ℤ𝕒𝕟𝕖
Kami sits across from me in a dark grey armchair next to a slate coffee table. The table, much like the rest of the apartment, is covered in empty liquor bottles and debris. Shards of wood and glass coat every surface, making the whole place look more like an extreme obstacle course than a place someone might live. Multiple large chunks are missing from the drywall, including a couple rather telling fist-sized holes.
"Glad to see your problem isn't just with my furniture," Kami says with her brows furrowed.
"Er, yeah," I say. "I'm assuming this isn't just my new, futuristic decorating style."
"Now if only you could've used those brilliant deductive skills to not get yourself into this mess in the first place."
"I can always count on you for an 'I told you so,'" I say, narrowing my eyes.
"Then stop doing shit I tell you not to do, Z."
I drop my head into my hands, my elbows resting on my knees.
She's not wrong.
"You know, love, you're really preaching to the choir. I never once thought this was a good idea. Future me must be an idiot."
"You're half right," she says. She leans back in her chair and sighs. "Future you is an idiot. The only problem is that you're already becoming that idiot again."
"I fucking better not be. I should have more time than that. Why d-"
"Since I've gotten here you've downed two beers," she says. "Your hands are shaking and you're sweating."
"I haven't remembered anything."
"I think your body is remembering," she says. "That's the first sign. It's gonna come back and it's going to be fast."
There's a rapping of knuckles at the door followed by the door swinging open. Kieran pops in and closes it behind him.
"How's it going?" he asks. I can't tell if he's asking me or Kami.
"He says he doesn't remember anything yet," Kami says.
She pulls up a chair for Kieran, brushing off what appear to be fragments of dark green glass.
Kieran sits down and his scent catches my attention. I can't tell if part of me is recognizing it or if it's drawing my attention for another reason, but it's stirring something in me that I can't shake.
"What is that, mate?" I ask. "What is that smell?"
"Oh, I uh," Kieran stammers, looking to Kami as if he needed guidance.
She pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs.
"Told you," she says to Kieran. "It's wearing off."
"Anybody want to let me in on the secret?" I ask.
They exchange looks and both glance down at my hands. My hand is wet and sticky, holding a few shards of brown glass.
Bloody hell why did I crush my beer?
I jump up with my chest inflated and my fists balled tight.
"Seriously, what the fuck is that, Kieran?" I ask in a low growl. "I don't like it."
"Calm down, bro," Kieran says, holding up his hands in a surrender gesture.
In a blur, I rip him from his chair and pin him to the opposite wall. He chuckles and coughs despite having the wind knocked out of him.
Bloody hell, what is wrong with me? I'm losing my cool over nothing.
I can't help it. My body seems as if it's operating entirely on autopilot.
This is exactly why you don't fuck with lethe, you ignorant wanker.
I lean closer to take in more of the scent. I can feel it as it hits every single cell in my system, burning like saltwater in a wound.
A series of images flash in my mind: Gas station. My apartment. Kieran. The Pike. Random street. Kami. Kieran's truck. Hospital. Purple hair. Grey eyes.
"Just follow the arrows to B Campus..." the girl's voice rings in my head.
Grey eyes.
"Fuck!" I say, releasing Kieran's shoulder.
"You okay?" he asks.
"What are the odds that was it and I'm all caught up?" I ask.
"Yeah uh," Kami says, "I think you'll know."
I feel a sharp pain in my temple, like an ice pick to the head.
The Pike. My car. Ava's flat. Grey eyes. A kiss.
"Fuck," I say, falling to my knees and gripping my head.
I look at Kieran whose eyes are inspecting me carefully.
It's Ava. The scent on him is Ava.
"Where did you go?" I ask through my clenched jaw. "After the Pike, I came here. Where did you go?"
"Okay, okay," Kieran says with a defensive posture. "I went to go see Ava."
I stand and swing for him but he dodges.
"Of fucking course you did," I sneer. "I blow it and you try to swoop in and play the hero. You're trying to manipulate her because you think you have a shot."
"Wow, Z-Man, glad to finally hear what you really think of me," he snaps.
I swing at him again but he grabs my arm and extends his claws, digging them into my skin.
"I was making sure she was okay," he says with a tight jaw. "And trying to fucking undo some of the damage you've done with this little bullshit breakdown you've been having."
I want to tear him apart, but it occurs to me that the one who really deserves my fury is me.
"Fuck," I say, pulling out of his grip and resting my forehead on the nearby wall.
More images flash across my vision; memories of voices, places, touches... and grey eyes.
"You helped make it go away."
An inhuman scream claws its way out of my throat.
"I mean like, you have wings and all, but so do penguins."
My eyes sting and I grip desperately at my head in a futile attempt to make it stop.
"I love you too."
My skull pounds and I feel tears run down my cheeks.
Fuck.
"Wh-... Why?... I don't understand."
Stop.
"You want this settled, Zane? Fine. We're settled."
*****
I open my eyes to my white ceiling in the mid-day sun, squinting and pulling a hand up to shield myself from the brightness. My eyes are dry, my throat is raw, and there's a high-pitched ringing in my ears.
"Hey there, Sleeping Beauty," Kieran's voice says, making me flinch at the unexpected visitor.
