Alice, Nat and Shane were present when Tina and Bette had called Angie. The strain on both women's faces was evident, but Shane wasn't sure if it was solely due to Bette's health issues. Angie took the news about what was happening pretty well. She asked a few questions, but seemed to be watching her parents more than reacting. Tina told Angie they would call everyday so she could see Bette. Tina and Bette both reassured her that they felt everything was going to be okay. When the call ended on Friday, Angie went straight to her room. Nat told both Shane and Alice to give her room to process the news. Angie, although young, was very perceptive and it was clear she picked up that the situation was very serious at least at this point because of the unknown. Nat had been very supportive of Shane, Alice and Angie throughout this whole ordeal. She had mentioned more than once, that she was worried about Angie. Nat kept reminding Shane and Alice that they needed to stay focused on Angie and her parents would manage themselves. Shane was skeptical when Tina and Bette mentioned the plan to allow Angie to spend time with Jordi. Tina and Bette felt Angie needed the support of her friend as this situation unfolded and they were hoping Angie had learned her lesson with what had happened in San Francisco. Surprisingly, Angie spent most of the weekend moving between Shane's and Alice's houses. Angie had strong relationships with both women, but the relationships were very different in their nature. When she needed to talk seriously, she would migrate towards Shane, when she needed to take her mind off things she went to Alice. Angie had voiced more than once to both women that she wanted to go to New York and be with her parents. One thing was clear to both Alice and Shane, Angie's need to be near family.
Monday's call came a bit later than usual but it appeared to Shane that the two women had resolved something. Both were more relaxed and the tension that was emanating from them over the last few calls was gone.
"Baby... there is no reason for you to fly out, we have decided to come back as soon as your mom is able to make the flight," Tina said trying to sooth Angie's worries.
"When will that be and what if something happens before you guys get home?" Angie said insistently.
"Nothing is going to happen. The surgery is very commonly done in situations like this, like we told you. We are thinking we will be..." Bette looked at Tina, "Home by the middle of next week. If I can fly home sooner, then we will be back home sooner." Bette said reassuringly.
"But... come on Moms, I want to be there," Angie pleaded as her eyes welled up.
"Sweetheart, everything is going to be okay. And... I will be home to stay," Bette said hoping with this additional news, Angie would settle down. "I'm done with needing to be in New York for the transition of the Foundation to Los Angeles. I'll be working from Los Angeles from now on, except for special meetings." Bette paused, "I know you are concerned about me, but you don't have to be worried. Your mom is here and we have worked out a few things. She will be staying with us for the first couple weeks of my recovery." Bette paused again, "I know this is tough on you, but I'm fine. I love you, Angie. I promise you, if there was a problem, your mom and I would have you here with us."
Angie looked at both her parents and anger that she was using to cover up her fear was emanating from her. "Fine!" She turned to Shane as she stepped out of the view of her parents. "Shane, can I go to Jordi's? She has been asking me to come over."
Shane looked at Tina and Bette on the screen, not knowing what to do with Angie's obvious worried feelings. Both Tina and Bette nodded to let her go.
Shane took a deep breath and looked at Angie with a look that said this was not a good time for this and said, "Sure."
Alice leaned over to Shane and whispered gritting her teeth, "Living together." Neither were sure if Tina and Bette were ready to be living in the same home, but it seemed for practical reasons this made the most sense.
Both Tina and Bette heard Alice and said nothing. They understood the concern as they had it too. They felt they were in a good place and Bette needed someone to help her in the first couple weeks. After that, the plan was for Tina to move to her own place. They had a good talk earlier in the day, each trying to muster up the courage to be honest with their feelings. Their bravery of being truthful was the only way to show their good will towards each other and for Tina to show the depth of her commitment to make things right.
"Do you need us to prepare anything or call anyone?" Shane asked.
"Yes, could you guys prep the guest room and fill the fridge with food. You know what everyone likes. And Shane... there are some boxes in the living room, would you please put them in the garage. I had started doing some Spring cleaning but I'm not done."
