.
According to her, we were lagging off because DD was taking what the patient's were capable of paying. It meant our system was based on how much treatment the patient could afford and every case brought to the department was solved, irrespective of the financial condition for the patients. It was the goal which Naveen had established for years, and now Ethan was continuing upon it.
But...on the other hand, situation like this never rose in the past which made me wonder if...
"Actually...Kyra?" I stopped the conversation, "Would talking on more wealthy patients offset the cost of our pro-bono patients?"
My morals made a protesting noise within me.
"Huh? Sure I guess." She nodded, eyed glinting, "Actually it would really be helpful for me to balance out here!"
"Ohh. Like Gwyneth Monroe!" Sienna exclaimed, fishing out her phone.
I raised my brows, "That beauty vlogger? What's wrong with her."
"She's really positive and sweet but she's got a mystery illness, here check." Sienna informed with eagerness. She reached over to our group and hit play on a recently posted video of Gwyneth on Instagram. The vlogger's lovely face filled the screen, tears streaming down artfully over her cheeks.
"I'm so scared, you guys. No matter what I do, no matter how much I eat, I keep losing weight. The doctors won't take me seriously. They send me to psychiatrists, give me pamphlets for eating disorder...They think I'm doing this to myself. I'm so tired all the time. I've thrown up three times in a today. I just want to know what's wrong with me. Even if...even if it's terrible news." She said and sniffed.
"Wow. She looked like she could really use some help." Bryce's eyes flashed with anger, "Nobody deserves to be dismissed by their doctors!"
"That's true. Even if she sounded kind of airhead." Jackie inspected her nails.
"If you got people like her to come to Edenbrook, that might just keep your team off the chopping block and let you keep treating the people who can't pay for it." Kyra concluded, nodding and immediately writing it down, "I can hold this out as a suggestion to the administration. See if they can do something with the Diagnostics Department cases."
Then immediately all the planning broke away when Ethan's face came in front me.
"There's just one problem...The DD never sought out patients. They come to us, we don't come to them."
But I was pretty much sure Ethan would rather let the hospital burn that tarnish the legacy which Naveen has established all over these years. I knew his ethics relied completely on the notion of taking care of patients-sole goal dedicated to solve such mysteries and cases and never refuse back a single soul without help.
Now, the problem was somehow convincing Ethan. He would refuse at first, of course but I needed to lay it out on him smartly, even ask for June and Baz to help me along so that we can deter that expansion in order to save this whole hospital.
That was it.
A solution.
Maybe this was how I could save Edenbrook!
----------------------------
Alright, something happened between Charlotte and Thorne which left her rattled. What could possibly that man do which could lead out heroine to face her greatest fear--death? Was he that menacing that even her own near-death experience could only subside it?
What about Ethan? We still don't know what he was doing in Amazon-- if he was in Amazon in the first place...
Will Charlotte's new idea to save Edenbrook work? Can she convince Ethan to bring in wealthy patients so that the hospital could be saved? Will Ethan agree to this?
Stay Tuned for more!