"Bloody hell, mate," I say, my voice course and gravely. "What are you doing, stalking me in my sleep?"
I look over to see Kieran perched atop my dresser cross-legged, with a comically-large baguette in his hand as he bites a chunk off the tip.
"Yehmpp," he says through a mouthful of starch.
I sit up and rub my eyes.
"Seriously, what are you doing here?" I ask.
"Babysitting you," he says, ripping another piece of bread off with his teeth.
Fuck. If you could be hung over after dying, I imagine this is what it would feel like.
"And I need babysitting why?" I ask.
"Because you've been unconscious for," he pauses for a moment to look at his phone, "well over 48 hours."
"What??"
"Yeah your memories started coming back—seemed like that was going well—and you were all 'AARRGHHH! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! MEEERRRGGHHH!'" Kieran mimes grabbing his head with his hands and rocking back and forth. "Then you went headfirst into the carpet like a big, buff toddler."
I rub my forehead as I struggle to remember how I found myself here.
Oh yeah, that's right—I ruined my whole fucking life.
"Where's Kami?" I ask.
"Out on a job. It's my turn to watch the little guy," he says with a smug grin.
Suddenly, a realization hits me.
"You saw Ava. Is she okay?" I ask.
Kieran stops mid-chew with a demon-in-the-headlights look.
"Mmm," he hums as he finishes his bite. "She's uh, not great. She's been staying with Jen. You fucked up pretty bad."
Obviously.
"You don't think I know that, mate?" I ask. "What choice did I have? Lola pretty much admitted my staying with Ava was killing her."
"Well, then she's full of crap."
"How do you figure?"
"Ava freaked out on you because she was on some new medicine that messed with her hormones, not Siren madness," he says, using the baguette to gesture around. "She and Jen were talking about it."
His words hit me like a crowbar to the gut.
What does that even mean?
Lola was wrong? My venom isn't killing Ava?
But then why did she tell Kami I should leave?
"But," I say. "She said Ava would be better off without me. She said I should leave. She basically confirmed everything with Kami."
"Seers are annoyingly-vague little hustlers, I wouldn't trust a fuckin' word she says. What did Ava say about all this anyway?"
I awkwardly choke on my own saliva.
"I uh," I say. "I didn't tell her."
Kieran does a spit take with a mouth full of bread.
Yeah. Fuck. I'm such a wanker.
"It doesn't matter now. I did it, it's done, she's free of me and however I'm going to hurt her. I can move to bloody Iceland or something and drink myself into oblivion."
"Yeah, can't see anything wrong with that," he says. "Or you could nut up and talk to her."
I let her go, but I don't have the strength to do it again. It's better to keep her out of all of my life-ruining bullshit before it's too late.
"She's coming to Pike's tonight," he says.
"Fuck! Don't tell me that! Why the bloody hell do you even know that?"
"Jen called to threaten me into making sure you stayed away."
"Then I'm literally the last person who should be there."
"I'm pretty sure I could take Jen," he says with a chuckle. "She's like 5'2" and—you know—not a demon."
"Kind of not the point. I'm not showing up somewhere I'm not wanted."
I look around and spot a bottle of vodka that Kieran must have brought out at some point. I walk over to it and grab it by the neck.
"Here we go," I say. "Oblivion, here I come."
*****
The driver pulls into the car park outside Pike's at an unbearably slow crawl. I'm desperately regretting getting drunk but I did not expect to find myself here tonight, relying on Uber-driver Todd to get me somewhere in an emergency. I jump out the door as we arrive and jog up to the bar, my heart racing.
Fuck.
This better not be a trap.
I open the door and scan through the crowd of lively, chatting people until I locate Jen and Ava in the back room with a few other people I don't recognize. Before they see me, I find Kieran at the bar.
"What's the emergency?" I ask in a huff. "I swear to god if you faked an emergency to Parent Trap me into talking to Ava I will personally disembowel you."
"Yikes," he says. "A bit graphic."
"Kieran, you texted me saying something was wrong and Ava was in danger. If she's not in danger, I'm leaving."
"Errrmm," he mumbles with wide eyes looking just past my shoulder.
I turn and my eyes are met by Ava's.
It's been far too long since I've seen her, and it's both excruciating and soothing to see her in person. Her expression isn't the angry one I expected, but rather a soft, almost flirtatious one.
"Oh hey," she says quietly. She looks up at me through her lashes and bats her eyes at me a few times.
This is an unexpected response.
She brushes a piece of hair behind her ear and bites her lip.
I'm fucked.
I look back to Kieran who raises his eyebrows slightly and subtly gestures back at Ava.
Is this a ploy or is something really wrong with her?
I inspect a little closer. She's wearing a delicate black tank top and a burgundy leather skirt with black flats. Her cheeks and chest are flushed and her skin is dewy. Her eyes are shy and seem to be mostly avoiding mine. I catch them for a moment and see notably dilated pupils.
Wait... What?
That can't be right.
I quickly scan around the bar to see if I recognize any of the patrons, but no one looks familiar beside Jen, who is giving me a very unfriendly look.
I turn back to Kieran who nods silently, seeming to agree with my conclusion.
There's another Siren here—and they're after Ava.