"Sure thing," Shane was feeling better now that they were focused on making plans for Bette's return rather than worrying about what could happen during surgery.
Tina tried to keep the expression on her face as neutral as possible, knowing what was in those boxes. She had hoped that the talk earlier in the day would be the first of many very hard conversation. Those conversations would be later and as it was looking probably much later. They both voiced that it was too easy to end up discussing their relationship and that right now neither were in a position to talk about it. Bette throughout the conversation was stoic and had her emotions strongly clamped down. It was obvious that Bette was doing everything possible to protect herself, even resorting to pulling up old coping skills that had long been put away. Tina's presence only strengthened Bette's resolve to keep her feelings contained.
"Also, Dani Nunez needs to pick up some paperwork that I left on my desk. Would you please let her in so she can get it."
Tina listened as Bette moved into her safe zone. Giving direction and trying to control everything she possibly could to assuage her fears. Tina's respect and admiration for this woman only grew as she watched Bette step into her strong self assured persona and how it comforted everyone, even though in reality she was so full of uncertainty. It was in times like this, when Bette's strength in adversity flowed through everyone, that Tina's heart would spillover with love.
Tina who had been standing just behind Bette, gave a half smile to Alice and Shane, catching Shane's eye as Bette and Tina said good bye. Shane had took that look from Tina as saying, that everything was ok, things were calm but definitely not resolved.
"So what do you think?" Alice nervously asked Shane.
"Well, they seem to feel things are going to be ok. I think if they felt things were bad, they would have already flown Angie out to New York."
"That's not what I'm talking about... The two of them living together." Alice said apprehensively.
"I don't know," Shane shook her head.
"TK must have really pleaded her case to get Bette to agree to her living with her. Bette is wound up so tight right now because of TK. I don't know if this is a good idea," Alice said shaking her head.
Shane sat deep in thought. She agreed with Alice. This may not be such a good idea, but she figured it probably is necessary otherwise she was sure Bette would not have agreed. "We need to just stay out of it. I'm sure they know what they are doing."
*********
Bette sat at the counter watching Tina move around the kitchen. She was dressed in khaki pants and a form fitting t-shirt, her strawberry blonde hair piled haphazardly on her head with a clip holding it in place. Her feet were bare and Bette could hear them smacking on the floor. Even at her age, Tina was striking, Bette thought. Bette hadn't spent this much time with Tina in the same home since she had left. Recently, Bette had started to notice Tina's intoxicating lavender scent, a scent that Bette had become addicted to over the years they were together. When Bette started to notice it around the house it had awakened a need that she had not felt in a very long time. Bette caught Tina's eye as she turned, "It's only noon and I am already struggling with this liquid diet. I'm starving." Bette said looking at Tina helplessly. "I can't believe you are giving me chicken broth for lunch," giving Tina puppy dog eyes, that brought a laughing smile to Tina's face.
"Hey, it's not my fault, I'm just following the list of things you can eat the day before your surgery. You want some Orange Jello instead," Tina said trying to stuff her laugh, as she grabbed an Orange Jello cup from the fridge and handed it to Bette. Their fingers brushed against each other briefly and Tina could feel a twinge of electricity move between her and Bette and she swallowed in response. Tina had started noticing little things that stirred her more and more each day. The sexual energy between the two had always been strong when they were together, but had abated over the last few years. The emotions that were awaking in both women were causing it to come back with so much fervor that it was becoming increasingly hard to ignore.
"Thanks," Bette said sarcastically, opening the Jello and taking in a mouth full as she thought about the jolt she had just felt. There was no denying that they still had that magnetic chemistry moving between them. Even with all the anger and hurt, Bette could not deny they were still connected. But what does that mean for them now. She gave her heart to Tina all those years ago and made a promise the day they got married to remain by her side through the good and the bad. None the less, Tina started a chain of events when she turned her back on Bette two years ago that caused Bette to lose a sense of control over her entire life and a feeling of all consuming anguish that has never left her since. Bette thought back to a conversation she had with Shane about not being over Tina. She recalled describing the love she had for Tina. How it made her feel alive and how now she didn't feel normal. As Bette stared at Tina while deep in thought, a bitterness took hold as she began to feel the hurt and emptiness surfacing that resulted from the broken vow.
