Third, 's Person POV
Beam woke up while Forth still in deep sleeping. Beam blink his eyes... asking himself, he says " What ??... W-why are you here... I said I will come for you...didn't I?. " His low voices come out trembling from his lips. " — Am I dreaming of seeing you in our bed right now? " Beam mumbles.
It is unspeakable pain, of how much the silent treatment he gets from his own parents has affected him. Slip in between consciousness and unconsciousness, he finally shows a thin smile when he touches Forth's face "Ah!, Really, Forth... You are home, next to me...indeed it is you. I thought I was in hallucinations state..." Beam uttered.
Beam sighs, he feels glad to see his lover. Side by side...
After a while he watches him sleeping, the thunder of heavy feeling strike inside him. Forth lips form a hard line, Beam touching his lip with his thumb, watching the man sleeping next to him endlessly.
He watched him sleep for a while in silence, he noticed everything about him. He must drove for hours just to be there with him.
Thousands of regret in his heart for how the thing had turned against his will.
Beam says in an almost whispers, " I have told them...Am I doing it right?... Ah!, I— don't know anymore... " His tears lingered there, again. He gulped his own saliva...bit his lips lest he wakes him up with his lips quiver and he weeping.
He notices that Forth still nicely dressed in his outing outfit of yesterday and not in pyjama thus Beam know he arrived in very late of the morning. " — How can you leave everything behind for me...you are so foolish, don't you ?. " Beam says
" Why are you so nice to me when I treat you like a shit every time?. I often turn my back on you... How can you still the one understand me the most ?... " Beam asks the sleeping person beside him. His voice a bit louder as if he wanted Forth listening to his rumble.
And yes he does listening.
" What did I need to do to when I am such a liability..."
" What did I do to come to this point... I am such a fool..." His lips trembling, he doesn't want to cry out loud but Forth already awake for awhile.
He turns to face Beam with softening gaze, he says " Yes, you are a fool but you are not a liability... " Forth pulled Beam more closer to him.
" You keep crying like a baby... giant baby are you? " Forth ask him in the tease. A tease so the man stops worrying himself.
Beam bit his lips yet again, " I was not being fair with you, didn't I ?... "
Forth shut his eyes " You know yourself so well... so why did you keeping this happened ?. Ah!, but I am not blaming you either. " Forth says
Beam silently laugh, for awhile he says the words "— I know I keep you in dark sometimes. I just wanted to stand with you in the same place. Make a wise decision to myself so I can prove to you that I want us to be recognised by them too. But I know I am wrong for not telling you my plan... to stood up bravely in front of my parents...yet I am still failed. I should just stay there, begging them If I must. Yet I am a coward..."
" You know, we don't only fight the fights we know we're gonna win. Sometimes the point is that you fight your best, so at least you know you did all you could. You have told them...that is the matter!. " Forth says
" To be accepted or not... that can take for a while. You already did the best... I know it never been easy to come out to your parents, I understand that much. Don't take to your heart... a parent is known to be more stubborn than their children...don't they are?
"
" They do... " Beam says, " I never wanted to be complicated... to be honest I want to fight for us in a simple way, like breathing... like walking or falling asleep..." It's easy to say than it's done. Beam then crush harder into a desperate hug, Forth glad to accept it. He holds him more firmly yet soft. Feeling the tears fall on his shoulder. Beam sobbing harder.
' I will do the same for us, fighting beside you...it might take a while... Just don't give up on us... ' Forth finally in ease when Beam talks to him like that. Letting the man on his arm crying endlessly.
Beam nuzzles Forth's chest " Well... what did your parents say ?. "
Beam blink. Beam bit his lip. Beam silently laugh. What did his parents say?.
Huh!.
Did they say a lot?. No.
Did they talk for hours?. No.
Did they face to face while talking about the taboo? Well, it's no.
Did they mad at him ?. Might be.
Did they yelling at him ?. No.
Did they talk in enjoyable while having a fancy dinner ?. They did but not because of the latter. So No.
Did they have a discussion with a cup of tea on the table ?. No.
Beam shook his head " Nothing!. " Beam laughing, " They say nothing but left me in Silence. No speech. No argument. No yelling. None... I was left alone at the dining table. " Beam says
" I pack back my thing. I left them...maybe they want the same. So I just left... " Beam reasoned.
Forth hand caresses slowly against Beam's nape and shoulders. Beam squeezes him back, tight as a vice... his head crush against Forth's chest. "— You are not alone... " Forth says as he kisses Beam on his temple. Then he kisses the bridge of Beam's nose. Wiping the tear on Beam's cheek. Beam whimper and doesn't move. His body shaking. For a while...
' Just crying and let everything out of your mind, your heart...because today is the last day I let you crying over sadness. ' Forth determined.
God knows how long they are on that state. Until Beam becomes calmer from shuddering breath.
His nose reddened.
His eyes swollen.
***
Back in the living room, four heads sitting on the couch. While on the dining table, a big plastic of congee can be seen. Still hot. Assuming that guest just arrived.
By the time 9 am, Forth has managed to coax Beam to the dining table, where Phana and Wayo taking the sit on the opposite table. Ming and Kit on either side of the table. 6 of them passively sip from steaming bowl of congee that has been heated again on a big pot.
