"Dananana dananana dananana na. Dananana dananana dananana nana. Dananana dananana dananana nana. Ay, macarena!"
Alex, who had been struggling very much with the concept of the macarena, bursts out laughing at the end.
"And we do it again!" Dean says. "Dananana dananana dananana nana. Dananana —"
"Daddy!" Alex yells, running over to see him.
Dean looks over to see two very amused brothers. He seems unphased by the fact that he was caught, and says a casual, "I was teaching Alex life essentials."
"He said we failed as parents because she didn't know it," Claire adds.
"Everyone has to know the macarena," Dean says with a shrug.
"And the fact that she's only 22 months old is not important," Claire adds sarcastically.
"Of course not," Dean says. "Age is just a number — in this situation and this situation only."
"You know what I think you should teach her?" Castiel asks.
"Knowing you, it's probably gonna be astrophysics or Bon Jovi, and I don't know which is worse," Lucifer says.
"Of course not!" Castiel balls his hands into fists and puts his knuckles together. Separating his hands as if they're talking, he sings, "Baby shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo. Baby shark —"
"Doo doo doo doo doo doo!" Alex joins in.
"If she knows Baby Shark, you have no excuse for not teaching her the macarena," Dean says.
"Next you're gonna say she should know Cotton Eye Joe and the Cupid Shuffle," Claire says sarcastically. "She sings, she doesn't dance."
"Dance!" Alex yells.
"Yeah, dance," Dean agrees. "Ready? Dananana dananana dananana nana!"
So they continue doing the macarena, because Alex is a child dancing prodigy.
~~
"Let's watch a movie," Lucifer says randomly that day, though, honestly, he never does anything that's not random, so no one should be surprised.
"Yeah!" Alex squeals.
"Oh god," Dean groans. "What movie are we watching now?"
"The Bee Movie?" Castiel guesses.
"Nah, we watched that last week," Lucifer says. "Pick a different movie, any different movie."
"Any movie?" Dean repeats, rubbing his hands together like a stereotypical evil genius.
Lucifer steps away slowly. "Mommy, come pick me up. I'm scared."
Alex tugs on Claire's shirt. "Pick Daddy up!"
All the adults burst out laughing at that, though Alex doesn't seem to understand what's so funny.
"I don't think Mommy can pick Daddy up," Dean says. "Daddy's a little too big for that."
Lucifer coughs into his hand to disguise his words as he says, "That's what she said."
Dean slaps him on the shoulder. "No. Bad Lucifer."
"You can't get a Michael Scott to stop Michael Scotting," Claire says with a shrug, which is apparently a funny joke because Dean and Lucifer laugh, but Castiel is just as confused as little Alex. Fortunately, just like Alex, Castiel is used to being confused a lot.
"What movie did you want to watch?" Lucifer asks him. "Bearing in mind that there's a child here and it just be child-friendly."
"I know that," Dean says defensively. "What, you thought I was gonna say Deadpool or something?"
"Knowing you, I wouldn't be surprised," he says. "Is there actually a child-friendly movie you want to watch?"
"Obviously," Dean says. "I want to watch Moana, but Cas never wants to watch it so I propose you guys vote for it and we outnumber him."
"Moana!" Alex squeals.
"You like that idea?" Dean asks in his Baby Voice™.
Alex nods, beaming.
"Then it's settled," Lucifer says. "Moana, here we come!"
~~
For someone who seemed very excited to watch Moana, Dean doesn't watch very much of it. He's asleep before Moana even meets Maui, so, needless to say, he misses most of the plot.
Alex, on the other hand, is overjoyed to be watching it. It's a shame that Dean fell asleep so soon, because he doesn't get to watch her dance to "You're Welcome," which is apparently her favorite song from the movie, because she would belt those two words every time they came up. She didn't know any other lyrics, but she's got those two words down. By the end, she settles down a bit, sitting between her parents on the couch and cuddling up with her mom.
When the movie ends, Alex sits up immediately. "Again!"
Lucifer laughs. "Again? You wanna watch it again?"
Alex nods enthusiastically.
"Or do you want to watch something else?" Lucifer asks.