"Hey," Tina said, drawing Bette out of her head. "Are you ok?" Tina asked in a worried tone.
"Yeah, I think I'm going to go read in my room a bit," Bette said as she stood up with her head down, trying to hide what was going through her mind.
"Oh, by the way, I got you this. I thought you might enjoy it while you were recoverying," Tina said handing Bette a book about Pollock and the history of his work.
"Thanks, but you didn't need to do that," Bette said as she took the book and flipped through the pages.
Tina watched as Bette turned and headed to her room. A heaviness came across her as she thought about the look she saw that Bette tried to hide. A look none like she had ever seen before, one mixed with hurt, lose, frustration, confusion and most of all anger. Tina always new Bette was sensitive, much more than Bette let on to anyone besides her. This look was clearly what Angie had been talking about. Broke was the word Angie used, but that was too simple, this look was one of profound feelings of insecurity and of being lost resulting from so many things out of her control. At that moment, the memory of standing with Bette at her door as she was leaving that first day of her return crossed her mind. Tina with all sincerity said that Bette was still her family and that she loved her. When Bette responded, she said those three words in return with a forced expression of endearment as Tina now reflected on that moment.
*********
Tina was spread out on the counter working when she heard Peggy arrive later that evening. Bette had already excused herself for the night. Tina was staring at an email from Lisa Wright asking her about being a guest speaker for the class on Lez Girls. Lisa had also mentioned that she was thinking of asking Shane as well. She had eluded to asking Bette, but Tina thought Lisa wouldn't have the courage to send an email now that Bette was running the Peabody Art Foundation.
"Tina, darling, it has been a long time. How is our patient doing?" Peggy asked with concern in her voice as she came up to Tina and gave her a hug.
"You know Bette, she isn't going to reveal how she is feeling, but I think she is handling things pretty well. Thank you, for getting her such good doctors to address this situation."
"You know Bette is like a daughter to me. I would do anything to help if I can," Peggy said as she took her jacket off and placed it over a chair. "It was a sad day when you ladies moved back to Los Angeles... I need a drink, would you like one too?" Peggy asked as she walked into the living room and pushed a button. Tina followed her and before Tina's eyes, a wet bar rolled out. Peggy walked up to it and grabbed a bottle of Scotch. She turned and looked at Tina, who nodded no. "White wine?" Peggy smiled knowingly as Tina nodded yes. "I'm glad Bette's asleep, because we need to talk," she said with a serious tone.
Tina took the glass of wine and sat down. She took a long drink and then looked up at Peggy, who had been waiting for Tina to look up. Tina had a feeling she knew what was coming and in a way probably deserved this talk. Peggy was like a mother to Bette and had been greatly supportive of both women over the years. She had gotten especially close to Bette in their last years in New York. Tina can now only speculate that it had something to do with the Wentworth drama. Once Helena settled down with Dylan her rivalry with Bette diminished. It made Tina happy when Helena told her that their relationship had improved and that they were actually friends, although Peggy saw them more as siblings. Peggy's counsel although not always welcomed, was appreciated by both as Peggy rarely involved herself in their life unless she saw something serious.
"I'm worried about what is going on between you and Bette," Peggy said very matter factly.
"I know subtly is not your style, but wow, right out of the gate with the serious stuff," Tina said taking another drink.
"This situation between you two doesn't deserve subtly," Peggy said with a frown on her face as she took a long drink from her glass before she continued. "Our girl is in a bad state and I am not only talking about the surgery."
Tina nodded, knowing exactly what Peggy was talking about.