That day supposed to be clear but seem rain steady pouring down, feeling cold yet again, the balcony with slide door wide open, showing the clouds that heavy as he feels inside. As if the day understand what he feeling. ' I must take it as a rain crying for me...' Beam sighs.
Rain drums down, keep pouring for a while... making the whole corner and space feel like it's tucked beneath a hollow. The clocks on the wall ticking, can clearly be heard every second within the silence.
They've been mostly silent all morning, each of them quietly recovering from their various worries, heartaches...
They spend most of their time shambling from the bedroom, guestroom to the bathroom and then, finally, to the kitchen, where they're sitting yet again when Phana and Kit come to Beam side to side and the three of them hugging.
The words have been stuck in his throat...begging to say it out loud, he halts, Phana sigh " — How you holding up ?..." Phana asks him, as his voice calm. Phana gazing at Kit, Knowing Kit would ask the same.
Beam show his thin smile, half smirks " You guy didn't have to — "
He pretended he is strong in front of his best friends, yet his voice breaks and two silent tears fall down his face.
Phana flashes a panicked look at Kit, who gets up and Wayo behind them waved both of them into the living room. But they still stay and Wayo just silently crying in the corner, don't know what to do, he just facing the balcony instead. Forth and Ming have been out to buy a thing; groceries. But all know Ming wanted to talk with Forth alone.
Phana and Kit both slide their chair away and standing beside Beam. As Phana smooths away his tears, he wonders whether this is something Beam can survive. Kit wonder if maybe Beam had been right all those times when he insisted that Forth is not asking too much of him.
All the way to this house from his own place Phana tried to cast himself in Beam's place. But the scenario exists beyond the grasp of even his imagination. Because when he thinks of his own parents asking him to leave, or not talking at all, Phana's brain shuts down and simply refuses to comprehend it. It's hard to left alone behind... but if happiness is worth. He glad to grab it, he wanted the same strength as what Beam has. As much he wants to fight too.
So as Kit standing there, chafing warmth into Beam's thumbs, desperately hoping that this hasn't permanently destroyed part of the brilliant light that Beam carries inside him.
Kit brushes his fingertips to Beam's shoulder " Oh, Beamy..." Beam angles toward his voice. His eyes trace behind Kit's worried face. Beam shook his head. Kit closes his arms around Beam's ribs, pulling him so tight he can feel his heartbeat through his clothes.
Kit breathes deeply in and he himself make a prayer. Hoping for God hear his small voices, perhaps Beam will not take the thing as his weakness because he is more suitable to smile and be happy for all cost. Kit even tried to imagine to be in his place... ge grasp harder to Beam's shirt. " Is there always hope, even if only 1%, I will take the same as your road, for once...to live. " Kit says to Beam. Beam just nod. Kit shows him that he take the right road. There is no wrong or right...
Three of them hugging. So Beam is glad that his best friend beside him.
***
While Forth and Ming sitting in the car, in the parking park, in front of the supermarket. They have been silent for a while now. Lot has been in their mind, seem to stuck in their throats. Wonder what the best...
Ming sigh as he gazing outside of the mirror, he clucked his tongue, " We think you and Phi Beam could use some time alone..." Ming breaks the long silence.
Forth nods rubbed his temple " — How was he when he comes home last night?. You think he will be okay ?..." Forth asked
Ming shook his head " Not holding back... he crying hard..."
Ming pushed his palm toward his face " Ahh, Phi... Will he be okay? " Ming stumbles on his own words.
" Will he be okay ?... " Ming repeats such questions for himself to hear, he huffs out a sigh. " Ah, it easier to says, they are not in his place. But... they know him too. Beam not gonna be that weak.
When Ming recalled the call he has with Beam last night...when he hears Beam told him that he going home. His voices that ring close across the distance. He wanted nothing but to hold him between his arm, his Phi... Ming sigh again.
While Forth throwing his gaze outside of the window, he wanted to smoke, but he has forgotten those habits...no lighter on his left pocket no cigarette on his left pocket too. He sighs " It will never be the same for him... his relationship with his parents. I don't know how to put a word in there... Hoping for it to be the same...was it enough?..." Forth retorted.
A small, significant reservoir bursts inside Forth...and fresh tears. Ming remains sitting on the driver side, to let him quietly cry. His hand grip hard on the steering.
After a while,
" I plan to bring him away to the beach... we're going to stay for a couple of days. " Forth says
Ming turned and he grips harder Forth hand " You should!. " He says, Forth nod back.
" It scares me some time to think of tomorrow, onward... I can't promise either...only one thing I will make him happy again when we return home..." Forth says. Ming nods vigorously.
" Phi Kit and Phi Pha have told him before, he doesn't have to do that... Told Phi Beam that he could lose everything... he said he can lose everything he has... but you know Phi, he said he will still have you... " Ming recalled back.
Forth lips curled, a thin smile is there, glad gladly smile is there, " He's stupid, naive...stubborn punk... of course he will still have me. Whatever happens, I will hunt him to the moon if he thinks he can get away from me... I love him with all I have. "
Ming huffs a laugh. " You both really love each other...and You're both stupid..." Ming says.
" Yeah ?? " Forth ask in amused.
Bold of him calling his Phi stupid.
Just then both of them laugh. Getting out of the car head inside to supermarket to shopping.
And great plan ahead...is needed.