"Moana!"
"I think we should watch something else," Lucifer says.
Alex pouts, but, seconds later, jumps up and yells, "Aladdin!"
Castiel can't help but gasp. "You like Aladdin too?"
"Yeah!" she squeals. "Aladdin!"
Lucifer sighs dramatically. "I guess we've got to watch Aladdin next."
"This is the greatest day of my life," Castiel says. "Alex, you're my favorite niece ever."
So they watch Aladdin next.
~~
"Another!" Alex squeals.
"Another?" Claire repeats, amused. "We just watched two whole movies, and you wanna watch another?"
"Yeah!"
It looks like that's the response Claire was hoping for, because she laughs as soon as Alex says it. "What do you want to watch now?"
"I dunno," Alex says.
"Wait, first off," Lucifer says, "Cassie, do you wanna take the Dean Bean home before you get roped into watching another movie?"
Castiel looks down at Dean, who's still sleeping peacefully on the floor. "I think Dean's happy here — unless you're subtly kicking us out, in which case I will definitely kick him until he wakes up and drag him out of here."
"Actually, you've already said you're not leaving, so you're legally not allowed to leave," Lucifer says. "I don't make the rules. I just enforce 'em."
"I'm pretty sure you made the rule," Castiel says.
"Shushles," Lucifer says immediately. "Let me live."
"How did Dean even sleep through Alex's commentary?" Claire asks. "She ain't that quiet."
Alex just giggles.
"I have no idea," Castiel says.
"He's a sleepy boi," Lucifer says, and you just know he mentally spelled boi with an oi.
"You would appear to be correct, yes," Castiel agrees. "Considering he is asleep."
"Dang right I am," Lucifer says, and Castiel can't help but wonder how difficult it was for him to remove swears from his vocabulary.
"Movie!" Alex says impatiently.
"Yes, yeah, we're getting there," Lucifer says teasingly. "Whatcha wanna watch?"
No one has a good answer. Even Alex doesn't jump up with one.
Which, of course, leaves the choice to Lucifer.
"M'kay, I got one," he proclaims, much too proudly for the situation, as he switches over to Netflix. Everyone waits in wary silence as he slowly types the keywords for the search.
R
E
P
"Poifect!" Lucifer says with a grin, selecting the first movie that shows up before anyone can see what it is. The guy's quick, because Castiel can't even figure it out until the movie loads.
Taylor Swift Productions
"No," Castiel says immediately.
"I thought you and Taylor Swift were bros," Claire says, confused.
"But he's not watching for Taylor Swift," Castiel says, and Lucifer laughs maniacally.
He skims through the movie — Taylor Swift: Reputation Stadium Tour — until he finds Taylor Swift in a rainbow sparkly dress. Castiel has since learned that rainbows and sparkles have always been two of her favorite things, which completely fits with his gay aesthetic, so he definitely appreciated that. In the movie, she's standing on a small heart-shaped stage in the back of the stadium, and he already knows what's coming next.
When the music starts playing, Alex jumps off the couch to dance along to everyone's favorite pop song: "Shake It Off."
"Please welcome back to the stage," Taylor Swift says with a grin, "Camila, Charli, and Castiel!"
That's the thing about touring with Taylor Swift. You don't just open the show and go home. No, see, Taylor Swift is one of the biggest artists of the 21st century, so if you tour with Taylor Swift, you get to tour with Taylor Swift. She invited all the opening acts out for "Shake It Off" every night, and, naturally, they all agreed.
It was kind of nice, because, as the show's first performer, not many people got to see his solo set, so, this way, they still got to see him. It was less nice because it meant he was also in the tour movie, and Lucifer loves the tour movie.
"Dance!" Alex cheers, waving her arms around.
Dean mumbles incoherently and covers his ears.
"Yeah, they're dancing, just like you!" Claire coos.
"Dance!" Alex repeats, grabbing for Claire's arm.
"What? Do you want me to dance with you?"
Alex nods enthusiastically. "Dance!"
"I think Daddy would be a better dancer," she says. "Why don't you dance with Daddy?"
"No!" Alex says firmly.