Peggy furrowed her brow, "This behavior between the two of you has been insane. I have watched over the years how the two of you keep emotionally beating each other up, for God knows what reason, because everyone, including yourselves know that you are in love each other. But..."
Tina looked at Peggy intently as she lectured her like Tina was twelve. "But what?"
"This time... well... you know she will come around. Bette can't seem to help herself when it comes to you. I have never seen anyone as strong as Bette succumb to her emotions the way she does when she is around you."
Tina lowered her head, knowing that Peggy was speaking the raw truth about how deeply Bette was in love with her.
"This has to be the last time, you're both getting too old for this nonsense. If you can't figure this out, then walk away and leave her alone."
Tina sat her glass down and looked at Peggy. "I don't think it is your place to say that," Tina said defensively furrowing her brow. "What happens between Bette and I is between Bette and I," she said more assertively.
Peggy poured herself another drink and sat down in front of Tina. "I know you are in love with her too. But every time you two do this little dysfunctional dance, Bette dies a little more inside. You more than anyone else knows this to be true. She doesn't have it in her to say no to you. Right now... she is hurt... deeply hurt," Peggy paused, giving what she said time to sink into Tina, and then she continued, "But she will figure out how to put that in a place so she can forgive you and then she will come back to you. That will be a gift."
Tina sighed, frowned and fidgeted in her chair as her eyes welled up, "I don't know what to say. I'm in love with her. I always have been." Tina said as she felt herself begin to shake, her tears falling as Tina began to experience the kind of crying that comes from deep in your soul.
Peggy watched giving Tina the needed time to find the strength to settled herself and then continued, "I have watched the two of you for over two decades and I am still surprised by how the little filigrees of connection move between the two of you even when you are hiding in neutral corners. Destiny is a bitch and you two are caught in the craziness of it. But... well... other people are involved now. Bette is now," Peggy takes a deep breath and let it out slowly, "Well, not yet but soon, will be very powerful in the Art World and she will have the chance to do some amazing things. She will need to either have you by her side or not at all. I know that is hard to hear and I'm sorry I have to be so blunt. You must understand, the world she will be moving in has some interesting turns and she will need to be paying attention." Peggy paused, "Do you understand what I am trying to say?"
Tina's wiped her tears, her face growing serious as she thought about Peggy's words, "Yeah, I think so," Tina said slowly.
"I think the world of both of you and it pains me to watch what is going on. I want you both to be happy and if together is what is meant to be then it will be, but if it isn't as hard as it may be, let her go."
"Peggy, I get it. Basically, I need to make sure this is what I want before I go chasing after Bette again. You are not the only one who has told me this. I get it, really. I don't want to hurt Bette anymore then I clearly already have by leaving this last time."
Peggy looked at her as Tina struggled with the frankness of the conversation. "The course of true love never did run smooth," Peggy quoted, patting Tina's leg as she got up. I'm glad you are here, Tina. I will see you in the morning. Our girl has a big day tomorrow and she will need both of us to help ease her worries.
Tina stood up behind Peggy, sat her glass down and headed to bed as well. Love sure doesn't she thought to herself.
********
The three women were up early and off to the hospital to begin the journey of the day. The doctor had explained exactly what would occur from start to finish. As Peggy and Tina watched Bette being prepared and each doctor introducing themselves, Bette's obvious insecurity became evident. Finally the nurse came in and said they were ready. Bette reached out for Tina's hand and they linked like magnets. The nurse showed the women where they could wait when they came to a stop. Peggy smiled at Bette and said she would see Bette later and respectfully stepped back as it was clear Bette and Tina needed a private moment.
Tina and Bette looked at each other, both holding their breaths waiting for the other to say something. Tina reached forward gently stroked Bette's haphazard graying curls from her forehead, kissed her where they had laid and squeezed her hand as she said in a warm voice, "Everything is going to be ok. I will see you when you wake up." Tina smiled reassuringly. Bette's emotional barriers that she had held so firmly were crumbling. Tina could clearly see the worry and Bette's internal struggle to settle herself. As Tina began to release Bette's hand, Bette squeezed it and gave Tina a penetrating look that conveying a message of love. And then Bette was gone.