"Okay, ouch," Lucifer says with a laugh. "Come on, Mommy, she wants to dance! Go dance with her!"
Claire shoots him a why-would-you-do-this-to-me look, but obviously, you can't disappoint a child, so she stands up.
"Yay!" Alex cheers. "Dance!"
Alex jumps up and down, which, for a 22-month-old, is some pretty intense dancing. Unfortunately, Claire is not 18 months old, so she has to actually dance. Clearly unsure what else to do, she just wiggles her hips. Alex stops jumping and looks at her, then does the same — or as close to it as a child can get. It looks more like shaking her whole body side to side, but it's adorable nonetheless.
"My favorite part is coming up," Lucifer says. "Ready? Ready?"
"Your favorite part?" Claire repeats, confused.
Lucifer counts to three on his fingers, then starts singing way too loudly, "My ex man brought his new girlfriend!"
Claire laughs and joins in. "And she's like 'oh my god' but I'm just gonna shake." She does a little shimmy at that part.
Lucifer nudges Castiel. "Come on, you know you want to!"
Castiel just shakes his head.
"Come on!"
Castiel doesn't move.
"It's your last chance!"
Castiel rolls his eyes. "Fine."
"You just missed the — oh, never mind."
Instead of singing the bridge — which, as Lucifer was just about to point out, he just missed entirely — Castiel sings the woahhhhhh in the background that comes next. Lucifer cheers, and Claire sings the main chorus. Alex, who knows absolutely nothing about this song and its legacy and just thinks it's fun, is loving the group effort, because she laughs.
"Dance with me!" Claire says, taking the kid's hands in her own. She pushes one forward and pulls the other back, then switches them on the beat. Alex giggles.
For the rest of the song, Castiel sings the backup vocals, Lucifer sings the main vocals, and Claire and Alex just dance. At the trumpet-ish noise at the end, Claire lets go of Alex's hands and poses, sticking one arm up and one arm out and putting her heel out in a dig.
Alex just stares at her.
"Pose!" Claire insists. "You gotta do the ending pose!"
Alex pauses, then does a rough imitation of Claire's pose.
"Yes! Good job!" Claire coos. She crouches down in front of the kid. "You are such a good dancer!"
Alex beams. "I love dance!"
"You do?" Claire repeats, not because she's at all surprised but because adults always repeat what little kids say to them as if it's the most interesting revelation of their lives. "I like dancing, too!"
"And you're so good at it, too!" Lucifer tells his kid.
Dean rolls over to his face is smushed against his arms and mumbles, "Can't you bring her to dance class where she's supposed to be loud and let me sleep in peace?"
"Sorry, bucko," Lucifer says. "You come to the Novak household, you live with the Novak noise."
"I do like the idea of bringing her to a dance class, though," Claire says. "I think she'd have fun."
"Yeah, maybe," Lucifer agrees. "Note to self, look up local dance studios." With a grin, he adds, "Maybe there's one with a 'Mommy and Me' class and you can dance with her, too!"
Claire shakes her head at him. "God, I hope you're wrong."
A/N If you like Lucifer using the word shushles all the time, then this is the author's note for you! My IRL friend Eris-13 started writing a fanfic called Adventures about the music label Monstercat when we were in middle school, and, after like three years or inactivity, she's finally going to finish the last few chapters! You don't need to know literally anything about Monstercat other than it's an EDM label and they produce music and stuff. Why am I not-so-subtly plugging this fic into my own? Partially because it's fucking hilarious (picture an entire fanfic where everyone is Lucifer) and partially because I was rereading what she has out so far bc you tend to forget a lot in three years, and one of her characters says shushles, and I had totally forgotten until I saw her character say shushles that I completely stole shushles from her. LIke I asked if I could use it under the impression that I was only going to use it once and now shushles is like Lucifer's thing? It's even in this chapter, and I wrote this chapter weeks before I found out that Eris was finishing her fanfic?
Anyway, the moral of the story is that Eris is working on a fanfic, it is fucking hilarious, it uses the word shushles, and it's what inspired me to write my first fanfic on the first day of my freshman year of high school :,)
So read it.
Or else.