********
3 hours later
Peggy and Tina sat in a room with an unconscious Bette. Things had gone well and the mass was not cancerous. They were just waiting for Bette to wake up. Tina told Peggy she was going to call Shane and walked just outside the recovery room.
When Tina dialed, Shane and Angie answered on the first ring. Both showed a concern on their faces. They had been waiting for word of the out come of the surgery.
"Baby, everything is fine. The doctor's didn't find any cancer. Your mom hasn't woken up yet, but when she is able we will call you back," Tina smiled reassuringly to Angie.
Angie showed an obvious sense of relief and wiped her tears. "Tell Mom I love her when she wakes up, okay."
"Of course I will, but you can tell her yourself when we call," Tina said again reassuringly. "Shane," Tina called out.
"Yeah," Shane said as she took the phone. Just as Tina began to talk at the screen, both women heard a heart wrenching yell in a voice they both recognized, "TIIIIIINNNNNNAAAAAA!!!!! "I'll call you back," A rush of shock swept over Tina as she hung up and quickly came into the room.
Tina met Peggy's uneasy gaze as she quickly entered the room. Both women stood watching Bette thrash around repeating Tina's name with so much anguish in her tone and her wide open eyes. The nurse came in and grabbed Bette's arm that had an IV in it, while saying, she must have had something seriously on her mind when she went under. The nurse directed Tina to hold Bette's other arm. Bette soon after settle down and was quietly sleeping once again.
"People sometime wake up like this when they have something going on in their head that is very emotional. She probably won't remember any of this, but this means she is waking up," the nurse said smiling reassuringly. "She will probably be conscious but groggy within the next hour or so."
Peggy watched as Tina wiped tears from her face, both women knowing exactly what caused the emotional outburst.
********
Bette and Tina made it to the apartment several hours later. The hospital would not release Bette unless she could pass water, which was proved very difficult. Peggy left soon after Bette woke up saying there was no need for her to stay waiting for Bette to pee. The crisis was over in her mind. After an hour and a great deal of liquid, Bette became even more determined to pee when they told her she would have to have a catheter put in before she went home. Bette's response was of course, "Hell, fucking no." A chuckle from Tina brought a glare from Bette, but immediately it softened as the familiar sound brought her overflowing comfort.
Tina, thinking quickly, called Alice and told her what was going on and to call in about 10 minutes when Bette would be heading to the bathroom. Tina told Alice to just talk to her. An hour later they were home, Bette was frustrated with Alice, but it had worked.
Tina helped Bette to the bedroom. They slowly put Bette's pajamas on, Tina seeing the five incisions across Bette's beautiful taunt mocha midsection, the longest cut being downward across her belly button. Tina gave Bette Ibuprofen and settled her in the bed.
"Are you ok," Tina asked
"Yeah, it hurts but not to bad," Bette said as she tried to adjust herself in bed.
Peggy and Tina had decided that now was not the time to tell Bette what had happened as she came out of her anesthesia. It had been a long day, starting at 7a, ending at 9p and both women were exhausted emotionally and physically.
"I'm gonna go get ready for bed," Tina said with a smile as she squeezed Bette's hand briefly and then started towards the door.
"T?" Bette said softly.
Tina was exhausted, but Bette referring to her as "T" did not go unnoticed. "Yeah," she said as she came back to the side of the bed.
"Please don't go," Bette asked with insecurity in her tone and eyes.
"Don't worry, I'll be back and sleep in the chair," Tina said reassuringly. "I'm not going to leave you alone."
Bette looked up at Tina, "Sleep with me tonight," she said looking exhausted and fragile.
Tina new this was innocent and shouldn't make more of it. Bette needed comforting and that was why Tina was here. "Ok, let me get changed."
So Tina and Bette slept in the same bed for the first time in over two years.